A major Hurricane (Shazza) measuring 5.8 on the Richter scale hit in the

early hours of Monday. Epicentre: Basildon, Essex. Victims were seen

wandering around aimlessly, muttering "faaackin ell" ...

The hurricane decimated the area causing approximately £30 worth of

damage.

Several priceless collections of mementos from the Balearics and Spanish

Costas were damaged beyond repair. Three areas of historic burnt out

cars were disturbed. Many locals were woken well before their giros arrived.

Essex FM (County Radio Station) reported that hundreds of residents were

confused and bewildered, still trying to come to terms with the fact that

something interesting had happened in Basildon.

One resident - Tracy Sharon Smith, a 15-year-old mother of 5 said

"Jesus! It was a well big shock, d'ya know what I mean? me lil Chardonnay-Mercedes come runnin into me bedroom cryin. Me youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and

Megan-Storm slept froo it all, d'ya know what I mean? I was still shakin when I was watchin Trisha the next morning. Ya know what I mean don't ya?"

Apparently though, looting, muggings and car crime did carry on as

normal.

The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Sunny

Delight to the area to help the stricken locals.

Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found

large quantities of personal belongings, including benefit books, jewellery

from Elizabeth Duke at Argos and Bone China from Poundland.

HOW CAN YOU HELP?

This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those

unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster. Clothing is most

sought after - items most needed include:

-- Louis Vuitton or Burberry baseball caps

-- Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers)

-- Shell suits (female)

-- White sport socks

-- Rockport boots

-- Any other items usually sold in Primark.

Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same.

Required foodstuffs include:

-- Microwave meals

-- Tins of baked beans

-- Ice cream

-- Cans of Colt 45 or Special Brew.

22p buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms chips, crisps and

blue fizzy drinks for a family of 9 £5 will pay for a packet of B&H and a

lighter to calm the nerves of those affected.

**Breaking news**

Rescue workers found a girl in the rubble covered in blood - 'where

are you bleeding from?' they asked - "ROMFORD mate" said the girl, "woss

that got to do wiv it?"

Edited October 10, 200520 yr by davethailand

The hurricane decimated the area causing approximately £30 worth of

damage.

Shouldn't that be:

approximately £30 worth of improvements.

**Breaking news**

Rescue workers found a girl in the rubble  covered in blood  - 'where

are you  bleeding  from?' they asked - "ROMFORD mate" said the girl, "woss

that got to do wiv it?"

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Brilliant