What's In A Name? A Rose Is Still A Rose Etc.

[Boo]

oh & on another thread I was discussing about changing my husbands & mine back to my maiden name as it is easier for English people to pronounce than his & that suggestion came from him. I vetoed it though as I like his name & carry it with pride

Now, doesn't that demonstrate me expressing my independance & doing what I want? Just like taking his name when we married was MY choice as well.?? Hmmmm

[HarryHerb]

It was on this thread Boo (which for some reason has been resurrected from the dead, or at least p4...) and I thought it was quite a good idea.

I think Mishamagic is taking the underlying principle of the name changing thing to (her own ) logical conclusion. She may be misguided / loopy but I don't think she's a troll.

And I don't see why all these relationship discussions have to come down to personal "my boyfriend is better than your boyfriend" playground scraps. And don't say 'she started it'!

It kind of reflects badly on the 'sisterhood' - if indeed there is such a thing Or maybe not as we're all so independent, right?

[Boo]

Harry, it isn't a case of "mine is better than yours" but an example that compromise & consideration is making my relationship work, so I don't need to be told my misha or anyone else that it is wrong or that I am giving in something in some way.

Misha suggested that her way made her relationships more"quality" (whatever that means) I disagree, mine is sucessful as we are still going strong & have common goals & plans. We piss each other off but don't need to be sperated to get over it.

I do what I want all the time & that includes giving into my husband wants if we have conflicting ideas. He doesn't get his own way all the time & neither do I but if we end up doing what he wants it's becuase I choose to not because i have to. Massive difference IMO.

[Old Croc]

After marriage my name changed from "Man" to "Swine" in a few short years.

[HarryHerb]

Harry, it isn't a case of "mine is better than yours" but an example that compromise & consideration is making my relationship work, so I don't need to be told my misha or anyone else that it is wrong or that I am giving in something in some way.

Misha suggested that her way made her relationships more"quality" (whatever that means) I disagree, mine is sucessful as we are still going strong & have common goals & plans. We piss each other off but don't need to be sperated to get over it.

I do what I want all the time & that includes giving into my husband wants if we have conflicting ideas. He doesn't get his own way all the time & neither do I but if we end up doing what he wants it's becuase I choose to not because i have to. Massive difference IMO.

Gotcha, makes perfect sense to me. Now if you'd only said all that earlier...

Old Croc Posted Today, 2006-04-16 21:51:08

After marriage my name changed from "Man" to "Swine" in a few short years.

Old Croc, is that because you're as happy as the proverbial pig in sh-t?

[sbk]

It was on this thread Boo (which for some reason has been resurrected from the dead, or at least p4...) and I thought it was quite a good idea.

Actually, mishamagic resurrected this thread to specifically attack my post. Not sure what motivation this person gets from being personally abusive but, hey, different strokes for different folks I guess.

As for the idea that somehow taking your partners name (or not) has something to do with giving up ones independence or free will, well, I guess again, that would depend on the person, wouldn't it?

I posted earlier, I believe, that one of the reasons I took my husband's name is because my maiden name is 1) nearly impossible for Thai people to pronounce properly and 2) when they do pronounce it it is a particularly nasty kind of ghost. When I found this out it explained the many strange looks I received when travellling Thailand as a single woman.

[MishaMagic]

It was on this thread Boo (which for some reason has been resurrected from the dead, or at least p4...) and I thought it was quite a good idea.

Actually, mishamagic resurrected this thread to specifically attack my post. Not sure what motivation this person gets from being personally abusive but, hey, different strokes for different folks I guess.

As for the idea that somehow taking your partners name (or not) has something to do with giving up ones independence or free will, well, I guess again, that would depend on the person, wouldn't it?

I posted earlier, I believe, that one of the reasons I took my husband's name is because my maiden name is 1) nearly impossible for Thai people to pronounce properly and 2) when they do pronounce it it is a particularly nasty kind of ghost. When I found this out it explained the many strange looks I received when travellling Thailand as a single woman.

Well, hello lovely people, so nice to hear you talking about me so much!!!

I would like to make some things clear here.

