Relationship With The Westerner Guy And Thai Woman

[WealthyHeart]

Unsure if I post at the correct forum

Me and my boyfriend are together for a year but we do not live together as I live with my family in BKK and he occasionally goes to countryside. I am 30 y/o and he is 40 y/o (from North Europe). We met while I had a holiday in CM. For the first few months he often sent me email, text message or call me because I live in BKK and he was in CM. When he decided to move to BKK, he rarely call me or text me and I just see him during the weekend.

Lately, I sense something wrong between us. He seems ignoring me and almost not call me at all. I thought that he might be depressed from living in the big city like BKK. He occasionally go back to CM for a few weeks to visit his friends.

I have some issues below and need some suggestions

1) I rarely call him while he is in the countryside as I want him to enjoy his time but he never contact me at all till I have to contact him myself. Sometimes I ask him why he doesn't call me he said he was in the village and it was the bad receptor. For the first few times, I can accept this but this happen every time. I doubt if he really love me.

2) He enjoy a lot when he has friends visit him in BKK. Every time while I hang out with him and his friends, he becomes really sweet person to me (more than when we are together on our own). I wonder what is this mean ? He loves me more just becoz when he is with his friends.

3) He has a lot of female friends (the westerners). And he is nice, kind and good looking. Frankly, I feel jealous and hurt my feeling when I saw girls message him love, honey, darling and he replied back in the same way. but I just act to ignore this issues. I wonder if this is normal for the westerners. Can I tell him that I don't like him to tease other girls like this as it hurts my feeling but I'd not stop him to do. Is this gonna offense him ?

4) For being BF/GF, we never celebrate any special occasion together, like our birthdays or any festival. He is always with his friends for those occasions. And I did not ask him to spend time with me for those occasions either. But I just wish him may realize a bit about me. So is it better I tell him that I want him to spend time with me ? Is this gonna offense him too ?

I love my BF a lot, he has many good points but something he have act it is just make me doubt in our love. However he is such a good looking person and I am very nerdy + out of date fashion. I am afraid he might get bored of me.

Any suggestion to maintain my love with this man. I am tired of mind game and I am not clingy type in action but in my mind I wish him to response me in a way I expect. And I feel hurt when he ignores me. I would like to talk to him face to face but I am afraid it might offense him.

Thanks in advance.

[BoonToong]

In my limited experience of relationships, but pretty lengthy experience of being a man (48 years), I can tell you that most all men know how to talk sweet and be nice when it suits us.

But if you want to know how things are going, just watch his actions. By what you say, he is not treating you well. You should tell him this and then, if it still continues, you should tell him that you want the relationship to end.

If he cares about you and wants to be with you, he will do something about it. If he doesn't do anything about it then you are better off looking for someone else; you cannot make someone love you.

[whybother]

From my not quite 48 years experience as a man, and my 4 years experience with a Thai girlfriend ... Move on. If he's doing all those things, he doesn't want to be with you, and there is no way you can force him to be with you.

[Deserted]

Nothing beats communication. You must sit down and tell him how you feel.

[Berkshire]

Wealthy heart, it is clear that you know the answer(s) to your own questions but are just trying to rationalize (or hope) that there MUST be some other explanation. Westerners aren't much different from other men in showing love--when they are in fact in love. If he's neglecting you or you feel that the love has disappeared from your relationship, then that's pretty much what it is. No need to try and convince yourself that he's acting this way because he's a farang. It's time to move on.

[little_muppet]

Did u call it gf-bf by urself? did he know about that term of relationship?

wat i know is, u can not separate ur bf with his mates.

and yes communication is the best way, sit down and talk to him, from wat i read he isnt ready for a serious relationship yet.

it is normal for western to use honey darling or small xx symbol to his female friends on text message or even when they speak.

being jealous isnt help, jealously can case men to run away.

good luck, u seem nice and dont think too much, just live normal and when it time things will come to ur way.

[Bakeman]

It sounds to me that he is jst your friend. If he said otherwise then he is not being faithfull to you and you should move on. Unless he is helping you with the bills.

[Tonto21]

OK WealthyHeart, I’ll bite!

In my honest opinion when it comes to boy/girl relationships most, (not all) men are crap at it. We are very good at being loving, understanding and an all round double yokers when we love the one we are with.

