Men From Changmai

[Dustoff]

~

Some excellent responses and a very interesting thread!

In my near 5 years here, I have perhaps mistakenly observed that while Thai men tend to be soft-spoken and non-confrontative, they have a very serious reputation of disrespect for women, dump them (and their own children) regularly and can be quite physically abusive.

More often than otherwise, I have heard from Thai women who are now with farang men (yeah, even you unsavory English guys) that they would never be with a Thai man again. My misperceptions or...?

Ssilly boy that I am, I treat my Thai wife as an equal and romance is the order of the day in our house. Many, many Thai women have come to visit and constantly remind my wife of her luck in finding a caring man. Having been a court mediator in family/divorce court in the US for many years, I am quite familiar with domestic violence which seems to come from a combination of poor communication and lack of respect.

Thoughts on this...?

[Boo]

Yes I would say your observation is mistaken

[Dustoff]

The girls had so much fun that now every time we have an out of town female visitor we have to pay a visit to the male a Go Go. 

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Identify. Give directions. Please.

This is the second time I have asked you for your secret little places.

Old girlfriends frequently come to visit and the spotlight just ain't doin' it...

Besides, I ain't seen no hot/sexy guys since I looked in the mirror this morning...

[zzap]

Having been a court mediator in family/divorce court in the US for many years, I am quite familiar with domestic violence which seems to come from a combination of poor communication and lack of respect.

Thoughts on this...?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Yeah, your comment contains rather wild, caustic generalisations about Thai society for a "court mediator"!

[Guest endure]

The girls had so much fun that now every time we have an out of town female visitor we have to pay a visit to the male a Go Go. 

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Identify. Give directions. Please.

This is the second time I have asked you for your secret little places.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Probably Adam's Apple on Soi Wiengbua off Chotana Rd. Don't pinch all the goodlookers!

[Gulliver_in_LOS]

Besides, I ain't seen no hot/sexy guys since I looked in the mirror this morning...

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

...and ego issue...

[Dustoff]

Besides, I ain't seen no hot/sexy guys since I looked in the mirror this morning...

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

...and ego issue...

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

That was, I say, that was a JOKE, son!

~Foghorn Leghorn~

Got one spell/grammar checker...?

[meadish_sweetball]

~

Some excellent responses and a very interesting thread!

In my near 5 years here, I have perhaps mistakenly observed that while Thai men tend to be soft-spoken and non-confrontative, they have a very serious reputation of disrespect for women, dump them (and their own children) regularly and can be quite physically abusive.

More often than otherwise, I have heard from Thai women who are now with farang men (yeah, even you unsavory English guys) that they would never be with a Thai man again. My misperceptions or...?

Ssilly boy that I am, I treat my Thai wife as an equal and romance is the order of the day in our house.  Many, many Thai women have come to visit and constantly remind my wife of her luck in finding a caring man.  Having been a court mediator in family/divorce court in the US for many years, I am quite familiar with domestic violence which seems to come from a combination of poor communication and lack of respect.

Thoughts on this...?

Thought 1: Thailand is a flatter culture. People say flattering things to others to make them feel good, it is part of the social fabric. This is one of the reasons Thai women often will go on about how bad Thai men are, when farangs are around. The Thai women who think otherwise, normally dont talk to farang much, simply because they are not interested. Or if they thoroughly disagree, they will keep their views to themselves so they dont cause an argument.

Thought 2: Your wife has chosen you, a farang, for various reasons - one probably being that you are a nice guy who treats her like an equal. Since interracial marriage is still not the norm, even though it is getting more and more common, she may feel a need to justify her choices for herself and others.

Thought 3: She wants to prove her faithfulness and/or love to you, and does it this way.

Thought 4: She could have had a bad experience with one or a few Thai guys before she met you, that coloured her thinking on Thai men in general.

[Dustoff]

Having been a court mediator in family/divorce court in the US for many years, I am quite familiar with domestic violence which seems to come from a combination of poor communication and lack of respect.

Thoughts on this...?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Yeah, your comment contains rather wild, caustic generalisations about Thai society for a "court mediator"!

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Hopefully you will not expect me to take you too seriously, zzap.

I made every effort to tread gently and present my observations as just that - observations in which could easily be my misconception or misunderstanding. As such, I think that your "wild, caustic generalisations (sic)" remark is hardly appropriate but thanks for your response.

