What Am I Doing Wrong?

[maxme]

Maxme, You're just getting tangled up in your own waffle. You're just sitting there talking loud, saying nothing.

It's a fact that a significant percentage of older men from the West rock up here and fail in relationships with Thai women because they've failed to change themselves. Failures happen for all sorts of reasons as I'm sure even you know. Promiscuity, lack of empathy or consideration, excessive drinking, irresponsibility . . . . the list goes on and on. Of course there are always two sides to every divorce/break up story but I refuse to believe that the type of man who can call an entire group of women inferior to another is the type of bloke who likely gave his all, fairly and unconditionally, to his ex-wife/wives.

It is more likely that, while with his new thai bird, he'll still

dip his wick elsewhere or

treat her like a slave or

get pissed up regularly and stay out all night.

Sure, some guys do take a long, hard look at themselves and consequently succeed in relationships but really, how common is self-transformation among men of certain age who, having been stung by one or more white women condemn the entire group as inferior to Asian and or Thai women??

I don't know; maybe you can't see the utter idiocy of doing that. Either way, move on cos you're just making yourself look incredibly stupid.

300 million sperms, that's the one that got through... Geez

The significant percentage of older men including you, well I bite. Let's say that the vast majority of older farangs do come to Asia to treat them like subordinates and let them bow to their masters will, so are you talking from experience or did you just pull a number out of your a$$?

Because the only trying to look stupid is you with your attempt to invoke credability in your statement

By the way how is that different fom the west? I mean doesn't England have a high rate number regarding statutory rape and domestic violence like others? Most of these cases are also connected to booze aren't they? Or perhaps you have built of your predijudice beliefs by meeting a few expats that were acting like this but to dis the vast majority of elders... Geez man , not even me would do that although I must admit there are a number of suspect cases here on TV.

Edited April 22, 2012 by maxme

[KeyserSoze01]

And I think I will write one more post for this forum topic because I think so for sure that The HEARDENED SOUL man is giving the insult and bad reputation for farang men who have the good marriages and have babies.

For sure, it can be said that a man who is 40 but does not have children is not the man to talk so loudly on the forums.

I think so for sure that the Thai ladies and the dutch ladies can only have babies until they are 37 or 38. So if the man can not give the babies, then the man is the garbage man and the ladies are not interested so much. I think so you will agree?????

Since when is manhood defined by how many offspring you spawn?

[HardenedSoul]

Maxme, You're just getting tangled up in your own waffle. You're just sitting there talking loud, saying nothing.

It's a fact that a significant percentage of older men from the West rock up here and fail in relationships with Thai women because they've failed to change themselves. Failures happen for all sorts of reasons as I'm sure even you know. Promiscuity, lack of empathy or consideration, excessive drinking, irresponsibility . . . . the list goes on and on. Of course there are always two sides to every divorce/break up story but I refuse to believe that the type of man who can call an entire group of women inferior to another is the type of bloke who likely gave his all, fairly and unconditionally, to his ex-wife/wives.

It is more likely that, while with his new thai bird, he'll still

dip his wick elsewhere or

treat her like a slave or

get pissed up regularly and stay out all night.

Sure, some guys do take a long, hard look at themselves and consequently succeed in relationships but really, how common is self-transformation among men of certain age who, having been stung by one or more white women condemn the entire group as inferior to Asian and or Thai women??

I don't know; maybe you can't see the utter idiocy of doing that. Either way, move on cos you're just making yourself look incredibly stupid.

300 million sperms, that's the one that got through... Geez

The significant percentage of older men including you, well I bite. Let's say that the vast majority of older farangs do come to Asia to treat them like subordinates and let them bow to their masters will, so are you talking from experience or did you just pull a number out of your a$$?

Because the only trying to look stupid is you with your attempt to invoke credability in your statement

By the way how is that different fom the west? I mean doesn't England have a high rate number regarding statutory rape and domestic violence like others? Most of these cases are also connected to booze aren't they? Or perhaps you have built of your predijudice beliefs by meeting a few expats that were acting like this but to dis the vast majority of elders... Geez man , not even me would do that although I must admit there are a number of suspect cases here on TV.

