Getting Married - Parents Expecting A Car?

[Padkapow Guy]

I asked Mrs. Padkapow about this.

She suggested that they piss test the parents as drugs are illegal in thailand.

She also said to ask if she is a virgin? If she is then she would go about 50,000 baht. If not they would be lucky to get 20,000 baht.

Mrs Padkapow suggest that you run not walk away from this wedding, and she if your girl follows you. If she does then you can re-think about a later wedding date where you firmly established the sinsod limit.

good luck

PKG

[kalaminsa]

You are both in your twenties and can expect to have 40 years together then 900,000/40 = 22,500 baht or about $550 dollars per year.

Or in other words 10$ per ###### . You can get shorttime for that can't you ??

[meom]

...the parents expect is the 900,000 baht car...but that seems a little extreme to me.

oh yeah, she's a "country girl" but has been to university in Bangkok for a year before i met her. (no, not a bargirl - if you're wondering). her parents own quite a large farm up country but they're still average/poor people.

any advice would be greatly appreciated.   

As previous posters have mentioned you just have to negotiate.

If you play your cards right daddy gets his car, you get the farm and your wife gets the land which later down the road might not be such a bad deal after all

[aughie]

With all this talk about extravagant amounts of sin sod, who comes first? kids? wife? parents? inlaws? People don't have to answer this question but surely the inlaws don't come first. Pay a reasonable sin sod if she warrants it and save for your children's furure.

Tell your fiance you are saving the money for the children who will be her parent's grandchildren. How great is the pressure they are exerting? Is it all in your head, are you defeated already? They are testing your depth. Don't let them get a distorted view of things by buying 10k or 20k anything. There's plenty of time to become the good son to the inlaws.

You want to really blow the father-in-law's mind? Do you speak Thai? If so go for a walk with the father-in-law around his propertyand tell him you look forward to your children owning all this land. Let him know that's how you see things. (for TV entertainment purposes only)

-a

.

[Thaipwriter]

You are both in your twenties and can expect to have 40 years together then 900,000/40 = 22,500 baht or about $550 dollars per year.

Or in other words 10$ per ###### .    You can get shorttime for that can't you ??

Ah yes......"reduce to the ridiculous" a classic close.

[Thaipwriter]

Go ahead get them a truck for the wedding, have a great weekend, big face will be had by all and you will get the shag of your life on your wedding night.

make sure the gas tank is full when you drop it back on Monday morning

[lingnoi34]

I recently had the sin sot discussion with my future brother in law in their village (as her parents are already dead for a decade). Anyway, little b******d had the nerve to ask for 900.000 as well (1 million w/10% discount)....First I thought he was joking.

Didnt give in and told them I had to confere with a long time thai friend I know from US. This buddy tells me that as there are no parents no sin sot either. Tell my findings to my girlfriend who relays the message to her brother. Suddenly sin sot up to me and girlfriend.

I take some time to think and then tell her:

choice 1: 1 million baht thai govt savings bond, due in like 20 years, and can not be cashed before due date HAHAHA falang not so stupid!!!!

choice 2: she gets 1 million baht and signs airtight pre-nuptual agreement (not really serious about this offer/choice on my part)

choice 3: 200.000 baht cash and the money will be in her savings account and stay there or else. I know a thai man would pay about 100.000 (girlfriend 26 y. old, has bachelor from low tier school and works office staff job)

Guess what choice she (family) favors?????

Number 3 of course....thais only think about today as we all know....

My advice: dont give in to their demands, make alternative suggestions and if all else fails walk away. Chances are, if you are a decent guy with good qualities, they will not let you walk away and let them know that you know it!!!!

The whole thing did leave a sour taste in my mouth though.

Take care, Lingnoi

[aughie]

Go ahead get them a truck for the wedding, have a great weekend, big face will be had by all and you will get the shag of your life on your wedding night.

make sure the gas tank is full when you drop it back on Monday morning

I don't think a truck rented for purposes of the wedding only will go over too well. But it is like giving the sin sod money to the mother-in-law for appearance only.

