Never Wai A Waitress

[saraburioz]

I saw an old guy walking into a restaurant waing all the waiting staff last night - I wanted to go up and tell him he looked like a <deleted> - should I have - his girlfriend obviously was more interested in keeping him happy and ignorant?

[sillyman99]

I was in a Short time bar in Soi 6 and some old geezer started to wai all the girls, nobody was offended, but it did look a little strange.

[saraburioz]

I was also a backpacker wai a garbage collector at the bus station 2 days ago - I guess he did take away his plastic bottle.

[alantheembalmer]

Wai-ing has always been a mystery to me. That is, when, and to whom, it should, and should not, be done. Talking about restaurants, only yesterday I was in a Thai restaurant that is rarely frequented by foreigners, and the Thai customers wai-ed the waiter when he wai-ed them as they were leaving. There never seems to be any hard and fast rule about this cultural phenomenon. I suppose it is the same for us when we shake hands: that is, we know when to shake hands, but just try explaining when it should, and should not, be done to someone from a culture where it is unheard of.

[gotlost]

I was in a Short time bar in Soi 6 and some old geezer started to wai all the girls, nobody was offended, but it did look a little strange.

Just wai the owner so as not to pay the bar fine.

[Vertigotogo]

My girlfriend, a 36 year old Thai woman often Wai's waitresses and shop staff. When I asked her to explain to me when it might be appropriate, she just said she did it "when it feels right".

[onnut]

I walked into a pub yesterday, and all the staff gave me a wai and I did the same back. Felt a little stupid for doing it but I know all the staff coz they used to work for me and I would feel un-polite had I not.

The other customers must of thought I was a <deleted>!!!

[Soutpeel]

I guess it depends on the circumstances, I personally dont wai anyone, not my culture, not my country, but dependent of which type of restaurant we are in (ie more upmarket) Mrs Soutpeel does wai on occassion to the waitress', I will be sure to pass on you think she is a <deleted> and ignorant....you must live a very sad life to even ponder things like this..who fukcing cares?

[Nawak]

I usually just give a nod to people, at the immigration, in bars or restaurant and everywhere else. I'm not thai and I do like at home.

They wai and I nod. Never met anybody who felt offensed so far, I assume everything is fine like this.

[evanson]

My girlfriend, a 36 year old Thai woman often Wai's waitresses and shop staff. When I asked her to explain to me when it might be appropriate, she just said she did it "when it feels right".

Good for her!

Having said that, I rarely wai anyone any more. Unless it's someone I know and knows me well.

Edited October 9, 2010 by evanson

[carmine]

I think i'm right in saying it is taken as a politeness to wai the older generation. You should not feel stupid doing this and Thais certainly won't think you stupid.

Other than that i think its rather pathetic to slag off peoples attempts to be courteous and polite. Personally i wish there was more of it in the world.

[sarahsbloke]

Wai-ing has always been a mystery to me. That is, when, and to whom, it should, and should not, be done. Talking about restaurants, only yesterday I was in a Thai restaurant that is rarely frequented by foreigners, and the Thai customers wai-ed the waiter when he wai-ed them as they were leaving. There never seems to be any hard and fast rule about this cultural phenomenon. I suppose it is the same for us when we shake hands: that is, we know when to shake hands, but just try explaining when it should, and should not, be done to someone from a culture where it is unheard of.

The hard and fast rule is, you never wai an inferior first.

If someone of a low order wais you, you should return it.

.......... it's not brain surgery.

It's not about who you do it to, it's about who does it first.

Edited October 9, 2010 by sarahsbloke

[saraburioz]

The hard and fast rule is, you never wai an inferior first.

If someone of a low order wais you, you should return it.

.......... it's not brain surgery.

:jap:

[IanForbes]

That is just wai too strange.

[CarlBkk]

Wai-ing has always been a mystery to me. That is, when, and to whom, it should, and should not, be done. Talking about restaurants, only yesterday I was in a Thai restaurant that is rarely frequented by foreigners, and the Thai customers wai-ed the waiter when he wai-ed them as they were leaving. There never seems to be any hard and fast rule about this cultural phenomenon. I suppose it is the same for us when we shake hands: that is, we know when to shake hands, but just try explaining when it should, and should not, be done to someone from a culture where it is unheard of.

The hard and fast rule is, you never wai an inferior first.

If someone of a low order wais you, you should return it.

.......... it's not brain surgery.

It's not about who you do it to, it's about who does it first.

Unless it's a waitress at the door of a cafe told to wai all customers as they leave. A nod and thank you in Thai is enough..and even that's often more than Thai customers will often do. But yes, service staff don't expect to be waied back. If you're meeting someone socially or formally then it comes down to age. If someone makes a special effort to wai you when they don't have to (say, at an introduction...your relatives....even your local moto driver) I instantly recognise their effort of being polite and wai back.

I love it when I see middleaged foreign tourists wai-ing everyone in sight, including the BTS security guards. They look so embarrassed :jap:

[soundman]

If someone of a low order wais you, you should return it.

.

Correct.

It would be considered rather rude not to wai (or at a minimum, acknowledge the person - people with a nod, smile or thank-you) in return.

[jackr]

I usually just give a nod to people, at the immigration, in bars or restaurant and everywhere else. I'm not thai and I do like at home.

They wai and I nod. Never met anybody who felt offensed so far, I assume everything is fine like this.

This is generally the best bet regards service staff and the like.

