custard Posted June 8, 2005 Share Posted June 8, 2005 "Are you tired baby, becuase you've been running through my mind all day""Big Fat Penguins" "What" "Now the ice has been broken, what's your name?" "You wanna shag for a fag?" "I wish you were a door so I could slam you all day." "Nice legs...what time do they open?" "Those clothes would look great in a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor." "Do you sleep on your stomach?" "No!!" "Can I ??" "Fancy a shag?" "NO" "Well do you mind lying down while i have one?" "Excuse me love can I ask for directions?" "Sure, where you going?" "Your Heart." "That skirt looks very becoming on you, but If I were on you I`d be coming too." "Did it hurt?" (girl looks puzzled) "When you fell from heaven." "Are you a parking ticket?, cos you got fine written all over you!" I know some of them sound quality, some really bad. So have you got any wicked chap up lines to share with us ?? Cheers Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Totster Posted June 8, 2005 Share Posted June 8, 2005 Get your coat luv... your pulled... Here's 10p... call your mum and tell her you won't be home tonight... totster Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
roscoe Posted June 8, 2005 Share Posted June 8, 2005 Get your coat luv... your pulled...Here's 10p... call your mum and tell her you won't be home tonight... totster <{POST_SNAPBACK}> I was given my coat once in a pub with the acompanying phrase "do you want breakfast" .Wimmin's lib ,marvelous Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sir Burr Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 My face is leaving in half an hour and I want you to be on it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sarpedon Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 How do you like you eggs in the morning...fertilised or unfertilised?! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jayenram Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 "Who's taking you home, luv? Pickfords?" "You don't sweat much for a big 'un" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr_Pat_Pong Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 How do you like you eggs in the morning...fertilised or unfertilised?! <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lampard10 Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 The best one I've heard was in my Air Force days at Brize Norton. At the usual Friday hop one of my mates eyed a bunch of girls and chose the least delectable. ' Would you like me to take you home?' he asked. ' We're having a grimmy contest' ' I'd love to' she replied 'So are we' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tornado Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 Brian wont mind, he's a friend of mine. bring the flour babe. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tornado Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 ok then, 2000 baht! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jai Dee Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 ok then, 2000 baht! That will pull them every time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daleyboy Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 Hello treacle LOOKING for me? works everytime just not when i use it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jackr Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 "D'you like flowers, love?" Yes! "Well get your twolips around this!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jack Jones Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 Is that a mirror in your panties....well I can see myself in there later. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tornado Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 I actually do use this one, although tongue in cheek as I am married Tornado - can I buy you a drink? lady - no! Tornado - can I buy you a car then? Lady - oh tornado, I didnt realise how much I liked you. If you get a no after the offer of the car, I usually offer a house. reading it back, I think you had to be there to see the reaction you get - its very very funny Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
roscoe Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 By a literary sage to another guest at a dinner party: "Madam would you make love to me for a million pounds?" Why yes "Madam would you make love to me for ten pounds" Certainly not what do you take me for "Madam we have already established that .We are now just haggleing over the price" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Totster Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 My face is leaving in half an hour and I want you to be on it. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> That one had the girls in the office chuckling... totster Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Totster Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 I actually do use this one, although tongue in cheek as I am married Tornado - can I buy you a drink? lady - no! Tornado - can I buy you a car then? Lady - oh tornado, I didnt realise how much I liked you. If you get a no after the offer of the car, I usually offer a house. reading it back, I think you had to be there to see the reaction you get - its very very funny <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Was it a bit of a whirlwind romance...? totster Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
roscoe Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 (edited) If you get a no after the offer of the car, I usually offer a house. She offered her honour you honoured her offer and all night long was it honour and offer? Edited June 9, 2005 by roscoe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sir Burr Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 By a literary sage to another guest at a dinner party: "Madam would you make love to me for a million pounds?" Why yes "Madam would you make love to me for ten pounds" Certainly not what do you take me for "Madam we have already established that .We are now just haggleing over the price" I think this is one of Winston Churchill's quotes, he came out with some gems. My two favourites are:- "Mr. Churchill, if I was your wife I would put poison in your tea." "Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it!" "Mr. Churchill, you are drunk!" "Yes madam I am, and you are ugly, but, I'll be sober in the morning!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jack Jones Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 Beckon over a lady with one finger and then say, 'look, I made you come with one finger, imagine what I can do with the whole hand.' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayo Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 By a literary sage to another guest at a dinner party: "Madam would you make love to me for a million pounds?" Why yes "Madam would you make love to me for ten pounds" Certainly not what do you take me for "Madam we have already established that .We are now just haggleing over the price" <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Another great one my cousin once used in a bar in amsterdam. Cousin " Do you fancy some pizza, followed by passionate sex..." Italian Girl " No Grazie" Cousin, "Alright, if you don´t want any, how about we just skip to the sex..:" He went home alone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr_Pat_Pong Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 As one does Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jayenram Posted June 10, 2005 Share Posted June 10, 2005 I actually do use this one, although tongue in cheek as I am married Tornado - can I buy you a drink? lady - no! Tornado - can I buy you a car then? Lady - oh tornado, I didnt realise how much I liked you. If you get a no after the offer of the car, I usually offer a house. reading it back, I think you had to be there to see the reaction you get - its very very funny <{POST_SNAPBACK}> I'm sure I remember (during a past life) your normal "chat up line": Right! You! On the bus! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gazza Posted June 11, 2005 Share Posted June 11, 2005 Worst chat up lines? What'll it be babe.... hips or lips? Gazza: Hi, my name's Gazza. Thai girl: My name's Ling. Gazza: Really?? That's my mother's name. Gazza: Do you fancy going for a pizza then back to my place for hot steamy sex? (If I get my face slapped I apologise profusely for not knowing that they don't like pizza) Stand on the corner of any street and ask every girl if they 'wanna fukc?' You'll get your face slapped alot but then again, you'll get plenty of fukcs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kringle Posted June 11, 2005 Share Posted June 11, 2005 5 times or no go!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spee Posted June 11, 2005 Share Posted June 11, 2005 So have you got any wicked chap up lines to share with us ?? <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Forget about your boyfriend, by the time we're done making love, you're gonna want to throw rocks at him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aughie Posted June 12, 2005 Share Posted June 12, 2005 (edited) Try this one: "Fk him you're w/ me now." It makes for quite the happening when said w/ her on his arm. Kudos to Spee for the segue. Edited June 12, 2005 by aughie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gburns57au Posted June 13, 2005 Share Posted June 13, 2005 Beckon over a lady with one finger and then say, 'look, I made you come with one finger, imagine what I can do with the whole hand.' What a great line.....just may try it in future.....sure to get a laugh.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
custard Posted June 13, 2005 Author Share Posted June 13, 2005 "There are 256 bones in your body! Would u like another? " Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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