The Bitch Is Back

[PattayaOneTeam]

The Bitch is Back

By James Barnes

To pinch an idea from P.G.Wodehouse, spotting the difference between a Pattaya gay queen with a grievance and a ray of sunshine, is not an easy task; such is the relish with which the inevitable tirade is launched. The opportunity to bitch is rarely missed. The bitching is not just bitching. It is elevated to the status of high art and demonstrates an eloquence that is universally coveted, admired and feared. The waspish wit is cloaked in a humour that is particularly gay, particularly rapier in thrust and particularly devastating in effect. The recipient is struck dumb. Stunned into speechlessness. The victim will have to withdraw, retreat and maybe, just maybe, come up with the witty repost after several stinging hours of humiliated reflection.

Consider the overweight individual who had provoked a bitch, only to be told that it was obvious he had been poured into his clothes and had forgotten to say, 'when!' Or the hapless soul who was bitched with: 'She wore far too much rouge last night and not quite enough clothes. That is always the sign of despair in a woman,' delivered by that gay emperor of the acid drop, Oscar Fingal O'Flahertie Wills Wilde, who claimed that, 'I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best.' And there really is no answer to that.

To label this bitching as merely urbane is to understate in an attempt to disguise surrender. It is the waving of a white flag to the Everest-like mountain of the unassailable put down. It may also be a signal of envy. 'I wish I'd said that.' 'You will, you will.' The accomplished bitch is envied and dreaded in equal measure. The sharp word of mouth being far mightier than the blunt instrument, it is no surprise that the gay queen has honed this weapon to lethal affect.

The late, great, British comedian, Kenneth Williams saw himself as a roving mosquito, choosing his targets and was a consummate exponent of the withering word. This self-confessed follower of Sir Noel Coward (no slouch in the bitching department, himself) admitted that, 'If I got up on the stage to entertain the troops I could make them shut up and look.' But the bitch is something more than simply demanding attention. Williams continued, 'People need to be peppered or even outraged occasionally. Our national comedy is packed with earthy familiarity and honest vulgarity. Clean vulgarity can be very shocking and that, in my view, gives greater involvement.'

People love to be shocked. Whether it is the shock of the new, the latest horror flick or a bitch in full flow. It is funny. And it always carries the truth. Seek out and celebrate that legion of Pattaya bitches. Buy them a gin (or four) and then provoke them. Settle back and enjoy the show. But the last word has to go to dear Oscar, who, on his deathbed in a cheap French hotel, said to Lord Alfred Douglas, 'Oh Bosie, Bosie, look at that wallpaper. One of us will have to go.'

James Barnes is editor of Thai Spice Magazine

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-- Pattaya One 2010-11-08