[UncleDonald]

Having just returned from a wedding in the south of Thailand I can tell you that ordinary Thai farm families are paying 100 to 200,000 baht for Thai brides, this is much more than the amounts I've seen posted recently on the forum. But things are prosperous down there, the price of rubber is up. Unfortunately the whole bride price business is attended with a lot of bragging and ego which appears to be the case with this million-baht car deal too.

I wouldn't put up with it myself, it seems demeaning to the girl as well. You could say "I'm not spending that money we need to educate my wife and provide her with what she needs in the modern world," you'll be right though it won't be cheerfully accepted. And if she's not prepared to stand by you on this maybe she's not ready to join the modern world and you might not be ready to join the medieval one either. But a little compromise might be ok. Your negotiation of the cash payback is brilliant, maybe you can safely raise that a bit, lavishing public praise on your parents-in-law for their insistance on granting the money back to their daughter for her education. And keeping the cash in a bank book in her name for "wedding safety" reasons. Also festively slaughtering a couple of cows and some gold trinkets for mom will help.

[Ice Maiden]

If she cares for you enough she wouldn't demand the money to pay for her families "wedding present". Anyway I've heard of presents of 50,000 baht but not new cars for parents, and you've already paid out alot for this girl anyway. I don't know alot about thai marriage but something here is telling me there is something wrong. If she still goes on about the car even when you have told her your situation then IMO I don't think she is being fair. I'd tell her again more firmly that you can not afford to be paying for a new car for her parents as you've given enough as it is.

And if her and the family continue then I'm sorry but she isn't thinking about your opinions and you should reconsider if thats the type of girl you wish to marry. And the type of family you want for the rest of your married life because I don't think demands like that will stop.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

i'm afraid of that, too. i have told her some months ago that the car thing won't be happening right now and the topic dissapeared from the table, but now that the wedding nears its coming back up. sigh

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Then like I said I think you sould reconsider if this is the type of girl you wish to marry. Was this the girl you fell in love with? I bet not. Bad personality traits can be disgused for so long until they are triggered by something like money.

Edited August 24, 2005 by Ice Maiden

[LoveDaBlues]

Go ahead get them a truck for the wedding, have a great weekend, big face will be had by all and you will get the shag of your life on your wedding night.

make sure the gas tank is full when you drop it back on Monday morning

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

And leave the general area ASAP

[LoveDaBlues]

OP  YOur getting robbed, fleeced, taken to the cleaners

And this will only be the beginning

It'll never stop

So many calves on the way to the slaughterhouse, I cringe coming to TV

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Hey Nam Kao.....so far the GF is only into me for about $1200......reading these posts make me feel absolutely brilliant......

Of course.....she's smarter than me so the BIG KILL comes later

[cdnvic]

If this is the kind of relationship you find yourself in you really shouldn't be getting married anyway. If you need to play silly games you're not ready, or with the right person.

cv

zint

If I were you I would cancel the wedding and send the girlfriend back to live with her parents. Tell her, if she wants to get married then there will be no or very little sinsot.

She then has the choice to get married or lose face. Alternatively, don't get married if it is going to cause too many financial problems.

The problem is that the more generous you are with some Thai women, the more demanding they become.

[LoveDaBlues]

reminds me of a beautiful taiwanese girl I met in college back in the 70's.  she was so beautiful, words couldn't describe how she looked.

oh. her shape was incredible.  she had this shiny black hair that flowed all the way down her back to the tip of her perfect butt.  her big eyes had this vibrate look to them.  and to top it off, her skin was blemish free.  ahhhhh.  ooohhhhh.

my teeth chattered whenever I saw her.  ..like in that movie with jodie foster and anthony hopkins - silence of the lambs.  ...fe fe fe fe.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

uhhh....did you use a lot of tissue when you wrote this.......

[farang2002]

My upcounty inlaws drive a nice Toyota Tiger...thanks to me. I bought it while my wife was waiting for her visa (18 months) so she could get herself around town.

