Pattaya Bar Round-Up

[PattayaOneTeam]

Pattaya Bar Round-Up

Nightmarch

Another good walk spoiled: The golfaholics of Fun Town will be engaging in a series of golfing tournaments between 1 and 12 November with sponsors including Babydolls and Mistys go go's (both in Soi 15, off Walking Street), the FLB lounge lizard libation room (Walking Street), Solar Golf, Magna Carta and Pattaya Addicts.

Babydolls is the first off the rink, starting with their annual golfing day on Monday 1 November at Siam Plantation. Apparently it is conducted under a Texas Scramble format (which golfers probably understand, but sounds suspiciously like a white-ball version of the gunfight at the OK Corral). More importantly, there will be a party in the bar afterwards to which non-golfers are of course welcome.

Then, on 3 November it will be time for the ninth edition of the Pattaya RideHer Cup, starting at 10:30am at Burapha. After golf, dinner is dished out News Café before a party in FLB. All the events for the series are organized by Solar Golf who can be contacted by email: [email protected]

Under starter's orders: For Australians (and others who like to watch good quality horse racing) it's that time of year again when the Melbourne Cup is run, on the first Tuesday in November, which in 2010 means on the 2nd. There are plenty of places to watch the action: your own armchair on Australia Network if you want to stay at home. If you also hanker for a bit of atmosphere then you won't do much worse than head on down to the Boxing Roo beer boozer and bookies parlour (Third Road, opposite Soi LK Metro and Boutique Sexy) anytime after about 9:30am and catch all the action of race day. Uncle Kenny (he'll be the one in the pork pie hat and looking like Flash Harry) will doubtless be able to accommodate those keen students of equine form who wish to obtain 'a quotation' about any chaff bandit competing on the day. As usual the Boxing Roo will be offering free food and other prizes to punters throughout the action.

A diet of hard tak and tacky: The Baby Boom go go in the small lane off Soi Buakhow and opposite the Sawasdee sleeping establishment opened about a year ago and, somewhat surprisingly, is still operational. I doubt they have a lot of repeat business unless the odd punter falls in lust with a specific damsel in financial distress. This is not a place where you would imagine customers become regulars. The décor has been drawn from the low end of the Early Garish Period and is already showing more wear and tear than a clapped out Skoda on the Paris to Dakar rally. The music, of course, is too loud and seems to consist of DJ Whatta Spastic and his Brain Dead Band performing 69 different mixes of their hit 'What Sound is this?' (as high as 9,733 on the Kazakhstan charts, with a bullet and a suicide bomber).

The dancing maidens numbered about eight or nine, so I suppose having three on stage at any one time is about the right rotation rate. To be fair, the place does have a couple of reasonable lookers and the girls are friendly enough in that 'buy me cola, darkling' way so obvious in a Thai-run wallet-emptying establishment. There were a few punters in the place and I watched as one older man clearly had a good time with one of the damsels. While he was paying for his drinks (including libations for the lady) the mamasan was all smiles and unctuous smarm, but he clearly didn't leave a big enough tip because as soon as he had left the premises she almost snarled as she uttered the immortal word 'keenio' ('cheap Charlie').

The bench seating against the side wall facing the small dancing stage must have been purchased from the Rigor Mortis company from their used coffin division, or perhaps taken from the grounds of the Million Years Stone Park. It would make a third-class carriage seat in a State Railways of Thailand bogie seem like you being conveyed on a cushion of air. Talk about adding a new meaning to 'hard assed'. There's a wonderful word called 'denature', which means 'to deprive of essential qualities', and Baby Boom can certainly lay a strong claim to being the number one ticket holder in the Denature Club. No, I didn't leave a tip and don't give a rat's backside what the mamasan thinks of me.

A gem or two in the sludge: The New Star go go is the first den on the left-hand side in Soi Diamond if you are coming in off Walking Street. It's easy to walk past, although the policy of having a couple of usually well-endowed and passably attractive dancing damsels sat behind the curtain and ready to display their assets to passers-by usually means the place gathers a reasonable crowd of punters most nights. A fairly short and narrow den it only takes seven or eight girls and three or four bums on seats to make it look busy. The stage has three to five girls shuffling about while two damsels soap each other towards the centre. The preferred discounted thirst quencher is draught amber for 55 baht while lady drinks are a fair 110 baht (for a proper glass). Of the 12 or so girls I saw on a recent visit, two or three were worth a second look while about half were pot boilers or potential 'before' adverts for Weight Watchers. There is a room upstairs, which can be rented for 350 baht for a short period of time (one hour), while the bar fine is 600 baht. The damsel of your desire wants you to part with 1,500 baht for an hour of her precious time. Doing the math and there is no doubt better value for the nocturnal emission baht can be found elsewhere.

The Secrets of Success: It operates one of the busiest and informative websites and forums in Fun Town (and is an advertiser with this publication), and last September celebrated its fourth anniversary with a typical standing-room only bash.

Two months on and the Secrets lounge lizard libation room is gearing up for what the management hope and expect will be a bumper high season. Certainly my most recent, albeit brief, visit made me aware there has been a concerted effort to recruit some new faces for the coyote dancing duties.

As I wrote in a column for another publication back in September 2006, just after Secrets opened its doors, 'Naturally, being opening night, the place was fuller than a Pattaya copper's bank account, and I have to add my congratulations to the London Clock and his cronies who have done a great job with the layout and the décor. The bar stools are comfortable, the big screen TVs will be a drawcard for watching any and all sports, the food from the large kitchen I was told by those who sampled the buffet was first-class, and liver wasters come in ham-fist sized glasses…Although there will be 'coyote' dancers employed to shake and wriggle in the chrome-poled alcoves, the place is essentially a club house where everyone is welcome to come and shoot the breeze.' That's pretty much the way Secrets continues to operate.

Piece of Pith: Q. What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball? A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball

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-- Pattaya One 2010-11-12

[mca]

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