How Much To Pay The Mother In Law?

[Misplaced]

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craigt3365, Why bother explaining when most people are close minded and non acceptance of other cultures. It's a waste of time! Their life model will always be "The way it's done in my country is the only correct way"

Also don't forget, most of these folks are whining about $25.00-50.00/week to help their so-called "family"...What a bunch of cheap charlies.

If you really believe this is normal...well I have a bridge and some swampland to sell ya.

Touchy Touchy! Apparently you fell into the category of The Rich Farang who can't afford $25-50/week for his wife. Walking ATM indeed! or perhaps, the clueless category would best suit you.

Here's a tip for you and other Walking ATMs, when near a pub, any attractive women half your age calls you "Mr. handsome man" She's probably not interested in you; It's more like your wallet she wants. In which case, don't take her home and put a ring on her. This tip was free so no need to thank me.

[Huey]

Look Guys this is simple.

If you are ok with supporting the family financially, and MORE so then a Thai husband would, (simply because of the color of your skin) then go for it. It should be obvious what your getting into before you tie the knot anyway.

However if you think this sucks then there is a simple solution. Don't marry into some broke ass country bumpkin family that needs your money to get by. Marry up or at the very least at your level.

I married a Thai and I came in with a strong Sinsot, (one that I was admittedly uncomfortable with at the time) then her folks helped us out in NUMEROUS ways, many of which financial in essence. So much in fact that it humbled me after we were married, and made me appreciate my decision even more.

I pay money every month to my Thai folks because I owe them for the house they bought us. If they were ever down on their luck I would give whatever I could, as if they were my OWN parents, to be there for them. Why, because they are good people, competent, self sufficient, honourable people,and they didn't open the relationship demanding a monthly handout.

[GooEng]

a strategy i employed once when faced with this was to offer to double the income of all the unemployed people in the immediate family if they got jobs (father, bothers, etc).

didn't go down to well

[maprao]

a strategy i employed once when faced with this was to offer to double the income of all the unemployed people in the immediate family if they got jobs (father, bothers, etc).

didn't go down to well

Love it!

Had I used it would cost me more! but I know where you are coming from. I may try it next time all do not have jobs.

[rgs2001uk]

Look Guys this is simple.

If you are ok with supporting the family financially, and MORE so then a Thai husband would, (simply because of the color of your skin) then go for it. It should be obvious what your getting into before you tie the knot anyway.

However if you think this sucks then there is a simple solution. Don't marry into some broke ass country bumpkin family that needs your money to get by. Marry up or at the very least at your level.

I married a Thai and I came in with a strong Sinsot, (one that I was admittedly uncomfortable with at the time) then her folks helped us out in NUMEROUS ways, many of which financial in essence. So much in fact that it humbled me after we were married, and made me appreciate my decision even more.

I pay money every month to my Thai folks because I owe them for the house they bought us. If they were ever down on their luck I would give whatever I could, as if they were my OWN parents, to be there for them. Why, because they are good people, competent, self sufficient, honourable people,and they didn't open the relationship demanding a monthly handout.

Give this man a cigar, the best answer yet.

As noted above, if your first meeting with the girl started with a monetary transaction expect it to continue for the duration.

Some guys are so desperate they are willing to subject themselves to all sorts of demands caused by fear of rejection.

Thai tradition that seem to be prevalent in the NE mainly.

[fletchsmile]

.....

Thai tradition that seem to be prevalent in the NE mainly.

It is true to say that Thais from the NE / Isaan have a tendency to maintain traditions more so than those in BKK.

I have to say though I know plenty of Thais from all over Thailand, and different ethnicities including BKK and Chinese Thai that pay Sin Sot and / or give money to their parents. Generally if they give money to the parents and both have jobs the girl gives to her parents and the guy to his. In the event one of them is not working, the other would often give to both sets of parents.

[rgs2001uk]

.....

Thai tradition that seem to be prevalent in the NE mainly.

It is true to say that Thais from the NE / Isaan have a tendency to maintain traditions more so than those in BKK.

I have to say though I know plenty of Thais from all over Thailand, and different ethnicities including BKK and Chinese Thai that pay Sin Sot and / or give money to their parents. Generally if they give money to the parents and both have jobs the girl gives to her parents and the guy to his. In the event one of them is not working, the other would often give to both sets of parents.

