Dating Thai Girls (First Trip)

[MrWorldwide]

Funfon, for once I can see where you are coming from, but we both know there are still some surprisingly naive women out there. I guess the cynics will say 'Hey, they wont be naive for long !', and that strikes me as kinda callous. Still, as you say, some gullible Westerners get their <deleted> handed to them on a plate year after year, so perhaps you are right - in any case, nothing I type here will change anything, Just wanted to make the observation that a lot more gals seem to be starting their profile with 'If you are a lowlife scammer, piss off' or words to that effect.

[muythai2013]

In fact I am not speaking by expertise, but rather by the first experience I had in this country and giving points that some travelers might find useful, as well as making comparisons with western women.

your 3rd point is a not quite correct.

many good girls are not escorted, I have also seen very bad girls escorted on dates by their stupid brothers on dates who have no idea their sisters a bar girl.

are you sure that they are her brothers? some are the husbands who are pimping out their wives! see it all the time at nana plaza.

if they were pimping them out would they be stopping them from having sex.

[marquis22]

also you state relationships take time to build, 9 days was it. bahahaha

No muythai2013, the relationship was built online - the nine days was just to cement it.

I will say this however, good luck with the relationship and i hope you both find happiness together.

with a thai girl you must structure your arguments in such away that she thinks she has won but is still learning her lesson, they are never wrong and you need to let her believe that whilst sneakily getting your way.

dont fight with them, they just resort to tantrums until they win.

Muythai2013, how does your reactions to Thai women's tantrums and their self belief they are never wrong go if you confront them? I have a Thai gf and belief in what you say , but I have read but not tried, the theory that Thais do not like confrontation?

[muythai2013]

best to talk when they cool down, before that is like banging your head against a wall.

make them understand and get your point across whilst making them feel somewhat like they are not losing the argument, they dont need to win just not lose.

just dont let them lose face, let them carry on, even if they will not admit their wrong they still know they are and just will not say it, therefore they still learn and stop doing it.

my missus aint to bad, she will listen, no real tantrums, even says sorry, my ex had four hour tantrums on the floor, once in the supermarket near the express lane on the floor.

my current one is quite passive.

[seligne]

Enjoyed the story and the time you took to tell us. It reflects pretty much my observations and experience here. I hope you save a copy of this and update us periodically. (I would love to prove the naysayers wrong).

[FunFon]

Funfon, for once I can see where you are coming from, but we both know there are still some surprisingly naive women out there. I guess the cynics will say 'Hey, they wont be naive for long !', and that strikes me as kinda callous. Still, as you say, some gullible Westerners get their <deleted> handed to them on a plate year after year, so perhaps you are right - in any case, nothing I type here will change anything, Just wanted to make the observation that a lot more gals seem to be starting their profile with 'If you are a lowlife scammer, piss off' or words to that effect.

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Well I personally don't go near any girls with any level of English or online experience, basically for the same reasons, but that's me.

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your 3rd point is a not quite correct.

many good girls are not escorted, I have also seen very bad girls escorted on dates by their stupid brothers on dates who have no idea their sisters a bar girl.

are you sure that they are her brothers? some are the husbands who are pimping out their wives! see it all the time at nana plaza.

if they were pimping them out would they be stopping them from having sex.

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The point isn't stopping them, it's making sure they don't give it away too cheap.

[FunFon]

my ex had four hour tantrums on the floor, once in the supermarket near the express lane on the floor.

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The first sign of this kind of behaviour IMO has to be a complete and total dealbreaker, out the door they go.

If they come crawling back then the first thing to make very clear is that won't be tolerated at all.

As soon as you let them use emotional blackmail to try to control you the game's over.

But the key is you do have to be 100% willing to walk away, bluffing doesn't work.

[SteeleJoe]

my ex had four hour tantrums on the floor, once in the supermarket near the express lane on the floor.-The first sign of this kind of behaviour IMO has to be a complete and total dealbreaker, out the door they go.If they come crawling back then the first thing to make very clear is that won't be tolerated at all.As soon as you let them use emotional blackmail to try to control you the game's over.But the key is you do have to be 100% willing to walk away, bluffing doesn't work.

One of the best lesson I ever learned was to have the exact same policy as above. The wonderful bonus was to discover that once I ruled out - no matter how beautiful, smart, affectionate, or sexually skilled - having any kind of relationship with girls who threw tantrums and/ or were prone to unjustified and exaggerated jealousy, there were still beautiful, smart, affectionate and sexually skilled women to choose from. 2 fairly long term commitments and one 20 year marriage later, all with women that were as desirable in every way as the most tempermental of women I have known - not one tantrum or irrational bouts of jealousy.

[FunFon]

One of the best lesson I ever learned was to have the exact same policy as above. The wonderful bonus was to discover that once I ruled out - no matter how beautiful, smart, affectionate, or sexually skilled - having any kind of relationship with girls who threw tantrums and/ or were prone to unjustified and exaggerated jealousy, there were still beautiful, smart, affectionate and sexually skilled women to choose from. 2 fairly long term commitments and one 20 year marriage later, all with women that were as desirable in every way as the most tempermental of women I have known - not one tantrum or irrational bouts of jealousy.

