Frustated With Supporting Thai Wifes Family

[toyicebear]

Well..i am not in the same situation...so my points of view might not carry much weight......But still here i go....

It is a mather of respect and a mather of trying to understand how people born and growing up in this country/region is influenced by their peers, religion, culture and circumstances......

It is in no way comparable to most of us "falang" expiriences and upbringing.

[mogoso]

In closing, am I the only one that finds Bambina's avatar distracting? But in a good

way

Bill

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Every time I see her avatar, I think I wanna throw beads to her on Bourbon Street

[Rigger]

Anyone who marries a TG had better prepare to help out the family in a big way because that is what is expected and required. If you do or do not help the TG will seek help elsewhere. This is the reality of Thai culture

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

...you've hereby, defined yourself as a person, who makes comment on things on which he doesn't have the slightest clue ... grow up!

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I wouldn,t say in a big way it all depends on the family some good some bad

I help my wifes mother and father with money as they help me in many other ways and it works for me

[mogoso]

Well..i am not in the same situation...so my points of view might not carry much weight......But still here i go....

It is a mather of respect and a mather of trying to understand how people born and growing up in this country/region is influenced by their peers, religion, culture and circumstances......

It is in no way comparable to most of us "falang" expiriences and upbringing.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Nicely said.

We've been sending my MIL the same amount of money per month for four years. Three of those years she had to care for her sick mother until her mothers death last year.

Shes added to the size of her house, built a fence around her property painted, and taken care of our son (from my wives first marriage) on the 10,000 baht we send. She asks for nothing extra, provides the food for her dead husbands mother (who lives elsewhere in village in her own home (thats to be given to my wife, on our next visit, whenever that'll be))

MIL does all of our land buying, which my wife (excluding the first 7 rai) has paid for outta the money she makes here in the US.

MIL has taken a part time job to stay busy, after realizing she wasn't going to become happy trying to make money in small scale agriculture.

When her family (brothers and sisters and their kids) need help it comes outta MIL money, theres no asking us, as my wonderful wife has strong feeelings about helping people who didn't help her after an auto accident and her long recovery. My wife forgives, but doesn't forget, so only one uncle and one cousin are in her good graces. I couldn't be happier with the arrangement, after the gov't here gets their act together, and our son comes here we'll cut mommas income a little. Momma also knows when we move back to Thailand, they'll be another cut in income as ours will lessen. To this extent she saves a few thousand baht a month to build a nest egg.

All Thai families aren't the same, trying to drain the farang isn't an automatic. I knew going into a relationship with a thailady that she was responsible for her family, ie I was responsible as I entered into her family. Accept her, accept all it entails. But not to the point of stupidity shown in other posts.

Theres not the socialist system in place that europe and the US provide as partial assistance for their citizens as they age, theres not the monthly social security check coming to the aged.

Thailand does have the cheap medical, but other than the odd program, your on your own, and have only family.

The little money we provided has enabled her to make her life a little better, that makes me feel good, as life isn't only about ourselves.

[rishi]

I wouldn,t say in a big way it all depends on the family some good some bad

I help my wifes mother and father with money as they help me in many other ways and it works for me

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Well, you did say it! ... It's not part of the Thai culture to ripoff desent guys. Bad Thai families do exist, yes. However, as for the majority, you'll be part of the family into which you've married, You help your family the best you can - they'll help you, the best they can.

[Simbo]

Well...i always think that it's much more better to marry someone that share with you the same culture....

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Well that is your opinion and you are entitled to it.

There are many people on this forum that would not agree with you though.

I am one

I have been married to 3 western woman and one Thai.

I am exceptionally happy with my Thai Wife

Happy New Year!

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I suppose there was a time, when you were happy with your first 3 wives too. Alas.

[meom]

I wouldn,t say in a big way it all depends on the family some good some bad

I help my wifes mother and father with money as they help me in many other ways and it works for me

Well, you did say it! ... It's not part of the Thai culture to ripoff desent guys.

Problem is that Thai culture doesn't see it as ripping off descent guys. In their eyes the farang is rich anyway and if things fall apart he can always go back to farangland and draw social security or something, the amount of which still makes him very rich.

[Braccobaldo]

Well...i always think that it's much more better to marry someone that share with you the same culture....