I dont doubt what you say, however so as not to confuse readers who think its compulsory or hapeens all the time, it doesnt.

I am going to a wedding next month, there will be no sin sot at the request of the girls parents.

Others may not be aware that its usually the norm for the sin sot to be returned after the usual show of face, some families see it as a lotto win, YMMV.

As you say some families give money to parents, but just as many dont.

I know many who will give a token gift once a year to the parents and nothing every month, I know many who are actually being helped out financially by the parents.

Its also true to say that "Thais from the NE / Isaan have a tendency to maintain traditions more so than those in BKK" due to financial reasons or the class of people involved.

I fully understand not everyones parents are collecting pensions every month or are in gainful employment.

[GooEng]

a strategy i employed once when faced with this was to offer to double the income of all the unemployed people in the immediate family if they got jobs (father, bothers, etc).

didn't go down to well

Love it!

Had I used it would cost me more! but I know where you are coming from. I may try it next time all do not have jobs.

well, this was a good number (15+) of years ago and i was going thru the age old process of realising that the first hurdle in "rescuing" a bar-girl is replacing the contribution her income from the bar makes to the family budget - in this case, as in many 100%.

i was unwilling to work hard in order to earn money and then send some of that money to a family where there were two able bodied men did nothing. the father had sold his land to buy a pick-up (now sold) and had not worked for a number of years despite only being in his late forties and more unacceptably, the brother (age 21) who had never worked since leaving school at 15, sat on his motorbike (paid for by the girl i was seeing) all day texting his girlfriend, squeezing his pimples and admiring his silly haircut in the mirrors.

after surveying the scene i stated that as long as dad and brother did nothing to contribute, i wouldn't either and that i'd be delighted to chip in and match whatever they could earn.

queue (shouting): why you must to say like that?? you farang, you not understand! why you say no good?? you must to help poor people!

[fletchsmile]

.....

Thai tradition that seem to be prevalent in the NE mainly.

It is true to say that Thais from the NE / Isaan have a tendency to maintain traditions more so than those in BKK.

I have to say though I know plenty of Thais from all over Thailand, and different ethnicities including BKK and Chinese Thai that pay Sin Sot and / or give money to their parents. Generally if they give money to the parents and both have jobs the girl gives to her parents and the guy to his. In the event one of them is not working, the other would often give to both sets of parents.

I dont doubt what you say, however so as not to confuse readers who think its compulsory or hapeens all the time, it doesnt.

I am going to a wedding next month, there will be no sin sot at the request of the girls parents.

Others may not be aware that its usually the norm for the sin sot to be returned after the usual show of face, some families see it as a lotto win, YMMV.

As you say some families give money to parents, but just as many dont.

I know many who will give a token gift once a year to the parents and nothing every month, I know many who are actually being helped out financially by the parents.

Its also true to say that "Thais from the NE / Isaan have a tendency to maintain traditions more so than those in BKK" due to financial reasons or the class of people involved.

I fully understand not everyones parents are collecting pensions every month or are in gainful employment.

You're right it's not compulsory, and doesn't happen all the time. That's why I used the word "if" a lot. I've been asked to speak at the wedding of a good friend next month. There will be a Sin Sot, and it's higher than the amount mentioned by OP's brother-in-law for Thai-Thai.

For Sin Sot I'd say it's more common to do than not. This is visible at weddings and most I've been to from all walks of society Thai-Thai have done, though not all.

I can't really say what's "the norm" though for returning the Sin Sot or not. I really haven't a big enough sample, and it's not so visible, plus I'm usually off enjoying the party . Also it's in my view a personal matter, and one that I would only ask close friends, or relay on what people say.

I would say though I do know several Thai-Thais where the Sin Sot has been kept by the parents. Practices vary as you say between families.

BTW Go to the UK and many cultural traditions are also maintained more outside the capital (excluding obviously the Royal family type ones or Govt ones), and not purely due to financial reasons. They just vary by community. People in big cities do have a tendency to get more wrapped up in the material things in life, and generally live life at a faster pace. Again not all...

[ClaytonSeymour]

Sure, it works at times...but have you ever tried this yourself? My wife's mother has thyroid problems. She's been having to see the doc every other week or so for the past year. Also had high cholesterol, which we have solved with lifestyle changes and meds.