Look clearly by the incoherence of your ramblings, you're three sheets to the wind so let me just say that I've just listened to enough guys lamenting on lost love from both barstool and keyboard . . . and they all sing the same sorry song. "It wasn't my fault, she just tucked me in like a kipper".

[maxme]

Maxme, You're just getting tangled up in your own waffle. You're just sitting there talking loud, saying nothing.

It's a fact that a significant percentage of older men from the West rock up here and fail in relationships with Thai women because they've failed to change themselves. Failures happen for all sorts of reasons as I'm sure even you know. Promiscuity, lack of empathy or consideration, excessive drinking, irresponsibility . . . . the list goes on and on. Of course there are always two sides to every divorce/break up story but I refuse to believe that the type of man who can call an entire group of women inferior to another is the type of bloke who likely gave his all, fairly and unconditionally, to his ex-wife/wives.

It is more likely that, while with his new thai bird, he'll still

dip his wick elsewhere or

treat her like a slave or

get pissed up regularly and stay out all night.

Sure, some guys do take a long, hard look at themselves and consequently succeed in relationships but really, how common is self-transformation among men of certain age who, having been stung by one or more white women condemn the entire group as inferior to Asian and or Thai women??

I don't know; maybe you can't see the utter idiocy of doing that. Either way, move on cos you're just making yourself look incredibly stupid.

300 million sperms, that's the one that got through... Geez

The significant percentage of older men including you, well I bite. Let's say that the vast majority of older farangs do come to Asia to treat them like subordinates and let them bow to their masters will, so are you talking from experience or did you just pull a number out of your a$$?

Because the only trying to look stupid is you with your attempt to invoke credability in your statement

By the way how is that different fom the west? I mean doesn't England have a high rate number regarding statutory rape and domestic violence like others? Most of these cases are also connected to booze aren't they? Or perhaps you have built of your predijudice beliefs by meeting a few expats that were acting like this but to dis the vast majority of elders... Geez man , not even me would do that although I must admit there are a number of suspect cases here on TV.

Look clearly by the incoherence of your ramblings, you're three sheets to the wind so let me just say that I've just listened to enough guys lamenting on lost love from both barstool and keyboard . . . and they all sing the same sorry song. "It wasn't my fault, she just tucked me in like a kipper".

With the fact I'm younger than you, I just hear the ramblings of a desperate soul who have problem with commitment but we do all base the truth on our own point of view don't we ol' man?

Edited April 22, 2012 by maxme

[Koratpat]

What is wrong with you is that even though you say you have a good wife who isn't taking advantage of you, this isn't good enough for you and you feel the need to go and brag about it (no matter how you word it, you ARE bragging). Enjoy your wife and your life and know that you definitely aren't the only one who has a genuine relationship in Thailand, but others are happy enough they don't need validation or praise about it.

Once in awhile a positive, successful farang - Thai wife / gf story should be told to counteract all the ugly stories being relayed to the internet world. I know that the story of the farang getting ripped off for 3 million baht, a house a Toyota Vigo, and a 3 baht gold chain by his Thai gal gets more hits and is read with more fervency than a picket fences - June and Ward Cleaver story. But the drama sells well! I believe the bad stories are only 10% to 15% of the graph of farang / Thai relationships - you just never hear about them. Out of every 100 farangs I know, I would say 75 to 85% have a relationship experience ranging from content, to happy to very happy to pure bliss. That is a much greater margin than the reports I get from my American colleagues, friends and acquaintances that have an American gal as a partner.

Let's peek around the Thai web forums for today's "My Thai wife amputated my manhood, stole all my money and mansion and ran off with a tuktuk driver" story - I am sure there is at least one being typed out at this moment.

[metisdead]

Some inflammatory baiting posts and replies have been removed.

[2unique]

I actually think HS has a point regarding men rushing to Asia like Dick Whittington believing the sois are paved with subservient women and therefore they can leave the western world in a frothing raging bitter rant rather than look within. I disagree that these men cannot change or benefit from a slower pace or a patient, less angry partner fueling their inner demons.

I also believe a lot of posters to this thread could benefit from not dealing in absolutes when it comes to relationships and perhaps allow some leeway between what is posted without the nuance of speech and the intent of the post. If everyone is different then 2 people in a relationship must be different squared so rather than black and whites perhaps some shades of grey could be allowed in some less vitriolic posts.

