Sexist Jokes

[sbk]

Believe it or not, got this one from my dad!

How many men does it take to open a beer?

>None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.

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>Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a woman

>who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be

>able to support you.

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>Why do women have smaller feet than men?

>It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer

to the kitchen sink.

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>How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? When she

>starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."

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>How do you fix a woman's watch?

>You don't. There is a clock on the oven.

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>Why do men break wind more than women?

>Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.

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>If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the

>front door, who do you let in first? The dog, of course. He'll shut up

once you let him in.

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>What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?

>A woman who won't do what she's told.

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>I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

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>Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by

>90%. It's called a Wedding Cake.

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>Why do men die before their wives? They want to.

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>Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with

>a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

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>In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man

>and rested. Then God created Woman. Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.

[Axel]

sbk, your dad is a great philosopher.

In my house, I am the boss!

PS: And I have the written permission by my wife, to say so.

[sbk]

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy

is my personal favorite. How true!

[Dodeskaden]

SBK--those were wonderful. Oh, if my own father were still alive, the laundromat one alone would have made him lose it! It gave me a sudden pang of wishing I could tell it to him. For myself, I haven't quite caught my breath yet from how many men does it take to open a beer... but it reminded me of these:

MORE SEXIST HUMOR

How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take

to do the dishes?

Answer: Both of them.

Why did the man cross the road?

Answer: He heard the chicken was easy.

Why don't women blink during foreplay?

Answer: They don't have time.

How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?

Answer: We don't know; it has never happened.

Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking?

Answer: They all already have boyfriends.

Why are married women heavier than single women?

Answer: Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed.

Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.

How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood?

Answer: His hand caught fire.

What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common?

Answer: They're married.

Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?"

God says: "So you would love her."

"But God," the man says, "why did you make her so dumb?"

God says: "So she would love you."

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SEXIST PHILOSOPHY

DON'T FORGET:

Women seldom make fools of men - because most of them are the do-it-yourself types.

ADVICE:

Go for younger men. You might as well - they never mature anyway.

Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in diapers

If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.

HELPFUL HINTS:

If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him chequebooks.

Best way to get a man to do something: suggest he's too old for it.

UNDERSTANDING:

The children of Israel wandered in the desert for 40 years....never mind, you can figure out why.

It doesn't matter how cute he is, some woman out there is completely sick of his sh#t.

WISDOM OF THE AGES: .

What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door.

A sense of humour does not mean you tell him jokes; it means you laugh at his.

AND ALWYS REMEMBER:

Love is blind, but the neighbors aren't.

[the gentleman]

unsure:

[dr_Pat_Pong]

I loved 'em all. Reminded me of the one that asked 'How many men does it take to clean a toilet?' None...that's women's work. .

[gangstar]

What do ya tell a woman with 2 black eyes??

Noting you've told her twice already!

Whats the usless flesh around a womans pussy?

The woman!