Farmer Joke

[HeavyDrinker]

A famous ventriloquist is looking for a home in the countryso that when his series comes to an end he can 'relax' in privacy away from thePaparazzi with his red hot Supermodel bride. He doesn't really want to gothrough an agent so he decides to have a look around himself.

He comes upon a farm which suits him to the ground and it'sstunning so he decides to go and have a look at the place. On first sight he knows it's ideal for him so he drives up to the farmhouse to see the farmer and make him an offer he can't refuse.

He knocks on the door, the farmer comes out and isbasically a walking cliché of the typical farmer yokel type.

The Ventriloquist picks up on this and thinks he'll have alaugh at the Farmer's expense.

They get to the cow byre and the farmer says:

'these be the finest cows in all Shropshire’

The Ventriloquist decides to have a bit of a laugh with this bumpkin so he asks the cow;

'How does he treat you?'

He throws his voice and it sounds like the cow says in aposh accent;

'Not too bad my dear fellow. Could do with a bit more foodin the Winter and all that though, but on the whole he’s not a bad chap'

The farmer is gobsmacked!

'I’ve had them cows for years now. In 20 years I ain't neverheard a cow talk, not never. I'm right shocked I am'

Next he takes him to the chickens.

The Ventriloquist, barely able to hide his mirth then has the chickens quoting Shakespeareat the now bemused farmer.

The farmer is stunned.

'I’ve had them Chickens 20 years and they ain't never saidowt to me...ain't never uttered a word...'

By now the farmer is deeply shaken and close to a nervousbreakdown, so he tries to get the Ventriloquist back to the house and to closethe deal.

The Ventriloquist though is a bit of a <deleted> and fancies one last laugh at the farmer so hepoints to a paddock 20 meters away and asks the farmer what's in there.

The farmer falls silent, turns red and begins to sweat, then begs the Ventriloquist not to gothere.

Intrigued by the farmer’s clear terror of the place, heploughs onwards to the paddock with the farmer trailing right behind.

As they reach the paddock, the breathless farmer catches himup and says

‘These are my prize winning pigs these are, but if the blackand white one says I’ve been shagging it, it’s lying’