How Can You Achieve Serenity?

[AngelofDeath]

In this world where we are living in, it's been run by money-grubbing corporations and individuals whose lust for power and money are over the limit. These result in lots of false friends, backstabbing and betrayal. People who befriend you for a motive, not because they want to be genuine friend with you.

Obviously, retreating to the monastery is out of the question for me. How do you achieve serenity and ward off individuals like the one I described?

Edited May 28, 2012 by AngelofDeath

[camerata]

There's no easy way to serenity. In the long-term, following the Buddha's Eightfold path (as a layman, not a monk) will give you a measure of serenity. It won't ward off greedy individuals but it will make dealing with them easier. However, some sacrifices have to be made...

[Brucenkhamen]

You stop looking for happiness, security, or validation outside of yourself but rather find it inside yourself.

[Traxster]

Good luck in your search

I think perhaps that it may be that

the attainment of serenity ,that is reaching your goal,

may not be as important as the journey you take to get there.

Does that make sense ?

[weary]

In this world where we are living in, it's been run by money-grubbing corporations and individuals whose lust for power and money are over the limit. These result in lots of false friends, backstabbing and betrayal. People who befriend you for a motive, not because they want to be genuine friend with you.

Use discernment in your choice of friends. If you feel based on experience that your own discernment of people is poor, ask a person whose discernment you trust for advice, ask them how they think and try to learn. Perhaps you are sending out signals that you are easy to take advantage of? Perhaps your current world-view is so dystopian that you become overly suspicious of people? I can't say, so please do not be offended by these thoughts. Naturally, I don't really know anything about you.

Remember that there are many things in life and in this world to be happy about. Also, not all rich people are evil by nature, nor are all poor people good. Check out what Bill Gates and Warren Buffet are doing, for example. Many corporations are trying to find a better balance between profit and social responsibility. It's true the system of capitalism pulls in a direction that is taxing on resources and tends to exploit, but if this thought makes us depressed or angry, is it beneficial to you, me or anyone else? Anger can cause action, which can sometimes be good, but if you learn to observe your anger and avoid it taking you over, you can direct your energy more freely and with better results.

The Buddha taught us how to focus our energy and effort and remain calm and steady, even in very difficult situations.

As Camerata says, this is very useful. If you feel you want to do something to make the world better, you may be interested in studying the Buddhism of Thich Nhat Hanh, who believes in using what the Buddha taught as tools for others and the environment.

[Xangsamhua]

L. serenitatem (nom. serenitas) "clearness, serenity"

In Sanskrit, "clear" = nirmala, but perhaps in the sense of "undefiled", as in nirmala tathata, or the undefiled and formless "being" of a sentient being. That may be hard to fathom, but the point is that serenity can be linked with clearness, and clearness, or clarity, can be linked to being "awake", "enlightened" or "realized".

As others above have suggested, perhaps the first step on the road to serenity is to seek affirmation not from others or things outside yourself, but from what you are and what you have within yourself and your own direct sphere of control. This is Brucenkhamen's advice. The second step is to realize that you won't achieve serenity by setting out a program or itinerary for finding it. As Traxter has in his signature: 'Everything we wanted was everything we had'. I don't know about all Buddhist teachers, but ones that I read agree with that. Serenity, happiness, Nirvana is already within us; we just have to realize it and live it to the full.

It's not just Buddhist teachers. The Stoics taught the same. Here are the first two paragraphs of Epictetus's Enchiridion:

Some things are in our control and others not. Things in our control are opinion, pursuit, desire, aversion, and, in a word, whatever are our own actions. Things not in our control are body, property, reputation, command, and, in one word, whatever are not our own actions.

The things in our control are by nature free, unrestrained, unhindered; but those not in our control are weak, slavish, restrained, belonging to others. Remember, then, that if you suppose that things which are slavish by nature are also free, and that what belongs to others is your own, then you will be hindered. You will lament, you will be disturbed, and you will find fault both with gods and men. But if you suppose that only to be your own which is your own, and what belongs to others such as it really is, then no one will ever compel you or restrain you. Further, you will find fault with no one or accuse no one. You will do nothing against your will. No one will hurt you, you will have no enemies, and you not be harmed.

(Note that Epictetus was himself a slave in his childhood and youth.)

[rockyysdt]

If you really analyze it, unless Awakened, no one does anything unless there is something in it for them, even friendship itself.

If you ask the question, "What purpose is a friend?" you will see what I mean.

What is it about others or life which stops you being serene?

In terms of survival, we must all work to sustain ourselves.

To do this interaction with others, generally, can't be avoided.

One way of interacting with others is to observe them with continuous naked awareness without judgment.

With awareness you minimise being drawn in or reacting inappropriately, and observe from a safe position.

Interestingly awareness includes self awareness.

You might end up observing unpleasant attributes in yourself.

