Early next year we will be opening a school aimed at instructing police and guards on whistle blowing and hand signaling skills. The topics discussed will be:

1) Randomly blowing your whistle while people back up is confusing and annoying

2) If you want me to drive forward, wave you hand in a "come here" manner

3) If you want me to stop - put your hand out and don't move it around

4) How to eliminate confusion: Short bursts of your whistle mean "drive forward" to some and "stop" to others

Participants may suggest other topics to cover such as "Why guards write when I come and go from my apartment in a log book"

Can we also cover 'spit and polish' techniques to make sure their flip flops are sparkling?

Actually mu condo has just decided to employ a few female guards, maybe 4, all aged around 20 and looking quite hot in their uniforms, I have something they can practice blowing on

Add to the above 'Rapidly wiggling a bright torch in my mirror whilst reversing and destroying my night vision to guarantee hitting something'.

@Random, any vacant units in your place? Secondary question, location?

yes, there are two massive towers and plenty of units available, and right on the edge of the river

great pool and a fantastic gym, and a squash court, and a sky lounge in each tower for fantastic views back over the city. Also a boat to take you to saphin Thaksin or a minibus, I have a car but still use the boat now and again for fun

Give a Thai a uniform and a whistle and 3,500 Baht a month and you have a loyal employee with some self respect - leave the poor little dears alone! Education notwithstanding and lack of common sense, at least they are prepared to work. Can't see that in the west without hitting up social security! But a school? Hmmm ok whatever!

Back in the States we had a large boat and towed it around to different places. My wife had the hand signs down pat for backing down into the water, but ...

I never could get her to understand - if you can't see my mirror - I can't see you.

Your course texts should include: "Whistle Extraction: A Proctological Guide" by Dr G. Rumpy Farang

Suggestions:

How to stay awake, or at least look like you are awake when people arrive/leave the building.

How to make that uniform look like it fits you

Where to get shirt laundered and ironed

Where the toilet is (not behind that bush you sit near)

Oh yeah ..and, people who actually stay/live here can enter not just the ones who you can get money out of.

Participants may suggest other topics to cover such as "Why guards write when I come and go from my apartment in a log book"

Mine would have to be awake first

Participants may suggest other topics to cover such as "Why guards write when I come and go from my apartment in a log book"

Mine would have to be awake first

Thought the ability to sleep anywhere was a standard requisite for security guard jobs here.