Why Wont The Wife Settle

[Warhammer820]

my gf says that if i am home it is difficult for her to sleep as well if i am home and doing something else. Her reasoning is that she wants to simply sleep with me beside her. She understands your gf because she says she feels the same way. She does not believe that i will cheat, but i have been accused a few times by her co-workers.

[Ping]

It's a Thai cultural thing? I don't think so. I've never had this issue with past Thai g/fs or my current. Some of you insist that you are having the same problem; I'd call it bad luck (I couldn't and wouldn't put up with it).

[thequietman]

It's a Thai cultural thing? I don't think so. I've never had this issue with past Thai g/fs or my current. Some of you insist that you are having the same problem; I'd call it bad luck (I couldn't and wouldn't put up with it).

dont get me wrong. she is a wonderful caring person who looks after me and i do love her to bits. we will be together until one of use croaks, i,m sure of that.

i was just curious if any other thaivisa members had experience of this with their partners. it is a little thing that she does, and i still love her for it. so chill.

[dmax]

Just because you cheat on your wife in a different town, it makes it alright?

don't be so bloody selfish

thats a bit harsh isnt it ? no need to be so negitive and aggresive , if you have nothing constructive to say then keep your trap shut !! the guys only asking a genuine question <deleted> tut tut !!

[thequietman]

Just because you cheat on your wife in a different town, it makes it alright?

don't be so bloody selfish

thats a bit harsh isnt it ? no need to be so negitive and aggresive , if you have nothing constructive to say then keep your trap shut !! the guys only asking a genuine question <deleted> tut tut !!

thanks dmax. you will always get one prick from every rose bush.

[Schooner]

Humans have adapted to deal with certain traumas. But they had processes and rituals to help people recover and become whole. We have largely abandoned those processes and are left in isolation We call it PTSD today but I think it is the same thing and the process for recovery is the same.

I have been in relationships before with women who had suffered abuse. Most don't even know it themselves. They repress it and pretend it didn't happen. It seems that at around age 35 it catches up with them and all sorts of unexplainable behaviors begin to happen. Things that I didn't understand and felt threatened by and of course I reacted badly and made it worse.

I think that the way to handle it is to first make them feel safe. I put a lot more effort and patience into this relationship because I understand this. If there is anything that needs adjusting it will come out when they feel safe. BTW this is true for men as well. I was fortunate enough to be involved with the "mens movement" in the 90's and it changed my life for the better. One of the things that is important is to try to encourage them to become part of a process with other women who are creating a safe place for women to share and learn pathways to recovery. Men cannot do it just as women cannot do it for men. Try to facilitate close relationships with their family and friends and don't let them become isolated and only dependent on you. I see a lot of guys do this out of their own insecurities and I think it is the wrong way to go.

My wife has come a long way using this approach. She used to think I was nuts for presenting these ideas, but now she is using the same approach to help heal wounds in her own family. Remember that jewish saying "when you save one person, you save the world"

Edited April 17, 2011 by Schooner

[Ping]

It's a Thai cultural thing? I don't think so. I've never had this issue with past Thai g/fs or my current. Some of you insist that you are having the same problem; I'd call it bad luck (I couldn't and wouldn't put up with it).

dont get me wrong. she is a wonderful caring person who looks after me and i do love her to bits. we will be together until one of use croaks, i,m sure of that.

i was just curious if any other thaivisa members had experience of this with their partners. it is a little thing that she does, and i still love her for it. so chill.

Hey, I'm 'chilled', believe me. I thought it was a huge issue for you, but evidently not so much. Glad the relationship is so good for you - best of luck to you both.

[saraburioz]

Just because you cheat on your wife in a different town, it makes it alright?

don't be so bloody selfish

thats a bit harsh isnt it ? no need to be so negitive and aggresive , if you have nothing constructive to say then keep your trap shut !! the guys only asking a genuine question <deleted> tut tut !!

thanks dmax. you will always get one prick from every rose bush.

What's that supposed to mean?

You do cheat on your wife, obviously. If that's not being bloody selfish then i don't know what is. You'll br saying next that you're not hurting her.

[saraburioz]

It's a Thai cultural thing? I don't think so. I've never had this issue with past Thai g/fs or my current. Some of you insist that you are having the same problem; I'd call it bad luck (I couldn't and wouldn't put up with it).

Hear hear

The guy's a bloody cheating woose.