She's at the hospital at 6am to queue along with several other hundred people, she leaves her village around 4am. The wait can be as little as 4 hours, but MANY times, the doc never shows up, so she has to do it again the next day. Great service for 30B. The private hospital charges her like 200B and she is seen at about the time her appointment was set. Glad she has an uninformed foreign person involved to help her.

If you like the 30B program so much, have a talk with all those blind people in Issan. Blinded by botched surgery for cataracts. But then again, it only cost 30B.

It's also worth noting that the 30 baht program doesn't cover some advanced treatments i.e. renal dialysis.

[elcent]

just make it simple, pay a little bit more to your wife and let her take care about this issue. This is how it works amongst Thais. Some women take even low paid jobs to support their families while they are married and have a high standard of living themselves.

[atyclb]

I don't usually get involved with discussions like this but I would like to clarify something. Traditionally, the parents are taken care financially by the son(s) of the family. If the family doesn't have a son, normally the daughter(s) would have to take care of them instead. In many case, the duty falls to the oldest of the offspring alone. That's one of the reasons why the oldest often get the biggest share of the inheritance. Anyway, the obligation is their alone, not yours. You may help your wife in supporting her aging parents voluntarily. There is nothing wrong with that. Many people do it but it's not a duty or compulsory for you. You have already paid that by paying SidSod. They should not demand this support from you.

Best regards,

Roy

I'm happy to see someone who can see a bit further than the usual "taking advantage of farangs" thing.

Both my gf and her siblings pay some allowance to their parents since they started to work. Why ? Because it's the right thing to do. There is no retirement scheme in Thailand . Parents pay for their kids then kids pay for their parent. For some it's more symbolic, for others it's more needed.

But some time people get too greedy, it's up to you to set up the limit you're comfortable with.

You are 100% correct about this. I have known (as friends only) Thai uni grad girls working in BKK that send money to their families. They are reliable, organized, efficient, hard working girls. I think the pessimists on this thread are referring to low end girls that set their goals at finding a westerner to support them and family. Some of the posters here may actually have financially independent gf's. Others, not.

As long as the guy knows what he is getting into and accept it as the price to pay for a relatively younger and slimmer companion often of a lower socio-educational -economic group( these girls abound) it is his choice. Hopefully he sees the situation with clarity rather than delusion.

Cest la vie

[atyclb]

Not so cleverly disguised Prostitution.

And how is so different from other countries? I use to live in Newport Beach, California. They called them "trophy wives". Don't work, drive luxury cars, expensive clothes, nice lunchs by the sea....other than a bit more upscale than here, what's the difference?

Some of those "trophy wives" that I have known either as friends or prior to marriage are very clever, highly educated lovely girls from affluent families that do not place a burden on the husbands, and/or the husbands are also affluent and there is a equitable and amicable give and take financially and as families in friendship.

I don't even want to try to compare/ rationalize this to what seems to "farang family financiers" in Thailand.

Edited December 17, 2010 by atyclb

[RAZZELL]

You are 100% correct about this. I have known (as friends only) Thai uni grad girls working in BKK that send money to their families. They are reliable, organized, efficient, hard working girls. I think the pessimists on this thread are referring to low end girls that set their goals at finding a westerner to support them and family. Some of the posters here may actually have financially independent gf's. Others, not.

As long as the guy knows what he is getting into and accept it as the price to pay for a relatively younger and slimmer companion often of a lower socio-educational -economic group( these girls abound) it is his choice. Hopefully he sees the situation with clarity rather than delusion.

Cest la vie

Sound advice.

The gf sends anything between 0 and 8000 a month to her parents, but on average about 4k. Her two sisters and one brother also send money but not as much (she's the eldest).

As suggested if you feel like it give some extra money to your gf and let her deal with it. WG sounds like he's got the "ump because he got stiffed into paying an extortionate level of support/sin sod and for a house!

RAZZ

[Semper]

How much do you pay for your wife/girlfriend ?

[supaprik]

can you send me the 3rd daughter's number? I have a few hundred thousand I don't really need...

[LarryBird]

Relevant questions :

How hot is she?

How ugly are you?

How much do you make?

Is this the first woman you've slept with?

[RAZZELL]

How much do you pay for your wife/girlfriend ?

Don't know who that was directed at, but most people who are in a "committed" relationship share the financial burden relative to their earning power.