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Well that is your opinion and you are entitled to it.

There are many people on this forum that would not agree with you though.

I am one

I have been married to 3 western woman and one Thai.

I am exceptionally happy with my Thai Wife

Happy New Year!

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

....I'm happy for you that you are "exceptionally happy" with your Thai wife!!!

...and you need to marry 2 more Thai girls to make a 3-3 draw between Thailand vs. falans....

[Braccobaldo]

Over the years I've spent a lot of money on my wife's family to help them support themselves. The result is that they have been able to drag themselves out of poverty.

I do not feel frustrated or any resentment, I feel quite proud that I have been able to make a positive difference to their lives. My wife no longer needs to ask me for money to support her family - I trust her to take only what she needs and to use it wisely.

When I married her I knew what I was getting into - a lot of the stories you read on this site should give anyone a good idea - and if it's not for you then stay away from a long term relationship with a Thai girl.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

...very good advice for those planning to marry a Thai lady.

[socalbro]

Is it normal behavior for a Thai woman to put her family before her spouse? I have a hard time believeing that would be the case if I was I Thai male and not a farang.

Yes and Yes. You'll place second to her family always, unless you let her have a dog...

Welcome to the club!!!

Helping out is great indeed if it goes where it is said to, highly unlikely in my experience.

You married a Thai woman in Thailand and you will live by Thai/Farang marrage agreement - unspoken, but who in this forum dosen't know it already.

We, you and I, are not as handsome, wonderful, witty and charming as we may have thought by our Thai-wifes made us think...no not even close. Do you get the same quality looking ladies giving you attention like you do here? Why is that ya think...?

Money.

Sorry but this will only become more and more evident as time goes on...

Not to say all are this way, many are not, but many are - I'm divorcing one now..

We are outsiders always, although well liked even loved by Thai's in our lives. Imagine her ever going to your high school reunion and getting the same respect by everyone there as you want from those in your life now. With her lack of English, understanding of our culture and not having grown-up with your peers the chances are zero and less.

But what do you get? A beautiful and charming wife who's the envy of the reunion...right?

What she gets is money, at least that's the idea.

Is it worth the trade-off??? Up-to-you...for me it was for 5 years.

Now my gfriend is a bit wiser, older and although beautiful not the cream of the crop as before. She now gets my love and the security and good treatment we are known for here, without the constant drain on my wallet...but for a few Baht here and there, nothing to speak of. In return I get her love good treatment and hopefully a future this time...will see!!!

And never bring her to live in the States with you - - -

She'll find a new cow to milk just as you thought you're making progress in your life...

In my case...fine, and look-out next sucker in line...

Hey - I'm still sour-grapes - but take it for what it is worth! I had to learn the hard way and may have big lessons yet to come!

Best of Luck

[Nam Kao]

Guys, a little more insight.

Dont take it personally that the parents are trying to rip off because you

are a farang. My mother in law is fleecing all her kids, well at least the

ones who have not caught on yet. 3 of the 7 wont even come see her for this

reason.

No one told me, i figured this out on my own.

Example. My MIL will be out working this and doing that healthy as a

spring chicken. Alas a son or daughter will show up and instantly her

health does a death spiral and she is laid out flat on her back in bed

ready to kick the bucket. The closer the siblings come the louder the

moaning and groaning. The siblings give me the dirty look of "Why you

not take care May (mom)" I yell "She OK 1 minute ago". Then the MIL

gives me a piercing look like shut the hel_l up farang. At this point I heading

across the soi for a chang and a chat with the cute girl who sells em.

Well the baht comes out and MIL snatches it faster than Qui Chang King

snatched the pebble from his master's hand and the fleeced kids are happy

and pile back in their cars and head back to BKK. MIL comes out, gives me

a growl from across the road and goes back to splitting wood or breaking

rocks with a sledge hammer.

The whole point of this is dont hold it against them. I thought for awhile it

was because i was an easy mark, but no, its just Thailand.

regards

nam

[Etherus]

I would suggest that you put your wife on a budget.

Looking at those who are married or hooked up with Thai girl, you constantly see the same pattern of farangs getting fleeced. I take it on board as a given that there is a significant age difference between you and her. The above is possible the best advice you will get, do it and stick to it.