After our Thai wedding ceremony my inlaws gave us the sin sot back...which I used to buy the truck. My wife kept after me..."gee, sure would be nice having a new truck. We could use the sin sot and buy". Silence on my end. "A nearly new truck would be almost as nice". Mmmmmm...maybe I can think about it. "I have a friendwho works for Toyota and is selling his truck...only 300,000b"

Yeah, so I have a truck upcountry. On of 3 vehicles (larger than a motorcycle) in the village. About a month ago my father-in-law needed emergency medical care, the closest being 25k away. No truck, he die. Have truck, he alive and well.

Negoiate the deal and buy something which will make them all happy...incl you!

[WhiteShiva]

If this is the kind of relationship you find yourself in you really shouldn't be getting married anyway. If you need to play silly games you're not ready, or with the right person.

cv

zint

If I were you I would cancel the wedding and send the girlfriend back to live with her parents. Tell her, if she wants to get married then there will be no or very little sinsot.

She then has the choice to get married or lose face. Alternatively, don't get married if it is going to cause too many financial problems.

The problem is that the more generous you are with some Thai women, the more demanding they become.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

It is difficult to tell from the OP to what extent the g/f is in on the scam. It may very well be that she is drawn between her love for the OP and her love for the parents. The fact that the latter are rip-off artists matters not to her.

I suggest to the OP that you pronounce lound and clear that you are unable to afford a car at the moment, and that you therefore will have to postpone the wedding until later. Then see what happens. If your girlfriend loves you she will stay, and the parents will (perhaps) feel guilty for causing trouble (although I doubt it), and just be that a compromise can be reached.

As I mentioned in another post, my sin sot was presented as a cheque (together with the usual gold, etc), as my parents-in-law did not think it was a good idea to carry that much money in cash. The agreement was that it should be handed back to us afterwards - which is was (it would have bounched anyway! ). We did build them a nice house, though.

You are obviously being had. If you don't put your foot down now (but without causing major face loss for anyone) you will lose respect from both your g/f and her parents. Do not give in!

[SiamOne]

Oh Dear, some parents are so greedy.

and its not just for farang husbands either!!

I have two good friends who regularly get cash demands from their families, and send them all they can. Usually the mothers ask.

one is for the mothers business, to make it bigger, or need a new this and that etc, or medical bills or whatever. She pays out almost 60% of her salary and has nothing left for herself.

the other one just is blackmailed into sending as much money as she has, which mainly gets drunk by her mother

I have asked them why, as the other sisters/brothers do not send anything. It seems they are seen as the family "providers", and they feel they cannot refuse.

What to do!!?

[a2396]

Next will be a demand to buy her a house, which you will no rights to ownership in Thailand. These requests seem to be part of the love/marriage "package" with some families. I agree with other posters that this will never end until you are broke. Take care of expenses that you can afford that are legitimate and verifiable. I have given my lovely 100,000 bht in the past 6 months and she has retained (saved) none of it. I assume that it has gone down a "rabbit hole" to support various family members. My wife's financial future and stability are being undermined by greedy family and she does not know how to cope with them. You may have a similar situation.

[x-pat]

Zint,

Asking a 900k gift from someone in his 20s who is just starting his career is definitely rip-off, Thai traditions notwithstanding. Call the wedding off, otherwise you will face the same troubles for the rest of your life.

Cheers, X-Pat

[Khutan]

Simple,

Slow down on getting married. Let it go years. Does it matter so much. If she wants you, she will stay. Being married won't stop her playing up behind your back, just make her cover her tracks better.

See what the waiting game does. 1 -2 or 3 years. Many people live together in this country unmarried or very informally married.

Also Being "Shacked-Up" gives her and the family NO LEGAL RIGHTS..... So if it all turns out to be a scam, they walk away with nothing.

[TokyoT]

id tell her you were thinking of getting a girl with a good and honest family that understood the real traditions of thailand

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

[Thetyim]

Thats why it's called a Sin Sod.