An English gf of mine earns about £100k+ in advertising, her husband is a teacher. Who do you think pays most of the bills?

(I'll give you a clue...it isn't him! )

RAZZ

Edited December 18, 2010 by RAZZELL

[elliss]

That's pretty good going huh...2 out of 3 Isaan daughters married to Western guys.

my gf , is one of three sisters [isaan ]

and all three have farang partners.

and dont they just love to compere what they get off, their farang . :jap:

[XXpate48USA]

Like all things in Thailand, it is difficult to figure out what is going on, what is expected, what is considered stupid, etc, because most Thai people that you ask, will lie, for one reason or another. The very first thing that every foreigner should think is " am I getting told a lie?' And in almost every case, the answer is YES, even though that doesn't help you figure out what the truth is. I think it is generally understood that Thai women often get involved with men, any man, but especially farang men, because they expect to benefit financially. I mean, really, Thai people don't like us farang, they don't understand us, but they are trained from a young age, to agree with people who have more power. What a surprise, you meet a young lady, and she says she doesn't like Thai men, she doesn't even like Thai people, she LOVES farang, and we believe it, because in general, we don't like Thai people or Thai men. Thai people talk together, that is their major sport, hobby, education, and they learn things like Western men tend not to "box them". So then they say to us, that they used to have a Thai man, who "boxed them" and never paid for the kids, and drank too much, and we believe it. It might be true, but what we believe, that they will appreciate and love a man who does not "box" them, who actually pays his bills, who has some ethics and morals, well that just isn't the case! They do not usually think well of you/us, they usually think we are stupid.. And this doesn't have to be a love relationship, can be your maid. You pay more then Thai people do, and expect less work, and don't make her work 7 days a week, and don't wake her up at 10pm to empty your car of the shopping bags, and well we think she will appreciate this nice working atmosphere. But holy cow, she doesn't! She starts making excuses to miss 2 days a week of work, starts cutting down her 7 hour work day to 2 hours, starts washing other people's laundry in your machine, with your soap and water, etc.

Okay, well there seems to be maybe 3 groups of farang men here, 1) they will pay anything, get screwed, pay too much, 2) people who pay almost nothing, but brag about how helpful they are, how they have changed a whole family from utter poverty to the middle class, and they only spent $5 and their brain power to set them up selling "water, ice and cold drinks". They continue for maybe a decade to sleep with the lady, who they claim they don't pay, but taught to fish so they can support all the family. And they feel very good and maybe better then most, how smart they are, to get sex for almost free, and to get to help people out of poverty at the same time, and well a divorce would cost them many thousands of times more, you pay either way, etc ...a la Ian Forbes.

And well my third group, which includes everyone else. I have found that among Thai people, most ladies have land from their family, the man then builds the house, which insures some amount of something, because the man can't take the house off the land. But keep in mind, the lady has contributed. So after the man marries and had 2 or 3 or 6 kids, he can leave, but the house is staying put. Many Thai men seem too cheap, they wouldn't leave their lady if it cost them 5 baht, my GOD, that is a lot of money down the drain!! They just go get another lady and ADD to their life, but they don't just leave.

There seems to be NO situations, that Thai people will turn down money, so if their family member gets a farang, they will try to get money. And it seems to me, that very few Thai people will do a lot for their family, or very much. I think they use their family as an excuse to need money, but if you give your Thai person some big amount of money, let's say you decide to give them 50,000 a month, or more, they will not forward most of that to their family, even their own children living in the village. They will continue to send the bare amount someone can live off, like 2000, and pocket the rest, gamble the rest, do something else with it, I suppose the best thing is if they save it. Maybe the best they do, is build a house, but they consider that their house. And legally it is their house. Just check it out, you know there are ladies making big bucks, but how many Yais are there driving a BMW? None. How many international school are there in the village? None.

Well anyway, most of you farang men have decided to turn in your Feminazi women, and get a Thai lady. The Feminazi paid half the bills, sometimes more then half, did probably all the work, like a Thai lady will do, had an education, can keep up with you, etc. Now you want a rice farmer lady, and you have to pay, it is cheaper then one day of maid service in London, so what is the problem?? If you have a child together, you just have to change every single thing you ever thought about raising children, for example. You just have to ignore it when you find your wife steals money from your wallet. I have found it ridiculously less expensive to live in Thailand, once I started locking ALL money, even 100 baht, in a safe, all day and all night, every day of the year. It is not an accident that ALL Thai furniture has locks on every drawer and every cupboard. In fact I would suggest this, locking up your money, as the first defense against the recession, or the low value of your money. You will be SHOCKED how much less food and everything costs, when there isn't someone picking away at your cash!