[gareth1]

[WOW!

You guys are making me think now.

Iv'e been maried since March this year and havent been asked for a penny from the inlaws, they are a poor familly in Issan from a small village with a 2 room house and a couple of cows.

I am reading this with intrest and if they ever ask I will have all the answers.

This is great that we can all get an insight about &lt;deleted&gt; is going on in this crazy place.

Keep on posting this sort of thing is very informative.

Thanks!

Mabye in my case the sting comes later,mabye she will poison me and get the lot.

Jesus you lot are making me paranoid now.

[Stephen Cleary]

Are there any Farang guys here who aren't or haven't just been married into poor Isarn families??

As it seems that all the negative stuff on these threads about Thai girls and Thai families in general, come from such members with such experience.

If some of the readers just think the whole of the Isarn population are a bunch of scammers then how about looking elsewhere??

Have read very little in the way of positive comments.

An Isarn girl or an Isarn family is more or less...strictly Isarn.

Generalizing the whole of the nation's girls and family traditions on one particular region of Thailand is not too wise.

[jbowman1993]

Are there any Farang guys here who aren't or haven't just been married into poor Isarn families??

As it seems that all the negative stuff on these threads about Thai girls and Thai families in general, come from such members with such experience.

If some of the readers just think the whole of the Isarn population are a bunch of scammers then how about looking elsewhere??

Have read very little in the way of positive comments.

An Isarn girl or an Isarn family is more or less...strictly Isarn.

Generalizing the whole of the nation's girls and family traditions on one particular region of Thailand is not too wise.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I have been reading this thread with interest, in part because I can't find a single thing similar to my own relationship with my wife, or her family. Perhaps I am one of the lucky few in this regard, in which case, I thank my lucky stars.

My wife and her family are Thai/Chinese, and are generous, thoughtful, and caring. They all try to help each other, the best the can. My wife and I make a good living, and we started up a restaurant, to help my wife's sisters out. That venture was a tremendous success, and their quality of life has improved. I agree with a previous posting, mentioning the lack of social services in Thailand, especially for the aging. Helping out the family is the children's duty, and one they consider to be of upmost importance.

As for my mother in law, she is a lovely women, who has never asked for a thing. She comes the the family restaurant daily, to clean and spend time with her daughters and grandson. She is constantly preparing food for me, or giving me a Chinese good luck symbol, to help me on my way. Even though she speaks no English, and my Thai is devloping, but poor, I value our special relationship.

So take heart, not all of us are getting scammed, or being fleeced. Some of us lucked out and married for love, and are fortunate to have a loving supportive family.

Peace

[OlRedEyes]

Generalising about anything is not neccesarily a bad thing. It simply states what the majority situation is, and warns others wandering into dangerous situations to take care. Doesn't mean there aren't many many exceptions.

All Thai, and all Issarn people are not golddiggers. I can personally attest to many who aren't. My wife is not from Issarn, but she is Thai. For many reasons that I really do not wish to lay out on a public forum I am totally sure neither she nor her family are golddiggers.

However, I have met by far more golddiggers than non-goldddiggers here in Thailand. So must warn the unwary to be careful.

[jbowman1993]

Generalising about anything is not neccesarily a bad thing. It simply states what the majority situation is, and warns others wandering into dangerous situations to take care. Doesn't mean there aren't many many exceptions.

All Thai, and all Issarn people are not golddiggers. I can personally attest to many who aren't. My wife is not from Issarn, but she is Thai. For many reasons that I really do not wish to lay out on a public forum I am totally sure neither she nor her family are golddiggers.

However, I have met by far more golddiggers than non-goldddiggers here in Thailand. So must warn the unwary to be careful.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Maybe you're just hanging out in the wrong places? Sorry, your avatar just had me wondering, lol.

[Daedalus]

Generalising about anything is not neccesarily a bad thing.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

But it depends from how many cases you want to generalise...

You cannot do it from 1 or 2 cases. And the problem is that many people generalise really quickly in bad situation, when they have been scamed for exemple.

So, we just have to collect a lot of informations before generalising.

[OlRedEyes]

Generalising about anything is not neccesarily a bad thing. It simply states what the majority situation is, and warns others wandering into dangerous situations to take care. Doesn't mean there aren't many many exceptions.

