Thai Culture

[tung tsz]

Hi Guys/Gals,

Excuse me if this is the wrong forum

If so, could someone please redirect me to

somewhere where it has been discussed before

G/F and I have been together a few years

and we have our own place, but I work abroad

G/Fs father is on the verge of death (days, maybe hours)

She is practically living in the hospital , caring for him.

Unfortunately I cannot get back

is there any advice anyone can give me

as to etiqutte/tradition etc in the event of his death

or as a farang am I pretty much out of the loop ?

If not is there anything I really should do?

Any advice greatly appreciated

tung tsz

[BKK90210]

If this's for real...ask for the hospital name and send flower+condolence card.

Don't send money yet!

[Tywais]

Best thing is to let your GF guide you as to what you should do. But as BKK90210 said be careful about requests for large sums of money. Normally a small donation is normal and given to the family in an envelope. Since you are not there your GF will/can handle that.

[tung tsz]

Best thing is to let your GF guide you as to what you should do. But as BKK90210 said be careful about requests for large sums of money.  Normally a small donation is normal and given to the family in an envelope. Since you are not there your GF will/can handle that.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Thanks guys,

Its a bit late for flowers - I think he'll be gone before they would get there

Re: money - thanks for the advice -if she can handle it no problem, I look after her well.

I was more worried about the face issue

- should I be seen to be there to support her

at the funeral or as

a farang does that not matter so much?

tung tsz

[Tywais]

Thanks guys,

Its a bit late for flowers - I think he'll be gone before they would get there

Re: money - thanks for the advice -if she can handle it no problem, I look after her well.

I was more worried about the face issue

- should I be seen to be  there to support her

at the funeral  or as

a farang does that not matter so much?

tung tsz

First she is your GF not your wife and as such their expectations of you will be less (IMHO). 2nd there will be no 'loss of face' because they will understand your circumstances (not able to be there). But probably most of all since you are a farang, you are probably going to be given more latitude. Bottom line, don't let it worry you too much.

[autonomous_unit]

I'm not sure this is really Thai-specific advice, but I think the best you can do is provide emotional support over the phone to your GF, being sensitive to her level of exhaustion from the vigile. See if she has anything she wants to "vent" that she doesn't feel is appropriate to discuss with her Thai family, e.g. frustrations about interactions between siblings or whatever, and encourage her to get some sleep!

At least, this is all I could do in similar circumstances when my wife's father passed away.

Best wishes...

[BKK90210]

Best thing is to let your GF guide you as to what you should do. But as BKK90210 said be careful about requests for large sums of money.  Normally a small donation is normal and given to the family in an envelope. Since you are not there your GF will/can handle that.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Thanks guys,

Its a bit late for flowers - I think he'll be gone before they would get there

Re: money - thanks for the advice -if she can handle it no problem, I look after her well.

I was more worried about the face issue

- should I be seen to be there to support her

at the funeral or as

a farang does that not matter so much?

--------------------------------------

First, you can order flowers in thailand via internet...some will deliver for free (depending on where the hospital is)

Second, I don't know how traditional and conservative her family and relatives are. Some may not view you favorably if they see you with her especially if they knew you have the place together prior to marriage.

[tung tsz]

Best thing is to let your GF guide you as to what you should do. But as BKK90210 said be careful about requests for large sums of money.  Normally a small donation is normal and given to the family in an envelope. Since you are not there your GF will/can handle that.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Thanks guys,

Its a bit late for flowers - I think he'll be gone before they would get there

Re: money - thanks for the advice -if she can handle it no problem, I look after her well.

I was more worried about the face issue

- should I be seen to be there to support her

at the funeral or as

a farang does that not matter so much?

--------------------------------------

First, you can order flowers in thailand via internet...some will deliver for free (depending on where the hospital is)

Second, I don't know how traditional and conservative her family and relatives are. Some may not view you favorably if they see you with her especially if they knew you have the place together prior to marriage.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Thanks a lot everone

Much obliged

tung tsz

[dereklev]

Best thing is to let your GF guide you as to what you should do. But as BKK90210 said be careful about requests for large sums of money.  Normally a small donation is normal and given to the family in an envelope. Since you are not there your GF will/can handle that.

Thanks guys,

Its a bit late for flowers - I think he'll be gone before they would get there

Re: money - thanks for the advice -if she can handle it no problem, I look after her well.

I was more worried about the face issue

- should I be seen to be there to support her

at the funeral or as

a farang does that not matter so much?

tung tsz

If you are overseas then not much you can do about that.

If you were married then of course your non-presence would be frowned upon, as it would in any culture.

[Neeranam]

I'd say it depends how much of an inconvenience it would be for you to stop work and fly over. I know Thais abroad who never bothered going back for the parents' deaths, so in answer to your question, there is no etiqutte/tradition specifically for Thai people - you would not be in their bad books if you didn't go, use your work as a good excuse. What could you really do if you went there? apart from support your wife, which you do financially. Good luck.

[Dustoff]

I'm not sure this is really Thai-specific advice, but I think the best you can do is provide emotional support over the phone to your GF, being sensitive to her level of exhaustion from the vigile.  See if she has anything she wants to "vent" that she doesn't feel is appropriate to discuss with her Thai family, e.g. frustrations about interactions between siblings or whatever, and encourage her to get some sleep!

At least, this is all I could do in similar circumstances when my wife's father passed away.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Excellent advice.

My Thai wife's father just passed away and I discovered that it was just like when my own father passed away a few years ago. If anything, Thais are more umm, relaxed about the realities of life/death and certainly have no expectations as to how you should act.

Silence, respect, a sounding-board for your mate will all be sincerely appreciated.

An honest hug cures just about everything in the realm of human trauma...

Great handle and sig line, btw...

[tung tsz]

I'm not sure this is really Thai-specific advice, but I think the best you can do is provide emotional support over the phone to your GF, being sensitive to her level of exhaustion from the vigile.  See if she has anything she wants to "vent" that she doesn't feel is appropriate to discuss with her Thai family, e.g. frustrations about interactions between siblings or whatever, and encourage her to get some sleep!

At least, this is all I could do in similar circumstances when my wife's father passed away.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Excellent advice.

My Thai wife's father just passed away and I discovered that it was just like when my own father passed away a few years ago. If anything, Thais are more umm, relaxed about the realities of life/death and certainly have no expectations as to how you should act.

Silence, respect, a sounding-board for your mate will all be sincerely appreciated.

An honest hug cures just about everything in the realm of human trauma...

Great handle and sig line, btw...

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Cheers guys,

That answers all of my worries

Unfortunately going back is not an option

because of my job - I cannot leave here

for next few weeks (as in -I do not have a choice)

I'll just hang by the phone and wait for the bad

news and then do as advised by you

Many thanks again

tung tsz

[BKK90210]

Yea......take care of yourself .....don't worry too much. You don't want to get sick ...and now she would have to worry about you too.

Regards

Edited December 11, 2005 by BKK90210