Fish Guitar?

[stevehaigh]

here is a quote from Alex Lifeson, the guitarist of Rush in the Roll the Bones tour book:

Have you ever noticed how fish have scales and you can play scales on a guitar? I wanted to have a guitar made from fish, but I don't know. I asked my friend Gil about it and he said it would probably cost more than a fin and then gave me some line about only a bass player would use a guitar made from fish. He's a reel jerk anyway.

I wanted to try some new ideas for guitar picks. I tried a donut first. Then I tried another donut as a pick. That was stupid. Next, I tried an axe. I've always wondered why people call guitars axes. Axes make lousy picks but they're great for cutting wood. I had to get another guitar because axes are great for cutting wood. Axes are also great for cutting fish so there's another strike against a fish guitar. I tried a plastic bag but the green ones have a dull tone and as far as I'm concerned, they're garbage.

Well, what about amps? I had a great idea. I wore a hearing aid, turned it up loud and just played and just played and it seemed loud enough. I found that I could hear conversations more clearly when I sat in the back seat of cars or in movie theatres. Sounds of the wild outdoors were amazing. The only problem was the guitar cord plugged into my ear. I almost called my friend Yuri in the Soviet Sort of Union of Kinda Socialist Republics to see if he had any Khrumy amps left but discovered he moved to Florida to become an actor. And I thought I was desperate.

I was totally lost as to what to do. I went to see the Pope and he liked the idea of the fish guitar. I also told him about the donut pick and he said "My son, that's stupid." Big help! So I made a trip to England and talked to my pal Queen Elizabeth. She said: "Al, why don't you try these Crown amps I use in my rig." I said; "Hey, great idea, Liz." So we finished our beers and she took me down to the Royal Rehearsal Studio. She cranked up these amps and smacked the longest E sus chord I've ever heard. She looked at me with this great big smile and yelled over the decaying chord: "Six hundred watts! It's really rather super don't you think?" So she sold them to me at cost.

Well, I had the amp scene together and now I just needed to work out the guitar situation. The fish guitar idea was not going to fly, so I gave George Bush a call. He asked me: "What do you know about P.R.S.?" I told him I thought a couple of Tylenol, maybe a few Valium, and avoiding any confrontations was the best way to deal with it. He said: "No you idiot! PRS guitars. You know, Paul Reed Smith? I got mine around the corner at the factory. They stay the line and have a kindler, gentler tone." So he sold me his at cost plus ten percent. "Cost plus ten?" I asked. He said, "Yeah well we're in a deficit you know."

I'm still working on a donut pick. Maybe a fish-flavored donut. Yeah that's the ticket.