AOL Anti On-Line

APPLE Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity

BASIC Bill's Attempt to Seize Industry Control

CD-ROM Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months

COBOL Completely Obsolete Business Oriented Language

COMPUTER Capable Of Making Perfectly Uncomplicated Tasks Extremely Rigorous

DOS Defunct Operating System

IBM I Blame Microsoft

IBM I Bought Macintosh

ISDN It Still Does Nothing

LISP Lots of Infuriating & Silly Parentheses

LOTUS Lots Of Trouble, Usually Serious

MACINTOSH Most Applications Crash, If Not The Operating System Hangs

MCSE Minesweeper Consultant & Solitaire Expert

MCSE Must Consult Someone Experienced

MCSE Making Computers Slow Everyday

MICROSOFT Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only Fools Teenagers

MIPS Mistakes Incurred Per Second

MIPS Meaningless Indication of Processor Speed

NASCAR Non-Athletic Sport Centered Around Rednecks

NTSC Never The Same Color

OS/2 Obsolete Soon Too

PASCAL Pedantry And Strictness Created A Language

PCMCIA People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms

PENTIUM Produces Erroneous Numbers Through Incorrect Understanding of Mathematics

POTS Plain Old Telephone System

RISC Reduced Into Silly Code

SCSI System Can't See It

SCSI-2 System Can't See It Again

SNMP Security Not My Problem

WINDOWS Wonderful Interface No Dos User Would Sanction

WINDOWS Will Install Needless Data On Whole System

MOUSE Manually Operated Utility Selection Equipment