Firstly SBK.- I repeat that I have made no post about a former girlfriend

I did not join this thread to attack anyones post but to put an alternative viewpoint across, and at no time have I criticised anyone's precious relationship or stated that mine are better than theirs, in fact I have gone out of my way to mention that I totally respect others relationships, however I am simply presenting the idea that there is more than one way to do it!!!

That all relationships are formed on the basis of compromise is simply a widely held western view, not a guiding law of the universe, and I know plenty of people who think differently.

Its really a pity that you girls set up a forum for discussion, and only want to defend your viewpoints, rather than keeping an open mind to new ideas.

And yes HarryHerb, I find this "yours is better than mine" really teenage!

And yes, I may be loopy (better than fridgidly conservative) but I am not abusive in any way.

You girls really gotta get out more and stop taking things so personally.

[Boo]

I think misha that if you re read your first post, it was a criticism of what a few of us had posted as reasons to take our husbands name, if you don't think so then fine, but the words are there for all to see. No one asked you put your view across and it was totally not related to the OP but you chose to open the can of worms so don't get all huffy & sensitive when we don’t' agree with you.

I criticised anyone's precious relationship or stated that mine are better than theirs

Really? To me the below quotes are critisms & your way of saying that your way is best, maybe as english isn't your native tongue it was a miscommunications but I can't beleive someone is that misunderstood, I am assuming your dutch as thats where your IP is coming from or did you say in a previous that your an aussie, in which case your thoughts are compley clear ;

I'm not sure how taking your husband's name is a sign of "respect" for him.....what about "respect" for yourself and your own identity? Naming is a powerful thing,.....and yes under marriage it has been used for many years to convey the idea of 'ownership' of a wife, which I find very inappropriate in modern culture

I also view marriage as a powerful and sacred ritual, (rather than an archaeic institution) and while I am sure that I will marry when I find an appropriate partner, I will be marrying my husband, not becoming him

I don't think that you have to be famous to care about your established identity. And to me, a public display of committment isn't about giving up your identity for someone, its about showing the world an equal, conscious and empowered relationship based on mutual respect and individuality working together to create a unified partnership

What I strongly react to is broad statements like "relationships require compromise on the behalf of both partners" Really? Are you sure? What if there was another way? Do you compromise in all your relationships, friendships, family etc, or only with your spouse?

And in particular ideas like "fulfill some part of oneself that may be lacking" is something I find really dangerous and the basis of all co-dependence (considered very unhealthy even by the medical profession)

Buddhism, Taoism, and most eastern as well as new age streams of thinking clearly explain that no one and nothing that is outside of you can ever fulfill any part of you which may be lacking, that those answers are only found within.

The main psychosis of the western world is expecting external things like your job, your money and your partner to make you happy/complete yourself/fulfill your needs

Do you think that succeeding in maintaining one relationship over a long time means that you know more about it than someone who has had many different styles and types of relationships? I do not consider a longer relationship to be more "successful" than a shorter one. I am interested in quality, not quantity.

In this life we are given free will, and this is our birthright. To consider someone giving that up for you as a sign of love is something I find very, very common and very sick

In all of the above posts you make a lot of assumptions about the people posting on here. The question was about changing names, not what YOU deemed to be right or wrong but you opened the platform & got responses. Whilst crying about how we've all been so mean to poor helpless little you, you have managed to totally ignore everyones elses opinion too. So looks like your just as bad as us then!

Lifes a bitch innit

[bggg]

In response to what I believe was the original question. I believe as others have pointed out, that there are many considerations to the name change point. My situation. I was a single mother of 1 child who carried my last name. I met my husband and had 2 children with him before marriage. He wanted the children to carry his last name. I however told him I wanted them to carry both as they were part of both of us and I did not have his name. Also I wanted their older sister to feel more connected by all 3 sharing my name as well as the 2 younger having dads name. When we later married I added his name to mine not as some trendy thing to do rather as it seemed logical. The two young ones and I have both last names with no hyphen allowing us to use 1 or both last names. Hope that makes some sense

Had the situation been different with the children I would have happily changed my name, respect, love, becoming a family union. And by the by I do believe that compromise is a huge part of any succesfull relationship.