Edited December 1, 2005 by Dustoff

[Gulliver_in_LOS]

That was, I say, that was a JOKE, son!

~Foghorn Leghorn~

Got one spell/grammar checker...?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

[unforgiven]

Went to Changmai for the first time in November me and my friend noticed when we were out by ourselfs that a lot of the men were a bit feminine thats not a problem for me and him why is this is it the way they are bought up.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Is it them,is it you,,them ,you, them,you.................ahhh your a latent fud ge pacer

[Dustoff]

~

Some excellent responses and a very interesting thread!

In my near 5 years here, I have perhaps mistakenly observed that while Thai men tend to be soft-spoken and non-confrontative, they have a very serious reputation of disrespect for women, dump them (and their own children) regularly and can be quite physically abusive.

More often than otherwise, I have heard from Thai women who are now with farang men (yeah, even you unsavory English guys) that they would never be with a Thai man again. My misperceptions or...?

Ssilly boy that I am, I treat my Thai wife as an equal and romance is the order of the day in our house.  Many, many Thai women have come to visit and constantly remind my wife of her luck in finding a caring man.  Having been a court mediator in family/divorce court in the US for many years, I am quite familiar with domestic violence which seems to come from a combination of poor communication and lack of respect.

Thoughts on this...?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Thought 1: Thailand is a flatter culture. People say flattering things to others to make them feel good, it is part of the social fabric. This is one of the reasons Thai women often will go on about how bad Thai men are, when farangs are around. The Thai women who think otherwise, normally dont talk to farang much, simply because they are not interested. Or if they thoroughly disagree, they will keep their views to themselves so they dont cause an argument.

Thought 2: Your wife has chosen you, a farang, for various reasons - one probably being that you are a nice guy who treats her like an equal. Since interracial marriage is still not the norm, even though it is getting more and more common, she may feel a need to justify her choices for herself and others.

Thought 3: She wants to prove her faithfulness and/or love to you, and does it this way.

Thought 4: She could have had a bad experience with one or a few Thai guys before she met you, that coloured her thinking on Thai men in general.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Umm, I went back over my post and do not see where I related any of this to comments from my wife. There is no reason for her to prove or justify anything to me whatsoever.

My comments were not some incrimination against Thai men nor about comments made to me or in my presence but...

Okay, I will back off here as I have obviously touched a taboo subject.. We spend extended time with her family, indeed most of her village, and my experiences may be seen by those on these boards as extremely limited in scope but such is not the case. I will henceforth keep my observations to myself which, I must admit, is usually a very good idea...

Thanks for your input, sweatyballmeat...

Edited December 1, 2005 by Dustoff

[Nepal4me]

Went to Changmai for the first time in November me and my friend noticed when we were out by ourselfs that a lot of the men were a bit feminine thats not a problem for me and him why is this is it the way they are bought up.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

First time in Thailand/Asia, I guess?

Many Asian men seem "a bit feminine" at first glance or if you don't know how to judge their behaviour.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Actually English men also seem a bit effeminate, especially the educated ones. The uneducated ones of course would be happy to just beat your brains in.

[zzap]

Having been a court mediator in family/divorce court in the US for many years, I am quite familiar with domestic violence which seems to come from a combination of poor communication and lack of respect.

Thoughts on this...?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Yeah, your comment contains rather wild, caustic generalisations about Thai society for a "court mediator"!

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Hopefully you will not expect me to take you too seriously, zzap.

I made every effort to tread gently and present my observations as just that - observations in which could easily be my misconception or misunderstanding. As such, I think that your "wild, caustic generalisations (sic)" remark is hardly appropriate but thanks for your response.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I have perhaps mistakenly observed that while Thai men tend to be soft-spoken and non-confrontative, they have a very serious reputation of disrespect for women, dump them (and their own children) regularly and can be quite physically abusive.

More often than otherwise, I have heard from Thai women who are now with farang men (yeah, even you unsavory English guys) that they would never be with a Thai man again. My misperceptions or...?

Adding "mistakenly" and "misconceptions" takes the edge off, but what's written in between, still looks rather 'wild' to me.

As I mentioned, specially as a 'professional' (which you chose to refer to) I do expect higher standards of 'personal observations' and digesting of those. This is not meant to be an insult, but my 'observations' and the experience of others have been a bit more differentiated.

Why not take take me seriously? Because you don't like what I say?