Sod'em, lets live in Sin.

[Khutan]

Thats why it's called a Sin Sod.

Sod'em,  lets live in Sin.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

LOL

[Simbo]

A few months ago, I met a girl much, much younger than me. She was from up country. down here on holiday, staying with relatives. We met in a restaurant, and hit it off. I had no intentions of it being more than a platonic friendship, due to the vast age difference. We met regularly, and had trips out in my car. I asked her if she would like to visit my house. she did, and we spend hours on my computer, looking at TV, and generally enjoying each others company.

After a while, the age gap didn't seem important, less so for her. I always took her home for around 10.30pm, but on this occassion, I asked if she would like to stay. She has been here ever since.

We visited her family up north a couple of times. They seemed like nice people.

The age gap didn't seem to bother them.

One day, she announced, she thought she was pregnant. I was surprised, but quite pleased with myself, at my age. After a couple of weeks, I asked if she had told her mum yet. she had not. I said I think she should. Her mother, on hearing, hot footed it to my place. She wanted us married, something we planned to do anyway.

I have always been against dowery's, so was prepared, when the question came. How much will you pay ? I said, I would pay all the wedding costs,

both weddings. in fact everything that is entailed with a farang marrying a Thai.

I would not, however, pay a dowery, it is not my custom, and besides, I have a limited income, and some investments for security, but no money to spare. I said I had to have money behind me in case I took ill and needed hospital treatment. also, I would need money to put my child through school. I pointed out the benefits of her marrying me. A pension, a house, car and a few million. A far better life than she would have in her village. Her mother wanted her to go home with her the next day. My girl told me this. I said it was up to her, but that was the way it was, no dowery. My girl accepted that and told her mum she was staying with me. Her mother, seeing she had lost power over her daughter, changed her attitude.

The outcome is, I gave her mum a rubber check for 2000 quid, just to show her family/guests. She knows it is no use, but it will save her face. I gave her 50k to pay for the wedding. That is well enough. Obviously, it costs a packet for all the paperwork involved too.

I get on great with the family now, and the wedding is on the sept 11th

( pure accident ) The real wedding on the 12th.

ps I'm 61 and she is 19, just.

[Mr. Farang]

I read most, if not all of the repliese in this thread. I hope my observations are not offensive.

Most of the replies are "well intended" but are written, from from an understanding of Thai culture and tradition, especially in rural areas. It is easy to offer advise from a Western perspective, but that perspective does not really help the posters situation.

Generally, Thai children are expected, in their careers or via marriage to help their parents, especially if they are not well off, living in rural areas. Well educated "city girls" can be more challenging, because the parents don't need or want money, they want the love of their daughter (time, attention, etc.).

One other factor is that if your Thai love is "really good," she will always love her parents (in a different way) more than her husband, as this is basic Thai culture 101. If you cannot accept this, then do not marry a Thai, please, please, please. You must love her family, not just the cozy nights in bed with their beloved child. This is Thai culture, not the West.

I agree that a 900,000 Baht car might be a bit much starting out, but if the parents of this wonderful girl that you love spent their life and money raising this girl, they expect their daughter to contribute back to them. This is Thailand and that is how it works, especially in rural areas. You must gain honest answers and knowledge to these types of questions:

(1) How much did the family spend on her education?

(2) Did they send her abroad? Pay overseas expenses?

(3) How many years did they support her? What kind of degree did she receive and from where?

(4) Was she planning to work? (If so, she was certainly planning to give money in the future to support her parents and younger brothers and sisters.) Is she planning to work after you get married?

This situation is not uncommon and not complex. The person obligated to the parents is your future wife. If your marriage changes that obligation, then you become obligated - as you have, in effect, "taken their daughter, and her earnings potential, from them".

(of course, there are many situations, and I cannot write to all without more details).

Bottom line: If your future wife graduated from a top Thai University with a 4+ year degree paid by the family, 900,000 Baht may not be unreasonable.