One generally does not wai service staff or kids - just because Thais may do it, doesn't mean it's proper - and certainly not bar girls. You will look silly. It's all about one's standing. If, say, among Thai friends in the moobaan, copy them - usually just palms to nose with no bowing. The higher up the standing the higher the wai and then the head comes into play with monks or similar. If you're in the presence of royalty, the palms go over the head with chin firmly planted in chest. I'll wai Thai friends, doctors, and the like. Day to day, if you're unsure, best to not do it and stick with da nod with a smile.

[tombkk]

In addition to sarabloke's message, you should wai to people who you should respect. This can be someone in a higher postition, with more expertise, or higher in age. This doesn't mean that you shoud wai to everybody who is older than you, it depends on the social status...

While a Thai customer in a bar or restaurant might wai back to the waiter (he can also nod instead, depending on the perceived difference in social status), they would not initiate it, i.e. not wai to the waiter first. However, it a foreigner does it, they will consider it polite, as he is trying to adapt. I see nothing wrong with that, and always recommend to err on the polite side.

[evanson]

One of my earliest memories here was of a tiny flower child wai-ing an elderly farang couple as they were leaving an Italian restaurant here on Phuket. The look on the old guy's and little flower girl's faces were pure joy. I wished I'd had my camera with me, but it's still here in my head over ten years later.

So yes. I reiterate the poster whose wife said 'when it feels right'

Edited October 9, 2010 by evanson

[StreetCowboy]

I suppose I'm with the OP on this one; we should consider ourselves lucky we don't need to wai anyone to look like <deleted>

SC

EDIT Accidental omission of 'don't' corrected - could have led to misunderstanding!

Edited October 9, 2010 by StreetCowboy

[evanson]

In addition to sarabloke's message, you should wai to people who you should respect. This can be someone in a higher postition, with more expertise, or higher in age. This doesn't mean that you shoud wai to everybody who is older than you, it depends on the social status...

While a Thai customer in a bar or restaurant might wai back to the waiter (he can also nod instead, depending on the perceived difference in social status), they would not initiate it, i.e. not wai to the waiter first. However, it a foreigner does it, they will consider it polite, as he is trying to adapt. I see nothing wrong with that, and always recommend to err on the polite side.

Does this go for those tossers who wai the police/imm staff?

[Nawak]

Day to day, if you're unsure, best to not do it and stick with da nod with a smile.

That's how I understand politeness; the nod with a smile. In the moobaan we don't wai much among thai residents and I; only once when I come back from Europe after 2 months away. Then we stick with the usual "sawasdee krap", the nod and a smile. I think a friendly and respectful attitude is the best way to be welcomed here.

[JurgenG]

The hard and fast rule is, you never wai an inferior first.

If someone of a low order wais you, you should return it.

.......... it's not brain surgery.

It's not about who you do it to, it's about who does it first.

So simple and yet so complicated ...

How do you know if someone is of a "low order" ?

My employees "wai" me but I "wai" the father of our maid who is much older than me and not my employee. I don't know if it's correct but it's the way I feel it.

Luckily we are not Thais and our mistakes are easily forgiven ...

But as least a clear rule is if someone "wais" you, it's basic politeness to return the wai.

[Soutpeel]

While a Thai customer in a bar or restaurant might wai back to the waiter (he can also nod instead, depending on the perceived difference in social status), they would not initiate it, i.e. not wai to the waiter first. However, it a foreigner does it, they will consider it polite, as he is trying to adapt. I see nothing wrong with that, and always recommend to err on the polite side.

This thread is turning into extracts from Lonely Planet.....

Cue all the pseudo-Thai's...

I did a cross cultural managment course many years and this partiular question came up of wai's - the answer, farangs are not expected to do it, it doesnt score you any brownie points or make you more at one with your "Thainess".....an acknowlegement ie nod your head is all that is required in 99 % of the cases..

[sarahsbloke]

Does this go for those tossers who wai the police/imm staff?

If they are in a position of power over you, it is entirely appropiate

That goes for almost everyone in public office and public administration employment .

(in situations where you want something from them and they have the power to refuse).

[sarahsbloke]

So simple and yet so complicated ...

How do you know if someone is of a "low order" ?

My employees "wai" me but I "wai" the father of our maid who is much older than me and not my employee. I don't know if it's correct but it's the way I feel it.

Luckily we are not Thais and our mistakes are easily forgiven ...

But as least a clear rule is if someone "wais" you, it's basic politeness to return the wai.

It's actually very easy, age is not the overriding cosideration in most cases, a maids father has no status in your household (unless you are shagging her, in which case he might be entitled to a wai)

As a wealthy and educated white person, I take the position, every Thai is of lower order (unless, MIL, an important monk or royal family). I do pretty much the same as a wealthy Thai.

Edited October 9, 2010 by sarahsbloke

[rixalex]

The hard and fast rule is, you never wai an inferior first.

If someone of a low order wais you, you should return it.

.......... it's not brain surgery.

It's not about who you do it to, it's about who does it first.

"An inferior"???

"someone of low order"???

Do you know what century we are in?

[Shotime]

I always wondered what a <deleted> looked like.

As to the topic, it is quite a quandry. Now I can't get it out of my thoughts.

Fukc is a good way of avoiding the way they fukc up the word when you use it.

[Kilgore Trout]

wow, you are really on roll with this crap. Why don't you worry less about others and more about yourself

[Lammbock]

I was in a Short time bar in Soi 6 and some old geezer started to wai all the girls, nobody was offended, but it did look a little strange.

It was Lolitas, wasn't it!?!