A Selfish Attitude

[DavoTheGun]

I mentioned on another topic that the Thai drivers have a very selfish attitude on the road, but I think this may go further. I may be barking up the wrong tree, as it may be just Thai Culture, but, my Thai girlfriend has lot of clothes here in Pattaya and also back at her family home in Korat, I suggested to both her and her family that they have a big clean out as many of the "Shirts" etc are old and totally out of fashion so I suggested that I would give them to the Orphanage in Pattaya. Shock horror!

They could get a few baht at the local market! Ok I said, I will buy them from you, but all I got was a blank look as if I did not exist. The subject has not been mentioned since.

Am I wrong about this!!

[mania]

They could get a few baht at the local market! Ok I said, I will buy them from you, but all I got was a blank look as if I did not exist. The subject has not been mentioned since.

Am I wrong about this!!

Could be wrong, could also be insulting

It is fine to be altruistic if you can afford it.

But unless you have walked the life they have it is a bit short sighted to call them selfish

if they don't give away that which may help their own family in need.

Some say charity begins at home.

Others obviously sell used things all over the world.

Look at Ebay

After they stated that they could gain some income from their

used items for you to say you would buy it & give it away may have also embarrassed them.

But don't let that stop you from taking the money you offered them

& giving it directly to the charity of your choice

Edited September 1, 2012 by mania

[DavoTheGun]

Ok, I certainly did not mean to be insulting, I love Thailand and the people and very aware that it may be just a cultural thing, and also aware of the daily struggles for the country folk. but!

[farang000999]

Charity in Thailand towards random individuals is looked upon as being foolish. If you are going to be charitable, you have to aim that charity at a temple/Monk, this was you can earn the optimal amount of Karma in return. A good strategy is to buy an even amount of lottery tickets for what you are donating.

[damo]

Depends on the individual but the concept of giving to the salvos or simmilar isn't adopted in Thailand. The clothes can be easily sold off at market and thats just what they do. Cultural difference, nothing selfish about it at all.

[cdnmatt]

I get the same type of thing up here with my empty bottles. I've always saved them up, and just given them away to homeless people, even back in Canada. And quite often here on our street people will come by with a bicycle, and search for empties within the garbage bins. So once a month or so I'll see someone, go rushing out, and give them all the empties. Or if I have lots, I tell them to come in, and help me pack them out from the upstairs spare bedroom.

I always get in shit when I do this though, as if that 15 baht was really going to affect our lives, or something. I always just give a dumbfounded look, and say, "what?!?! you're the Buddhist, not me, so what are you complaining about?". That usually ends the conversation quickly.

[DavoTheGun]

I would not have thought that an Orphanage was a random individual, but I do get the point, but do not see how buying lottery tickets is going to help anyone but the organizers of the lottery, it would be better to give the money to the charity. I am farang so that should not effect any Thai sensibilities should it?

[jacktrip]

people do this often in the west even if they are well off. but they toss it out, rather then donating or selling it.

I used to try and convince my neighbor to donate his stuff the way I did, even have him the number and it could be picked up curbside.

'why, I'm not going to save the world' he would say. he thought the idea was a radical or bleeding heart liberal idea.

many people don't care about helping others. they are to lazy or selfish.

[Shaktam]

This is a problem with the individual's your are dealing with. Maybe greed and lack of care on their behalf. I also mentioned the same to my partner and she was more than happy to take all her old clothes to an orphanage in Bangkok. On the way she decided to stop and buy food and toiletries out of her own pocket for the children.

Al

[Shaktam]

This is a problem with the individual's your are dealing with. Maybe greed and lack of care on their behalf. I also mentioned the same to my partner and she was more than happy to take all her old clothes to an orphanage in Bangkok. On the way she decided to stop and buy food and toiletries out of her own pocket for the children.

I hope alarm bells are ringing.

[samran]

Can we change the title of this topic to "My Girlfriend is a hoarder".

It has got nothing to do with broader Thai culture or its people

[Shot]

^^^What he said. I know westerners back home that have never thown out or given anything away....in years

[DavoTheGun]

Can we change the title of this topic to "My Girlfriend is a hoarder".

It has got nothing to do with broader Thai culture or its people

You may be right about this, but as I have spoken about this to other Thai's about this subject they seem to think it is a culture thing, looking after self comes first.

[dansat]

I mentioned on another topic that the Thai drivers have a very selfish attitude on the road, but I think this may go further. I may be barking up the wrong tree, as it may be just Thai Culture, but, my Thai girlfriend has lot of clothes here in Pattaya and also back at her family home in Korat, I suggested to both her and her family that they have a big clean out as many of the "Shirts" etc are old and totally out of fashion so I suggested that I would give them to the Orphanage in Pattaya. Shock horror!

They could get a few baht at the local market! Ok I said, I will buy them from you, but all I got was a blank look as if I did not exist. The subject has not been mentioned since.

