Revenge Or Forgiveness

[needforspeed]

Revenge or forgiveness,

That is the question where i am struggling with for a few years.

What would you do???

You've been hurt corporal,physical and mentally,

never forget and takes you two years to just pick up your dailey live.

Legal system let you down.

There is a battle going on in you body between radical thinking and at the other side hart and emotion.

I will write down my story but need some more time.

Thanks,

NFS

[Slip]

Forgiveness- For your own good not the other party's.

[jackdawson]

actually it's neither

the winner is called "get over it"

[mahtin]

Forgive me, but didn't you already give us the why me? thread?

[needforspeed]

Forgive me, but didn't you already give us the why me? thread?

I forgive you, this has nothing to do with the other thread.

[noahvail]

They say revenge is a dish best served cold. Cold, calculating, emotionless. Ultimately, it hurts the revenger more than the revengee.

Forgiveness takes dealing with the emotions. It is more difficult, but much better for the long run.

Forgiveness can take years. My father was 70 years old before he forgave his father for what had been done to him as a kid; he then became a most mellow and loving guy for the rest of his life.

Another way of looking at it is, forgiveness is the best revenge :-)

Journaling a time line and your feelings can be helpful, but please don't let it drag you down. You might consider some brief behavioral counseling, which will help you take positive steps in dealing with these issues. I think there is a pinned topic of a list of counselors on the health forum.

Best of luck to you.

[Patsycat]

When something or someone hurts you - you obviously think revenge is great. But in the long run (may take weeks or years) you soften up and usually forgive.

But, in the back of your mind, you still think about getting revenge for that hurt.

I did. But got no happiness or peace of mind out of it. It just got the ball rolling again, and I went through it again.

So, I would forgive and forget and move on to a better place in yourself. Even if you carry a black thought in your head, you can keep it in a memory box of life experiences not to be repeated.

[carmine]

When something or someone hurts you - you obviously think revenge is great. But in the long run (may take weeks or years) you soften up and usually forgive.

But, in the back of your mind, you still think about getting revenge for that hurt.

I did. But got no happiness or peace of mind out of it. It just got the ball rolling again, and I went through it again.

So, I would forgive and forget and move on to a better place in yourself. Even if you carry a black thought in your head, you can keep it in a memory box of life experiences not to be repeated.

Your last paragraph sums it up well. Very wise.

[473geo]

When something or someone hurts you - you obviously think revenge is great. But in the long run (may take weeks or years) you soften up and usually forgive.

But, in the back of your mind, you still think about getting revenge for that hurt.

I did. But got no happiness or peace of mind out of it. It just got the ball rolling again, and I went through it again.

So, I would forgive and forget and move on to a better place in yourself. Even if you carry a black thought in your head, you can keep it in a memory box of life experiences not to be repeated.

Your last paragraph sums it up well. Very wise.

Yep, the reality is, despite the whole plethora of emotions you have experienced, the parting of the ways is now agreed as best for both you and your wife. So, how the parting came about becomes irrelevant. Therefore you wipe the slate clean, there is actually nothing to seek revenge for, wish your wife good luck, close this chapter. You immediately open a new chapter which starts out with you and the wife separated, you seeking how you get to continue your relationship with your children under new circumstances, and also plan your own journey. Taking into account, your journey, if you so choose, will at times run parallel to that of your ex-wife and children. Good luck.

[needforspeed]

When something or someone hurts you - you obviously think revenge is great. But in the long run (may take weeks or years) you soften up and usually forgive.

But, in the back of your mind, you still think about getting revenge for that hurt.

I did. But got no happiness or peace of mind out of it. It just got the ball rolling again, and I went through it again.

So, I would forgive and forget and move on to a better place in yourself. Even if you carry a black thought in your head, you can keep it in a memory box of life experiences not to be repeated.

Your last paragraph sums it up well. Very wise.

Yep, the reality is, despite the whole plethora of emotions you have experienced, the parting of the ways is now agreed as best for both you and your wife. So, how the parting came about becomes irrelevant. Therefore you wipe the slate clean, there is actually nothing to seek revenge for, wish your wife good luck, close this chapter. You immediately open a new chapter which starts out with you and the wife separated, you seeking how you get to continue your relationship with your children under new circumstances, and also plan your own journey. Taking into account, your journey, if you so choose, will at times run parallel to that of your ex-wife and children. Good luck.

473geo, i have to give some more details.

This story has nothing to do with my issues with GF.

I will post the whole story but i need some time.

I just give somke information so you that this has nothing to do with the situation i am in with my GF,

I had a robbery and kidnapping by drug addicts 7 years ago luckely i was the only one home at that time, replaceble damage was jewelry and other valuable goods, myself was little wounded.

Just to separate the 2 stories.

