alexpoker Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 Went to Laos about 4 months ago on a visarun. Met a girl. Spent a few days with her. She came to visit me a month later here in Chiang Mai for 4 weeks. She said during that time she had fallen for me. She was quite jealous, which turned me off but w/e. I had always given her the vibe that I wasnt interested in a relationship. It would be too difficult. Different countries etc and In planning on travelling a lot more around the world anyways. She back to visit me 2 months after going back. Arrived last week. Last night we went out for a bit. Shes drunk and talking about how she and I have changed and shes not in love with me anymore. Shes not jealous of small things like me going out to drive my motorbike for 2 hours a day, lol. I tell her that Im glad shes not in love because Im not either. I see her as a good friend and we share some good things together. Humor, sex etc etc. Nothing too deep imo. Anyhow, after this convo last night she becomes distant and passive. Doesnt smile, doesnst acknowledge that something is wrong. I quickly tire of this kind of behaviour and want to go home. She cries in bed. I try to console her. I figure all this behaviour is because she had some feelings or just isnt getting the validation that she needs. Not sure. This mornign shes still quiet, passive. Very very different behaviour from when shes in a good mood. I know her enough to know that this can pass, Last time she came to visit, I really had to get used to this behaviour and just ride it out, till she felt better. Sometimes she would become this way because of a recent ex-BF that she was missing, which I accepted. This time around my fuse is slightly shorter, but I dont want to deal with her making me depressed as well. Im not sure how long this will last, but im sure that next time shes drunk something similar will happen. Im a little tired of trying to cheer her up when she gets this like. Asking her to leave is obviously a knee-jerk reaction but at the same time it tires me when girls are like this and not willing to talk about any problem they might have or at least give me something like "im sorry, im just feeling a little down, I just need a few hours by myself" or "I just need you to hold me" etc. She said a few days ago she was leaving on the 17th. Im thinking about waiting it out for today and see if her mood changes, but again feeling that it'll just come back again at some point before she leaves. Would I be an asshol_e for cutting my losses and just asking her to leave before then? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sbk Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 Moving to pub, this forum is FOR women not ABOUT women, cheers Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alexpoker Posted September 13, 2011 Author Share Posted September 13, 2011 Actually, I wanted some comments from other women in Thailand, which was the reason I posted it in there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
little_muppet Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 ask her to leave now. she's playing the mood game to get ur soft side. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wallaby Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 I'd wait it out but then again, I am a complete wimp. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ulysses G. Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 (edited) This stuff always happens to guys trying to get "it" for free. If you want sex with no commitment, offer a business deal with a moderate financial renumeration and save yourself a lot of worries. Edited September 13, 2011 by Ulysses G. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zzaa09 Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 Bit of a soap opera, yes? If you're into that kind of thing..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thrilled Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 better you than me.She might not love you,but she don't want to lose the comfort zone either Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IanForbes Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 This stuff always happens to guys trying to get "it" for free. If you want sex with no commitment, offer a business deal with a moderate financial renumeration and save yourself a lot of worries. :lol: As you and I both know, "it" is never free. You pay for it one way or another... either through hard cash or loss of freedom. I think the OP resents losing his freedom but doesn't want to give up the pussy.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poanoi Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 Trust your gut feeling and throw her out. I regret many things in life and i think all because i was too nice when i knew i shouldn't. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alexpoker Posted September 13, 2011 Author Share Posted September 13, 2011 Well I ended up telling her that yea things have changed and that it might have been a mistake to come see visit at this time. We talked about things and she suggested herself that she will take the bus home the next day. After that we had sex and things were all dandy for the rest of the evening. I hope she still plans to get the bus tonight. We'll see Heading out to check out the sunrise from the viewpoint halfway to Doi Suthep. Hope its worth it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pluto_manibo Posted September 14, 2011 Share Posted September 14, 2011 Lock up your valuables and passport before you leave her by herself in your place, mate! She is like an emotional ticking time bomb, better let her do that to some other poor sod who actually gives a SHeeT! RUn FOrrest run! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kerryk Posted September 14, 2011 Share Posted September 14, 2011 I'd wait it out but then again, I am a complete wimp. I agree it is only a couple of days. