Lost Chances

[Ijustwannateach]

About 3 years ago, before my "saga" in the other thread began, I think I lost one of the best chances I'd had in Thailand for a decent, normal Thai boyfriend.

I was on the BTS going home from work. I noticed a cute young man about 22 years old wearing a university uniform staring at me with a kind of cruisy look. I smiled back for a moment, looked away, then looked back- he was still staring.

The train stopped at its interchange in Siam and we got off. Both of us immediately headed towards each other without even needing to talk about why and exchanged phone numbers. I found out his university name but I don't remember it now; it wasn't one of the "big" ones here.

He was pretty tall by my standards of dating- almost the same height as me- and slim, but not too slim, and he had longish hair but in a masculine way- like a model, not like a ladyboy. His face was certainly masculine and not made up or girlish. And he obviously liked me.

We chatted briefly getting to know each other (we never even mentioned that we were gay, but perhaps that was too obvious), and I promised to call him.

And I didn't.

At that time I was having a lot of problems with dodgy Thai school administrations and getting the work permit/visa status that they all seemed to promise but none of them seemed to deliver. I had some particular problems that very same month which took a lot of my time and energy to address (and I left that job very shortly after, for another bad one, and then finally a good one which I kept). However, I didn't call him until 2 or 3 weeks had passed- an eternity in the dating world.

When I finally found his number again and remembered who he was, I called.

"I'm very sorry, but I already found a new guy and we are dating."

But the story doesn't end there- in fact, if it had, I might not have thought so much of it (as I had no independent corrobation of his life or character).

About a month after that, I ran into him on the BTS again- this time with a young lady.

"Hello!" he said, with a big smile.

"Hello, nice to see you," I replied.

"This is my sister."

"Nice to meet you," I said.

"Nicd to meet you, too." A textbook introduction, handshake and all.

His face became a little more serious. "I'm very sorry I couldn't meet you again. I found a new boyfriend."

"That's ok. I hope things will be ok for you."

"Thank you. I told my sister about you before. She was hoping you would call me." [the sister smiled].

About this time I had to get off at my stop.

And I can't help but keep thinking that in this young man I lost one of the best opportunities for a real, honest boyfriend that I had had before or that I have had since in Thailand.

"Steven"

[toptuan]

But you'll never really know for sure.

He could've been a killer.

There. Feel better?

[PeaceBlondie]

Flash back two years, to a gay sauna in Chiang Mai. I hadn't found a steady non-commercial boyfriend yet, and there was this really good looking guy in a towel. Doing a Ph.D, no less. I should have made a move. But I didn't. Oh, well.

[dukkha]

.....'No Shoulds'....Pacebianco....just 'Whens"....

[toptuan]

Straight story OK?

In middle and high school years I had a serious six-year crush on a smart, beautiful, "Miss Personality" of our class. She really was a sweet person. However, I never let my feelings be known. Never told a soul. Yes, quite repressed. In addition, she never seemed to show any interest in my direction (which further confirmed my "I'm not worthy" feelings).

In my high school annual (photo book of all your classsmates, where they write their last good-byes), she penned the following words on the last day of school, 12th grade:

"Dear ____, just want you to know, I've had a crush on you since 7th grade. Signed, Katy."

Arghhhh!

I dunno...maybe it so traumatized me, I turned gay?

[Ijustwannateach]

But you'll never really know for sure.

He could've been a killer.

There. Feel better?

Heh heh heh- of course, MUCH better!

Yeah, you and J. Alfred Prufrock gotta lotta angst, TT!

[toptuan]

I know. Been watching too many "who-dunnits" on TV lately. Now every flirtatious Thai guy is a killer. Helps keep me loyal to my LTR

[Uma~~]

But you'll never really know for sure.

I think most of us reflect on encounters like this but life can't be spent thinking 'what if?', so just put it down to fate if you are kicking yourself.

This topic reminds me of the movie Sliding Doors.

[toptuan]

Anyone seen the wonderfully funny but touching movie "Groundhog Day"? There, a guy gets to go back and make up for all those lost opportunities. He learns to speak French, play the piano, but mostly initiates a number of relationships he had previously missed.

