Sister In Law's Refusal To Speak In Thai

[Savage]

I've lived in Thailand now for 4 years, in that time I have actively learned the language in its written & spoken form. I don't claim to be fluent by any stretch of the imagination but my knowledge of the language goes quite far beyond the usual 20 questions in a taxi routine, and my understanding of Lao is fairly good as well.

Here's my issue, it's not a massive thing but once in while it does get a tad frustrating. My wife's big sister refuses to speak with me in Thai. Now don't get me wrong, if someone speaks English with a degree of competance and obviously wishes to speak in English then i'll quite happily speak in English.

The thing is her English consists of a few words, no more. I've tried to speak to her in Thai about a number of different subjects (stuff in the Thai news etc) and my replies usually consist of a broken English comment about food. In fact the only thing she ever says to me in Thai is "saeb mai?" when i'm eating, and when I say saeb in return it results in a fit of giggles as if she still can't believe I can eat "som tam phet phet".

In every other way this sister is perfect but I don't understand this one thing. By the way i'm quite happy to help her with her English but she doesn't really listen if I teach her new vocabulary.

And this situation doesn't come with unfriendliness as she is always smiling and helpful, has anyone else experienced something like this? I should also add that I am able to conduct conversations in Thai with all other members of the family with no problems in understanding.

[whynot?]

I've lived in Thailand now for 4 years, in that time I have actively learned the language in its written & spoken form. I don't claim to be fluent by any stretch of the imagination but my knowledge of the language goes quite far beyond the usual 20 questions in a taxi routine, and my understanding of Lao is fairly good as well.

Here's my issue, it's not a massive thing but once in while it does get a tad frustrating. My wife's big sister refuses to speak with me in Thai. Now don't get me wrong, if someone speaks English with a degree of competance and obviously wishes to speak in English then i'll quite happily speak in English.

The thing is her English consists of a few words, no more. I've tried to speak to her in Thai about a number of different subjects (stuff in the Thai news etc) and my replies usually consist of a broken English comment about food. In fact the only thing she ever says to me in Thai is "saeb mai?" when i'm eating, and when I say saeb in return it results in a fit of giggles as if she still can't believe I can eat "som tam phet phet".

In every other way this sister is perfect but I don't understand this one thing. By the way i'm quite happy to help her with her English but she doesn't really listen if I teach her new vocabulary.

And this situation doesn't come with unfriendliness as she is always smiling and helpful, has anyone else experienced something like this? I should also add that I am able to conduct conversations in Thai with all other members of the family with no problems in understanding.

[lopburi3]

Have you asked your wife? Seems like that would be the best source of information on her older sister.

Perhaps she has been told to speak English to increase her chance of landing the big prize? As for not listening her heart is probably not into learning English but she is willing to make the gesture with her replies to you. But really - all we can do is guess.

[BKK90210]

May be she has a good table manner and trying to be polite when you're around? May be she thinks that it's impolite to be chatting with her sister in thai in front of you and think of you as a guest? So she's trying to speak english to you eventhough she's not very good at it.

I'm always in this situation often. I always go to my parents home during a holiday, while we're eating my mom did not speak a word in thai to me at all eventhough I can understand thai quite well...her english is not that good either....because she said it's more polite to be speaking in one commom language which everybody can understand.

Edited January 29, 2006 by BKK90210

[Savage]

Have you asked your wife? Seems like that would be the best source of information on her older sister.

Perhaps she has been told to speak English to increase her chance of landing the big prize? As for not listening her heart is probably not into learning English but she is willing to make the gesture with her replies to you. But really - all we can do is guess.

I have mentioned it, as you would know though you have to be very carefull when making comments about family members. My wife says her sister "likes to speak in English but can't".

Actually my wife tells me to speak to her in Thai if she's going to the market or something so she gets the correct thing. As I say though, I don't want this to seem like a complaint as otherwise we have a good relationship that involves a lot of laughing about not much!

She doesn't do this with my new born baby though and is quite happy to natter away in Thai with her.

I've read that there are quite a few cases of this sort of thing in Japan where the locals are unable to comprehend that a foreigner can converse in their tongue and when confronted with one they appear "not to hear!".

Bizarre indeed but such is life.