The problem for most men is not having the emotional know-how when the sparks gone to just tell the person they have been confessing there love too that there feeling have changed. That’s not to say they don’t care anymore, a lot of the time that’s why they can’t man up and tell you….They don’t want to hurt you, sound silly I know but men can be very childlike and can’t handle this type of confrontation. They will, if you let them go on with a relationship, spending less and less time on you, just hoping that you will move on, but want to stay friendly if you bump into each other on the street. Trust me, we men are more complicated than even we know, or like to admit. When it comes to handling affairs of the heart most men are inadequately trained.

Bottom line WealthyHeart confront the situation with him, it will not fix its self, and if he walks you can get on with your life. Following him around hoping for some lost attention is bad for yourself esteem and well being.

I wish you good luck.

[JurgenG]

Men are very bad at mind reading, if you have something to tell you bf, tell him in plain english. I'm sure he won't mind and you won't waste anymore your time expecting something that may never happen.

We never celebrate any special occasion together, like our birthdays or any festival. He is always with his friends for those occasions. ?

Time to ask frankly what's going on and stop wasting your time

Edited November 24, 2010 by JurgenG

[travelmann]

I find eating "ginger nuts" will help this situation no end

[Kwasaki]

" WealthyHeart " go to " Ladies in Thailand " forum you will be better off there and get the ladies there opinions, advice whatever. :jap:

Mostly guys here l think about as helpful as a Fart in a Spacesuit.

Edited November 24, 2010 by Kwasaki

[MSingh]

What is a wealthy heart ????

[Beetlejuice]

I wish to ask the OP:

Are you male or female?

What is your nationality? And do you live in Thailand?

What made you specifically join Thai visa just to ask this question when there are more apt places on the Internet more suitable and themed for these sorts of subjects?

Are you a troll or is this a genuine case of someone seeking advice?

[noise]

Nothing beats communication. You must sit down and tell him how you feel.

Starting off her post with "Me and my boyfriend are" ..... maybe it is my limited background, but I have never met a Thai who knows English well enough to write like that who would then use such common (street) verbal phrasing in writing.

Should have no trouble communicating.

[sbk]

In my limited experience of relationships, but pretty lengthy experience of being a man (48 years), I can tell you that most all men know how to talk sweet and be nice when it suits us.

But if you want to know how things are going, just watch his actions. By what you say, he is not treating you well. You should tell him this and then, if it still continues, you should tell him that you want the relationship to end.

If he cares about you and wants to be with you, he will do something about it. If he doesn't do anything about it then you are better off looking for someone else; you cannot make someone love you.

watch and learn, apparently, I haven't seen it yet, tho I should add

http://www.hesjustnotthatintoyoumovie.com/

[WealthyHeart]

Thanks everybody to comment...

I am a newbie here. I post a topic here just need some suggestions indeed. I did go to many pages about relationship but those are like westerner + westerner.

Anyway he doesn't support me any bill. I have a job in BKK that's why I can't follow him to countryside often

Yeah I have to admit that he doesn't love me anymore and move on

Thanks everybody again. I have a clue that he doesn't love me no more. Now I just need a space to release my depress. I know that the life must go on but sometimes you are too tired to move on and of course it needs time. I know all principal to recover from broken heart but it is not easy to cope with it.

Thanks to read my topic also

Good luck everybody

[rics21]

daxm,

i am guessing that the wealthy heart is a gay thai fellow, who is in love with a bisexual farang man.

[F1fanatic]

daxm,

i am guessing that the wealthy heart is a gay thai fellow, who is in love with a bisexual farang man.

It doesn't actually matter - Wealthyheart is suffering regardless of his/her gender.

I'm happy to see Wealthyheart that you finally realise that your boyfriend doesn't love you, and that you are moving on.

Your post made it 100% clear that he doesn't love you as men (and women) in love, don't behave this way - rather they phone every day they are apart (at least once).

Men are not good at remembering anniversaries, generally, so I wouldn't hold this against a man if it was the one failure, but he is doing nothing to show love. Talking about it is pointless, it will just prolong the pain.

I wish you the best of luck in the future. You're still young so have time to find the 'right' man.