Cyber-Flirting- Is It Cheating?

[LadyHeather]

Do you think its cheating if you or your spouse has a sexual or emotional relationship online? There are married people that hit on others online, is it simply the same as flirting? Or is it wrong? If you are in a serious relationship how would you feel if you found out your partner was "seeing" someone online (no physical contact).

To me, cheating is more about the emotional lie than the sexual lie, so I would say that if you are lying, its cheating.

[Ijustwannateach]

I flirt all the time... don't think I could stop if I wanted to (and I don't really want to)... but most of the time it doesn't lead to anything (and I don't let it lead to anything if I've made commitments not to do so...).

So if just flirting were a problem, I think I wouldn't make a good partner for someone... but I keep my promises not to let it go further, and I wouldn't be so crass as to flirt when a partner was around.

I think as long as the partnership wasn't affected by the cyberflirting, it wouldn't be an issue- but that would mean that the time and emotional space occupied by it didn't encroach on the 'real' relationship.

[cmsally]

I'm betting that on this one, the women say it is cheating and the men say its not.

Let's see how it goes.

I'm a woman and I would say it is cheating.

[Derifo]

I'm betting that on this one, the women say it is cheating and the men say its not.

Let's see how it goes.

I'm a woman and I would say it is cheating.

I say it's cheating.

That was how my ex wife started. She told me it was just socializing until I found out she was sleeping around.

[Krupnik]

I'm betting that on this one, the women say it is cheating and the men say its not.

Let's see how it goes.

I'm a woman and I would say it is cheating.

I agree 100%. For me it's cheating (not as bad as physical of course but still unacceptable) but yes I think most men will say otherwise. I'm in a serious relationship and I would not accept it if my boyfriend was to flirt in any way like this...

Dee

Edited August 21, 2011 by Krupnik

[sbk]

I have to wonder what happened to the poster complaining that there aren't any posts beyond beauty solutions? Perhaps its just easier to complain.

Anyway, back to the topic. I guess I'd have to say it depends on what is going on in the relationship. As my dad always said, "You never know what is going on in another man's head or another man's bed."

If the partner is abusive or neglectful and cold and unwilling to make any kind of effort in repairing the relationship, then who is to say the "straying" partner is wrong? Who am I to judge when I really don't know what is going on in the relationship?

[Boo]

I'd say it depends on whether you are willing to let your partner see what is being said/done online. MrBoo spends alot of time online, he chats to various friends online, many I don't know & a few he has never met in person but via websites or forums but it's there for me to see, he isn't hidden away in a private room & he doesn't hide what he is doing or who he is talking to. If he were being secretive or sneaky then I would be suspicious & get upset about it.

I think the intent would be the main issue for me. flirting but being open about it, even letting your partner know, not to make them jealous but for a laugh, no problem. sneaky flirting, secret cyber sex, then I would have major issues.

[DowntownAl]

I'm betting that on this one, the women say it is cheating and the men say its not.

Let's see how it goes.

I'm a woman and I would say it is cheating.

No doubt about it, it is cheating. As the OP said, it's the emotional part of a relationship that is being betrayed. It is not about sex, it's a matter of the heart.

Edited August 21, 2011 by DowntownAl

[manarak]

the bargirls provide the right answer: "up to you"

if you feel you are cheating when flirting online, you are cheating.

if your spouse thinks you are cheating, it doesn't matter if he/she's right or not.

[LadyHeather]

the bargirls provide the right answer: "up to you"

if you feel you are cheating when flirting online, you are cheating.

if your spouse thinks you are cheating, it doesn't matter if he/she's right or not.

Unless there is absolutely no behavior to give your partner cause for concern then I disagree. It does matter what your partner thinks. Consideration is a two way street.

[manarak]

the bargirls provide the right answer: "up to you"

if you feel you are cheating when flirting online, you are cheating.

if your spouse thinks you are cheating, it doesn't matter if he/she's right or not.

Unless there is absolutely no behavior to give your partner cause for concern then I disagree. It does matter what your partner thinks. Consideration is a two way street.

not sure if I was very clear in the first post - I mean that if your partner thinks you are cheating, your own considerations about it don't matter much.

[Ijustwannateach]

^I'm with Boo. As I said, I'm flirty but those I'm committed to know where I'm serious. I was out at a club with a guy I'm dating and his friends and they were kidding me about ordering more alcohol and I was making a joke of it with the waiter telling him they were all already drunk; he was laughing at all of us... Later when we got home the guy I was with teased me about 'you like the waiter, right?', and I replied,' you must be joking!', and that was the end of it.

Most of the time real flirting (not the cyber kind) never even ends in an introduction or a phone number, for me, anyway. It's just a fun way to pass those boring minutes on the train or waiting in line. I feel sorry for people who feel they can't flirt without 'cheating'.