Joust away good knights - back to the peanut gallery for me...

Sent from Android please excuse errors in type or judgement

[TommoPhysicist]

And I think I will write one more post for this forum topic because I think so for sure that The HEARDENED SOUL man is giving the insult and bad reputation for farang men who have the good marriages and have babies.

For sure, it can be said that a man who is 40 but does not have children is not the man to talk so loudly on the forums.

I think so for sure that the Thai ladies and the dutch ladies can only have babies until they are 37 or 38. So if the man can not give the babies, then the man is the garbage man and the ladies are not interested so much. I think so you will agree?????

Since when is manhood defined by how many offspring you spawn?

In most western countries always until about 1950 when feminism made it an unpopular definition.

Now, I guess, it's defined about how touchy feely you are and your ability to cry in front of a woman to show .... whatever.

I prefer the traditional definition.

Edited April 23, 2012 by TommoPhysicist

[thenervoussurgeon]

I see that this post seems to be running a long time ,so here on the 6th page i just want to reiterate that all i was trying to say in a jocular sort of way was that most of us here in Thailand married to Thai women have happy normal lives and that all the "horror" stories are in the minority ,but as was pointed out earlier ,they are the ones that people want to read ,just like in the newspapers bad news sells papers.

[BigJohnnyBKK]

I see that this post seems to be running a long time ,so here on the 6th page i just want to reiterate that all i was trying to say in a jocular sort of way was that most of us here in Thailand married to Thai women have happy normal lives and that all the "horror" stories are in the minority ,but as was pointed out earlier ,they are the ones that people want to read ,just like in the newspapers bad news sells papers.

My perception is different. Perhaps it's true that a large percentage of the men that *settle here long-term* *end up in* a reasonably happy relationship ("normal" is a stretch IMO 8-). However that's most likely not on the first try.

Taking the total number of farang-Thai relationships, I'd be amazed if "most of" those were long-term and stable, much less happy. If a guy's had a go at say three or four, and the current one seems OK at year five, how do you work the numbers?

And then you've got all those guys for whom a stable long-term relationship isn't even a goal, ranging from completely promiscuous mongers to serial monogamists (or a reasonable facsimile) who move on to the next green pasture once the last one's gone south. I wouldn't call that a failure, just another strategy, but certainly doesn't fall on the side of what many here define as successful.

So perhaps a reasonable formulation is "most farang that desire a long-term stable relationship with a Thai woman are able to find one, often after a bit of a learning curve".

And I wouldn't even go along with this, depending on how many years in you'd make the "success" cut-of. Not assigning the greater blame to either party, several stars need to be in alignment to produce that result, and I find it hard to imagine that's the majority of cases here. Perhaps few of them have the dramatic scorched-earth results you sometimes hear about, IMO relationships are just meant to have their beginning, middle and most of the time a natural end, that usually takes place before either partner happens to die. To me, that is what's "normal".

Edited April 23, 2012 by BigJohnnyBKK

[samsiam]

I know a guy that did almost just what BJB describes.....he took a young rice farmer.....taught her the kinky tricks, how to tie the best japanese knots, built her a swing in the condo, put her through college, sent her off to school himself in his car with her in the skimpiest black skirt....with no reg grundies on.....but...then the selfish git would not let her go.

[Kananga]

I see that this post seems to be running a long time ,so here on the 6th page i just want to reiterate that all i was trying to say in a jocular sort of way was that most of us here in Thailand married to Thai women have happy normal lives and that all the "horror" stories are in the minority ,but as was pointed out earlier ,they are the ones that people want to read ,just like in the newspapers bad news sells papers.

My perception is different. Perhaps it's true that a large percentage of the men that *settle here long-term* *end up in* a reasonably happy relationship ("normal" is a stretch IMO 8-). However that's most likely not on the first try.

Taking the total number of farang-Thai relationships, I'd be amazed if "most of" those were long-term and stable, much less happy. If a guy's had a go at say three or four, and the current one seems OK at year five, how do you work the numbers?