You can avoid your immediate 900,000 problem by agreeing to send money to the family on a monthly basis after you are married, with a nice wedding gift, if the parents indeed, as it sounds, paid and supported her education.

Is she the oldest? How many brothers and sisters?

In other words, don't be discouraged by many of the posts Zint. Look at this simply as "business" and look at the situation from the perspective of the parents and their "investment" in their daughter and what they expected out of that "investment". This is Thai culture, not the "west" hence all this very well intended advise from our western friends has limitations, as the perspective of the west is not the same as the rural perspective of Thailand.

To the younger female poster(s) from the UK in this thread, your advise is nice, warm and well intended, very good advise to others in the UK, but not congruent with Thai culture. Love in Thailand is more than "love and passion" and marriage is not just about husband and wife, it is about families. Unlike the UK, Thai girls love their mother and father more than their husbands - the love is different, but a husband's love never replaces the love of the parents and their obligation to the parents.

There is a lot to be learned from all cultures, and Thai culture has many very interesting ideas that Thai's are very proud of. The relationshp and closeness of the children to the parents is very special. Zint, you can discuss all of the face-to-face with the parents if you speak the same language, and it will be very much appreciated. Start out like this:

(1) I know you love your daughter very much and she loves you.

(2) I greatly admire that love and respect it and what it means.

(3) How much did you spend on her education?

(4) Thank you for such love and caring for her.

(5) What did you expect when she graduated?

(6) Does her marriage to a foreigner change your expectations?

etc etc.

You can also discuss with with your beautiful future wife first. She will also appreciate it and can (and certainly will) discuss your respect and thoughts to her parents.

I'll stop here. I simply care about you and don't want you to make a mistake which you may regret later.

[WhiteShiva]

A few months ago, I met a girl much, much younger than me. She was from up country. down here on holiday, staying with relatives. We met in a restaurant, and hit it off. I had no intentions of it being more than a platonic friendship, due to the vast age difference. We met regularly, and had trips out in my car. I asked her if she would like to visit my house. she did, and we spend hours on my computer, looking at TV, and generally enjoying each others company.

  After a while, the age gap didn't seem important, less so for her. I always took her home for around 10.30pm, but on this occassion, I asked if she would like to stay. She has been here ever since.

  We visited her family up north a couple of times. They seemed like nice people.

The age gap didn't seem to bother them.

      One day, she announced, she thought she was pregnant. I was surprised, but quite pleased with myself, at my age. After a couple of weeks, I asked if she had told her mum yet. she had not. I said I think she should. Her mother, on hearing, hot footed it to my place. She wanted us married, something we planned to do anyway.

            I have always been against dowery's, so was prepared, when the question came. How much will you pay ?  I said, I would pay all the wedding costs,

both weddings. in fact everything that is entailed with a farang marrying a Thai.

I would not, however, pay a dowery, it is not my custom, and besides, I have a limited income, and some investments for security, but no money to spare. I said I had to have money behind me in case I took ill and needed hospital treatment. also, I would need money to put my child through school. I pointed out the benefits of her marrying me. A pension, a house, car and a few million. A far better life than she would have in her village. Her mother wanted her to go home with her the next day. My girl told me this. I said it was up to her, but that was the way it was, no dowery. My girl accepted that and told her mum she was staying with me. Her mother, seeing she had lost power over her daughter, changed her attitude.

            The outcome is, I gave her mum a rubber check for 2000 quid, just to show her family/guests. She knows it is no use, but it will save her face. I gave her 50k to pay for the wedding. That is well enough. Obviously, it costs a packet for all the paperwork involved too.

          I get on great with the family now, and the wedding is on the sept 11th

( pure accident ) The real wedding on the 12th.

ps  I'm 61 and she is 19, just. 

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Congratulations, with both the upcoming marriage, and the pregnancy!