Thanks,

NFS

[473geo]

Apologies for misunderstanding NFS - I guess the reality is the hunt for revenge does not affect the hunted - until/unless the revenge is applied - I always try to think that what goes around comes around, it is easier to let things go that way, maybe on the next robbery they will take a bullet.

[bangkokrick]

When something or someone hurts you - you obviously think revenge is great. But in the long run (may take weeks or years) you soften up and usually forgive.

But, in the back of your mind, you still think about getting revenge for that hurt.

I did. But got no happiness or peace of mind out of it. It just got the ball rolling again, and I went through it again.

So, I would forgive and forget and move on to a better place in yourself. Even if you carry a black thought in your head, you can keep it in a memory box of life experiences not to be repeated.

Your last paragraph sums it up well. Very wise.

Yep, the reality is, despite the whole plethora of emotions you have experienced, the parting of the ways is now agreed as best for both you and your wife. So, how the parting came about becomes irrelevant. Therefore you wipe the slate clean, there is actually nothing to seek revenge for, wish your wife good luck, close this chapter. You immediately open a new chapter which starts out with you and the wife separated, you seeking how you get to continue your relationship with your children under new circumstances, and also plan your own journey. Taking into account, your journey, if you so choose, will at times run parallel to that of your ex-wife and children. Good luck.

473geo, i have to give some more details.

This story has nothing to do with my issues with GF.

I will post the whole story but i need some time.

I just give somke information so you that this has nothing to do with the situation i am in with my GF,

I had a robbery and kidnapping by drug addicts 7 years ago luckely i was the only one home at that time, replaceble damage was jewelry and other valuable goods, myself was little wounded.

Just to separate the 2 stories.

Thanks,

NFS

You are still thinking about a robbery you had 7 years ago? Get a hobby mate, you should not dwell on the past.

Cheers, Rick

[smokie36]

Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon". Nelson mandela

[ukme]

I can relate although the circumstances are different for me. Please try and let it go, forgive for YOUR own sake. Sending you positive energy (and a quick prayer), don't like to see my fellow man suffering

[endure]

Hatred is, indeed, never appeased by hatred in this world. It is appeased only by loving-kindness. This is an ancient Law.

From the Dhammapada...

[freethefour]

Good topic.

I suppose its better if you can to choose forgiveness and is definately a stength in character if you can.

[smokie36]

When something or someone hurts you - you obviously think revenge is great. But in the long run (may take weeks or years) you soften up and usually forgive.

But, in the back of your mind, you still think about getting revenge for that hurt.

I did. But got no happiness or peace of mind out of it. It just got the ball rolling again, and I went through it again.

So, I would forgive and forget and move on to a better place in yourself. Even if you carry a black thought in your head, you can keep it in a memory box of life experiences not to be repeated.

In fact its much harder to forgive someone who is unrepentant and it took me a long time to realise its just an illusion and then I was able to move onwards from it.

Yes its always possible to find forgiveness and move forward but it does take time and patience.

[Carib]

Heavy burdens only hurt when you keep lifting them....

[backsoon]

;)A very interesting and thought provoking thread.

Nothing original in the answers. Forget, forgive, love thy neighbour, peace, etc. For every quotation based advice, there is an 'anti-quote', often from the same source.

NFS, from your belated description of the offense (stolen jewelry, physical hurt) I can only envy you,- so easy a choice you face!

Material loss, physical pain, 7 years ago?! And you are still cooking all this stuff in your head? Sorry for you.

Believe me, there are much worse cases in life.

[Samuian]

Drop the nice guy act - there's a big difference between being nice and being kind.

Nice people usually just try to get everyone to like them.

Kindness, on the other hand, is doing or saying what is genuinely in the best interests of all parties involved, even though it may not be the easiest route. You're nice when you want to appease people, but when you're kind, you're true to yourself.

Love yourself..

That is what really matters!

[MILT]

Revenge or forgiveness,

That is the question where i am struggling with for a few years.

What would you do???

You've been hurt corporal,physical and mentally,

never forget and takes you two years to just pick up your dailey live.

Legal system let you down.

There is a battle going on in you body between radical thinking and at the other side hart and emotion.

I will write down my story but need some more time.

Thanks,

NFS

I've been there and done that. What I can tell you and everyone is that the battle is not external, this battle lays within us. It is nothing new in fact it is the true test of who we really are. The story is insignificant really, what is significant is the apparent battle that is going on inside. I remember once when I was in Northern India, sitting with several holy men in the Himalayas. One morning I was walking down to the Ganges River to take a bath and all of a sudden I was thinking about my work, people who let me down and so my emotions started to get into the mix. Now I am 9,000 feet in the Mountains with incredible beauty and so quiet that the silence was screaming. I found myself getting pissed and thinking of revenge bla bla bla. When I returned to the temple and was sitting with these holy men, one leaned over to me and said "Remember the mind is the traitor, the heart is the ally. I just looked at him and thought why the hel_l did he just say that to me out of the blue. Then he proceeded to tell me that before he renounce the world and all it's stuff he was involved in criminal activities. He spent 8 years in prison. He told me that after some time he started to watch is mind work, all kinds of thoughts that he saw would effect his emotional body, women, enemies, friends, family. Now he was in a 6x6 jail cell. So one day he had a realization that a million thoughts goes through the mind of which most never happen. The point is that until we take 100% responsibility for creating everything that goes on in our life, consciously or unconsciously we will always feel a victim. Know that it is easy for me or other folks to spew their nonsense. Your emotions and confusion will only subside once you become 100% honest with yourself at to which part of this drama you are responsible for. The message from the Himalayas is walk in TRUTH, LOVE AND SIMPLICITY. BE WELL

