Paying A Dowry?

[erco]

Hi

My friend would like some input to the topic above.

I have informed him of my understanding as follows;

A dowry is based on education and family earnings, so if the girl in question has been to University therefore the family have a background you should expect to pay about 200,000+ baht.

Dowry is paid for the first marriage only.

I have heard dowry's being paid for bar girls (prostitutes) exceeding that figure. Who wants a prostitute?

Farrang usually end up with bar girls or women with children. Thais do not like anything second hand so therefore only farang are willing to take on these specimens.

The girl in queston has just completed University and works in a Bank. She is from wealthy family who are friends of a client of mine, this is how they met as I have been living here for 5 years. They are of the same age group. 24 years.

[randyksf]

Don't want to sound brash, but what exactly are you asking?

[Khutan]

Erco;

Thank oyu for yyour succinct analysis of the contemporary influences of farang in a modern, yet pragmatic Thai Culture. I am sure everyone in the forum has enjoyed your summary and happy to answer your question.

There is another few issues if one is "girding their loins" in preparation of the Sin Sod.

This would have a direct influence on the empirical value of the lady in question. Lets move on.....

How many boyfriends has the lady had before she met her current partner.

Is she a virgin.

If she is not a virgin how many of her ex-boyfriends did she have sex with.

Has she ever had an abortion

Has she ever had a venerial disease

Is her university from a mainstream university

Is it a bachelors degree of a masters degree

There are so many questions to consider.

One other issue, rather than having the parents "selling a new car", which my wife knocked me off my feet with is and to quote her "The significance of the amount relates to it being a lucky number, not always a large number".

Hey Admin, I was thinking of doing a weighting spreadsheet and making it into a webpage, so people can calculate their own Sin Sod. Are you willing to host it. I am willing to give you all the intellectual capital.

[Mig15]

I think that this first post is insulting to women. Looking down on people as if they are damaged goods just because they have been married before and had children. Even bar girls and dare I say it prostitutes are people and deserve some respect. If Thai men don’t want anything to do with these Ladies it is there loss and our gain. One of the reasons that a man form another country will accept a woman who has been divorced and has children is that in our countries most women we meet are in this position. We can see past this pathetic longing for virgins that men from this part of the world seem to have. I like women who know what they are doing and enjoy sex – why shouldn’t they?

[Khutan]

Personally I think the notion of paying the Sin Sod is objectionable. OK a token offering and some sign of respect, bet at the end of the day its a scam.

The only reason I paid it was I knew exactly how much was coming back, when, and what the rest was being spent on i.e. not Whiskey for all the villagers.

That Is why I am going to do the online Sin Sod Caluclator - to make a mockery of it.

At the end of the day when you take out the food my wife and I ended up with more money than we paid in the first place..... But we pretty much bypassed mum, did it with Grandma, and grandma gets the big benefit of living in the new house rather than the shitty run-down shanty my wife's mother makes the poor 82 year old live in.

Yes I know this situation is rare, but my wife is a bit crafty with culture and well grandma was higher up the peck order than mum (the boozer).

[Pink Mist]

Don't worry about it, it's only money.

Pay twice what they ask, pay for the wedding and give everyone in the villiage 1000 baht as a wedding gift.

You will be a hero

[richard bampton]

Bronco your a winner and I couldn't agree more. Everyone wants to be hero.

[penelope]

Paid nothing,gave nothing.Thai side of family didn't think much of the dowry concept(Although we did shout their airfares to Sydney for the wedding).They didn't need the money or face anyway.

[p1p]

Placed over 1.5M Baht ++ gold & Jewels etc. All put out for view at official engagement ceremony then at the wedding a year later. T'was all returned to those who lent it the day following each ceremony. (All except various gold chains which were gifts to me from her parents.)

My wife is a graduate of UK schools & University.

[cdnvic]

The option of going through the motions of tradition (small token dowery) worked for us. It was our compromise between my wife's family who still follows the tradition and mine which finds "purchasing" her completely objectionable. Besides, she paid her own way through university.

My mother in law may still believe in ghosts, but to her credit she found the idea of displaying money, etc to the neighbors as unreasonably vain. Just as well... showing a great deal of wealth to the neighbors would have required the skilled use of a laser printer

cv

[camel_jockey]

My situation,

my fiance is mid 30's,never married, no kids,same as me, her parents dont have much $$$,she put herself through nursing school/college, learnt to speak perfect english, and has lived and worked for a large international company in the middle east for the last 8 years.not nursing though,which is where we meet.we are getting married in july, i'm paying for it,which is fine by me,cause then we get to go where i want,selfish bastard I know, and we are going halves in the "dowry' which is her idea,as she understands that in western cultures(in aus anyway) we dont usually give a dowry,she thinks we will get most of it back anyway(100,000thb),

just my two bobs worth!

[erco]

Hi

Many thanks to all that answered, seems most are happy with there lot.

Mig 15

Sounds like Mig 15 is into prossies in a big way sad git. By the way Mig 15 Bar Grls are prostitutes.

Bronco

One thing being a hero and another being a sucker.

[Maverick]

Does this farce still prevail (a dowry)? I never hear anyone discussing it in my circle and it never crossed my mind when marrying my thai wife - still no doubt as she was one of those 'specimens' as Erco so quaintly puts it (one previous child) she would have been seriously discounted (but as no ex bar girl not the maximum discount - shame). And displaying gold/jewels that get returned afterwards - oh behave!