May be she has a good table manner and trying to be polite when you're around? May be she thinks that it's impolite to be chatting with her sister in thai in front of you and think of you as a guest? So she's trying to speak english to you eventhough she's not very good at it.

I'm always in this situation often. I always go to my parents home during a holiday, while we're eating my mom did not speak a word in thai to me at all eventhough I can understand thai quite well...her english is not that good either....because she said it's more polite to be speaking in one commom language which everybody can understand.

I know what you are saying but when we sit down for dinner the conversation is exclusively in Thai. I'll input some but living with females it's sometimes more effort than its worth to try and get a word in edgeways! I'll talk with my wife about what we think of Thaksin or what's going on in Koh samui or whatever's on the news at the time but her sister will go blank!

[lopburi3]

Well aware of the "circle the wagons" mentality when anyone speaks of family.

//for those now aware of the old westerns that means go on aggressive defensive posture//

[Savage]

Well aware of the "circle the wagons" mentality when anyone speaks of family.

//for those now aware of the old westerns that means go on aggressive defensive posture//

Indeed, negative comments will be at your peril!

[Thaipwriter]

I've lived in Thailand now for 4 years.................. the only thing she ever says to me in Thai is "saeb mai?"

And she giggles a lot?

Is she a few sandwiches short of a picnic?

[BKK90210]

May be "good English" is boring?

[Thaipwriter]

talk to her about Thai TV soaps or the latest Nokia....or fluffy kittens.

See if that rouses any activity in the grey matter

[chownah]

Perhaps she doesn't understand you when you speak Thai. People's abilities to understand a foreigner speak is highly variable. In my village some people understand me very well (my Thai is not very good and very limited) but others can't seem to figure out at all what I'm saying. You could test her by asking her to do something in Thai and seeing if she understands.

[haha]

some people are snobs. if you speak their language improperly, they will not talk to you. I think it is a pride thing.

their mentality is - if a child can speak the language correctly, why can't a grown person? ..or, if you cannot speak my native language correctly, don't speak it at all.

I've encountered snobs in france, the uk, japan, china, taiwan, and even thailand.

here in thailand, I take the bus all the time. many times the conductors get mad at me because of the way I pronounce the destination I'm going to. for example, soi rangnam, I pronounce with an "R" sound, but I think it is actually spoken with an "L" sound. one conductor had me re-pronounce it at least 15 times because I guess she felt I was showing disrespect by mispronouncing words in her language.

...snobs.

[Oishi]

The thing is her English consists of a few words, no more. I've tried to speak to her in Thai about a number of different subjects (stuff in the Thai news etc) and my replies usually consist of a broken English comment about food. In fact the only thing she ever says to me in Thai is "saeb mai?" when i'm eating, and when I say saeb in return it results in a fit of giggles as if she still can't believe I can eat "som tam phet phet".

"saeb" is Lao and not Thai

"Saeb mai" is half Lao and half Thai...

Bless her…I have seen worse…not in my family but I have seen a lot of “lao high so wannabes” refusing to speak lao when in Bangkok because it wasn’t a trend.

I sometimes have the reverse problem, with some of my lao friends or sister in law. They will reply to me in Thai if I ask them something in lao….and yes, even if I ask “saeb bor” they will reply “alloy”.

[Joey Boy]

why dont you ask her?

[Savage]

why dont you ask her?

I have on many occasions asked her to tell me in Thai when she is desperately searching for a word that isn't there.

[meadish_sweetball]

If you tickle her, will her exclamations be in Thai, Lao or English?

Sometimes extreme measures are required to break the ice.

[sabaijai]

You have to decide how much it bothers you. If you can tolerate it, let it go. Otherwise you have two choices as I see it; a) talk straight to your sister-in-law about it, saying something like "Look we're both in Thailand, how about we speak Thai together"" (doesn't sound like that will work ) Or b ) ask your wife to have a talk with her. Present it like it's your problem, not the sister-in-law's. "I really have a thing about people who insist on speaking English with me when my Thai is better. It upsets me and makes it hard to communicate. Could you ask your sister to speak only Thai to me?"