Am I wrong about this!!

You sound like a good guy OP. Giving to the people who haven't got is a good idea and a nice thought.

Your gf sounds the opposite.

Unfortunately it's normally the nice guys who end up getting taken to the cleaners here in Thailand !

Be very careful before you ever marry your thai gf !

[DavoTheGun]

I mentioned on another topic that the Thai drivers have a very selfish attitude on the road, but I think this may go further. I may be barking up the wrong tree, as it may be just Thai Culture, but, my Thai girlfriend has lot of clothes here in Pattaya and also back at her family home in Korat, I suggested to both her and her family that they have a big clean out as many of the "Shirts" etc are old and totally out of fashion so I suggested that I would give them to the Orphanage in Pattaya. Shock horror!

They could get a few baht at the local market! Ok I said, I will buy them from you, but all I got was a blank look as if I did not exist. The subject has not been mentioned since.

Am I wrong about this!!

You sound like a good guy OP. Giving to the people who haven't got is a good idea and a nice thought.

Your gf sounds the opposite.

Unfortunately it's normally the nice guys who end up getting taken to the cleaners here in Thailand !

Be very careful before you ever marry your thai gf !

Yes very keen to be careful, but only 6 months down the track, already been bitten once by previous GF. But it seems to me most of the "ladies" have same attitude, very money conscious, always going on about how much thing cost, "only paid 20Baht for that" etc. Very rarely spend own money if they can help it! But that's Thai Life I guess, if did not like it can always go home. Getting in first!

[samran]

The GF probably thinks she is part of the 'have nots'. If you classify yourself as such, donating stuff to others would no doubt seem a foreign concept.

Edited September 1, 2012 by samran

[DP25]

You shouldn't take the behavior of a girl in Pattaya as normal. You shouldn't be concerned about her selling some clothes you want to give to charity, be more concerned that you'll come home one day and everything you own is gone.

[dansat]

I mentioned on another topic that the Thai drivers have a very selfish attitude on the road, but I think this may go further. I may be barking up the wrong tree, as it may be just Thai Culture, but, my Thai girlfriend has lot of clothes here in Pattaya and also back at her family home in Korat, I suggested to both her and her family that they have a big clean out as many of the "Shirts" etc are old and totally out of fashion so I suggested that I would give them to the Orphanage in Pattaya. Shock horror!

They could get a few baht at the local market! Ok I said, I will buy them from you, but all I got was a blank look as if I did not exist. The subject has not been mentioned since.

Am I wrong about this!!

You sound like a good guy OP. Giving to the people who haven't got is a good idea and a nice thought.

Your gf sounds the opposite.

Unfortunately it's normally the nice guys who end up getting taken to the cleaners here in Thailand !

Be very careful before you ever marry your thai gf !

Yes very keen to be careful, but only 6 months down the track, already been bitten once by previous GF. But it seems to me most of the "ladies" have same attitude, very money conscious, always going on about how much thing cost, "only paid 20Baht for that" etc. Very rarely spend own money if they can help it! But that's Thai Life I guess, if did not like it can always go home. Getting in first!

Becareful saying things like this OP because alot of thai visa members are married to thai girls who where virgins and from rich families when they met them !

So there gfs/wives don't care about money because they are rich !

Hehehe

[cardholder]

Can we change the title of this topic to "My Girlfriend is a hoarder".

It has got nothing to do with broader Thai culture or its people

I disagree.

I think hoarding (+not wishing to sell anything or give it away) is quite a common trait.

I have seen many examples of this but I have to say that I would not count it as selfish - there are plenty of other examples of selfishness.

[DavoTheGun]

I mentioned on another topic that the Thai drivers have a very selfish attitude on the road, but I think this may go further. I may be barking up the wrong tree, as it may be just Thai Culture, but, my Thai girlfriend has lot of clothes here in Pattaya and also back at her family home in Korat, I suggested to both her and her family that they have a big clean out as many of the "Shirts" etc are old and totally out of fashion so I suggested that I would give them to the Orphanage in Pattaya. Shock horror!

They could get a few baht at the local market! Ok I said, I will buy them from you, but all I got was a blank look as if I did not exist. The subject has not been mentioned since.

Am I wrong about this!!

You sound like a good guy OP. Giving to the people who haven't got is a good idea and a nice thought.

Your gf sounds the opposite.

Unfortunately it's normally the nice guys who end up getting taken to the cleaners here in Thailand !

Be very careful before you ever marry your thai gf !

Yes very keen to be careful, but only 6 months down the track, already been bitten once by previous GF. But it seems to me most of the "ladies" have same attitude, very money conscious, always going on about how much thing cost, "only paid 20Baht for that" etc. Very rarely spend own money if they can help it! But that's Thai Life I guess, if did not like it can always go home. Getting in first!

