Appropriate Christmas And New Years Gift For A Girlfriend

[jsflynn603]

I need some advice and suggestions....

I, like so many men have turned sour on Western women and have turned my eyes towards Thailand for many reasons.

Almost three years ago after chatting with literally hundreds of women via thaikisses and other sites I met one with whom I have chatted with now for well over two years. Curious about "reality" I have come to Thailand to "see," and will be here for several months both to visit her, and to network in Asia for future possible employment opportunities in Public Health, which, to my surprise I have done well with.

I've been here a few weeks and "our" relationship is as comfortable in reality as it was online. Three years ago she knew almost no English, now after five English classes she can read and write at a ~8-9th grade level, and speak certainly well enough to communicate well.

She has two jobs both relating to family owned business and for the skeptics she has no "markers" of being in or having ever worked in the sex trade. It's good to remember that only about 11% of Thai women work in the trade, meaning that 89% don't.

She knows I'm interested in finding a wife and having a family, so it is fair to say that she knows my intent. She is not "young," ~30'ish. A few weeks have gone by and at first there seemed to be "no sparks," but I am learning that here "sparks" are not always that obvious. As time has passed we've become closer and more intimate--though it's no hand-holding, to touch around family members (I have met part of the family) and then something happened that confuses me.

She recently commented that for Christmas and/or New Year that I must buy her a "gold necklace or pendant."

Now many will say that she's money grubbing...but I have taken her to malls and offered to buy her things--but no thank you. The only Baht that has exchanged hands over the years is that three times I paid for her English class only when she got a certain grade, other than that she has never asked for money and if offered refuses.

Though she's by "western standards" a bit "cool" emotionally she recently demands to take my clothes home to wash for me and has commented that since I have met one family member and since she has washed my clothes that the family "understands" (understands what?) And then the gold necklace request pops up.

My understanding is that a male buying gold jewelry is associated with engagement, or is this not the case?

I cannot help but wonder if what she wants is external evidence presentable to her family that our relationship is (or is turning) serious.

Frankly, I'm not particularly interested in buying a very expensive (22.5kt) necklace with gold at $US1400/ounce until/if our relationship turns in a solid direction. Might this be an indication that it is, in her eyes? Do Thai women have a difficult time communicating their feelings? I know in RP (Republic of Philppines, the "hard-to-get" routine is the norm, frequently frustrating Westerners; is it the same here?

I'm not that wealthy and it cost a small fortune to come here. Still I could buy a gold necklace and though I have said "come and look with me" (aka window-shopping) she does not seem to desire this. Yet in America I'd never buy my lady gold without letting her be there to try things on.

So I'm wondering what you ladies think. Is this a hidden clue that our relationship in her eyes is very serious with gold being the indicator? And another less serious/expensive possibility comes to mind, being a gold bracelet. If/when we become engaged then that seems a more appropriate time for something in gold that is more substantial.

Thanks for your thoughts.

ขอบคุณมากครับ

[little_muppet]

step back now when u have a chance!. possible more request will come ! :jap:

[ihunnieibee]

Gold is always easy to re-sell..

I'm sorry..I don't know what she means by this gold request...but...since you are asking these questions on this forum means that you already know you shouldn't do it..

Sad thing is, you proabably will end up doing it anyways...

If you wouldn't do this for a woman in your own country then you shouldn't do it for a woman in this country either....

I don't understand why guys give up on women in their own country and end up coming here doing things they would consider crazy that they would never do for women in their own country...

[jsflynn603]

Gold is always easy to re-sell..

I'm sorry..I don't know what she means by this gold request...but...since you are asking these questions on this forum means that you already know you shouldn't do it..

Sad thing is, you proabably will end up doing it anyways...

If you wouldn't do this for a woman in your own country then you shouldn't do it for a woman in this country either....

I don't understand why guys give up on women in their own country and end up coming here doing things they would consider crazy that they would never do for women in their own country...

Thank you both for your answers, though you really don't answer my questions...

Yes, gold is easy to resell and one recovers about half the retail value in Thailand, but 1000 baht notes are easier and I've offered them to her for her latest class and have been refused...

As far as doing crazy things here consider this. In America ten dates at a matter-of-fact restaurant in the US and perhaps an occasional cinema would have set me back already about $800-1000 (~27000baht). Looking at it from that point of view, and looking at the small amount I have spent since I have arrived here even spending 12k baht on a necklace would be cheaper than what I would have spent in America.