Oh and Erco - u sure your not a closet 'man o the night'?

[Dove]

Don't pay for second hand material.

[Khutan]

Good News,

The Sin Sod Calculator is in test and hopefully I can get it on a web page for everyone to have a laugh at.

There is some complicated mathematics in it.....

[Pink Mist]

erco,

my comments were sarcastic, I thought that was obvious.

there have been so many threads on this topic I thought it was done to death hence the tone of my reply.

If you care to read some of the previous posts you may get the big picture and by the way I NEVER PAID

[dr_Pat_Pong]

Good News,

The Sin Sod Calculator is in test and hopefully I can get it on a web page for everyone to have a laugh at.

There is some complicated mathematics in it.....

It had better not be too funny

[meemiathai]

Well said, Mig 15 .

agree!

"second hand" <deleted> is that?

Are u guys second hand?

[Mac_39]

Hi,

I think most of the guys here are selfish sad little ######s.

I will marry this year and gladly pay the dowry 500,000 Baht to my g/f's family.

She is university educated and runs her own business...her family also have several business's and by no means need the money.

They have more money than me for sure.

But we are in Thailand....why you guys can not except this ?

If you want a wife with Western morals and ideology you should have stayed in your own country (or can't you find a wife there ?).

So shut the **** up and enjoy Thailand and its culture.

Mac

[dutch]

In a certain way I like your reaction Mac 39.

You are old enough to make your own (wise) decisions

Unfortunately you downgraded it a little bit yourself, by saying

"or can't you find and so on"

Most I can support

[dr_Pat_Pong]

"When in Rome ...."

[dutch]

How nicely said Dr.PP.

You have the gift of saying in a few words,where I need complete sentences.

[Mac_39]

Sorry guys,

Guess i got a bit carried away.

Just makes me so mad, that guys come to this great country and want all the good thing it offers but will not accept any of the bad things (their point of view) that comes with it.

Take care.

From an old Bugger who loves everything Thai.

Mac.

[Pink Mist]

Sorry guys,

Guess i got a bit carried away.

Just makes me so mad, that guys come to this great country and want all the good thing it offers but will not accept any of the bad things (their point of view) that comes with it.

Take care.

From an old Bugger who loves everything Thai.

Mac.

Well mate you just shot youself in the foot.

You pay, you pay, big deal, the whole idea is love, not sin sod.

I didn't have to pay, it wasn't important but it has been a constant topic here, and to be precise boring.

Sorry to be a selfish sad ###### mac but each situation has a different solution

[Mac_39]

I agree love is the most imporstant factor.

But if you love her you will pay..whatever she says it is very important for her culture.

We may think its stupid to show and make the face and the big sory,but this is their culture and it makes them very happy.

And if my wife is happy i am happy....

Money shouldn't be that important to you..you can replace and earn more easy..if you truly love someone with all your heart you can never replace that person.

Unless like a lot of the guys on this board (please forgive me if this is not you), they treat the Thai lady like an object that can be picked up , used , thrown away and replaced.

As you say everyone thinks different.....

[dr_Pat_Pong]

I agree love is the most imporstant factor.

But if you love her you will pay..whatever she says it is very important for her culture.

We may think its stupid to show and make the face and the big sory,but this is their culture and it makes them very happy.

And if my wife is happy i am happy....

Money shouldn't be that important to you..you can replace and earn more easy..if you truly love someone with all your heart you can never replace that person.

Unless like a lot of the guys on this board (please forgive me if this is not you), they treat the Thai lady like an object that can be picked up , used , thrown away and replaced.

As you say everyone thinks different.....

There's a lot of mongrels hereabouts.

[NedKelly]

Soiled goods !?? That is almost as bad as the original concept of paying for the bride. At first it is a shock to the farang system for a family to be even thinking about requesting a big dowry. If that is what happenned in rich peoples circles in past millenia, fine but in todays world it has no place. Paying a price based on any criteria is demeaning to say the least.

So according to some posters it would make more sense to marry a woman who was a prostitute, had children already, was hiv positive, had genital warts, was ugly to boot and snorts cocaine, etc etc.......then the bride price would be cheaper.

[chuang]

erco,

I suggest your friend marry an Indian girl, she will provide the drowny..solve all the problem..

[pal78]

Perhaps this is just silly, mushy crap or whatever but I wanted to marry my wife so much that I didn't really care what I needed to do. I was happy to do things the way her family and religion dictated because I loved her. I think if you don't want to pay a dowry, or don't want to know how much of a discount you can get for a second hand wife with 3 kids and no degree then you are not in love with the girl and you have no respect for her.

Having said that I didn't pay a dowry. I was willing, but when I asked my (now) wife about it she told me to "forget it" her Dad didn't want me to pay anything. I thought that was pretty cool.

As for girls being second hand that's just silly! What pisses me off is morons who are not virgins insisting on a virgin bride, and considering anything less to be used goods(!?!$). What a load of <deleted>!

[markt]

When a large dowry is paid to a fairly well off family, ie, the family don't need the money but don't return it either, has anyone heard of the family ever giving the money to a charity?

Would be a nice thought.