And then you've got all those guys for whom a stable long-term relationship isn't even a goal, ranging from completely promiscuous mongers to serial monogamists (or a reasonable facsimile) who move on to the next green pasture once the last one's gone south. I wouldn't call that a failure, just another strategy, but certainly doesn't fall on the side of what many here define as successful.

So perhaps a reasonable formulation is "most farang that desire a long-term stable relationship with a Thai woman are able to find one, often after a bit of a learning curve".

And I wouldn't even go along with this, depending on how many years in you'd make the "success" cut-of. Not assigning the greater blame to either party, several stars need to be in alignment to produce that result, and I find it hard to imagine that's the majority of cases here. Perhaps few of them have the dramatic scorched-earth results you sometimes hear about, IMO relationships are just meant to have their beginning, middle and most of the time a natural end, that usually takes place before either partner happens to die. To me, that is what's "normal".

To quote Homer Simpson.."Marriage is a 3 year commitment".

[GreenSnapper]

My wife always ask me for more money. What's the wrong with me?

You have too much money?

[edwarda909]

Perhaps a little off topic, but I would appreciate some feedback on an issue I am struggling with:

What are people's experiences as to how they have navigated there dating scene and come out on the other side successfully.

Here I define success as finding a compatible female Thai partner. After a 2 month sojourn in Thailand, I realize just jumping bed with someone that you have just met is not the best way to establish a longterm relationship. But the other alternative, which would be to try to get to know someone over the internet over a time period of several months before coming to Thailand, also seems fraught with potential pitfalls, especially the fact that you can'r really know someone until you meet them in person and see what kind of chemistry there is. So, you potentially may invest a great deal of time and money on one woman, only to come to Thailand and find it bottom out quickly. Another option, doing minimal internet contact before arriving then starting from square one once you are here, seems to limit how much you can get to know someone.

I would greatly like to hear from others what worked for them, from those who had the same goal as I did.

Thanks for your patience in reading this.

[farang000999]

yeah i am not buying it that "most" farang-thai marriages work long term. my guess is that it is probably like 20%.

[farang000999]

you have to laugh at all the 50 year old "single" guys who think they are studs because they can get a "hot" gf who comes from poverty. you really think that the 50 yo man with a 50 yo wife could not BUY the same girl?

[farang000999]

Maybe I'm just not wired for marriage and kids but, in all the years I dated back in England, never once was I involved with the type of woman so many forum members seem to routinely refer to in their posts when describing ex-wives/ girlfriends back home. No porkers, no feminists, no chiselers . . . none of that shit; just good, normal girls with normal emotional hopes and dreams many of whom I'm still great friends with after 20+ years. "What am I doing wrong?"

When my former wife was 19, she was not a porker/feminist/chiseler, etc (your words, not mine)

But people (women and men) change over 20-30 years, their bodies change shape, their minds can become totally different.

If you had managed to stay in a relationship for more than 3 months (and we are the losers??) you might have found that out for yourself.

Ask not what percentage you wanted to hold on to, ask only who wanted to hold on to you?

it does not take 30 years for a womans body to change. ever heard of child birth?

[farang000999]

Excellent...............

We've had relationship advice from one guy that hasn't held a relationship together for more than three months and a now we have a Zen Master wanting to train Rice Farmers daughters up to being HiSo before he releases them into the world.

Sheeeeez, this thread is hysterical.

I can just picture HS taking her to Fuji and teaching her about fine cuisine.

[2unique]

Maybe I'm just not wired for marriage and kids but, in all the years I dated back in England, never once was I involved with the type of woman so many forum members seem to routinely refer to in their posts when describing ex-wives/ girlfriends back home. No porkers, no feminists, no chiselers . . . none of that shit; just good, normal girls with normal emotional hopes and dreams many of whom I'm still great friends with after 20+ years. "What am I doing wrong?"

When my former wife was 19, she was not a porker/feminist/chiseler, etc (your words, not mine)

But people (women and men) change over 20-30 years, their bodies change shape, their minds can become totally different.

If you had managed to stay in a relationship for more than 3 months (and we are the losers??) you might have found that out for yourself.

Ask not what percentage you wanted to hold on to, ask only who wanted to hold on to you?

it does not take 30 years for a womans body to change. ever heard of child birth?

Childbirth?!? Ever heard of wedding cake!!!

