How Can I Divorce An Absent Wife

[thonglorjimmy]

Hi everybody, you will see that I'm a new poster, so please be gentle with me.

I suppose I'm one of a succession of mugs who have fallen foul of the "she really loves me syndrome" I doubt if I'm the first and I doubt very much if i'll be the last.

I met a young Thai woman on my travels some ten years ago, fell for her charms and whilst I didn't for one minute believe that she, a 26 year old, would fall in love with me, a guy in his late 50's, I did beleive that she was looking for security for her and her young daughter, I later found out she had a son as well, and that she would take care of me and me her.

Things moved on, you can probably write the script, I purchased a house and despite advice to the contrary I didn't protect my interests, we married after a few years, I took early retirement and moved from the UK to Thailand. It was obvious from day one that she didn't want to live happily ever after, to be honest I felt in fear of my life and I left the house, in Hua Hin, a month later.

All sorts of things then unravelled, she managed to lease the house on the very day I moved out, the market must have picked up that day, I have evidence from the land office that when leasing the house she signed a declaration that she was free to lease the house as she was a widow, and had never married since her husband died, also I never signed a declaration that the house was a gift. She also attempted to access my bank accounts in the UK, thankfully they were suspicious and she was unable to do so, she also hacked into my email accounts and sent pretty malicious emails to friends, family and business contacts.

Through a lawyer with branches in Bangkok and Hua Hin, I took her, and the guy who leased the house, to court for an interest in the house, I used the threat of criminal action over the defamation to get her to the table. She agreed to actively market the house and when sold would give me 50%, she also agreed to a divorce.

Unfortunatley the active marketing of the property consisted of a small notice on the house, in Thai, advertising the house for sale with a contact number, the number is not in operation.

Her, or the guy she leased the house to has now sublet the house. My lawyer was supposed to have put a block on such a transaction but it seems he didn't and neither did he put a time scale for the sale of the house, have to say he was pretty useless.

It seems that she is playng the long game and has no interest in selling the house or even making a divorce easy, I have no idea where she is, she may not even be in Thailand.

I moved out of the house over five years ago and the agreement in court was reached more than three years ago, my lawyer is about as much use as a chocolate fireguard, he seems to be doing absolutly nothing, not even answering letters, emails or returning calls.

Deep down I accept that the house is gone, and whilst 50% of it's value would be great, quite honestly I can live without it.

What I do want to do is move on and get her out of my life, as I say I left the house over five years ago, she has already delcared me dead, we reached a court settlement more than three years ago, since then nothing.

What I really need is advice on how can I divorce her, whilst I am comfortable I cannot afford to spend hundreds of thousands of Baht suing for divorce, I have already spent that much get the meaningless agreement in court.

I would wecolme any constructive advice about how I can get this woman out of my life.

Thanks for taking the time to read, and in advance for any advice you are able to give.

[Mario2008]

You should have divorced her her and get a settlement on the property as part of the divorce agrement. Any agrement with your wife during the mariage is not very stable, being a contract between two spouses who have legal obligations towards eachother.

If your wife doesn't want to cooperate regarding to the divorce, you can only go to court and file for divorce based on the grounds mentioned in the law. And that will be costly with several court appearences if your wife can't be found or is unwilling to come to court. The court will want you to try and find her and give her the oppertunity to respond to your claims, before a judgement is made.

Under Thai law there is no wife support, you just split your gains made during the marriage. What you had before is left out, but things acquired during the marriage does include debts.

You can try to negotiate with her for a divorce at the amphur, which is basically free. (But in your case you would need a lawyer to draw up an agreement about splitting the property etc to be entered into the divorce register).

[Dancealot]

After reading advice from TV members when i was i a similar situation like yourself the first thing i realised i had to contemplate was this:

Why do i need to divorce in Thailand.... And what is the added value of accomplishing this in comparison to staying married...

What i am trying to say is finances should not be your main motivation to divorce her. I hope you catch my drift..

Heads up!

[Dancealot]

Btw, Mr. Mario2008 has been one of my advisers and what he wrote is true.

All 2012 i have been preoccupied with assisting the divorce of my TGF to her Farang husband.

November 24th 2012 we(she) succeeded on a contested divorce in a thai court with a little help from a Thai lawyer(B15000)... (in other words a 1-sided divorce).

So now it is up to you!

Edited January 13, 2013 by Dancealot

[thonglorjimmy]

Thank you both very much for taking the time to respond, I'm very grateful.

I really want to move forward on this so will take the liberty of asking a couple of supplementary questions, and maybe clarifying my position.