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Also helps weed out the true mental cases, which unfortunately are disproportionately represented among mia farang.

[SteeleJoe]

One of the best lesson I ever learned was to have the exact same policy as above. The wonderful bonus was to discover that once I ruled out - no matter how beautiful, smart, affectionate, or sexually skilled - having any kind of relationship with girls who threw tantrums and/ or were prone to unjustified and exaggerated jealousy, there were still beautiful, smart, affectionate and sexually skilled women to choose from. 2 fairly long term commitments and one 20 year marriage later, all with women that were as desirable in every way as the most tempermental of women I have known - not one tantrum or irrational bouts of jealousy.-Also helps weed out the true mental cases, which unfortunately are disproportionately represented among mia farang.

Also? For me girls who throw tantrums or have jealousy issues ARE mental cases. (Though trust me, I know that there are degrees and some people are genuinely ill). And yes, once I imposed that standard, I found I was able to spend time with some really great women without drama and strife that I had previously seen as an inevitable part of the whole "dating" thing...

Disproportionately represented? Probably. I vaguely remember a previous posit from you along those lines and largely agreeing with the argument supporting it.

Having said that, it's not as if Thai guys don't deal with any of those issues (and al lot of the Thai guys I've know put up with stuff I never would - but even more Farangs do).

Edited April 10, 2013 by SteeleJoe

[KonKorat]

Nice story,i hope all goes well for you,i have a Thai fiance' we skyped everyday day for a year before i went to Thailand to meet her the first time.i have been back 4 times and will go again in December for 30 days My fiance is 40yo and was a university teacher, and i am 49yo,we have been together now 4 years,and she has come and stayed with me here in Australia 2 times for 3 months each time,she will be back here next month.She takes such great care of me and she's a fantastic cook!!!!good luck to you both.

p.s if you marry her you marry her family to

[Andre0720]

What is peculiar about your story, is the fact that you wish to ''cement'' a relationship (sic) that was developed online, from across the world.

How about checking up the girls in Canada.

If you absolutely want an exotic girl, I suggest that you go to the Philippines.

So that the next time you post here, the story will not sound as ''peculiar''...

Your name Stephen Leather by any chance...

[FunFon]

Also? For me girls who throw tantrums or have jealousy issues ARE mental cases. (Though trust me, I know that there are degrees and some people are genuinely ill).

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I've found that there is so much diversity between each and every one of us unique human beings, that I hesitate to claim the ability to judge mental illness just because someone is very different from me or from my preferences as to how I'd like them to be. In fact in my normal day-to-day life I'm very very tolerant of a wide range of behaviour others would find bizarre, and I think it's good for me to make use of these encounters to help me push outside my current comfort zone.

However in choosing who is going to share my bed, much less large chunks of my time or least of all my life, I am very quick to eliminate those that don't adhere to my few simple guidelines.

Sometimes a girl will be so outstanding in one particular area I'll put up with negative aspects for a while, but make sure not to let things progress beyond the sport-and-fun-only stage, and soon enough they usually move on of their own accord. The resulting mixture of regret and relief is one of life's beautiful but bittersweet phenomena. . .

BTW it's usually worth keeping in touch with them, amazing how some of the craziest whacko/psycho bitches can mellow once they get to true adulthood wrt emotional maturity - which (as most will agree) usually comes along much later in Thailand as compared with western women.

[NeverSure]

My dear friend

Take advise from an old asian.

If youre willing to nod yes to everything your thai gal says then go ahead.Thai women are never wrong they always want there own way and when they dont get it you will get tantrums galore.

Ive never found a rich respectable thai girl with a farang unless they met in university.

A wise German told me that for the thai women

1st is her father and mother

2nd is her brother sister and relatives

3rd are her neighbours and friends

4th is her dog

and 5th is her farang husband.

Loads of good women where u stay so dont waste your time here.

Also questions which rise eyebrows how many like you has she found on facebook??

Where and when did she go to usa as an exchange student ask to see her passport.

Who paid for her trip some western poor sod like you???

Tread carefully my friend youre young and have the world at your feet.

Very good advice. I would like to clear up the exchange student part, possibly. Yes, ask to see the passport. Ask her more about where she was in the US, and subtly get her to describe it and her school life, etc. If it's a lie it won't last long.

If she was an exchange student, she was an honors student, and she had already learned English. They do teach it in lower grades in LOS, and a few students do learn to a point. It could only improve after a year in a US high school.

The Exchange student program is old, popular, and thriving. I've never seen any US high school that didn't have at least one foreign exchange student each year. A well known local family with another high school student or two sponsors the exchange student. The student lives with them for the school year, and shadows the other children in the home at first.

The local family is of good reputation and has some financial means. It is considered a good experience for the US family and the children to have someone of a different culture in the home for a year.

IF she was an exchange student, she is a nice girl. She was chosen by her teachers as someone who gets along well with others, who is an excellent student, and who is highly respected and liked by all. It is necessary that she will be liked by her host family and the other students at school. I've never, among the many such exchange students I've met, met one who wasn't popular at school with really good people skills, and a hard worker.