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jigger Posted September 14, 2011 Share Posted September 14, 2011 (edited) Well I ended up telling her that yea things have changed and that it might have been a mistake to come see visit at this time. We talked about things and she suggested herself that she will take the bus home the next day. After that we had sex and things were all dandy for the rest of the evening. I hope she still plans to get the bus tonight. We'll see Heading out to check out the sunrise from the viewpoint halfway to Doi Suthep. Hope its worth it! Does this girl have a job? Or are you another farang who needs to use a Thai Girl that earns a wage by sleeping with men (& yes sometimes also look for 'love') for free sex? (No need to answer - I have a fair idea :jap:) And some people wonder why bar girls act the way they do. Edited September 14, 2011 by Jigger Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mezzy Posted September 14, 2011 Share Posted September 14, 2011 For women, who are not being paid, there is no 'just sex'. There is always going to be an emotional attachment, you can't go round thinking the girl is going to just say 'oh okay I go now, you let me know when you want to get laid again'. Of course she is going to become attached to you, this is the third time you have spent a few weeks with her right? The only way you can stay friends with a girl is not to shag her. There really isn't any such thing as 'friends with benefits' from a woman's point of view anyway. She'll say it's cool, but really she's into you and will hold onto however she can. Maybe other ladies will think differently to me..... 20baht worth of opinion from a woman. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QED Posted September 14, 2011 Share Posted September 14, 2011 Well I ended up telling her that yea things have changed and that it might have been a mistake to come see visit at this time. We talked about things and she suggested herself that she will take the bus home the next day. After that we had sex and things were all dandy for the rest of the evening. I hope she still plans to get the bus tonight. We'll see Heading out to check out the sunrise from the viewpoint halfway to Doi Suthep. Hope its worth it! Does this girl have a job? Or are you another farang who needs to use a Thai Girl that earns a wage by sleeping with men (& yes sometimes also look for 'love') for free sex? (No need to answer - I have a fair idea :jap:) And some people wonder why bar girls act the way they do. And some people wonder why others have to post inane comments without reading the OP correctly. Read it again (hint, he met her in another country) Jeeeeeez Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Konini Posted September 14, 2011 Share Posted September 14, 2011 For women, who are not being paid, there is no 'just sex'. There is always going to be an emotional attachment, you can't go round thinking the girl is going to just say 'oh okay I go now, you let me know when you want to get laid again'. Of course she is going to become attached to you, this is the third time you have spent a few weeks with her right? The only way you can stay friends with a girl is not to shag her. There really isn't any such thing as 'friends with benefits' from a woman's point of view anyway. She'll say it's cool, but really she's into you and will hold onto however she can. Maybe other ladies will think differently to me..... I think you're right. I know a few women in their 30's and older who have a '<deleted> buddy', but most women just don't think that way. It's not the way we're wired. It's also one of the things that men just don't seem to get. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kerryk Posted September 14, 2011 Share Posted September 14, 2011 Well I ended up telling her that yea things have changed and that it might have been a mistake to come see visit at this time. We talked about things and she suggested herself that she will take the bus home the next day. After that we had sex and things were all dandy for the rest of the evening. I hope she still plans to get the bus tonight. We'll see Heading out to check out the sunrise from the viewpoint halfway to Doi Suthep. Hope its worth it! Does this girl have a job? Or are you another farang who needs to use a Thai Girl that earns a wage by sleeping with men (& yes sometimes also look for 'love') for free sex? (No need to answer - I have a fair idea :jap:) And some people wonder why bar girls act the way they do. We all have a fair idea too. A weekend millionaire who does not live in Thailand stopped doing the bars recently and was born again as a moral person probably from a country where most of the blokes really have a great attitude and feels like an outsider. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LadyHeather Posted September 14, 2011 Share Posted September 14, 2011 It figures the only sensible replies are coming from women. To the men who think that everything is paid for, get over yourselves please. If you can't attract a decent kind woman who is interested in you personally maybe you need to take a good hard look at yourself first to determine why that is since there are certainly many decent kind women out there. As for the original issue, well I must say I am surprised that you are interested in a woman's opinion since it won't be kind. It seems that you look at this girl as nothing and treat her as such and then wonder why she is angry. As for advice, well, you made your bed, lie in it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alexpoker Posted September 14, 2011 Author Share Posted September 14, 2011 Whatever way I view this girl, Ive always been honest with her about my intentions. Thats really all I can do I feel. If she has feelings involved then she can make a decision on how to react to them. Either way she is gonna be leaving at some point soon. These days because of the rain she wants to wait taking the bus to Udon because of floods etc. I dont have a problem with this obviously as her safety is more important than my convenience. Its just that when she goes into "bitch"mode I feel like not being around her. Also for those asking wether she is a bargirl, Im not sure if she is in Laos. She doesnt give me the impression that she is, but she does not have a job currently. Either way I dont care that much. I guess I can agree that most women have some kinda romantic interest in a fuc_k-buddy, but its not my responsibility to how she handles her emotions. I am considerate of her emotional needs, but I also have my own physical needs Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ludditeman Posted September 14, 2011 Share Posted September 14, 2011 (edited) To the men who think that everything is paid for, get over yourselves please. If you can't attract a decent kind woman who is interested in you personally maybe you need to take a good hard look at yourself first to determine why that is since there are certainly many decent kind women out there. Decent women? An interesting concept, and very judgmental, usually depending on your religious upbringing. Is a decent woman 1) One who is faithful to a man for 25 years and then takes everything from him in a bitter divorce. 2) A lady who sells it. 3) None of the above. @Alex Why are you hanging around with her still, rent a second room for a week and stay in it until she has gone. That way, no unpleasantness and you have been considerate of her travel arrangements. Edited September 14, 2011 by ludditeman Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