All Thai, and all Issarn people are not golddiggers. I can personally attest to many who aren't. My wife is not from Issarn, but she is Thai. For many reasons that I really do not wish to lay out on a public forum I am totally sure neither she nor her family are golddiggers.

However, I have met by far more golddiggers than non-goldddiggers here in Thailand. So must warn the unwary to be careful.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Maybe you're just hanging out in the wrong places? Sorry, your avatar just had me wondering, lol.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

As i have always loved diversity, since childhood, I tend to 'hang out' in all kinds of places, and with all kinds of people.

Generalising about anything is not neccesarily a bad thing.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

But it depends from how many cases you want to generalise...

You cannot do it from 1 or 2 cases. And the problem is that many people generalise really quickly in bad situation, when they have been scamed for exemple.

So, we just have to collect a lot of informations before generalising.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Good point. I make it a rule to never state an opinion unless I have managed to gather a sizeable amount of information, from various angles.

Unfortunately too many ppl will generalize from small samples, or one angle, as you say

Edited December 29, 2005 by OlRedEyes

[RamdomChances]

There has been a lot writen on this thread about the Thai culture, of supporting family and marrying a whole family. Is this still strictly true? Personaly I dont think so, while most children who still live localy or in the same house will support their parents it's not nessesaraly in terms of cash, more someone to look after them, provide food and accomadation.

I know of few examples of people sending money back home, unless it's for a specific purpose usually looking after the children while mom or pop goes off to work. How many Thai women married to Thai men send money every month to their parents? I would of thought unless they have an independant income its not that many as generaly the Thai husband would be more concerned with looking after his parents. In fact I would say regaurds "the man marrying the womans family" that usually its the other way around here and the woman marries the man's family. In emergancy situations its usually the whole family that will chip in if they can

I'm not saying it does'nt happen but in my experiance it's usually when there are relitives at home looking after children, schooling costs ect . Anyway I would say that in a Thai/Thai relationship it the exception rather than the norm for the husband to send his wifes parents a monthly income, let alone support her whole family.

RC

[steveromagnino]

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Maybe you're just hanging out in the wrong places? Sorry, your avatar just had me wondering, lol.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Snoochie Boochies :-) BUNG! Nice avatar; wins my award for best of the day.

Everytime we are getting somewhere, some bitter person starts casting aspersions again about Thai people are this, Isaan people are that.

The ironic thing is that many of those same people get so upset when Thai people start to do the same thing 'farang man, him rich but stupid' ' farang man ding dong' blah blah blah.

No matter who does it, stereotyping is wrong. FYI bitter people; there are a ton of decent Thai people here in this country and in others. I am sorry you have the misfortune to meet some bad ones.

As a kid I was beat up non-stop when I was a 5 year kid growing up in a predominantly white neighbourhood, the 10 year old kids would wait every single day to beat up the 'Chink'. But I accept those kids were just losers; I now don't assume that ALL white people are racists and bullies. So.... grow up or shut up.

Or...front up and say that s&*t to my face. Put your money where your mouth is; I ain't afraid to have ya.

[zzdocxx]

Guys, some advice, ok, this is the land of buffalo stories, picture it like that.

Everybodies trying to scam everyone at some level.

So you being a smart farang - you make your own buffalo stories!

Yes its true and its very effective.  Everytime i am hit up for cash i think

of the most wildest story of why i cant help out.  The key though is

to keep a straight face and a nice Thai smile in the delivery of such

story.  I usually cant so when i burst out laughing i pretend i am coughing.

Then i tell them i think i have Tuberculosis or sick from nok- another buffalo story,

This story will send them to hills alone.

The crazier the story the more effective.  My favorite is "a ghost came and

took all the $$$ out of my wallet". Then ask them for 500 baht to hold u

over for a bit. This ones a hit!! Try it. I am serious! The ews and the aws

are priceless. 

This post is not a joke,  try it, its alot of fun, AND IT WORKS   I actually

look forward to being scammed now.

take care

nam

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I love it!!!

Guess I will tell my little bit of a story sometime, probably get accused of trolling, being low-class, cheap, prejudiced, etc etc !!

No idea if the OP is legit, but it did stimulate an interesting discussion. (To me, anyway.)

