Are You A Real Knight?

[BKK Traveler]

I want my partner to stay with me because he want to...is the same as a friend...they are your friends and stay beside you because they want to...

hold on, wait a minute do you also have financial friendships?

I think this whole thread is going way off from where it started back in the "Frustrated with supporting Thai wifes family" thread and has little to do with Thailand anymore. My original point was that many posters think that money should have nothing at all to do with love, but I think that if I love someone I should freely give money to them. If you love someone you should be willing to give them whatever you have, be it money, time, care, whatever. For me, I have a very good source of income and so in my case I enjoy spending my money on the people I love. For some people who don't have much money, they may enjoy devoting their time or something else they have to the people they love. I want to stress that I totally disagree that there is anything wrong or obscene with giving money to the people you love. And in many relationships involving Farang men and Thai women, there are significant financial needs and it is expected that the man will provide for at least some of those needs because he has the resources and if he truly loves his wife parting with some of his money should be a natural expression of his love. But the opinion of many, if not most it seems, is that no money should ever be given, or as little as possible. For me, I don't see how these men love their wives if they are so stingy with their money. Unless they are really poor or have some financial situation that prevents them from giving more they should open their hearts and pocket books a bit more and help out. It's not going to hurt them. They don't need to give all their money, but at least give enough to show they really care and love their wife.

You mention "financial friendships." and to answer you, yes I do at times help out friends fiancially. But my friendships are not founded in any financial arrangement. I give because they are my friends and because they have a need that I can help them with.

But whether it is my own family, my friends, my wife or her family (if I was married), in all cases my love/friendship with them would not be dependent on me giving them any money, but because of my love/friendship I want to give if they are in need and by my giving it will help them out. That is just one of the ways I show my love. And if I find a wife, I don't expect nor want it to be a strictly financial arrangement. I want her first to love me. But in addition to her love for me I want her to depend on me to make the money and supply her financial needs. And she in turn will supply my needs, such as giving me her love, taking care of our house and raising our children. I'm only specifically looking for this sort of a financial need in a wife, and not in my friends.

I don't want a wife who goes out and works and leave it up to a nanny or daycare center to raise our children without having a loving parent at their side all day. I want a traditional family where the wife stays home and is dependent on the husband to make the money. Where my wife is thankful for me for working hard to provide financially and where I feel that I am needed and provide worth to our family and our relationship.

Of course nobody knows what the future holds. Maybe I will have a financial crisis and not be able to fully support my family and my wife will be forced to work to help out. And I would expect her to do that if that situation were to arise. Her financial dependency on me is only one of many secondary factors to our love. If the financial dependency is lost, then hopefully our love and other binding factors will be enough to keep the marriage together. I want as many of these secondary factors as possible to exist in my relationship, but I still think that the financial dependency is the strongest of them.

There's no certainty in any relationship. So many people are madly in love at first and claim they will never ever leave each other, but then in a very short time they are fighting and then separate. Even if one of the partners is 100% certain that they will never leave, they still can't know for sure whether their partner will leave or not. For many, a relationship is little more than a crap shoot as to whether it will last or not. But there are factors that can increase your odds at having a lasting relationship. No guarantees, but at least increase the chances. For me, I think that a financial need of my wife will increase my chances and so that's what I'm looking for. If you or others don't think the same, then fine, do whatever is best for you.

Regardless others may claim, I know for sure that a large percent of the men marrying Thai women are married because of their superior financial situation. The farang's finances are not the only factor in most of the cases, but it is a significant factor. Some of these farangs, and many who post to this forum, seem to be very stingy with their money and don't seem to enjoy spending anything on their wife or her family to make her happy. But I know there are many farangs that do enjoy spending money on their wife and her family.

[kat]

"I think this whole thread is going way off from where it started back in the "Frustrated with supporting Thai wifes family"

No, it hasn't - it's a new thread

Edited January 6, 2006 by kat

[BKK Traveler]

I think you will find the the amount of men who come to poor countries looking for a wife (for the reasons you have stated) is minimal in comparison to the amount of couples from the same country or economic background, so although you feel the need to have a wife rely on you financially to make you feel worthwhile as a man, many many other men do not.