[HalfSquat]

Ancient proverb: when seeking revenge dig two graves: one for yourself.

[Chonburiram]

Revenge or forgiveness,

That is the question where i am struggling with for a few years.

What would you do???

You've been hurt corporal,physical and mentally,

never forget and takes you two years to just pick up your Daile live.

Legal system let you down.

There is a battle going on in you body between radical thinking and at the other side hart and emotion.

I will write down my story but need some more time.

Thanks,

NFS

Punish!

Forgiveness is for the ( religious ) resigned. Revenge is creative relief... be careful .

[BigWheelMan]

<u><b>Revenge or forgiveness,

</b></u>

That is the question where i am struggling with for a few years.

What would you do???

You've been hurt corporal,physical and mentally,

never forget and takes you two years to just pick up your dailey live.

Legal system let you down.

There is a battle going on in you body between radical thinking and at the other side hart and emotion.

I will write down my story but need some more time.

Thanks,

NFS

No I don`t believe in forgiveness or revenge.

If someone smashes me to the ground and than pushes my face in the mud with no remorse, than I consider that person as my enemy.

I don’t go along with Christian ethics, the love your enemy philosophy.

Sometimes it can be healthy to hold a little bit of contempt in your heart for those who would do you down and I don’t mean this in a paranoid way.

First, you must not keep tabs on what the offending party is doing and brush her off as irrelevant, and then you have to move on. Otherwise your life will be torment and you will become a member of the long and suffering club.

Crap happens and sometimes in our lives, people throw dirt on us, there are no exceptions.

But somehow we have to wash the dirt off and start afresh and also remember that what goes around, comes around.

Did you know that if a man and woman are in love the man is much more likely to sacrifice himself for her than she is for him? Also, men fall in love faster. These are in general, of course, but they're true as far as I've read.

Dr Big Wheel Man bs &lt;deleted&gt; &lt;deleted&gt;

Edited June 8, 2010 by BigWheelMan

[sarahsbloke]

Neighbours and/or crime

Nothing more satisfying than having your enemy shot in the head by a Thai man on a motorcycle.

Lovers/wives and splitting up

Just walk away and never see the woman (or children) again.

I would never try to physically hurt someone I have loved, anyone else is fair game.

[IMA_FARANG]

I wish I could say that I would forgive, at least to the point where I would not take revenge. I'm not sure I could actually do that if I had been deeply hurt however.

The one thing I do know is that revenge is a two-edged sword. If you live with the thought of revenge in your heart, that thought will fester there and grow to poison you as well as those you wish to take revenge on.

Consider the case where a custody dispute takes your child away from you. You might want to take revenge on that person who took your child away. But that revenge might also hurt your child and your child's future, couldn't it.

That's why revenge is a poison...that hurts the user and innocent bystanders as well as the intended victim.

[TexasRanger]

Revenge is a natural emotion for most men, forgiveness is something we have to do in polite society. owever, we do generaly have to abide by the laws of society.

The only thing you need to think about are the consequences of revenge.

Only if you are prepared to accept the consequencces of your actions must you give in to revenge.

Do you want to be in prison? If the answer is no, let it go. Don't suffer more yourself just to get revenge.

[gravion]

for shizzle in ur nizzle dawg

-snoop doggie dog

[chuang]

...Forgive anf thou shalt be forgiven...

[Tonto21]

Revenge! It’s a double edged sword.

For the last 7 years this sword has been swinging away………and hitting only one target………YOU!

After 7 years of this self destructive thought Patton your mind is now accustom to the feeling that will keep washing over you at the oddest times, right? You will take time out of your day to plot and plan how to exact your revenge and take cold comfort in how it plays out in your mind.

Take my advice: It’s simple to say….. Hard to do, but every time the feeling hits you,and you go on one of you mental planning the revenge trips, STOP, doing what you doing…Do something else/think of pleasant thoughts. Just don’t buy into your own mind game!!! You need someone to talk; it gets easier,(Just like stopping smoking) Honest! If you have major problems doing this seek professional help.

You need to move on with your life, and stop what happened 7 years ago still ruining your life.

I wish you the best of luck,

Chin –up!