[Dolphin]

I don't know if it is law to change it but I changed my name in my passport a few days after getting married in LOS.

I flew to BKK, took the old passport to the Brit embassy & had it changed by presenting a copy of my marriage certificate & the translation. Easy peasy.

Hi

I've just picked up your note about changing your name after marriage. I'm British and have just got married to a Thai man (in Bangkok) and want to change my name. When you say you took a translation to the embassy, can this be done anywhere? or does it have to be a 'legalised' translation (ie. at the legalisation section of the department of foreign affairs as for the declaration of freedom to marry) or I've also read about some situations requiring a 'sworn' translation at the embassy itself. I don't want to turn up at the embassy, queue for ages and then find I don't have the right documents! Any advice welcome. Thanks.

[Boo]

Congratulations. I hope you are as happy as we (mostly ) are.

When we got married I had a stamped translation done from one of the translation shops on wireless road not an official document. The embassy were happy with that.

[Dolphin]

Congratulations. I hope you are as happy as we (mostly ) are.

When we got married I had a stamped translation done from one of the translation shops on wireless road not an official document. The embassy were happy with that.

Thanks for the advice. Another question - do you know if visas can be transferred to a new passport? I have a non-immigrant B visa at the moment in my passport and have 6 months left on it so wasn't going to bother transferring this to an 'O' visa until I need to.

[sbk]

Congratulations. I hope you are as happy as we (mostly ) are.

When we got married I had a stamped translation done from one of the translation shops on wireless road not an official document. The embassy were happy with that.

Thanks for the advice. Another question - do you know if visas can be transferred to a new passport? I have a non-immigrant B visa at the moment in my passport and have 6 months left on it so wasn't going to bother transferring this to an 'O' visa until I need to.

Easily. Any immigration office can do it for you. Also, when you get married the form you are worried about is supplied by the Embassy. They will give you a list of places to get it translated as well as further instructions on taking it to the Thai authorities.

[lannarebirth]

After marriage my name changed from "Man" to "Swine" in a few short years.

Thanks for that, you made me laugh out loud.

I'm getting married early next year, and my fiance has said she'd like to take my name. Back in America, I guess I wouldn't give that much thought, but here I have. She comes from what IMO is a very fine family, with a family name bestowed upon them by Rama IV, whom her descendants served happily, as with most royal families since. It's clear she is proud of this fact and it's clear it means something to people she meets. I'd feel terribly guilty depriving her of that.

I'm not sure what what's to be done as far as officildom goes, regarding land, wills passports and such. I guess we'll do as lawyers and embassies advise.

I hope she decides to keep her name.

[Cassidy700]

Im marrying my girlfriend this month, and at the same time we are going get her a passport as she hasnt had one before.If she wanted to take my name, would this cause any problems applying for passport?or visa later?or doesnt it make any difference.

[sbk]

As far as I know, it doesn't make any difference but if you are really concerned try posting in the visas to other countries section.

[somchai jones]

When we married, my wife happily and indeed eagerly changed her maiden name to my surname, delighted that I had become her husband.

[SamuiJens]

Mishamagic, relationships require compromise on the behalf of both partners. I think too many people enter into a relationship with the idea that by compromising they are somehow giving the other person control.

If one is unwilling to give up something of themselves, unwilling to compromise, meet halfway (and I mean both the man and the woman) then the relationship is doomed to failure. There are two people who are partners in a marriage, not two individuals each seeking their own ends. A partner in a serious relationship should complement oneself, fulfill some part of oneself that may be lacking, if a person is so independent that they can't rely on their partner then that person will find themselves alone.

I admit that was VERY realistically put, and is the way two people must do (complement each other) & the fact if youre so indepenndent, you DON'T need a mate. Trust is another very important thing, since without it you'll burn-out. Married 17 years and been living on KP, You should know a thing or two about it. I never made it past the 13th year of marrage, and I will take my 50% of the blame. And the fact that Im a man with a good Thai gf, upto now, and with respect from her and and me to her, I hope we can make 17+ as well. Some men forget to complement their partner every so often.

Edited August 14, 2006 by SamuiJens

[khall64au]

Did somebody mention a rose???