And my asking questions here does, in no way, mean that I know I should not do it.

Perhaps someone might come along and give me an answer that is not cynical and answers the cultural aspects?

Too many posters here think that Thai/Western relationships are doomed from minute one, but personally I know too many friends in America with good relationships (and long ones) that are Thai/Western.

[sarahsbloke]

Thai ladies like to wear gold bought for them by their men. Big brag factor!

They also like mobile phones, motorcycles, cars and houses.

You girl will like gifts she can show off to her friends and family.

I don't think 5,000-10,000bht is to much to spend on a gift for your girl ....... do you?

(nice gold ring, gold bracelet, or pendent on gold chain)

BUT

No sparks after 3 years days .... dumped.

Always plenty of sparks with Thai girls, you know because they jump you.

Hard to get in Thailand is 'holding out' for about two weeks.

Sorry but girls here usually have a lover (at least one), if it ain't you, then it's someone else.

You might be the 'reserve' plan.

PS

Not touching when around family or people the girls know (until married) is common.

Among strangers or alone with you and much touching happens.

Edited December 23, 2010 by sarahsbloke

[bangkokboro]

Just get her the engagement ring she is after.

[lannarebirth]

Well, I don't know. Gold is money here and she's asked you for Gold to commemorate two non Thai holidays. That's a little weird IMO.

[little_muppet]

lol im Thai and that is way too strange for the girl to ask u about it.

she might not be a gold digger but her relatives or family might( and thats nothing she can do much about it if she is so dependent with them).. if so u will hear more request about $$$$ all the time....u and her will not have the peaceful time.... :jap:

[MidoriApple]

Umm..I agree with him (lannarebirth), weird Christmas Eve is not Thai-culture, I don't see reason you "must" buy her any gift.

I guess you have got along with up-country girl (Right?), sure, they like gold.

(I don't wear any gold, it looks funny!)

Kinda "show off", I guess.

But it's up to you, if you meant to make commitment with her (in the future), then you may do.

If no, then "not necessary" (IMO)

[sbk]

While I am not Thai as little muppet is, I've lived in Thailand a substantial number of years and frankly, no, Thais do not celebrate Christmas and for her to request gold as a Christmas present is odd. If she has other motives, ie engagement then she would just say so.

[MiG16]

I would not ask a guy for that kind of expensive gift (unless we had got to the stage where I was in a long term relationship with him already - and that hasnt happened yet. so)

or even ask a guy Ive dated a few times for any kind of gift at all

come to think of it, I have NEVER asked any guy for ANY gift. I do not think its appropriate, but well thats my opinion

(maybe with exception of my brothers, and that too only up to the point when I was still a kid)

sorry - came back to add that I am not aware of a woman asking her date for a gold gift being the culture or the norm in Thai society

the only time that may happen is when the couple have discussed marriage, or moving in together. its possible to request for a piece of jewelry to show people in the community that you are in some sort of relationship with the man in question

[Goinghomesoon]

Ah well you're "sour" on western women but come to a forum where prob 90% of the posters are western women to ask your question?

Among my husband's relatives only two have ever really expressed a strong interest in owning gold (or having me/hubby buy gold for them ). Both of them are fairly heavily into using the money-lenders and so I assume that having something easily saleable was on their mind, rather more than having a special gift from their farang relative.

I know in my husband's part of Isaan a lot of the women get gold agreed as part of their sin-sot and it is put on the tray used in the wedding ceremony so everyone can see it. But I don't know that the woman demands it independently, I think normally it's negotiated along with a bunch of other things. (P.S. Thai hubby says in his area it would be rude for the woman to ask directly, normally that would be done by the mother-in-law-to-be.)

[SadieMBeagle]

Ah well you're "sour" on western women but come to a forum where prob 90% of the posters are western women to ask your question?

That's what I was going to say...doesn't seem like the smartest place for the OP to be posting his views on western women...as a result, I really don't want to help you, OP. Go home already.

[Pariyesh]

You can look at it in a normal positive way.

After dating for a while and she hasn't asked you for anything, It's very normal for a girl to expect something special from a guy in New Year Season.

Even I expect something special or a special gift from my guy.

I think it's good that she told you that she like "Gold necklace or pendent" so you know what she like to have.

If a gold necklace is too expensive, you can try Gold overlay necklace or maybe a gold bracelet or earrings.