I totally agree with you that the number of men who find a wife in a poor country is minimal when compared with the total population. A huge number of men have no idea of what exists outside the borders of their own country. Many of them if ever given the opportunity to travel abroad would join those numbers. But even still the vast majority of men have no desire to look outside their country for a mate. They may not like women of a different race, or they may find the idea of looking for a mate in a distant land to be too difficult, or for whatever reason. So unless you know what is the reasons for men marrying women of their own country, I don't think you can confidently say that many men don't feel the need to provide financially for a woman.

In modern western culture we are taught that love cannot be bought. That love should only be freely given. That we should despise love that appears to be purchased. We (both men and women) pride ourselves in the fact that we are financially independent. For many men, they even like to brag about how much better off financially his female companion is that himself. I've even known men to blatently lie about their partner's financial situation just to make it look like she was well off and not in need of his money. It's because we are being taught that a financially independent woman who wants to be with you must really love you and not your money. Many men buy into this newly created line of thinking, but that is not the natural way men think but a learned behavior due to our modern society. Deep down, most men still have this desire to be the knight in shining armour financially as well as in other respects, even if that desire is suppressed by our culture.

I stopped reading the thread with the above post. Just a couple of things:

Most modern women have changed due to male withdrawl or rejection of "needy" women. The cultural revolution didn't just happen due to women not having something to wear that day -- got it?

My mother was regularly beaten by my father. She was a traditonal lady -- your type, too. Most money that she earned, she handed over to my father

She always served him before the kids, because after all, he was the man of the house.

Women of my mother's generation have countless stories of repressed heartbreak and regret for chances not taken because of being a "rescued" damsel with no other options for fulfillment in life, or devleopment of her full self.

In the 1950s, women married men that reflected their own aspirations: doctor, lawyer, architect, etc. Modern women achieve their own aspirations as doctors, lawyers, architects, etc.

Many women back then had terrible sex lives, because, well, we all know how monopolies work.

That was a good post, and I agree with you. Women in today's western world do have a choice and have the ability to be financially independent. And as you say, one of the reasons they choose to have a career is because they don't want to take a chance of getting burned by an abusive or deadbeat husband. I accept that this change has happened in western culture and can't argue with the women's desire to do what they've done. I have no problems with it, except that the modern western woman is not the type of woman I'm looking for and so I look elsewhere. I have no hard feelings towards those women, but I don't want to marry one of them. I want a traditional wife and family. I feel sorry for all the women who have been in abusive relationships and have made it my number one commitment to never add to these statistics. If the whole world were the same with modern financially independent women, then I guess I would have no choice. But I do have a choice and I've made my decision to look to Thailand to find a wife because I believe there is a much greater chance of finding a traditional wife there than in any western country.

"I think this whole thread is going way off from where it started back in the "Frustrated with supporting Thai wifes family"

No, it hasn't - it's a new thread

It was only started as a new thread because the original thread was closed. I think I've pretty much stated my opinion and anything I say is just going to be a rehash of what has already been said. And I don't want to continue discussing something that's way off topic for Thailand being this is a Thai board. So I think I'm probably finished here unless the topic gets back more towards something Thai specific.

[Glauka]

i agree we do not need to discuss this any further...

but i just want to point out...that this is a complete new threat...I wanted to tell you my opinion about your post in the other topic and i could not because is was closed...this was not related by anymeans to the original topic only to your post...

Edited January 6, 2006 by Glauka

[Glauka]

That was a good post, and I agree with you. Women in today's western world do have a choice and have the ability to be financially independent. And as you say, one of the reasons they choose to have a career is because they don't want to take a chance of getting burned by an abusive or deadbeat husband. I accept that this change has happened in western culture and can't argue with the women's desire to do what they've done. I have no problems with it, except that the modern western woman is not the type of woman I'm looking for and so I look elsewhere. I have no hard feelings towards those women, but I don't want to marry one of them. I want a traditional wife and family. I feel sorry for all the women who have been in abusive relationships and have made it my number one commitment to never add to these statistics. If the whole world were the same with modern financially independent women, then I guess I would have no choice. But I do have a choice and I've made my decision to look to Thailand to find a wife because I believe there is a much greater chance of finding a traditional wife there than in any western country.

even though the post that you wrote and was the reason of this thread got in my nerves and as i said in other topic was to general, mean and unfair...