[Pammalitta]

I think it's cheating.

When i was dating my bf the first week. I found out that he was flirting with another girl he met online before he met me and still continued chatting and called her sometimes. He said he never met her but from their conversations, he wanted to meet her even after we started dating. I told him he could do what he did before he met me but i would quit dating only him and give myself chances to meet other men, just to be fair.

What i did to make sure was... called the girl and told her he was dating me and it was her call to date someone's boyfriend.

Then both of them stopped contact each others.

The thing is how you can trust them again?

[MidoriApple]

I considered this as "cheating", but no more....recently...

all are up to the agreement with your spouse... My life partner said I can do what I want to do, as long as I love him always....

I disagreed, of course... but now... I have changed my mind little by little...

No, I haven't done anything into that path yet, think I would never...

Personally, I am bit rebellion myself, when he says I can do, then I don't do.. if he would say I have no permission...

then I would do...

Weird me???

[californiabeachboy]

The key word for me in this post is "emotional" connection. A sexual connection? Yes it is cheating unless your partner knows about it and approves (doesn't just SAY he/she approves, but really does approve). But an emotional connection is more difficult. I have an emotional connection with some women - that is I like them, care about them, but have no sexual interest at all. I don't think that is cheating. Like most men, I think in physical terms when it comes to cheating.

[ludditeman]

cheating is done in secret.

If your partner knows all about it, you can do whatever you want and it will never be cheating.

That doesn't mean your partner will be happy with that, but it won't be cheating.

[johnbits]

I think your question doesn't make sense as you worded it, but I think I know what you are getting at. .

I can't think having an emotional relationship online with a woman as cheating. Emotional relationship, as in, we discuss our children and how to raise them? Maybe I have a women friend that is trying to recover from being drug dependent and I am helping her. Maybe my parent is drying and I have a relationship with a woman online that is helping me though this. Maybe I don't want to tell my wife; maybe the women wants privacy because of her drug problem. I think these are emotional relationships, would you call that cheating?

How can I be "Cyber-Flirting" and NOT have it be sexual? Can I flirt with a woman, and only have it be emotional? Doesn't all flirting involve sex. and all sex involves some sort of emotions, doesn't have to be love, but there is an emotion involved, if there is no emotion involved at all, why even waste my time?

I think if I am flirting with someone online, it should be treated the same as in person. Is it cheating if I flirt with my hairdresser?

I think if the purpose of the relationship is to flirt, then it is cheating. If I go to meet a women for lunch so we can flirt, it is the same as if I get into a chat room with someone with the purpose to flirt. I think of these things as cheating, and likely at some time to move to a physical relationship.

But if you flirt with a woman where the primary reason for the relationship is something other than to chat and flirt, then it isn't cheating.

Example, I sometimes flirt with my friends wife. The only reason I chat with her is because she is the wife of my friend. Say she chats with me about me coming over for a movie, sometimes I might flirt with her a little. I don't think of that as cheating, because we didn't contact each other to flirt.

And I assume by lying, you mean not actively lying, just never mentioning the relationship. Many of us "lie" by misdirection and failure to explain the whole truth. Some people consider this lying, some think of it as deception, some say it is being "diplomatic". I think it can be any of those things, this also depends on the reasons.

I very seldom lie, if asked a direct question I will tell the truth, or avoid telling a lie if I don’t want to explain.

[rmacdon61]

the bargirls provide the right answer: "up to you"

if you feel you are cheating when flirting online, you are cheating.

if your spouse thinks you are cheating, it doesn't matter if he/she's right or not.

I a man, and for me, I would feel I am cheating. Just feels wrong. Now in the same breath, I do not think enjoying the view while at the mall is bad, eye candy is less fattening if just viewed

[veryruay]

The beginning is always cyber, then webcam, then exchange contact then meet up then sleep!!!!

Up yo you to see this!!!

[phuturatica]

I'd say it depends on whether you are willing to let your partner see what is being said/done online. MrBoo spends alot of time online, he chats to various friends online, many I don't know & a few he has never met in person but via websites or forums but it's there for me to see, he isn't hidden away in a private room & he doesn't hide what he is doing or who he is talking to. If he were being secretive or sneaky then I would be suspicious & get upset about it.

I think the intent would be the main issue for me. flirting but being open about it, even letting your partner know, not to make them jealous but for a laugh, no problem. sneaky flirting, secret cyber sex, then I would have major issues.

I agree with this comment. I think most people flirt even when they're in relationships but it can be considered harmless. It's only harmful when there is an intention to take it further.

[Ijustwannateach]

I think different things are being talked about here.

