Don'T Know What To Do About Farang Friend

[zerod1]

Take him to the temple, and let the monks look after him, i think it would suit him down to the ground. Also, the monks would get some merit out of the situation.

[leininger]

Thank you all for help. To answer questions John is from Northern Ireland and he did go to embassy and they would not help him. Part of his problem is he still thinks it is the 1800s . He refuses to deal with computers and emails and such and only uses post office which takes forever to get mail back and forth from UK. He now is just recovering from dengue fever and went to border run to Laos and luckily got free double entry visa. maybe they felt sorry for him too. I have tried to make budget for him but he cannot stick to it. he rides bicycle and takes songtaew sometimes so not too much travel expense. frankly even despite low income he should be able to survive much better than he is doing. I think he spends too much money on telephone calls, dogs and farang food. Actually, with the way the current exchange rate is going, I may soon be in same boat as John. maybe I will start borrowing money from him.

[sunny747]

Thank you all for help. To answer questions John is from Northern Ireland and he did go to embassy and they would not help him. Part of his problem is he still thinks it is the 1800s . He refuses to deal with computers and emails and such and only uses post office which takes forever to get mail back and forth from UK. He now is just recovering from dengue fever and went to border run to Laos and luckily got free double entry visa. maybe they felt sorry for him too. I have tried to make budget for him but he cannot stick to it. he rides bicycle and takes songtaew sometimes so not too much travel expense. frankly even despite low income he should be able to survive much better than he is doing. I think he spends too much money on telephone calls, dogs and farang food. Actually, with the way the current exchange rate is going, I may soon be in same boat as John. maybe I will start borrowing money from him.

i have been following this thread but never posted.

off topic, Leininger, did anybody tell you how wonderful writer you are? have you ever considered writing blogs or something?

You must have read a lot of books in your life.

[leininger]

Thank you sunny that is very kind of you. Actually I once was a kind of wannabe writer. I majored in journalism in college. It was in New York and in the third year took a course in investigative reporting. Like an idiot kid I was not satisfied with just doing a normal assignment and instead wrote a whole investigative report on heroin dealing. I did undercover operations and ended up getting shot at on the highway. The school administration, who prior to this incident had no idea what I was doing, told me if I did not cease and desist writing this story, I would receive an incomplete for the course. As I was on full scholarship, if this happened I would lose scholarship and since I could not afford this school otherwise, it would end my school career. Like a moron I finished and submitted the story, convinced that once my professors read this journalistic masterpiece they would have to not only continue my scholarship but I would surely receive an A plus. I am sure you can figure out what happened next. I never did get a degree, and never wrote anything again. I did however continue in the investigation field, and have since retired from that and now live a quiet but I must say happy life with a small beauty shop and traditional massage business here in wonderful Thailand.

[simon43]

My first comment on this thread.

I commend you for showing concern about John, and for what you have done to help him. It definitely sounds as if he is suffering from dementia. If that is the case, then it is no wonder that his actions appear bizarre, illogical, even callous. He cannot think straight and innocent others become the object of his frustration and anger.

You should not give him money. It sounds as if he has enough income of his own, albeit a rather low income. He sounds incapable of managing his funds and the dog seems to be the main beneficiary.

It is possible to apply to the Thai courts to become 'guardian' of him ,inasfar as his financial responsibilities are concerned. This means that a trusted person (not necessarily a relation), can be appointed to manage his finances, because he is deemed 'semi-incompetent' to do this himself.

It's very easy to dismiss John as a selfish old fool, and to leave him to wallow in his own despair, but we could all find ourselves in a similar mental position as we get older.

John needs to be managed with a firm hand, but also by someone who will not get emotionally involved. He may well respond positively to someone who adopts this attitude with him.

Good luck

Simon

[longstebe]

I agree with Moe666.

Your family comes first. Don't put a strain on your marrige coz of this guy.

Good luck.

[Beetlejuice]

Strange coincidence this thread showing up now.

I had a friend just like it, could be talking about the same man. I done numerous favours for the guy for over a year, but he just got himself deeper and deeper in the crap and would contact me more and more with his problems.

In the end he was becoming a burden and I was dreading the times when he would contact me. Last month he phoned and asked me if I would lend him 16000 baht because his money was delayed from the UK. I told him, sorry, I don’t lend money. On that note he bluntly told me to F/off and hung up the phone.

Suddenly I had a feeling of Jubilation as this burden had been lifted away from me.

I would try the same tactic with your guy, then see if he still contacts you once he realises you are no longer any use to him.

One word for you: EXTRICATE.

[leininger]

Thank you everyone. Funny thing is there are very good arguments given by forum members for helping John and also for telling him to go his own way. Luckily for him he just got double entry from Thai embassy in Laos free of charge, so this will help his situation, no doubt. To be fair, I must admit that since I have refused to give John any more money, he has not done like the guy in Beetlejuice's posting and told me to f*** off. However I think the best thing I can do is to monitor his mental state, but not support him financially any more. I will still try to contact his nephew, however. If his dementia becomes worse, I will do what I can for him but I have a wife here and three children and a mother back in US that I must place before John, and in the current economy my own financial condition is not such that I can be responsible for a chronically ill adult, no matter how much I may want to. Hopefully this thread will be helpful to others who may be facing similar situation.

[Forethat]

How about asking members here on TV for money? Some of them may even be prone to visit the man and help him with his daily life. I mean, they have time for criminals so I wouldn't be surprised if at least a few of them volunteers to support him him with a couple of visits/month + a healthy chunk of money for food. On top of everything, I bet the old guy is a nice man.

[leininger]

What criminals? Why are you talking about criminals? I

[Forethat]

What criminals? Why are you talking about criminals? I

Yea, I find it weird too, but in short; there are members here on TV who suggests we should go and visit convicted drug smugglers in prison "for the good cause". My thought was that maybe they'd like to help out with this fellow as well, both socially and financially. Kill two birds with one stone, so to speak.

[F1fanatic]

its truly sad. He met his wife as a prostitute and is now desperate enough to ask her to return to the profession.

He''s losing his marbles - but finally recognising her wife for what she was....and not realising that she is too old now to continue to make money that way.....

V sad.

[leininger]

Yes I believe you are right. I do not know his wife personally, but people who know her say she is nice person. She once came to my business when I was not there and she told my wife do not lend John any money, as he would blow it and not pay it back. However this was after I had already lent him the money. To be fair he has always paid me back, though it usually takes awhile, but that was the agreement when I lent it to him. Part of his problem is he seems to have no understanding whatsoever of Thai people and culture. He actually does not understand why his wife is upset with him. His personal hygiene is atrocious, and he smells like a goat. Then does not know why his wife wants nothing to do with him. Perhaps this also is a sign of dementia, but since I have not known him very long I do not know if he was always like this.

[kenallday]

Probably best to ignore him from now on as he is becoming a pest - alternatively you could visit his wife and "pay her some money" behind the door so to speak

[simon43]

To comment on Forethat's suggestion, this man does not need to borrow money, and this certainly will not help his situation. He has enough money, albeit a small amount. But it should be enough to 'survive' on, if managed correctly. (I'm not talking about funds to show for visas - that is a different manner).

If his wife does not love him, then there is no way that she will want to care for him if he has dementia.

If it were possible for another person to manage his income, then an amount of that could perhaps be used to employ someone to care for him (on a part-time basis), ensuring that his clothes and him are clean, and that he eats regularly.

However, if he has dementia, then I cannot see how his situation can improve without external intervention.

Simon