I want to say that the above post is quite good...and now i understand you better and even though i don´t agree with the financial issues that you state for a love relationship I respect your choices and your views about that matter...

I wish you the best for your love relationship...

[khall64au]

....And they all lived happily ever after.

Good luck.........!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[thaibebop]

I think you will find the the amount of men who come to poor countries looking for a wife (for the reasons you have stated) is minimal in comparison to the amount of couples from the same country or economic background, so although you feel the need to have a wife rely on you financially to make you feel worthwhile as a man, many many other men do not.

I totally agree with you that the number of men who find a wife in a poor country is minimal when compared with the total population. A huge number of men have no idea of what exists outside the borders of their own country. Many of them if ever given the opportunity to travel abroad would join those numbers. But even still the vast majority of men have no desire to look outside their country for a mate. They may not like women of a different race, or they may find the idea of looking for a mate in a distant land to be too difficult, or for whatever reason. So unless you know what is the reasons for men marrying women of their own country, I don't think you can confidently say that many men don't feel the need to provide financially for a woman.

In modern western culture we are taught that love cannot be bought. That love should only be freely given. That we should despise love that appears to be purchased. We (both men and women) pride ourselves in the fact that we are financially independent. For many men, they even like to brag about how much better off financially his female companion is that himself. I've even known men to blatently lie about their partner's financial situation just to make it look like she was well off and not in need of his money. It's because we are being taught that a financially independent woman who wants to be with you must really love you and not your money. Many men buy into this newly created line of thinking, but that is not the natural way men think but a learned behavior due to our modern society. Deep down, most men still have this desire to be the knight in shining armour financially as well as in other respects, even if that desire is suppressed by our culture.

I stopped reading the thread with the above post. Just a couple of things:

Most modern women have changed due to male withdrawl or rejection of "needy" women. The cultural revolution didn't just happen due to women not having something to wear that day -- got it?

My mother was regularly beaten by my father. She was a traditonal lady -- your type, too. Most money that she earned, she handed over to my father

She always served him before the kids, because after all, he was the man of the house.

Women of my mother's generation have countless stories of repressed heartbreak and regret for chances not taken because of being a "rescued" damsel with no other options for fulfillment in life, or devleopment of her full self.

In the 1950s, women married men that reflected their own aspirations: doctor, lawyer, architect, etc. Modern women achieve their own aspirations as doctors, lawyers, architects, etc.

Many women back then had terrible sex lives, because, well, we all know how monopolies work.

Very good post Kat!

[thaibebop]

I think you will find the the amount of men who come to poor countries looking for a wife (for the reasons you have stated) is minimal in comparison to the amount of couples from the same country or economic background, so although you feel the need to have a wife rely on you financially to make you feel worthwhile as a man, many many other men do not.

I totally agree with you that the number of men who find a wife in a poor country is minimal when compared with the total population. A huge number of men have no idea of what exists outside the borders of their own country. Many of them if ever given the opportunity to travel abroad would join those numbers. But even still the vast majority of men have no desire to look outside their country for a mate. They may not like women of a different race, or they may find the idea of looking for a mate in a distant land to be too difficult, or for whatever reason. So unless you know what is the reasons for men marrying women of their own country, I don't think you can confidently say that many men don't feel the need to provide financially for a woman.

In modern western culture we are taught that love cannot be bought. That love should only be freely given. That we should despise love that appears to be purchased. We (both men and women) pride ourselves in the fact that we are financially independent. For many men, they even like to brag about how much better off financially his female companion is that himself. I've even known men to blatently lie about their partner's financial situation just to make it look like she was well off and not in need of his money. It's because we are being taught that a financially independent woman who wants to be with you must really love you and not your money. Many men buy into this newly created line of thinking, but that is not the natural way men think but a learned behavior due to our modern society. Deep down, most men still have this desire to be the knight in shining armour financially as well as in other respects, even if that desire is suppressed by our culture.

I stopped reading the thread with the above post. Just a couple of things:

Most modern women have changed due to male withdrawl or rejection of "needy" women. The cultural revolution didn't just happen due to women not having something to wear that day -- got it?