[LuckyLemon]

Humans have adapted to deal with certain traumas. But they had processes and rituals to help people recover and become whole. We have largely abandoned those processes and are left in isolation We call it PTSD today but I think it is the same thing and the process for recovery is the same.

I have been in relationships before with women who had suffered abuse. Most don't even know it themselves. They repress it and pretend it didn't happen. It seems that at around age 35 it catches up with them and all sorts of unexplainable behaviors begin to happen. Things that I didn't understand and felt threatened by and of course I reacted badly and made it worse.

I think that the way to handle it is to first make them feel safe. I put a lot more effort and patience into this relationship because I understand this. If there is anything that needs adjusting it will come out when they feel safe. BTW this is true for men as well. I was fortunate enough to be involved with the "mens movement" in the 90's and it changed my life for the better. One of the things that is important is to try to encourage them to become part of a process with other women who are creating a safe place for women to share and learn pathways to recovery. Men cannot do it just as women cannot do it for men. Try to facilitate close relationships with their family and friends and don't let them become isolated and only dependent on you. I see a lot of guys do this out of their own insecurities and I think it is the wrong way to go.

My wife has come a long way using this approach. She used to think I was nuts for presenting these ideas, but now she is using the same approach to help heal wounds in her own family. Remember that jewish saying "when you save one person, you save the world"

This post is just so wrong in so many ways I am going to go wildly off topic on a bit of a rant!

When did relationships become all about what a woman wants, or rather what she thinks she wants as told to her by nut jobs.

Most of us came to Thailand to escape this sort of nonsense.

"We call it PTSD", well I call it SNAG BS.

Abusive relationships that she can't remember, give me a break.

Her daddy told her off when she was a child, abusive relationship!

Her lover didn't give her a gold credit card, abusive relationship!

Her last husband expected her to cook his dinner when he came home from a hard days work, instead of sitting around watching TV all day, abusive relationship!

Why is it every relationship a woman has with every man is in some way abusive?

Back on track

If she can't sleep, may I suggest she isn't getting tired enough to sleep properly.

How about you don't let her drive around on her m/c quite so much (but careful, some people might consider you to be abusive if you did that)

How about a five kilometer walk before going to bed, good for you and good for her (good luck getting a Thai lady to walk anywhere, without being abusive).

How about you shag her, after all she's awake, so why not, I bet she will fall asleep after that (but careful, danger of having an abusive relationship, again).

Humans need to be tired before they can sleep easily.

Less thinking about her 'needs as a woman'

More exercise before bedtime going to sleep!

Apologies in advance to anyone I have offended with my mini-rant.

Edited April 17, 2011 by LuckyLemon

[Schooner]

That was a pretty good rant Lucky and trust me when I say I feel your pain. At one point in my life I would have agreed with you. If your approach is working and I'm sure it does for many than keep at it.

I have this crazy idea that relationships could be more than a extended tug of war. I've experimented with different approaches and this one is working for me. I've experenced the benefits of this approach first hand and I think that the quality of my current relationship is a direct result. Creating a safe, supportive environment does not mean becomming a doormat for them and times it requires a firm hand

I've also been on the recieving end of women who have not delt with their issues, don't know what is happening or why but they become intent on punishing the nearest guy around...me!

There is a reason that we accept that PTSD is real and we provide decompression counseling for returning combat vets. The reason is that it increases the chance of them becomming rebalanced after their tramatic experence. That is what all the brain science seems to be saying. BTW I would give the same advice to a woman who's husband was having issues. Frankly, I think that men have 10 times more reasons to run off the rails than women and it is made worse by our isolation from each other due to our homophobia and competitiveness.

[zzaa09]

My wife wants me to hold her while she sleeps, so I spend two hours cuddling her until she drops off, and then pop downstairs to play on the computer for a couple of hours.

She just cant fall asleep unless I am holding her, but when I do, she drops off in 15 minutes.

Seems to be a reasonably common theme.......

[WinnieTheKhwai]

Just because you cheat on your wife in a different town, it makes it alright?

don't be so bloody selfish

please dont mis quote me, i said mess around,flirt etc all harmless stuff. never cheated on her. i,m going on a nite out with afriend soon but its only for harmless fun. i couldnt bare to see her face if i cheated on her. so i dont. :jap:

Sorry, I misunderstood you.

I'm amazed with the number of guys in this country that think cheating on their wives doesn't hurt them or is ok in Thailand. These losers even admit/brag about it.

LOL.. The 'Faithful' brigade on this forum is just SO precious. can't help but chuckle! It's sweet, almost.