In Love : Warning, Long And Goeey Post

[bina]

well,

for those that may have been following my two years of posts (+-), my LDR w/thai man (3 !!yrs) had finished due to distance and unwillingness to commit, for good reasons on his part, i must add (previous marriage daughter and other financial/family problems that he was unwilling to bring me into...).... a wonderful man in a few years for any woman, farang or otherwise (although a bit stubborn).... soooooooooo recently met someone, and BAM!! its like we have known each other our whole lives... i've been dating on and off for years, have been a 'mia noi' (dont start on that) etc... but this is the real thing.... but of coarse with lots of complications here is a descritption for those that doubt thai men as part of a letter i sent to off to my folks:

A is my guy's name:

he is 34, from korat (nakhon ratchasima) he lives near a small river in a small town

he is one of five children

he is single with no children either ....

has 6th grade education; at 13 went to work in bangkok in a factory, slept in the factory, went home to work in fields during the season, did this for 7 years.... and studied on his own when he could...

at 20, travelled to north thailand for a bit

at 21, was ordained  monk in training he went in for a year, feeling a month wasnt enough: three months during the rainy season retreat he was in a nature monastery, meditating and studying, the rest of the time, as a junior monk, learning, etc.... he reads and speaks pali, and has a tremendous hunger to learn everything and anything....

he plays guitar, piano, harmonica, drums and sings (has a beautiful sweet voice), all self learned

has a sensitve and affectionate and giving nature, doesnt have patience for games, doesnt drink or smoke, age and looks are not important to him, he is polite and respectful, a very hard worker, and very exact (more than me), a clean freak, works out, meditates , runs even though is (seems to be )chronically asthmatic... is allergic to hay/straw, wants to settle down, ...i forgot: he is dark chocolate in color and short and muscular and in my eyes, perfect!!

i am in love as u all can see; we are planning to get married... he has spoken to his mother as have i (i can speak daily living type thai, more than most farang men seem to speak); they have given him a wooden house with i dont know how many rai of land for his (our) use, specifically.... when in two years i can work out everything here: this is all very complicated for me: divorced witth 3, one of whom is only 11 now; father will also be remarrying (to a very good lady i must say); i'm on kibbutz which creates a whole kettle of fish to deal with (financially, sociallly etc)... all in all, i will end up with no money, never had a house, and will have to give up my youngest child as i will not take her with me (learning disablities and health wise thailand is not a good choice)... and my elderly parents are freaking out (im 43 but still their daughter!!)...

however, this is the first time in any relationship that i can safely say that we just harmonize (o yucky gooey, but u all know what i mean)... i'm a farmer at heart and in practice, have no qualms as to farmers life, can deal with all but verly cold showers and no internet (he has met the internet and cannot do without either at this point).... just praying every day that this all will work out for real in the two year time span i've given us to work out beauracracy (marriage, visas, finances for my two minor children, my eldest daughter goes into the israeli army soon).. fortunately my ex has a large extended family here and my chidlren were raised among all the aunts and grandparents also which is a good support network for them...

of course in two weeks things may explode here on the kibbutz (narrow mind snobs and often vicious as well ) and he may be back in thailand and i will be here, which will make life much more difficult.... but i have learned patience over the years so .......wish me luck, i hope that im not headed for a broken heart here, i;m a pragmatic/practical anylytical person generally and am aware of the obstacles, but hope things will work out....

enough of mly babbling: now have to start really looking in to things like buffalo breeding programs, insurance info, visa stuff, etc....... so i can calm my folks down a bit also...

bina

edit: paragraphs put in to the rambling

Edited December 3, 2005 by bina

[Guest endure]

Hi Bina

Good luck on the new boyfriend. Sounds like a nice bloke! Can you explain a little bit about how kibutzes work? Is he is Israel or are you in Thailand?

[girlx]

i was going to ask the same thing about kibbutz... ??!?

also, congrats.