My mother was regularly beaten by my father. She was a traditonal lady -- your type, too. Most money that she earned, she handed over to my father

She always served him before the kids, because after all, he was the man of the house.

Women of my mother's generation have countless stories of repressed heartbreak and regret for chances not taken because of being a "rescued" damsel with no other options for fulfillment in life, or devleopment of her full self.

In the 1950s, women married men that reflected their own aspirations: doctor, lawyer, architect, etc. Modern women achieve their own aspirations as doctors, lawyers, architects, etc.

Many women back then had terrible sex lives, because, well, we all know how monopolies work.

That was a good post, and I agree with you. Women in today's western world do have a choice and have the ability to be financially independent. And as you say, one of the reasons they choose to have a career is because they don't want to take a chance of getting burned by an abusive or deadbeat husband. What that is the only reason a woman would want to join the workforce? A woman can't have dreams that inspire her to do something with her life, just like men? She can't be driven by ambition to achieve something just like a man? Yes, you want a traditional wife, a slave is golden cuffs more like. But what if I am wrong? Would let your submissive Thai wife open her own business? Would you let her follow a dream that she wasn't able to when she was poor before meeting you? Did you know that the workforce in Thailand is made up of more women than men, unlike many western countries? Did you know that out of most Asian countries Thailand has a larger population of women in the workforce than many others? Is that Thai specific enough for you? My wife and all the women in her family are hard working women you have all aspired to college educations and owning businesses, much like western women. I have no fear of what my wife desires. I have no reason to keep her in a gilded cage. Like I said, you just want a woman to do what you want her to.

I accept that this change has happened in western culture and can't argue with the women's desire to do what they've done. I have no problems with it, except that the modern western woman is not the type of woman I'm looking for and so I look elsewhere. I have no hard feelings towards those women, but I don't want to marry one of them. I want a traditional wife and family. I feel sorry for all the women who have been in abusive relationships and have made it my number one commitment to never add to these statistics. If the whole world were the same with modern financially independent women, then I guess I would have no choice. But I do have a choice and I've made my decision to look to Thailand to find a wife because I believe there is a much greater chance of finding a traditional wife there than in any western country.

"I think this whole thread is going way off from where it started back in the "Frustrated with supporting Thai wifes family"

No, it hasn't - it's a new thread

It was only started as a new thread because the original thread was closed. I think I've pretty much stated my opinion and anything I say is just going to be a rehash of what has already been said. And I don't want to continue discussing something that's way off topic for Thailand being this is a Thai board. So I think I'm probably finished here unless the topic gets back more towards something Thai specific.

[AlexLah]

The problem is that that feeling many times slowly fades away.

After sometime things get sort of normal and slowly your partner becomes your dearest friend (at least in my previous experience).

exactly!!!

So how to deal with that Glauka?

[Glauka]

The problem is that that feeling many times slowly fades away.

After sometime things get sort of normal and slowly your partner becomes your dearest friend (at least in my previous experience).

exactly!!!

So how to deal with that Glauka?

It is true that the passionate feelings fade away however new feelings arise...

I think at the beggining you just feel that the other person is nice, handsome. funny blah,blah,blah.......but after sometime you may enter to a second phase where all this fade away and you can just be yourself and the same for your partner...you don´t mind how you look in the mornings, how terrible you behave when you are ill or all the stupid things you say when you are drunk or what silly things make you cry or when you just be silly to make him laugh...I just love it, I like this second phase better than the first passionate one...

however sometimes you can just get so used to eachother that you don´t bother to make her laugh or do something special for her or just look nice for her...then...

IMHO both parts should work for the relationship everyday...

when my ex-boyfriend stay with this other girl...he felt o.k at the beggining, his ego just got bigger so he felt special...but after 2 months he realized that the intimacy that we had was more special than all this exciment and he also realized that what we built after 4 years living together was more beautiful than any passionate night with this pretty girl...

But he realized too late...

that´s why i think that we should work on the relationship everyday and be honest to eachother so that we can understand what is going on with ourselfs and our partner, so that we do not realized too late that the person we are with is very special...

what is your opinion Alexlah?