The first part is probably directed at "Mario2008". I suspect that my get out from this marriage is the fact that we have not lived together for more than five years, the last time I actually saw her was over three years ago, and that was in court. I do wonder if the clause in the Thai Divorce Law, and I need to study it further, regarding disrespect would carry extra weight, she has already declared me dead in an official government document, ie the land office when she leased our home.

The agreement we reached was in the arbitration process in court, as well as the evidence of defamation, I had clear evidence of fraud and deception, by filing criminal charges it got her to the table, prior to that she had ignored all communications from my lawyer.

When we reached an agreement in court she also agreed to a divorce, but that was verbally to my lawyer in the margins of the arbitration process, so I'm not sure that would carry a lot of weight.

I suspect I'm going to have to go down the lengthy divorce process from scratch, as I say I have no idea where she is, so I imagine the court will want to see evidence that I have tried to make contact with her, newspaper adverts, private investigator I really don't know what they would want to see. I did visit the house last year and spoke to the current tenant, I indicated to him that if she would agree to a divorce I would let her keep the house, I thought that might have drawn her out of the woodwork, it didn't.

Whilst I can manage ok without the proceeds of the house, I cannot throw more and more money at the legal process, I have already spend about 250,000 Baht and, over five years later, we are no further forward, we only lived in the house as a couple for about three weeks.

I think the thing that concerns me is the division of any assets if and when we divorce, she has always built up debts, any money laying around was never safe in her company, I would be worried that I could be liable for any debts she has. Any funds I have are in an offshore account, and hopefully out of her reach. She has two kids, neither of which are mine.

I take your point "Dancealot" they are indeed very valid, do I need to divorce her? Well I suppose not really, the thing that bugs me is that I draw a UK Civil Service Pension, on my demise she would draw a pension of 50% of my pension for the rest of her life, I don't want to go into actual figures but save to say she would draw a pension in excess of the figure I need to prove for my retirement extension, now whilst stopping her getting that wouldn't affect me in the afterlife, it doesn't seem right.

I am with someone else now, without her support I wouldn't have got through this, and whilst I have no plans to remarry, at the back of this woman's mind is probably the fact that I'm still married to somebody else, at least it would with me. She has a good job and doesn't ask for anything from me, she certainly has no interest in the house in Hua Hin.

I would welcome any further advice.

Thanks

[Mario2008]

Abandonemnt can only be filed for by the party who was left behind by the other. Disrespect etc should indeed be a better option.

I don't believe you need any private investigators, but you do need to make some efforts in the form of making an announcement in several (I believe 3) newspapers, several times. Believe local newspapers should be fine and also an announcement on the bullitin board in front of the court building.

There is no alimony, and no child support if the children are not yours.

Regarding debts it is often the case that others can make a claim to the maritial property, but if you pay a debt of your wife you might have a claim on your wife yourself. The law in many countries make a distinction regarding this between communal debts (like you need to pay the rent for the house you both live in) and personal debts (Like you buy clothing with your credit card).

Not sure where Thai law stands on this, but if you want a loan for a house from the bank it is not for nothing that both spouses need to sign the papers.

[cardholder]

It sounds like your pension is the real issue. Perhaps you should tackle that with the pension trustees.

Consider posting in the pensions threads or pm Prakhonchainick who has experience of pensions and divorcingabsent wives

[thonglorjimmy]

Thanks Cardholder I will drop him a line.

The real issue for me is really getting this woman out of my life, though the pension issue does gripe me.

[cardholder]

Thanks Cardholder I will drop him a line.

The real issue for me is really getting this woman out of my life, though the pension issue does gripe me.

I hope you can jimmy - personally, I believe that you can.

You have discovered that, irrespective of the legal position, it is what happens at a practical level that drives everything.

Just as a "what if"....

What if I were to offer, say, 1m Baht for your house in Hua Hin - and you told the ex that you wanted it accepted as it was the only offer that had been received ?

[thonglorjimmy]

Just as a "what if"....

What if I were to offer, say, 1m Baht for your house in Hua Hin - and you told the ex that you wanted it accepted as it was the only offer that had been received?

Well I would snatch your hand off if I could get away with you buying the house for 1m Baht, that means that she would only get 500K, it's not about the house for me.

The house was originally on the market for 11m, I agreed to a suggested price of 8m for a quick sale, that figure is now set in stone in the court arbitration agreement. Of course she has done nothing to market the property and, as I say, there is a new tennant in it, I have no idea where she is. She seems to be playing the long game.

I suspect I will have to throw more money at this debacle and am indeed in the early stages of talking to a new lawyer, the third.

Edited January 19, 2013 by thonglorjimmy