Things You Want To Say

[SnakeBite]

Get some nuts, choose Planters

Here is a 30 step guide to what men would like to say to women (but usually don't!)

1) If you think you might be fat, you are. Don't ask us. Just get your arse in a gym.

2) Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up, put the flippin thing down.

3) Don't cut your hair. Ever. It causes arguments when we comment on it.

4) Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present.......again.

5) If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

6) Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it.

7) Saturday = Football/Rugby/Any other sport. Let it be.

8) Shopping is not a sport.

9) Anything you wear is fine. Really.

10) Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don't expect us to respond to it.

11) Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.

12) Yes, peeing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank range.We're bound to miss sometimes.

13) Most blokes own two to three pairs of shoes, so what makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

14) 'Yes', 'No' and 'Mmm' are perfectly acceptable answers.

15)Your Mum doesn't have to be our best friend.

16) Check your oil. It is an essential part of the car.

17) The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out.

18) Don't fake orgasms. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.

19) Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days.

20) Telling us that the models in the men's magazines are airbrushed makes you look jealous and petty and it's certainly not going to deter us from reading them.

21) The male models with the great bodies you see in magazines are all poofs.

22) If something we said could be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one.

23) Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we rate how pretty you are?

24)Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during the commercials.

25) Women wearing Wonderbras, low-cut blouses, tight tops, no jackets, chest level logo'd t-shirts etc...., lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.

26) If you want some dessert after a meal - have some. You don't have to finish it. You can just taste it if you like but don't say "No, I couldn't/shouldn't/don't want any" and then eat half of mine.

27) Dieting doesn't work without exercise.

28) If you're on a diet it doesn't mean my meals should be rabbit food as well.

29) A man's four essential food groups are: white meat, red meat, cold beer and cold beer. Please ensure all meals contain a good balance of the above in good quantities - everything else falls under the category 'garnish'.

30) Do not question our sense of direction.

(Off the net, not signed)