[OlRedEyes]

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Maybe you're just hanging out in the wrong places? Sorry, your avatar just had me wondering, lol.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Snoochie Boochies :-) BUNG! Nice avatar; wins my award for best of the day.

Everytime we are getting somewhere, some bitter person starts casting aspersions again about Thai people are this, Isaan people are that.

The ironic thing is that many of those same people get so upset when Thai people start to do the same thing 'farang man, him rich but stupid' ' farang man ding dong' blah blah blah.

No matter who does it, stereotyping is wrong. FYI bitter people; there are a ton of decent Thai people here in this country and in others. I am sorry you have the misfortune to meet some bad ones.

As a kid I was beat up non-stop when I was a 5 year kid growing up in a predominantly white neighbourhood, the 10 year old kids would wait every single day to beat up the 'Chink'. But I accept those kids were just losers; I now don't assume that ALL white people are racists and bullies. So.... grow up or shut up.

Or...front up and say that s&*t to my face. Put your money where your mouth is; I ain't afraid to have ya.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Who are you talking to

the 10 yo kids?

[steveromagnino]

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Who are you talking to

the 10 yo kids?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Yeah man. I gonna smak dem up aye bro, so long as they is still 10

Actually, I am getting rather sick of reading non stop generalisations about Thai men in this thread and in others; so if people feel the need to call out Thai men for being this or that, post me directly, and we can arrange a meeting to discuss. Please bring along any 10 year old kid you can find, so if it comes to hitting someone, I will have a chance to win.

[udon]

Calm down folks, keep it civil.

[cdnvic]

Lets chill, all of ya's

cv

[Savage]

Are there any Farang guys here who aren't or haven't just been married into poor Isarn families??

As it seems that all the negative stuff on these threads about Thai girls and Thai families in general, come from such members with such experience.

If some of the readers just think the whole of the Isarn population are a bunch of scammers then how about looking elsewhere??

Have read very little in the way of positive comments.

An Isarn girl or an Isarn family is more or less...strictly Isarn.

Generalizing the whole of the nation's girls and family traditions on one particular region of Thailand is not too wise.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

This for me is just stupid as well, i-saarn is a region of 22,000,000 people. There are numerous provinces, no less than 5 languages and a complete range of peoples and cultures within this region. If you think that girls from other regions are in some way better then you're buying into the same bullsh@t as everyone else. Stop thinking that all these "bad" people are from a particular area.

My wife is from Khon Kaen, she has 3 sisters and 2 brothers who are all gainfully employed and have never asked for a cent from me (or her for that matter as she has a wage comparable to mine). We once loaned her brother 15,000 baht on the promise he would pay it back the next day, he did this, gained our respect and if he was to ask again I would lend it again. That's her family. Her friends have become my friends, and I don't mean hangers on that expect me to foot the bill everytime. I can't recall any time the bill hasn't been shared except my birthday, or their birthdays (where as per tradition they pay). Some came to our wedding and payed their own passage (in UK). Some own pharmacies, others construction companies and drive mercedes (not that I could give a flying sh@t!).

My point is the notion that i-saarn is completely poor is absolute rubbish, go to some of the cities and larger towns there. In Korat and Khon Kaen (even Surin) you'll find plenty of commerce and examples of wealth (it's hard to differentiate with anywhere else in Thailand).

The bottom line is that if you come to Thailand, spend some time here and meet a woman as an incidental your chances are far better of finding someone with decent motives. In fact I think it's better to meet through someone you trust and can vouch for that person.

Coming to Thailand with the sole purpose of marrying a local quickly will set you up as a sitting duck for the minority of girls/families up for a quick buck.

Trust me, I am convinced they are a minority of the girls interested in meeting foreigners, the problem is that they become less of minority when looked for in the wrong places. Know what I mean?

[OlRedEyes]

<eyes the bloke with the scary face suspiciously> The Case of the Disappearing Post.

Chilled.

[udon]

I asked you to calm down, but you had to retaliate.

Now, go and sit in the corner for 60 minutes.

[OlRedEyes]

I asked you to calm down, but you had to retaliate.

Now, go and sit in the corner for 60 minutes.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Ahhh. so it's the damned cat. Ok . will do. I do like to educate, however. Can I just say something?

No?

Ok.