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Away the  noo...

A SCOTS miner has been voted the funniest man in Thailand.

And he can't even speak the language

John Innes has been honoured with the title "Tah Man" for bringing "joy and happiness" to the Thai people for the last six years.

The title recognises his comic work in Thai burlesque shows and on national television.

The award comes a week after his great hero Billy Connolly was voted Britain's funniest comedian of all time.

John, 50, from Bonnyrigg, Midlothian, is still struggling to come to terms with the remarkable award.

He said: "Tah Man is the name of a fictitious Thai character who travelled the kingdom 1500 years ago bringing joy and happiness to others."

The name was bestowed on John by fellow comedians in Thailand and can be used by no other person as long as he lives.

John, a former apprentice miner at Monktonhall colliery, Midlothian, made his own guitar at the age of 10 and at 15 entered and won a talent contest in Dalkeith.

He added: "I achieved some little fame as a DJ and in Scottish bands and then I went to Australia and performed in a live band - until our manager ran off with our funds.

"This title is recognition of six years in the entertainment industry where I am, I suppose, a household face."

He explained: "A lot of the comedy is visual, which Thais like, such as Mr Bean and Benny Hill. They seemed to take to me quickly. As a musician, I sang English songs and then learned Thai ones too.

"I have a good ear and could copy all the right sounds, but I had no idea of the meaning of what I was singing."

John left Scotland in 1978 to work in Australia as an insurance consultant. There he met his Thai wife and they moved to live in her country in 1994.

Soon, rival comedy venues were seeking his talents with, he says, "most of the laughs coming from my appalling Thai".

"I have been very lucky. I have a Thai wife Yupin and an eight-year-old son, Andrew, and 18- month-old daughter Yupin to support but the money has kept coming in.

"It's a long way from Lasswade High where I went to school."

John has made over 70 TV appearances and now stars in his kilt on Thailand's popular Twilight Show.

THE BIG YIN THE BAHT YIN

THEY are both award-winning Scottish comedians.

But who is the funnier, John Innes or Billy Connolly - you be the judge.

John: I am your prince who rides a white charger - "Pom penh chow faa khi maa khaw" - if pronounced in the wrong tones comes out as "I am the prince who s**** white".

Also the Thai for "come here" is "maa ni", but if it is pronounced wrong, it translates as "I am a dog".

Billy: The best way to identify a tartan is to look under the kilt. If you see a quarter pounder, you know it's a McDonald.

It was so cold I woke up and found an ice-cube in the bed.

I threw it in the fire and it went FART!

http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/news....AUGHING