One thing, though - the paperwork involved with getting married can be substantial, but it does not cost much. AFAIR you need proof that you are not currently married, this document needs to be translated and verified. Some papers to fill out at the Amphur, a small fee, and that's basically it. No need to pay a fortune - you can do most of the stuff yourselves.

Have a ball at the wedding(s) - wish you many happy years together.

[Simbo]

A few months ago, I met a girl much, much younger than me. She was from up country. down here on holiday, staying with relatives. We met in a restaurant, and hit it off. I had no intentions of it being more than a platonic friendship, due to the vast age difference. We met regularly, and had trips out in my car. I asked her if she would like to visit my house. she did, and we spend hours on my computer, looking at TV, and generally enjoying each others company.

  After a while, the age gap didn't seem important, less so for her. I always took her home for around 10.30pm, but on this occassion, I asked if she would like to stay. She has been here ever since.

   We visited her family up north a couple of times. They seemed like nice people.

The age gap didn't seem to bother them.

      One day, she announced, she thought she was pregnant. I was surprised, but quite pleased with myself, at my age. After a couple of weeks, I asked if she had told her mum yet. she had not. I said I think she should. Her mother, on hearing, hot footed it to my place. She wanted us married, something we planned to do anyway.

            I have always been against dowery's, so was prepared, when the question came. How much will you pay ?  I said, I would pay all the wedding costs,

both weddings. in fact everything that is entailed with a farang marrying a Thai.

I would not, however, pay a dowery, it is not my custom, and besides, I have a limited income, and some investments for security, but no money to spare. I said I had to have money behind me in case I took ill and needed hospital treatment. also, I would need money to put my child through school. I pointed out the benefits of her marrying me. A pension, a house, car and a few million. A far better life than she would have in her village. Her mother wanted her to go home with her the next day. My girl told me this. I said it was up to her, but that was the way it was, no dowery. My girl accepted that and told her mum she was staying with me. Her mother, seeing she had lost power over her daughter, changed her attitude.

            The outcome is, I gave her mum a rubber check for 2000 quid, just to show her family/guests. She knows it is no use, but it will save her face. I gave her 50k to pay for the wedding. That is well enough. Obviously, it costs a packet for all the paperwork involved too.

           I get on great with the family now, and the wedding is on the sept 11th

( pure accident ) The real wedding on the 12th.

ps  I'm 61 and she is 19, just. 

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Congratulations, with both the upcoming marriage, and the pregnancy!

One thing, though - the paperwork involved with getting married can be substantial, but it does not cost much. AFAIR you need proof that you are not currently married, this document needs to be translated and verified. Some papers to fill out at the Amphur, a small fee, and that's basically it. No need to pay a fortune - you can do most of the stuff yourselves.

Have a ball at the wedding(s) - wish you many happy years together.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Thanks for that WS. I have done it all, last week. The only hiccup was, because of her age, she has to have both parents at the amphur with her, so we are doing it at her amphur the day after the buddha thing.

I was a bit reluctant to post before, fearing I would be called a dirty old man

[Thetyim]

YOU'RE A DIRTY OLD MAN

Grrr, mumble mumble, lucky git, jammy sod...

Best of Luck

And welcome to Bedlam where all the DOM hang out

Edited August 25, 2005 by Thetyim

[uncle paul]

I read most, if not all of the repliese in this thread.  I hope my observations are not offensive.

Most of the replies are "well intended" but are written, from from an understanding of Thai culture and tradition, especially in rural areas.  It is easy to offer advise from a Western perspective, but that perspective does not really help the posters situation.

Generally, Thai children are expected, in their careers or via marriage to help their parents, especially if they are not well off, living in rural areas.  Well educated "city girls" can be more challenging, because the parents don't need or want money, they want the love of their daughter (time, attention, etc.).

One other factor is that if your Thai love is "really good," she will always love her parents (in a different way) more than her husband, as this is basic Thai culture 101.  If you cannot accept this, then do not marry a Thai, please, please, please.  You must love her family, not just the cozy nights in bed with their beloved child.  This is Thai culture, not the West.