Sent from Android please excuse errors in type or judgement

[samsiam]

Farang000999...... you very wise man.

[BigJohnnyBKK]

yeah i am not buying it that "most" farang-thai marriages work long term. my guess is that it is probably like 20%.

If "long-term" = over ten years I'd guess far less

you have to laugh at all the 50 year old "single" guys who think they are studs because they can get a "hot" gf who comes from poverty. you really think that the 50 yo man with a 50 yo wife could not BUY the same girl?

Sure but most guys don't start looking until after the wife's out of the picture.

And how many 50 yo farang wives are happy to have a hot young mia noi around?

And I think the presence of a mia luang supervising things, preventing the young one from burning through the family kitty would make it much more difficult to convince her to come on board.

Her mum and dad might have something to say about it as well, although if you're paying enough of course anything's possible.

Personally all up I think easier to fly solo. . .

[thenervoussurgeon]

yeah i am not buying it that "most" farang-thai marriages work long term. my guess is that it is probably like 20%.

I think you mix with the wrong people and read the wrong sort of books about Thailand

[farang000999]

yeah i am not buying it that "most" farang-thai marriages work long term. my guess is that it is probably like 20%.

I think you mix with the wrong people and read the wrong sort of books about Thailand

not really. go inside the US embassy (or wherever you come from). it is free. you can just stand in the visa section and take a look at those applying for visas and registering marriages. i dont know what your social circle is but if it is something like fluent long term expat, then no you are not in the majority of farang husbands.

[thenervoussurgeon]

yeah i am not buying it that "most" farang-thai marriages work long term. my guess is that it is probably like 20%.

I think you mix with the wrong people and read the wrong sort of books about Thailand

not really. go inside the US embassy (or wherever you come from). it is free. you can just stand in the visa section and take a look at those applying for visas and registering marriages. i dont know what your social circle is but if it is something like fluent long term expat, then no you are not in the majority of farang husbands.

Actually ime a Brit and i mix with quite a wide circle of friends ,although i must admit many are quite well heeled ,but except in a few cases most have been married for a long time and have famillies , i have only one friend who was ripped off ,all the rest are settled and have no problems and normal marriages.

[transam]

yeah i am not buying it that "most" farang-thai marriages work long term. my guess is that it is probably like 20%.

So what is your point ? Is it different here for marriage longevity too farang land.?

I married three times there, and many of my farang friends here have been married many times before. AND don't say there must be something wrong with me/them cos some spouses pass away.

[samsiam]

yeah i am not buying it that "most" farang-thai marriages work long term. my guess is that it is probably like 20%.

So what is your point ? Is it different here for marriage longevity too farang land.?

I married three times there, and many of my farang friends here have been married many times before. AND don't say there must be something wrong with me/them cos some spouses pass away.

You had 3 spouses pass away...mysteriously....how did you do that ??

[lumply]

No harm in bragging sometimes because it encourages debate, especially from those sad lifers who are jealous of your circumstances. May you have an additional 18 years of happiness.

[transam]

yeah i am not buying it that "most" farang-thai marriages work long term. my guess is that it is probably like 20%.

So what is your point ? Is it different here for marriage longevity too farang land.?

I married three times there, and many of my farang friends here have been married many times before. AND don't say there must be something wrong with me/them cos some spouses pass away.

You had 3 spouses pass away...mysteriously....how did you do that ??

Was referring to the previous lives of many members here.

[TommoPhysicist]

yeah i am not buying it that "most" farang-thai marriages work long term. my guess is that it is probably like 20%.

So what is your point ? Is it different here for marriage longevity too farang land.?

I married three times there, and many of my farang friends here have been married many times before. AND don't say there must be something wrong with me/them cos some spouses pass away.

You had 3 spouses pass away...mysteriously....how did you do that ??

Was referring to the previous lives of many members here.

Many of us only wish our previous spouse had passed away.

[samsiam]

I was watching a news doco recently on how cruise ships at sea offer very little in the way of security and follow up investigation....seems the jurisdiction for investigation into 'foul play' is done by the country where the ship is registered....like bahamas and such.....pretty sure their csi department is rather relaxed........so, apparently things happen and nobody ever gets done for them....hmmmmmm........might book a south sea cruise soonish..