Really strikes a chord when you watch it.

*******************

Uma, your footnote is priceless!

[Ijustwannateach]

Those are both great movies, and great for this thread, too!

[Uma~~]

Those are both great movies, and great for this thread, too!

I agree, but they don't star Clive Owen.

[jdinasia]

Hmmm the only time I have regretted the "ones that got away" were when I actually dated a guy ... and for whatever reason (usually very simply too recently out of a real LTR) just wasn't ready to deal with someone else's baggage ... then 6 months later when I was ready to really date thought "oh sh*t"

[toptuan]

While still in the closet (DEEP in the closet--we're talking a gaydar unit without even batteries) I went on an overnight high school trip once, and at our destination I was put into a hotel room with guys from another high school, whom I didn't know. There were 2 beds, and 4 guys. I was paired with one of them, and because it had been a long day, promptly fell asleep, not giving much thought or attention to my bed partner, a rather nice-looking, short but stocky guy I hadn't said more than 10 words to.

I woke up in the middle of the night with my bed partner's hand laying directly on my crotch, palm down. Thinking it was a fluke, (Gaydar still off) I rolled over away from him and fell asleep again. Woke up, and the "hand" had moved across my hips and down my front, finding the same niche. Hmmm. OK, this time I rolled over onto my stomach and fell asleep. Woke up again, and the "hand" had burrowed under me and was resting in it's now familiar home...palm up. Was this guy giving me a hint, or what? Duh.

This was the first time, ever, I had been "pursued," and the first time another guy had ever touched me "there." Rather than reacting "gayly" I was in total shock, and didn't know what to do. Shock overcame any other physical or emotional response I might have otherwise had. I guess "paralysis" would probably be the best description.

So, like the princess who slept uncomfortably with the pea under her mattresses, I followed suit, with someone else's hand in my groin all night long--no matter what position I was in. In total darkness, I felt like I had an octopus arm attached to my crotch with an exceedingly strong suction cup that wouldn't give up.

The next morning, my new "appendage," a quiet, shy sort of guy, didn't follow up in our waking moments. No problem. I was relieved because I couldn't even bear looking at the guy, I was so embarrassed and bewildered. Sigh.

After I became more conscious of my own orientation in later years, I ocassionally thought about that little incident, and wondered how life might have turned out, had I joined the hunt that night. Turns out I didn't get that same kind of treatment until some 40 years later after arriving in Thailand, and since then have defintely changed my reaction to being the object of an affectionate roving hand in the middle of the night. Every night.

Warning to All: You let one get away, and it could be 40 years of wandering in the wilderness!

[Ijustwannateach]

Great story, TT- but would he have been your type if you had been ready?

"Steven"

[Storekeeper]

Wassup IJWT,

I married my wife for the exact reason you have mentioned in the OP. After spending nearly 10 years after my divorce single I was pretty much set in my ways and had a pretty good rotation of partners over that period. Wasn't looking for another wife but met the one I married at a time in my life where I was questioning whether or not I wanted to still be alone when I hit my mid 50s. So I decided to risk it and not let this one get away. I was really miserable the first 6 months I was married ... missed my single life totally. But I'm kinda settled in now and think in the long run it will work out for the best that I didn't let this one get away. Cheers !

[PeaceBlondie]

toptuan, your story reminds me of the YMCA trip when I was 15 - the same weekend that I saw my first Ferrari, a real race car. I didn't know I was gay, but I remembered groping games from when I was 12 and 13. I get in bed at this campout, and this stranger, who's the same age, jumps in bed with me, and pretty soon we're fondling each other's things. He knows full well what his intentions are, and tries to get me to go into the toilet room with him, to do things I've never done before. If I had gone in there, I probably would never have gotten married, had six kids, etc. Woulda, coulda, shoulda. Yes, I probably should have.

Storekeeper, after my divorce I had one actual, intimate affair with a great woman. But after that, try as I may, the flame had gone out. On the other hand, I discovered that my 'other flame' - for men - was stronger than ever. I don't regret my decision to finally go gay.

Thanks, Storekeeper, for joining in the discussion.