Becareful saying things like this OP because alot of thai visa members are married to thai girls who where virgins and from rich families when they met them !

So there gfs/wives don't care about money because they are rich !

Hehehe

I am only talking as personal experience, I am NOT poor, neither is my GF in fact she is quite wealthy by Thai standards. she has a very successful business as a Broker. so my thoughts are not meant to offend anybody..

[transam]

People Thai who's life has been a struggle, poor, do hoard. My wife is one, BUT, she has a clear out now and again to help the poor in her family.

[OxfordWill]

//

Edited September 1, 2012 by OxfordWill

[TommoPhysicist]

Thais generally don't care, or think about, people they don't know.

Not sure if that's the same as selfish, I think not.

Loads of neighbors give my family food, my children toys and clothes.

Same as my wife does for them, swap and share your excess items with people you know, seems to be the rule.

[MiG16]

If you really think Thais dont share with strangers, you obviously missed seeing the mountain piles of clothes and food that were donated during the floods last year. Mostly by Thais. That's just one occasion.

For as long as I can remember .....going back all the way to primary school.....we have been encouraged to give and to help. When I was a kid I put aside part of my food allowance for charity everyday. To war veterans. To people suffering from cold weather in the north. To those affected by floods in the south. Or draught in northeast.

And I wasn't alone. So to assume that Thais do not help is completely wrong.

[Orac]

I am not sure if it is selfishness or a lack of consideration for others that seems prevalent here though it could just be the bad examples stand out clearer than the many good deeds that go unmentioned. As an example, I was driving home this morning and an ambulance was coming out of an estate in from of me with lights and sirens so I stopped to let it out. It then had to crawl along behind some battered old pick up for five minutes because the driver wouldn't let it past.

[sbk]

Your girlfriend does not donate and that makes all Thais selfish. Perhaps this is an attitude you need to rethink. I am now editing the derogatory generalization of a title that is in breach of forum rules. and OP, next time, it won't be a simple edit.

[theblether]

@Orac

That's a lack of education on the part of that driver Orac.............I remember being taught at school that we had to let fire engines etc past and we had campaigns teaching us about road safety etc too. No doubt you had the same experience at your school. I wonder if the Thais get the same?

Frugality / hoarding / being careful / charity begins at home was the mindset in the UK up until recently, the last generation that knew true poverty are still with us and I bet a few are members here......we can't judge people who are still living hand to mouth in many cases.......and we certainly can't judge people who are taking their time to adjust to new realities.

So I say not selfish, just careful.......and I say that is commendable.

Edited September 1, 2012 by theblether

[DavoTheGun]

Your girlfriend does not donate and that makes all Thais selfish. Perhaps this is an attitude you need to rethink. I am now editing the derogatory generalization of a title that is in breach of forum rules. and OP, next time, it won't be a simple edit.

Firstly I am not aware of any of the "Forum Rules" and secondly I am very aware of not offending anybody, But I thought, obviously incorrectly that this forum was about free speech without any profanities insults and other derogatory remarks.

But I stand corrected of course, but this topic has caused some comment at least. AND I did not say or have implied that all Thais are selfish, it was a question not a statement,

Edited September 1, 2012 by sbk
flame removed

[sbk]

Your girlfriend does not donate and that makes all Thais selfish. Perhaps this is an attitude you need to rethink. I am now editing the derogatory generalization of a title that is in breach of forum rules. and OP, next time, it won't be a simple edit.

Firstly I am not aware of any of the "Forum Rules" and secondly I am very aware of not offending anybody, But I thought, obviously incorrectly that this forum was about free speech without any profanities insults and other derogatory remarks.

But I stand corrected of course, but this topic has caused some comment at least. AND I did not say or have implied that all Thais are selfish, it was a question not a statement,

The forum rules that you clicked the little button saying you read them and agreed to follow them when you signed on as a member.

I would suggest you read them.

http://www.thaivisa....tion=boardrules

[DavoTheGun]

Your girlfriend does not donate and that makes all Thais selfish. Perhaps this is an attitude you need to rethink. I am now editing the derogatory generalization of a title that is in breach of forum rules. and OP, next time, it won't be a simple edit.

Firstly I am not aware of any of the "Forum Rules" and secondly I am very aware of not offending anybody, But I thought, obviously incorrectly that this forum was about free speech without any profanities insults and other derogatory remarks.

But I stand corrected of course, but this topic has caused some comment at least. AND I did not say or have implied that all Thais are selfish, it was a question not a statement,

The forum rules that you clicked the little button saying you read them and agreed to follow them when you signed on as a member.

I would suggest you read them.

http://www.thaivisa....tion=boardrules

Read and duly noted, I have NOT contravened any rules, and will take much care in not doing so in the future, not like many others on this very good forum, I would venture to say one of the best in the world, generally.