If flirting means maintaining a vital, open presence in public and responding to appreciation in an appropriate, good-humoured way that doesn't break relationship rules (and shouldn't there be an understanding about how far flirting should go?) then why not? Should we all become dead, blinkered, appreciation-fearing zombies in public because of the potential for spousal jealousy? Or should our spouses appreciate being with a vital, desirable (and loyal) person?

I think what is more problematic is the case where, say, hours and hours of time are being consumed by the flirting (and usually in secret). That does speak of an alternate fantasy world being constructed. Even if that world doesn't include the physical presence of the other 'partner' in the affair, the time dedication to another person does, I think, emotionally violate the terms of a committed relationship- even if no sex ever occurs. In fact, a moment's sex in a one night fling is probably much less of a real betrayal than a few hours a night of intimate online fantasy that excludes the spouse- at least, as far as my vision of emotional integrity is concerned.

[veryruay]

Whereas I always begin flirting on line, and the next thing is on bed!!!

[bkkjames]

I flirt with SBK all the time-but more of a flirt like "will this post get me suspended again" kinda of thing.

Not the same promising chocolates to migsy I know, but still exciting.

[GrahamF]

I flirt with SBK all the time-but more of a flirt like "will this post get me suspended again" kinda of thing.

Not the same promising chocolates to migsy I know, but still exciting.

Yes, but they treat you like an errant child so I don't think their significant others would be upset. Unless they started spanking you.........:-)

[bkkjames]

Spanking graham? I am always pretty randy in the mornings to begin with_no flirting please or JT may show up on this thread.

The way I see it cyber flirting is fun-leaves a lot to the imagination, especially helpful when you have actually come eye to eye with fellow tv members at some bash.

Reality is sobering-even if you are not. Beer goggles are only so good.

[sbk]

Spanking graham? I am always pretty randy in the mornings to begin with_no flirting please or JT may show up on this thread.

The way I see it cyber flirting is fun-leaves a lot to the imagination, especially helpful when you have actually come eye to eye with fellow tv members at some bash.

Reality is sobering-even if you are not. Beer goggles are only so good.

I am shattered. Absolutely shattered.

[bernie66]

“CHEATING”= If you do or say something, that you would not say or do if your spouse were standing there listning, than it is.

If you act any differently in the presents of the person, “you think you are in love with” than you do in the presence of complete strangers than you are a fowl person and really need to stop lying to yourself about what kind of coward you are. You are scared of being alone and will bring anyone you trick into loving your nasty ass heartache and pain. And in Thailand you just might get someone killed by the Nigerians who blackmail women and kill their spouses for insurance money. You will never stay faithful to anyone weather you say you have cheated or not. It is only a matter of time until you justify the act in your head. Your spouse will know the first time you kiss them and do the same to you. “CHEATING”= If you wouldn’t do it if they were standing their, than it is.

[veryruay]

Once I chat a lady online, starting just a casual chat, slowly we started to web cam. Slowly we flirt each other on line, and meet up for drink....and lastly we make up in her place.

Is this call cheating?

[Ijustwannateach]

“CHEATING”= If you do or say something, that you would not say or do if your spouse were standing there listning, than it is.

If you act any differently in the presents of the person, “you think you are in love with” than you do in the presence of complete strangers than you are a fowl person and really need to stop lying to yourself about what kind of coward you are. You are scared of being alone and will bring anyone you trick into loving your nasty ass heartache and pain. And in Thailand you just might get someone killed by the Nigerians who blackmail women and kill their spouses for insurance money. You will never stay faithful to anyone weather you say you have cheated or not. It is only a matter of time until you justify the act in your head. Your spouse will know the first time you kiss them and do the same to you. “CHEATING”= If you wouldn’t do it if they were standing their, than it is.

Actually, I do agree loosely with your criterion for cheating- however, I doubt your psychological profiling, and...

'get someone killed by the Nigerians'?!?

[bernie66]

"CHEATING"= If you do or say something, that you would not say or do if your spouse were standing there listning, than it is.

If you act any differently in the presents of the person, "you think you are in love with" than you do in the presence of complete strangers than you are a fowl person and really need to stop lying to yourself about what kind of coward you are. You are scared of being alone and will bring anyone you trick into loving your nasty ass heartache and pain. And in Thailand you just might get someone killed by the Nigerians who blackmail women and kill their spouses for insurance money. You will never stay faithful to anyone weather you say you have cheated or not. It is only a matter of time until you justify the act in your head. Your spouse will know the first time you kiss them and do the same to you. "CHEATING"= If you wouldn't do it if they were standing their, than it is.

Actually, I do agree loosely with your criterion for cheating- however, I doubt your psychological profiling, and...

'get someone killed by the Nigerians'?!?

well thats what happened to me, so sorry..still dealing with things