I've had similar problems not with in-laws but with friends of friends. As with you, it tends to get under my skin and I see it as my hang-up as much as theirs. My wife and my close Thai friends know this about me, and they sometimes warn other Thais not to speak English with me unless they're fluent. It works pretty well in my situation. Basically you have to make them feel kreng jai to speak English to you, to put it bluntly.

[LaoPo]

I've lived in Thailand now for 4 years, in that time I have actively learned the language in its written & spoken form. I don't claim to be fluent by any stretch of the imagination but my knowledge of the language goes quite far beyond the usual 20 questions in a taxi routine, and my understanding of Lao is fairly good as well.

Here's my issue, it's not a massive thing but once in while it does get a tad frustrating. My wife's big sister refuses to speak with me in Thai. Now don't get me wrong, if someone speaks English with a degree of competance and obviously wishes to speak in English then i'll quite happily speak in English.

The thing is her English consists of a few words, no more. I've tried to speak to her in Thai about a number of different subjects (stuff in the Thai news etc) and my replies usually consist of a broken English comment about food. In fact the only thing she ever says to me in Thai is "saeb mai?" when i'm eating, and when I say saeb in return it results in a fit of giggles as if she still can't believe I can eat "som tam phet phet".

In every other way this sister is perfect but I don't understand this one thing. By the way i'm quite happy to help her with her English but she doesn't really listen if I teach her new vocabulary.

And this situation doesn't come with unfriendliness as she is always smiling and helpful, has anyone else experienced something like this? I should also add that I am able to conduct conversations in Thai with all other members of the family with no problems in understanding.

Ever thought she might be (in silence and secret) in love with you....? and feels uncomfortable with that...in the presence of her sister....AND YOU?

LaoPo

[gburns57au]

That was akin to what I was going to say...LaoPo...

She fancies him and that makes her shy around him....

[GuestHouse]

Listen, (in English so as to avoid any missunderstandings).

I wouldn't care what language she speaks to me in, the trick is to achieve a happy balance between not offending her (and in doing so offending your Mrs) and being on such good terms with her that she decides to move in with you and the Mrs.

The saying to remember is Blood is Thicker than water, that is true in the UK, it is certainly true in Thailand.

I'd keep things at the 'Sabai Dee Mai' level if I were you.

Anything much departed from that will either cost you Grief or cost your Money and Grief.

[wasabi]

Perhaps she doesn't understand you when you speak Thai. People's abilities to understand a foreigner speak is highly variable. In my village some people understand me very well (my Thai is not very good and very limited) but others can't seem to figure out at all what I'm saying. You could test her by asking her to do something in Thai and seeing if she understands.

I think the comments of snobbery and the variance in the ability to understand an accent are the culprits. It can be very frustrating because though you know you can't speak perfect you know you aren't talking gibberish either but people's reaction can be like you are from Mars.

[greenwanderer108]

I've had similar problems not with in-laws but with friends of friends. As with you, it tends to get under my skin and I see it as my hang-up as much as theirs. My wife and my close Thai friends know this about me, and they sometimes warn other Thais not to speak English with me unless they're fluent. It works pretty well in my situation. Basically you have to make them feel kreng jai to speak English to you, to put it bluntly.

When Thais insist that they need to speak English with me...I give them a trial...If it starts coming out slow, and they're tripping on their tongue...as in

Hi..My name Jack..how may I hep you

ไม่เป็นไรครับ ดูเรื่อยๆ

:lol:u can speak thai? oh! and wut u name sir? u come from?

I'm from Colorado. You ever been there before?

ummm.uuurrrr....I....aaahh...you....know.....urrrrr...can you speak slowly..again peed

ผมมาจากคอลิราโดที่อเมริกะรู้จักไหม เคยไปเทียวไหม?

If they don't pass the trial...I'll bring out the Thai shotguns in my best possible accent...which will usually bring them back to reality. If they pass the trial...or it's just an amazingly hot chick who expressed she wants to practice her English...I'll continue on in English for as long as the chemistry holds...but usually, the Thai gradually starts slipping out...than it's Thaiglish...and eventually they all cave in to Thai...got to love it

[robitusson]

I find a lot of Thai people make no effort to listen to a foreigner speak Thai. If it is an effort for them to listen to what is being said and cope with occasional mispronounciations and an unfamilair accent then they just switch off.