Many of us lack self awareness, and don't see in ourselves what others see in us.

Edited May 29, 2012 by rockyysdt

[huli]

If you really analyze it, unless Awakened, no one does anything unless there is something in it for them, even friendship itself.

If you ask the question, "What purpose is a friend?" you will see what I mean.

What is it about others or life which stops you being serene?

In terms of survival, we must all work to sustain ourselves.

To do this interaction with others, generally, can't be avoided.

One way of interacting with others is to observe them with continuous naked awareness without judgment.

With awareness you minimise being drawn in or reacting inappropriately, and observe from a safe position.

Interestingly awareness includes self awareness.

You might end up observing unpleasant attributes in yourself.

Many of us lack self awareness, and don't see in ourselves what others see in us.

If I may say so, it seems to me that both compassion and empathy require some judgement beyond just naked awareness. Also, how can it be denied that humans perform unselfish acts all the time without being Awakened. For example, how is an anonymous donation to a needy group selfish?

As to friendships, in my estimation, they are observed to be based on some common interest, and is one way of making life easier for us common folks not yet awakened. Buddha didn't say much about friendship except it's better to hang around with advanced beings rather than the converse. Friendship, per se, is not an issue in Noble Truths or the Path. Friendships, like everything else in this world of samsara, have an upside and a downside.

Just my thoughts.

[camerata]

If you really analyze it, unless Awakened, no one does anything unless there is something in it for them, even friendship itself.

If you ask the question, "What purpose is a friend?" you will see what I mean.

This isn't as bad as you think. Our objective is to do things for the common interest, for everyone concerned - including ourselves. All my friendships are based on mutual interest, sometimes companionship, sometimes other things.

[trd]

In this world where we are living in, it's been run by money-grubbing corporations and individuals whose lust for power and money are over the limit. These result in lots of false friends, backstabbing and betrayal. People who befriend you for a motive, not because they want to be genuine friend with you.

Serenity in the deepest spiritual sense has nothing to do with mind. Mind is just a series of thoughts. Thoughts appear and disappear as do objects in the phenomenal world of name and form. Most people are trying to "fix" their minds on a psychological level in order to find serenity by making more money, getting a better job, acquiring more possessions, finding the perfect lover etc. No matter what you do, there cannot be lasting and ultimate satisfaction in the limited world of mind and senses.

The paradox and mystery is that we have to use the mind in order to extinguish the mind. Turning the attention inwards to the source of thought, to become established in the silent awareness that is your true nature is the way to find peace. You will then discover that the false friends and betrayal you mention cease to disturb you because they are seen as just transitory events in the field of duality. What doesn't come and go is this awareness, Emptiness if you call yourself a Buddhist, or Self (atma) if you call yourself a Vedantin. It doesn't matter. Practice this yoga of silence using the well established meditation techniques of Vipassana, mantra meditation, pranayma or self enquiry that continually turns the mind towards its source. Do this practice in a habitual and systematic way. I cannot stress enough that practice is primary. Scripture is secondary.

With practice, you will begin to experience what I would call fleeting samadhi. A still, unwavering mind, one pointed, it doesn't matter how brief at first. Feelings of bliss may come. It will dissipate after meditation when you engage back into the field of action. But there will come a time when this samadhi becomes established permanently, while engaged in activity. You will feel the same peace whether you are in a temple or in the middle of a busy street. You will surrender the ego and discover that it was just an illusion. You will feel totally comfortable with yourself in any situation. Right action, compassion and non-attachment will be an automatic and spontaneous result of being established as pure, unmanifest being. The world that appears in the waking state of consciousness will still be there, but your perspective will have changed. Many habits continue because there are still karmic seeds, but life becomes effortless because this silent awareness is established and outshines everything else. The knower knows itself and cannot be disturbed by that which is impermanent and ever changing.

I'm just reminded that the best description I have ever read about spiritual growth and progress in meditation is in the autobiography of Luangta Maha Boowa, the abbot of the forest monastery in Udon Thani. You may remember he passed on last year and it was a big event in Thailand, such was his standing. His writing on his spiritual progress in the latter part of the book is a must read. Given that he is trying to describe the indescribable, he does it with such wisdom. It can be freely downloaded as a pdf from holybooks.com

[rockyysdt]

If I may say so, it seems to me that both compassion and empathy require some judgement beyond just naked awareness. Also, how can it be denied that humans perform unselfish acts all the time without being Awakened. For example, how is an anonymous donation to a needy group selfish?

As to friendships, in my estimation, they are observed to be based on some common interest, and is one way of making life easier for us common folks not yet awakened. Buddha didn't say much about friendship except it's better to hang around with advanced beings rather than the converse. Friendship, per se, is not an issue in Noble Truths or the Path. Friendships, like everything else in this world of samsara, have an upside and a downside.

Just my thoughts.