If you need a reminder of what life is in Thailand, then I suggest people go visit the local guest house, around mid-day, when all the Western guys are treating their hookers to breakfast. You don't find Japanese guys, Chinese guys, Thai guys, paying for sex, then treating them like girlfriends. You do however, see many Western men, who seem to be confused about the transaction, who are nicer then everyone else. Maybe there is a reason for people to think we are stupid? I think we are generally just nice people, but that is not something that is respected here, so why do it????? The Op's question, how much to pay the MIL??? Do you really think Asian people are asking themselves this question? Do you ever hear about your lady's boyfriend from China who is paying 20K a month, the man from Korea who is paying something, the man from anywhere that is Asia? No, because Asians are used to have prostitution in their world, and don't lose their minds over a girl. You do hear however, about the German guy, the Swedish guy, the UK guy, the American guy ...usually all at once, and they are described as being stupid buffalo, and girls brag about how many ways and times they scammed them out of money ...often the man is sitting right next to them, then they also ask if I know any other farangs who might want them. Personally, I would think it would be embarrassing to admit I was with someone for money, but people here seem to think it is embarrassing to be with anyone, if they are not getting money. The most embarrassing thing, of this whole problem, to me, is the girls and their bragging about how bad they treat their boyfriend/ husband, how NICE the man is to them, and yet how they manage to fuc_k them over in every way a person could possibly think of. At first I thought the ladies were admitting their mistakes, as in "he was so wonderful, and I took advantage and lost him" but NO, it was "he was so nice, so thoughtful, so kind, so generous, he BOUGHT ME this, and that, and this and that ...( a never ending list) and he massaged me, and he took care of the baby, and I didn't have to clean, or have a job, or take care of the baby, and he did all the paperwork, and all the everything work, while I just laid in bed for 2 years, all I did was take yaa-baa, and other drugs, and my nice husband did everything ...and well when I kept threatening to kill him, he decided to go back to his country."

Anyway, it seems best if farang people want to pay a salary, because your lady is no longer working, but just taking care of you ...why don't you just decide how much that is worth to you, give that, and leave her family and all that, up to her? I assume that most of you are paying the lady's living expenses, she isn't paying rent, food, electric, and actually I know men who pay every single dime of the girls' life, then give them a salary of 20,000 baht a month, just to save. I know a guy who has been doing this for 10 years while he works for a 5 star hotel in China, she gets a hotel room to live in, all her food for free, laundry, maid, use of the gym, the pool, she is living like a queen and banking 20K a month, plus extra money for birthdays and holidays, etc. She is a short, chubby, dark girl from Nan, who would have no chance of this life otherwise. Then he buys her tickets to go to Nan and visit her family twice a year, while he whores around in BKK ...paying for that again. What a nice life! For all of you who think you could never have this in your home country, I am not sure. Maybe you could, if you were willing to part with as much money as you end up missing in Thailand, for whatever reasons.

Have any of you tried? Go up to a woman in London, and tell her you want to pay for her entire life, and her family, and see what happens. Tell her you just want to spend a few weeks a year with her, while you go work on an oil rig, or in Iraq, or whatever, and that you will pay for her to go to university, pay for a house in the country, buy her a car, etc, I think you will have more success then you might expect. And I doubt those ladies will be stealing cash out of your wallet, and coming up with sick buffalo stories. And they probably won't already have 3 children "living in the village" with Yai while they whore around BKK.

That's a lot of reading...

I think this is a fair summary of your essay:-

==========================================================================================

Most Thais are liars and will cheat you. They are lazy and will try to get away with less work for more money. They think only of money and have no genuine feelings for their western husbands or friends – in fact they dislike us.

Western men are stupid and easily cheated whoremongers who all complain that they were previously married to “feminatzi”. We all pay 000's of baht to our wives or g/f's who lay in bed all day.

Asian men know how to treat a prostitute and never buy them breakfast.

