The Talking Dog...one great joke

In Tennessee, a man sees a sign in front of a house: "Talking Dog For Sale." He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is around back. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a black mutt sitting next to a fence.

"You talk?" he asks the mutt.

"Yep," the mutt replies.

"So, What's your story?"

The mutt looks up and says, "Well, I discovered this gift pretty young and I wanted to help the government so I told the CIA about my gift. In no time they had me jetting around the world, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.

"I was one of their most valuable spies eight years running. But the jetting around tired me out and I knew I wasn't getting any younger. So I signed up for a job at the airport doing some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible deals and plots there and was awarded a batch of medals. Had a wife and a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."

The guy is amazed. He goes back into the house and asks the owner what he wants for the dog. "Ten dollars," the owner says.

"This dog is amazing," the guy says. "Why are you selling him so cheap?"

"He's such a liar," the owner says. "He didn't do any of that stuff."

Two horses in a pub

Horse 1: How's the racing going

Horse 2: It's funny you should say that, the other day I was racing a Redcar and I was winning the race, then in thye final straight I had this pain in my leg and I couldn't even finish the race

Horse 1: That's amazing, the same thing happened to me the other day at Newmarket, I was in the final straight just about to come first and bam! pain in my leg and I couldn't finish

Greyhound overhears converstaion

Greyhound: Sorry to interrupt, I couldn't help hearing what you just said, it's just that the same thing happened to me the other night at White City, final straight and a pain in my leg prevented me from completing the race.

Horse 1 (looks at horse 2) Fúck me a talking dog!