welsh1 Posted September 14, 2011 Share Posted September 14, 2011 Only been together a couple of months...and already she is moaning and probably got a face like a slapped ass to go with it.. dump her ass Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zzaa09 Posted September 14, 2011 Share Posted September 14, 2011 It figures the only sensible replies are coming from women. To the men who think that everything is paid for, get over yourselves please. If you can't attract a decent kind woman who is interested in you personally maybe you need to take a good hard look at yourself first to determine why that is since there are certainly many decent kind women out there. As for the original issue, well I must say I am surprised that you are interested in a woman's opinion since it won't be kind. It seems that you look at this girl as nothing and treat her as such and then wonder why she is angry. As for advice, well, you made your bed, lie in it. Exactly, Heather. Reaping what you sow. Kharma credits, etc. Least to mention the blatant and catty self-importance and shallowness of this individual. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NancyL Posted September 14, 2011 Share Posted September 14, 2011 When are western guys going to realize that in Thailand it's cheaper to rent rather than to own? And that's exactly what the OP is going -- taking ownership by giving this gal a place to stay and even thinking about her moods. The concept of "friends with benefits" doesn't exist with Thai women and many western women aren't too wild about it either -- unless they're at a place in life when they don't want to have kids and someone to provide for them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kerryk Posted September 14, 2011 Share Posted September 14, 2011 When are western guys going to realize that in Thailand it's cheaper to rent rather than to own? And that's exactly what the OP is going -- taking ownership by giving this gal a place to stay and even thinking about her moods. The concept of "friends with benefits" doesn't exist with Thai women and many western women aren't too wild about it either -- unless they're at a place in life when they don't want to have kids and someone to provide for them. It is cheaper to rent than own anyplace unless the asset is gaining in value. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kerryk Posted September 14, 2011 Share Posted September 14, 2011 It figures the only sensible replies are coming from women. To the men who think that everything is paid for, get over yourselves please. If you can't attract a decent kind woman who is interested in you personally maybe you need to take a good hard look at yourself first to determine why that is since there are certainly many decent kind women out there. As for the original issue, well I must say I am surprised that you are interested in a woman's opinion since it won't be kind. It seems that you look at this girl as nothing and treat her as such and then wonder why she is angry. As for advice, well, you made your bed, lie in it. Exactly, Heather. Reaping what you sow. Kharma credits, etc. Least to mention the blatant and catty self-importance and shallowness of this individual. Do you really believe in Kharma? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zzaa09 Posted September 14, 2011 Share Posted September 14, 2011 It figures the only sensible replies are coming from women. To the men who think that everything is paid for, get over yourselves please. If you can't attract a decent kind woman who is interested in you personally maybe you need to take a good hard look at yourself first to determine why that is since there are certainly many decent kind women out there. As for the original issue, well I must say I am surprised that you are interested in a woman's opinion since it won't be kind. It seems that you look at this girl as nothing and treat her as such and then wonder why she is angry. As for advice, well, you made your bed, lie in it. Exactly, Heather. Reaping what you sow. Kharma credits, etc. Least to mention the blatant and catty self-importance and shallowness of this individual. Do you really believe in Kharma? Belief and understanding might counter one another. An ideal of kharma can be construed variably clouded. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ijustwannateach Posted September 14, 2011 Share Posted September 14, 2011 Don't know how long you've been around, but if the 'girl' is a 'good girl'- and what are the chances? then marriage is ALWAYS assumed to be a strong possibility in the background. The question is which one of you was really more naive about what you were doing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StreetCowboy Posted September 14, 2011 Share Posted September 14, 2011 I'd assumed it was a rhetorical question. Or perhaps its a closet poll on honesty compared to politeness. Put me down for honesty. SC Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kerryk Posted September 15, 2011 Share Posted September 15, 2011 It figures the only sensible replies are coming from women. To the men who think that everything is paid for, get over yourselves please. If you can't attract a decent kind woman who is interested in you personally maybe you need to take a good hard look at yourself first to determine why that is since there are certainly many decent kind women out there. As for the original issue, well I must say I am surprised that you are interested in a woman's opinion since it won't be kind. It seems that you look at this girl as nothing and treat her as such and then wonder why she is angry. As for advice, well, you made your bed, lie in it. Exactly, Heather. Reaping what you sow. Kharma credits, etc. Least to mention the blatant and catty self-importance and shallowness of this individual. Do you really believe in Kharma? Belief and understanding might counter one another. An ideal of kharma can be construed variably clouded. That is a given but do you believe in Kharma? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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