Sorry huli.

I was being high level and simplistic.

I do lack awareness.

I should also have added that there are degrees of awareness/awakening.

Donating to the needy anonymously is indeed unselfish and compassionate.

My thoughts were with the vast majority.

Most don't even give, preferring to waste resources on themselves in pusuit of ego inflating.

I observe such accounts on a daily basis, and when l enquire, answers are laced with delusion, or greed.

Most don't donate, and those who do, give such low amounts, their actions can only serve as feel good measures.

Edited May 30, 2012 by rockyysdt

[rockyysdt]

This isn't as bad as you think. Our objective is to do things for the common interest, for everyone concerned - including ourselves. All my friendships are based on mutual interest, sometimes companionship, sometimes other things.

If the common interest is Buddhism and Dharma, then you could call this a mini Sangha.

Can I ask?

When "what you get from a friendship" diminishes, doesn't the friendship also diminish.

When I refer to a diminishing friendship, I don't mean a growing dislike for the other.

More a "don't get to see your friend much anymore" type of thing.

My best friend from the past called upon me after a long absence.

He vanished as quickly as he came.

I no longer participated in a common interest we used to share.

Was there something in it for him?

When he could no longer experience it, did our friendship diminish?

Was there something in it for us?

Is a true friend one who maintains contact regardless of whethere there is something in it for him?

When I analyze frienship, there appears to be something in it for each party.

When this is absent the friendship diminishes.

In other words, you can't have a friendship unless there's something in it for you/them!

As well as diminishing common interest, the presence of conditioning, inflaming aversion, also has its influence.

I'm sorry to say, friendships cannot exist without desire/need being a driver.

Edited May 30, 2012 by rockyysdt

[camerata]

There's nothing wrong with friendships based on mutual interest. That's the way the world works. Only an arahant will act out of compassion alone, and I don't believe arahants have "friends" in the normal sense (or need companionship). Everyone else has a measure of self-interest in the things they do.

It's natural for friendships to diminish as your mutual interests diverge. Nothing lasts forever. New friendships with new interests will replace the old ones - for both of you.

As Ajahn Viradhammo said in a recent talk, desire itself isn't bad. It's only unwholesome when it's a result of greed, hatred, or delusion.

[healthcaretaker]

When you cannot change or avoid others, it's best to change your own thinking.

You cannot avoid these people unless you become a monk or nun and it's unlikely you can change them.

You can learn to understand them better and accept their behaviour without dealing with them or being like them.

[rockyysdt]

When you cannot change or avoid others, it's best to change your own thinking.

You cannot avoid these people unless you become a monk or nun and it's unlikely you can change them.

You can learn to understand them better and accept their behaviour without dealing with them or being like them.

Thanks H C.

Yes, this is what I do.

I view them as an observer and see these things.

In away, it allows for to discern if the friendship is based on greed or on mutual respect.

[healthcaretaker]

If I may say so, it seems to me that both compassion and empathy require some judgement beyond just naked awareness. Also, how can it be denied that humans perform unselfish acts all the time without being Awakened. For example, how is an anonymous donation to a needy group selfish?

As to friendships, in my estimation, they are observed to be based on some common interest, and is one way of making life easier for us common folks not yet awakened. Buddha didn't say much about friendship except it's better to hang around with advanced beings rather than the converse. Friendship, per se, is not an issue in Noble Truths or the Path. Friendships, like everything else in this world of samsara, have an upside and a downside.

Just my thoughts.

Sorry huli.

I was being high level and simplistic.

I do lack awareness.

I should also have added that there are degrees of awareness/awakening.

Donating to the needy anonymously is indeed unselfish and compassionate.

My thoughts were with the vast majority.

Most don't even give, preferring to waste resources on themselves in pusuit of ego inflating.

I observe such accounts on a daily basis, and when l enquire, answers are laced with delusion, or greed.

Most don't donate, and those who do, give such low amounts, their actions can only serve as feel good measures.

Allow me to contribute a little on huli's part of "anonymous donation" & "Friendship not emphasized by Buddha".

1) While an anonymous donation is not considered a selfish act, a certain "selfishness" is still there. For eg, I know a certain religion group(I won't mention which in order not to be blamed for such act) will NEVER donate to a Buddhism country or people and I don't believe they have done so anonymously. If a person did donation or charity to any party of personal choice(anonymously or not), "selfishness" is involved. If donation is done and one feels good for it, "selfishness" is involved but a lower degree. If donation is done to improves one's self karma, "selfishness" is involved.

2) Buddha's teachings don't emphasize on "friendship". That will be a form of selfish act. Buddha's teachings is meant for all people, race or religions. That made him really GREAT. I guess most people know about this reason. If we are good to our "neighbours" or "friends" only, we are selfish or narrow. We should be good to everyone, regardless of the 3Rs - relationship, race or religion.