Edited December 1, 2005 by zzap

[Dustoff]

Why not take take me seriously? Because you don't like what I say?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Nah.

Because nobody has ever accused me of being "wild" or "caustic" in my observations of my own species nor am I like that.

In spite of the multiple smiley faces in your response and your professed ability to "read between the lines" these words, like "professional" are your own, not mine.

I presented, whether you like it or not, observations in 40 years of experience in Thai culture and asked for input and other opinions. That you chose to give criticism and critique is up to you but if it does not reflect appropriately upon my request for the input of my fellow expats, please do not expect me to take you seriously...

Go figure, eh?

[Gulliver_in_LOS]

Nah.

Because nobody has ever accused me of being "wild" or "caustic" in my observations of my own species nor am I like that.

In spite of the multiple smiley faces in your response and your professed ability to "read between the lines" these words, like "professional" are your own, not mine.

I presented, whether you like it or not, observations in 40 years of experience in Thai culture and asked for input and other opinions. That you chose to give criticism and critique is up to you but if it does not reflect appropriately upon my request for the input of my fellow expats, please do not expect me to take you seriously...

Go figure, eh?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Knew it from the onset. Refer again to post #36.

[zzap]

Why not take take me seriously? Because you don't like what I say?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Nah.

Because nobody has ever accused me of being "wild" or "caustic" in my observations of my own species nor am I like that.

Go figure, eh?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Maybe the 'real life' Dustoff isn't "like that".

In spite of the multiple smiley faces in your response and your professed ability to "read between the lines" these words, like "professional" are your own, not mine.

Nowhere have I "professed" to anything!

A "court mediator" sounds like a professional occupation to me. No?

BTW, smilies are a great supplement to plain text!

I presented, whether you like it or not, observations in 40 years of experience in Thai culture and asked for input and other opinions. That you chose to give criticism and critique is up to you but if it does not reflect appropriately upon my request for the input of my fellow expats, please do not expect me to take you seriously...

Hmmm, 40 years, or maybe a bit less?

In my near 5 years here...

You asked for input, and criticism certainly is part of it, like it or not!

Perhaps a "big ego" is getting in the way of comprehending what is being said?

Edited December 1, 2005 by zzap

[JXXXL]

I have a large circle of male Thai friends, mostly late 30s to early 50s middle to upper income, and spend most of my time hanging out with them. Let me post a few observations:

1. Physically, they don't have some of the characteristics that western culture considers "masculine".

2. Their body language is more 'quiet' around other males. Unlike western men, they don't feel threatened around other men and don't have to stick out their chest or other cock waggling.

3. They are more touchy. Often your friend will rest his arm on your shoulder or put his hand on your leg.

4. Most Thai men I know are not pussies by any means. If there's a reason for a punch up, they will be the first ones to jump in without hesitation. Even the smallest guys.

5. They are horney as hel_l and spend most of their time talking about women or engaged in hunting activities. Almost every Thai man I've met, personally or professionally, when relaxed, enjoys talking about women - I'll spare the context and details.

So, "immasculine", definitely not, but may appear to be to your western homophome mesomorph. But, I suggest you don't test who is tougher.

[Dustoff]

A "court mediator" sounds like a professional occupation to me. No?

Nope. All volunteer.

BTW, smilies are a great supplement to plain text!     

Yeah, I like them too. I have also noticed that some people use them to cover cutting remarks.

Perhaps a "big ego" is getting in the way of comprehending what is being said?  

Admittedly possible.

Oh and, I have been living here full time for almost 5 years but have been coming here pretty regularly since 1966.

[zzap]

Ok, looks like I made some wrong assumptions about you.

I still don't share your observations, though, your assessment seems a bit one-sided to me.

Peace!

[Dustoff]

Ok, looks like I made some wrong assumptions about you.

I still don't share your observations, though, your assessment seems a bit one-sided to me.

Peace!

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Hey Zzz, no prob. I tend to jump to conclusions/judgments likely more often than you and far more often than I like.

Grew up with my mom, dad was a bit abusive to her and she finally dumped him, then she married another and he knocked the hel_l out of me til I ran for it at age 16. That is likely part of the reason that I got so heavily involved in mediation, just to learn neutrality, but after almost ten years in divorce court I found myself developing an attitude about western women. Whew, never forget, never forgive, eh?

Ain't Thai ladies da kine?

[Boo]

nice attitude