Careful tutsi I'm tryin' to finish a chicken and hummus kebab here....

Lately the term twunt has been in the back of my mind...but I would like to send the lovely chap a Raspberry Tart instead.

oooh...chicken and hummus kebab? sounds righteous...when I was in NYC 2 weeks ago I got falafel sandwiches with hummus on the side...they made their own and it was delicious and comparable with others that I've had in the ME...

chicken shwarmas sometimes are preferable to mutton but if ye got nice tahina sauce and fresh arabic bread then it all tastes good...

well, maybe tutsi ain't much longer fer this world as I got the word that a job in saudi is coming up soon and then to all associates at thaivisa:

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but the eats sure will be good...slaughter a camel and roast over a saudi desert open fire...but there ain't no vodka and will have lost my muse..

but, not yet...

Edited May 29, 201214 yr by tutsiwarrior

'as the tahina sauce dripped slowly over Fatimah's splendidly flat and quivering belly...'

You've been away from SandLand too long Toots.

Fatimah's belly may quiver (wobble) but it was never flat.

'as the tahina sauce dripped slowly over Fatimah's splendidly flat and quivering belly...'

You've been away from SandLand too long Toots.

Fatimah's belly may quiver (wobble) but it was never flat.

well, humph...you know...a bit of abdominal contour here and there never hurt nothin'...but I did see some nice lookin' local talent in Abu Dhabi and in Bahrain where an abaya is not required and them babes were hot!

here's tutsi on Hamdam Street munching shwarmas and checking things out and then a tall and well equipped local woman sez indignantly: 'can I help you sir?' and then tutsi sez between mouthfuls of lamb shwarma: '58!...58! ...58 kilos and not a gram more!' and then she sez, alluringly: 'well...I'm actually 62 but yer close enough...'

and then tutsi offers his shwarma and sez: 'would you like some? it's awfully good...' and then her mate comes and drags her away muttering: 'Fatimah, come this way and quit making a fool of yerself...'

Edited May 29, 201214 yr by tutsiwarrior

She had a face like a twisted pisspot and a c#nt like a ripped our fireplace. -

She had a face like a twisted pisspot and a c#nt like a ripped our fireplace. -

and that just popped into your mind ??

Actually that one came from our lecherous old sod of a van driver from back home. His other poet laureate-worthy efforts included referring to hands as "wanking spanners" and giving me, the new apprentice, the title of "c#nthooks"

Cake sucker.

Cake sucker.

Keep your PM conversations to yourselves please you two!

Honestly...

Cake sucker.

Keep your PM conversations to yourselves please you two!

Honestly...

I wasn't talking to anyone in particular money funner.

Edited May 30, 201214 yr by Thaddeus

Cake sucker.

Keep your PM conversations to yourselves please you two!

Honestly...

I wasn't talking to anyone in particular money funner.

Sorry I forgot you are a fistaphobic!

She had a face like a twisted pisspot and a c#nt like a ripped our fireplace. -

we used to say it looked more like a gutted rabbit !

another one that was extremely popular on the golf course although i wont go through with the whole sentence was........

on second thoughts maybe not.

Edited May 30, 201214 yr by tigerfish

a question asked between lads over a few pints or two on a evening. would be whether a certain lady in question, took it up the bournville chicane ?

a question asked between lads over a few pints or two on a evening. would be whether a certain lady in question, took it up the bournville chicane ?

If you are so endowed that you can reach the first bend, I salute you, from a distance.

a question asked between lads over a few pints or two on a evening. would be whether a certain lady in question, took it up the bournville chicane ?

Ah yes... what the colonials call the 'Hershey Highway'.... there's a lot to be said for us dung punchers.

Others I recall is having 'face like a mile of bad road', and 'breath like a badger's bum'. Also the smell of their BO was 'bad enough to make a dead dog die.' Some people have been described as 'legends in their own lunchtime'.... hmmm, apropos for some TV'ers (present company excluded) but lacking profanity.

A face like a bag of spanners.

http://www.oldskoolanthemz.com/forum/humour/7949-roger-mellys-profanisaurus-c.html

I was thinking of my oxygen thieving "buddy" today and would like to refer to him as a smegma laden head cheese.

Edited May 30, 201214 yr by smokie36

I was thinking of my oxygen thieving "buddy" today and would like to refer to him as a smegma laden head cheese.

And....he has the temerity to suggest I am upset....the most happy and contented maniac I know...

So I am saying to him....while looking him straight in the eye...you're a cheap, lying, no good, di*kless, brainless, bug eyed, heartless, fatarse, spotty, spineless worm headed sack of monkey sh*t I have ever come across!

Edited May 30, 201214 yr by smokie36

Shuttit ya frub ( fat repulsive ugly bast*rd )

and...here is tutsi with high school associates in the early 60s and Tony is not the sharpest knife in the drawer:

'yer girlfriend ain't bad lookin' and I wouldn't mind a bit of that...'...'oh yeah? in yer mouth!' (meaning that Tony intends to ejaculate into someone's mouth to humiliate, usually accompanied by a crude masturbatory gesture)

'the pre-algebra math teacher is a bit of a problem and he picks on Tony all the time...'...'oh yeah? in yer mouth!'

'the president of the US of A has just announced an escalation of cold war hostilities with America's enemies...'...'oh yeah? in yer mouth!'

things were much simpler back then...

Edited May 31, 201214 yr by tutsiwarrior

I was from a much more naive society, I doubt the concept of oral sex had occurred to some of the people I went to school with (or many of their parents), the squeeze of a teenage breast was considered to be the peak of sexual success.

I seem to recall most of the insults among young male referred to excessive masturbatory habits.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jCJK_yDAeOM

Priceless!!

Hardly creative but worthy of a mention for the intent

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=45VNfLKdfeA

I'm glad to see things returning to normal for a change....

^ Although it was a flip of the coin as to whether to post here or in the Families and Children section mate.

Plus Terrence and Philip - Donkey raping shit eater and Shit faced cockmaster. It's not the words. It's the way they say them.

Edited May 31, 201214 yr by mca

^ Although it was a flip of the coin as to whether to post here or in the Families and Children section mate.

Plus Terrence and Philip - Donkey raping shit eater and Shit faced cockmaster. It's not the words. It's the way they say them.

I agree mate...exclamation or profane attack....different animals....I don't think I have ever used the latter....except against a particularly offensive left back!