[bina]

he's a foreign worker and i'm a long time kibbutz member, my ex is also here with all extended family.... kids go back and forth at will between the two of us.... nowadays here if i want to remarry i have two choices: one is the guy applies for membership which now includes financial agreements etc; the other is the guy pays rent every month and gets a sort of wierd status with no kibbutz rights (they assume then that the guy is working paying insurance etc in israel as any other joe shmoe would be doing).... this guy is a foreign worker witha work visa which does not allow him to marry while he is here; he wouldnt want to be a member since they mostly also require that he would convert to judaism and he doesnt lie about things ike that just to make life easier.... so therefore the major complications.... and the decision that i would move in two years time to hsi village....

i have no problem changing cultures again (did it twenty four lyears ago so no sweat now); in laws, well, been there, done that also.... finances, well, on kibbutz i have a large home, and good medical services, but am still financially poor as i live only from my kibbutz income (a mothly budget that is given to everyone according to amount of children, and length of time on kibbutz) which is enough to eat, dress, furnish the house, and enjoy life on a low budget way, if i left, i ahve nothing since i never had a bank account or worked for salary (straigth from american college to kibbutz so no nest egg on the side)....but i would rather not be doing ok and staring at four walls without my dream partner just for security's sake, some do that , but not me.... i'm not a major risk taker but when i do decide something, i go all for it (jumped off a cliff into a river with that same attitude, although petrified of heights, once on a backpack trip in the desert)...

let this be a lesson though to other women to always make sure they have a separate bank account and some money on the side for if and when there is a problem..... i learned that too late (ex husband has the money and i went for a non suit divorce preferring harmony rather than discordance at that point)....

i have no romantic notions about life ina small village, etc.... but am starting to make lists about things like woman's health care in thailand, dental, insurance, banking , etc... not to mention a buffalo breeding plan (no sick buffalo for me, guys ) so of course would appreciate any help tips clues leads links etc.... if it all goes boom!, then at least ive done a lot of research and learned new things along the way...

bina

[Boo]

Bina, you sound like a perfect candidate for living the life of a thai farmers wife. Low budget requirements, love, knowledge & experience of animals & a harmonious approach to life.

The only blot on the lanscape would be regarding your youngest child but that is a very personal matter & not something which I will coment on further except to say that I hope an agreement can be had where all are happy & that you will have the opportunity for her to visit you often (as with your other kids too)

Q1 - do you still hold your American citizenship?

If you do then wait until you are both in a position to move to Thailand before getting married, it is very easy & stress free to do it at the local amphur and I am sure SBK or girlx can give you up to date visa advice for US citizens but I have no expereince of Israeli rules about Israeli citizens getting married to foreigners abroad or at home. SO if you have only Israeli passport then see if it is easier to get married abroad.

All other visa requirements (extensions, ctizenship for farang wives of thai men etc) can be dealt with on Thai soil so don't stress too much about it now. I would start trying to put even a little money away now as whatever you can take with you to thailand will go a long long way in the sticks in Korat & there are insurance companies in Thailand that you can get medical insurance etc from. I'm sure others here can give you weblinks etc.

I hope it all works out for you both but please, enjoy being together now & don't stress about laws, regulations, visa etc too much as 2 years is plenty of time to figure it all out

[sbk]

Absolutely! Enjoy your time together, grow together as a couple and things will work out (starry eyed optimist speaks )

Feel free to PM me if you need visa info, marriage info etc. I am assuming you still have a US passport --I think you mentioned something about it before? Anyway, good luck and welcome to the club! (the starry eyed optimist in love club, that is )

[Boo]

yep, there are a couple of us around

[seonai]

Seconded !!!!!!! (Or was it Thirded???)

[llewynx]

Now I'm really jealous... Where do you girls find your nice thai men? Been looking for ages, but seem to only get hold of the a**holes. Maybe not looking is the key? Oooo, sounds like I'm getting desperate

[seonai]

it's the old story.... not looking is the key. And as previous posters will note, it ain't always easy. It takes a long time to get to really know and understand each other. Okay maybe some folks are lucky and they meey the guy of their dreams, I wouls never say I tried to look specifically for a Thai man... it just happened.

[seonai]

llewynx, you are Swedish right? And you have an idea to find an ideal Thai man?

[seonai]

For me, and I have been married twice to Thai men, I can honestly say that it has nothing to do with body colour, shape, size, nationality..... for me it was completely unintentional. So maybe the looking thing is not a great idea? Just a thought? You know what I mean? When we deliberately look for a partner, whether from another country or not, it doesn't seem to work. But I could be completely wrong of course!!!!!