I agree that a 900,000 Baht car might be a bit much starting out, but if the parents of this wonderful girl that you love spent their life and money raising this girl, they expect their daughter to contribute back to them.    This is Thailand and that is how it works, especially in rural areas.    You must gain honest answers and knowledge to these types of questions:

(1)  How much did the family spend on her education?

(2)  Did they send her abroad?  Pay overseas expenses?

(3)  How many years did they support her?  What kind of degree did she receive and from where?

(4)  Was she planning to work?  (If so, she was certainly planning to give money in the future to support her parents and younger brothers and sisters.)  Is she planning to work after you get married?

This situation is not uncommon and not complex.  The person obligated to the parents is your future wife.  If your marriage changes that obligation, then you become obligated - as you have, in effect, "taken their daughter, and her earnings potential, from them".

(of course, there are many situations, and I cannot write to all without more details).

Bottom line:  If your future wife graduated from a top Thai University with a 4+ year degree paid by the family, 900,000 Baht may not be unreasonable.

You can avoid your immediate 900,000 problem by agreeing to send money to the family on a monthly basis after you are married, with a nice wedding gift, if the parents indeed, as it sounds, paid and supported her education.

Is she the oldest?  How many brothers and sisters? 

In other words, don't be discouraged by many of the posts Zint.  Look at this simply as "business" and look at the situation from the perspective of the parents and their "investment" in their daughter and what they expected out of that "investment".    This  is Thai culture, not the "west" hence all this very well intended advise from our western  friends has limitations, as the perspective of the west  is not the same as the rural perspective of Thailand.

To the younger female poster(s) from the UK in this thread, your advise is nice, warm and well intended, very good advise to others in the UK, but not congruent with Thai culture.  Love in Thailand is more than "love and passion"  and marriage is not just about husband and wife, it is about families.    Unlike the UK, Thai girls love their mother and father more than their husbands - the love is different, but a husband's love never replaces the love of the parents and their obligation to the parents.

There is a lot to be learned from all cultures, and Thai culture has many very interesting ideas that Thai's are very proud of.  The relationshp and closeness of the children to the parents is very special.    Zint, you can discuss all of the face-to-face with the parents if you speak the same language, and it will be very much appreciated.  Start out like this:

(1)  I know you love your daughter very much and she loves you.

(2)  I greatly admire that love and respect it and what it means.

(3)  How much did you spend on her education?

(4)  Thank you for such love and caring for her.

(5)  What did you expect when she graduated?

(6)  Does her marriage to a foreigner change your expectations?

etc etc.

You can also discuss with with your beautiful future wife first.  She will also appreciate it and can (and certainly will) discuss your respect and thoughts to her parents.

I'll stop here.  I simply care about you and don't want you to make a mistake which you may regret later.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

if you had read all this thread you would be aware of who is paying for the girls education: it is not the parents

my cousin (thai) got married this year. the sin sod was 5,000,000. it was borrowed from the bank and given back after the wedding. it was all about face: look my daughter is marrying into such a rich family etc etc.

[Mr. Farang]

if you had read all this thread you would be aware of who is paying for the girls education: it is not the parents

my cousin (thai) got married this year. the sin sod was 5,000,000. it was borrowed from the bank and given back after the wedding. it was all about face: look my daughter is marrying into such a rich family etc etc.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Actually, I did read the thread, here is the quote:

here's the deal. i've known my thai girlfriend for almost two years and we've been living together since about 6 months into our relationship. she goes to quite a good university here, previously paid for by her family, now paid by me for almost a year.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

"she goes to quite a good university here, previously paid for by her family..."

:-)

PS: Thai people are generally more sophisticated than simply looking to get money out of "Rich Farangs"..... the level of sterotyping in TV is really quite amazing Uncle Paul !!! Do many people here think all Thai's have this world view - i.e they just want to "rip off Farangs" - -

(here we go again, laughing out loud)....... :-)

Edited August 25, 2005 by Mr. Farang