==========================================================================================

Nice rant, but I think we've heard it all before many, many, times (maybe not in such eloquent terms).

Now where's that yawning emoticon ?

I think the "rant" is not so much a rant but right to the honest point. This person has lived and learned. His explanation is not from a disgruntled falang but is completely right on the money(no joke) This person has lived among the Thai people and has learned a valuable lesson and I'm sure has been duped many times before he came up with his common sense and honesty. It does have a tendancy to make a person quite bitter and disillusioned after awhile! Getting used to being looked at as stupid when in actuality it just "good heart" and jai dee that is seen as stupid. After awhile, you will be saying the same. It is just the "facts the maam" as Joe Friday would say!....live with it or go back home I suppose are the alternatives....it's just the way it is.....in LOS

[XXpate48USA]

I figure most Western men support their MIL's whether they realize it or not. I hear all these guys bragging that they don't pay a cent while their in-laws collect bottles for cash, then they turn around and talk about how they spend 25,000 baht a month minimum... and they're 'Cheap Charlie's', too. The math makes no sense.

Hardie is right!!

Here's how it works: you give your wife the agreed upon baht per month and then all of a sudden there is a new (never heard before bill) that is now overdue. This extra money is then distributed to the seeker MIL FIL or brother or sister. My advice is always get the contract for whatever this new overdue bill is rather than just turn over the baht to let you wife pay it. You bet a satang to a dollar that there is no other bill or contract. This is how the MIL gets her part of the pot of cash. (don't you feel good now)..

Yesterday, my story was she needed an extra 25,000baht for the yearly life insurance she has on her 1 brother(she has 5bro's) I asked for the name of the insurance company but in her words it's "Thai life insurance" I asked for the claim number and account number and promptly told her I would just pay it with my credit card directly to the company. But for some reason she says I can't do that because SHE has to be the one paying it. Hmm....there are ways to deal with the deception but this WILL get her in a huff because you are not doing it her way. But, isn't the bill getting paid by doing it my way with a credit card?......(like there really is an insurance policy)..haha....It's just a loving wife doing what is best. Don't all sisters have a life insurance policy on just one brother out of 5?....and of course I was the benificiary. Boy she sure came up with a good one ..yikes.......back to the point.....yes, most falang husbands are giving the MIL and other family members money, but is just extracted from you on a ficticious different story. If you fall for it , which of course would increase her respect for your intelligence,.,,,,,correct???..haahhh...................................................................................................................... .But I can say we have a very trustworthy and close marriage!!!....right?

[atyclb]

Seems it is worthwhile for some to put up with all the stories designed to extract your money. Is that a woman like that really worth being with especially since chances are if you did not/could not continue to PAY, she'd find someone that could.

I remember how dismayed some girls at Spasso nightclub were when my mates Thai-nese gf invited us and was insisting to buy all the drinks. I thought some of those business girls were at the point of losing consciousness

It is not by chance you generally do not see Thai middle class or above men looking for girls in Pattaya, Sukhumwit, etc etc.

Except for an occasional hottie (fresh lovely) girl, I personally have lost 99% interest in the mentality of the thai for farang subculture. Perhaps I am just weird.....

[HC82]

How much do guys typically pay their mother in law in your home country? I would pay about 1/3rd of that amount as the cost of living is cheaper in Thailand.

[sarahsbloke]

You have to pay for a younger, prettier wife than you could normally expect to obtain. I see nothing wrong with that.

I have some friends with old, ugly wives, and they don't pay a cent, they either share bills or the wife pays the bills.

What I don't understand is the guys with old, ugly wives who still pay for everything ..... WHY?

You spends your money and you makes your choice.

I can afford young and pretty!

Edited December 19, 2010 by sarahsbloke

[transam]

You have to pay for a younger, prettier wife than you could normally expect to obtain. I see nothing wrong with that.

I have some friends with old, ugly wives, and they don't pay a cent, they either share bills or the wife pays the bills.

What I don't understand is the guys with old, ugly wives who still pay for everything ..... WHY?

You spends your money and you makes your choice.

I can afford young and pretty!

[sarahsbloke]

We should have a ThaiVisa contest

Those who don't pay vs those who pay loads

Every contestant has to post a photo of his wife and of himself, and the yearly outlay ....... lets test my theory

[cdnvic]

This has run it's course I think.