[llewynx]

Well, I wouldn't say I'm specifically looking for a Thai man, it's just the problem of the farang guys just hanging around in LOS tend to leave the country after a time - at least where I live. So it seems like a Thai man is the only option for a long-term relationship. Sigh, always these problems, eyh?

[solo siam]

Bina,

Have you seriously lived on a Kibbutz for the last 24 years?

[llewynx]

Oh, it's just that I find asian men very attractive, have always done... Even living back in Europe i dated mostly asian men. Funny thing, but at least I get to keep them for myself since it seems most girls don't like the asian look Will keep on with the "not looking" approach, though it hasn't worked at all for some time now, maybe time to start looking again

[seonai]

llewynx where are you based?

I mean maybe you are not in the right place??????

[seonai]

Bina I am sorry for hijacking your post in conversation

Got carried away

Seonai

[llewynx]

I mean maybe you are not in the right place??????

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Aaah, story of my life

[bina]

Have you seriously lived on a Kibbutz for the last 24 years?

what does that mean!???? of course> i have one daughter going in to theh army next year, a son going in to 11 grade and an 11 year old ... and an ex husband son of kibbutzniks.... and that is off the subject; i mostly need to here the info that boo sbk and some others have given me plus lawyer to help with the financial kibbutz part (also the very complicated part )....

boo/sbk, am enjoying every minute thank you for putting things in perspective; he's gone to teacher /child meeting at my eldest's school, for him it was an eye opener to see an art/sciences school where the principal and teachers call each other by first name, the kids look like they walked out of the movie Hair etc... and he enjoyed watching (speaks only thai though )... he is also, by the way, a natural artist, too bad he never went past 6th grade....BTW i have an american passport also...

seonai, i also seem to have a bit of a track record (my first true love was a hi- so thai guy complete with long black hair and shades, and to my horror, a likeing for prostitutes, drugs and racing cars so all my money went to that (i was 17 in college in the states and in love and very very blind....); the LDR was an issan man, wonderful, but very stubborn and torn between his desire to remarry, and/or fight out his ex wife for his 11 year daughter, and he was unwilling to bring me in to the mess, he also wanted to be set up financially very well before marriage, etc and three years of letter writing and phone calls just doesn do it, i found out, but i reccomend him to anyone interested, he is very very stubborn though, and will be located in udon eventually

.... i like having a person to be with physically and mentally, i;ve discovered (wasnt always like that though, obviously cause i was with the wrong person, duh>>>)

so,

thanx to the personal messages from those giving support... it is needed, for sure... three weeks from now we will know if he will be sent home or not (there is some tacit rule that foreign workers cannot be seen/date whatever with 'employer' even if i am not a direct employer (he's working for me temporarily for an other week or so and then back to the apples, otherwise i wouldnt get involved really, not ethical; although i have to say, we really couldnt have prevented our falling in love in this case....

definately collecting info: he ahs told me that i will manage the money as most thai women manage their men's money, (at least in issaan i know that that is what was done traditionally); definately need to find out about insurance costs for me; etc... fortunately, my two best girlfriends here in israel are very supportive also...

u all have to understand that if i leave kibbutz, i essentially dont have anywhere to return to, since the house is not mine to sell or keep; storage of stuff would be at friends if possible; A. was rather shocked that my parents didnt offer to 'take me back' like a thai mother would, when i got divorced, for isntance.... but, american parents just dont appreciate grown children hanging out in their house for more than a month or so....

sorry for yet an other long long post....

[sbk]

tell me about it Bina. I go home every year and stay about a month. A few years ago I stayed 2 1/2--not that my parents were sick of me, nor me of them but it was a bit of a strain.

I would def use the US passport for all transactions Thai--it makes it much easier. Also makes it easier to travel the region. Check with the US embassy about getting married (when and if it reaches that stage that is! typical woman, me ). Insurance is available in country with several carriers--check some of the other threads about it--BUPA is one.

Good luck!

[Patsycat]

After the security of living in a Kibbutz for all those years (good for you) this must be a real adventure for you.. I wish you all the luck in the world, and even reading your story i can feel the love that you have for your future husband. Everything will fall into place, i am sure. And listen to sbk - she's been there, done that etc.