IF she was a foreign exchange student, she comes from a good family. That would be part of the criteria for the choosing of the student. People skills, high scholastic achievement, ability to speak the foreign language, and good manners are necessary to assure that it will be a good year for all.

The host family in the US would pick up the tab, along with perhaps some other donors. Air fare would be paid, she would be in the arms of these people from the moment her plane landed. It would be the best of people. She would be shopping, getting new clothes for school, a cell phone and anything else she needed. Her room would be ready and decorated and outfitted.

She could be the poorest girl in Isaan, but if she was a sweetheart with high achievement, she could be chosen and expenses would be paid.

To me there are two things. Verify that foreign exchange student part to answer a lot of questions, but then after all of that I could never recommend that any 19 year old get married, especially in a foreign place and culture.

But this girl might be an ace.

[rgs2001uk]

^^^^^,

But this girl might be an ace.

If this girl were such an ace she would already be on the local Thai radar.

[Gai Jin]

What is peculiar about your story, is the fact that you wish to ''cement'' a relationship (sic) that was developed online, from across the world.

How about checking up the girls in Canada.

If you absolutely want an exotic girl, I suggest that you go to the Philippines.

So that the next time you post here, the story will not sound as ''peculiar''...

Your name Stephen Leather by any chance...

What's so exotic about Filipinas,they all speak English?

[QualityTouristNumberOne]

Good luck Alex,

it'll probably end in heartbreak,but all life lessons are good ones,

don't mind the cynical,sneering,mouthy,pontificating,hypocritical asses that proliferate this board(we're not all like that),

what you're looking at is a tiny amount of people who wish to save you pain and uncertainty,and a LOAD of over the hill jealous types.

Thanks for your story.

[Gai Jin]

Good luck Alex,

it'll probably end in heartbreak,but all life lessons are good ones,

don't mind the cynical,sneering,mouthy,pontificating,hypocritical asses that proliferate this board(we're not all like that),

what you're looking at is a tiny amount of people who wish to save you pain and uncertainty,and a LOAD of over the hill jealous types.

Thanks for your story.

Maybe people who have experienced living away from their home country for a long time also and know what it's like to try to go home and reassimilate,for me the country I feel most foreign in these days is the one I was born in!

[NeverSure]

^^^^^,

But this girl might be an ace.

If this girl were such an ace she would already be on the local Thai radar.

Take a gal out of Thailand for a year and introduce her to Western living standards, infrastructure, driving habits, and all else that is clean and orderly (they don't send these kids to big city slums) and she might just have a taste of something she wants. I've sure seen it before.

[Gai Jin]

^^^^^,

But this girl might be an ace.

If this girl were such an ace she would already be on the local Thai radar.

Take a gal out of Thailand for a year and introduce her to Western living standards, infrastructure, driving habits, and all else that is clean and orderly (they don't send these kids to big city slums) and she might just have a taste of something she wants. I've sure seen it before.

You've just described to a 'T' your average (and apparently exotic) Filipina!

[muythai2013]

my ex had four hour tantrums on the floor, once in the supermarket near the express lane on the floor.

-

The first sign of this kind of behaviour IMO has to be a complete and total dealbreaker, out the door they go.

If they come crawling back then the first thing to make very clear is that won't be tolerated at all.

As soon as you let them use emotional blackmail to try to control you the game's over.

But the key is you do have to be 100% willing to walk away, bluffing doesn't work.

thats why she is my ex, i dont like head games.

[SteeleJoe]

I've found that there is so much diversity between each and every one of us unique human beings, that I hesitate to claim the ability to judge mental illness just because someone is very different from me or from my preferences as to how I'd like them to be. In fact in my normal day-to-day life I'm very very tolerant of a wide range of behaviour others would find bizarre, and I think it's good for me to make use of these encounters to help me push outside my current comfort zone.

Geez man, lighten up with the sanctimonious and literal take on what was a casual comment (you even included my proviso, "trust me, I know that there are degrees and some people are genuinely ill")

Not only am I at least intelligent, worldly, rational and sensitive enough to recognize all that as obvious, I've also seen painfully close real and sever mental illness of the most extreme sort and know the difference between that and behavior some would find bizarre (or just being a spoiled brat.)

I wasn't using "mental case" as some sort of clinical term (who with any knowledge would?); it should have been obvious that was an idiomatic reference meant to be dismissive people with too many tantrums, insecurities and other attendant drama...

[muythai2013]

many comments prove without a shadow of a doubt that some people mix with the lowest of the low in thai girls.

thats why they have such negative views on thai woman.

And when others have a half decent women, they call BS and refuse to believe it because they have never seen a good woman whilst patrolling the minge pits of pattays.

[SteeleJoe]

many comments prove without a shadow of a doubt that some people mix with the lowest of the low in thai girls.

thats why they have such negative views on thai woman.

And when others have a half decent women, they call BS and refuse to believe it because they have never seen a good woman whilst patrolling the minge pits of pattays.

I know I should read the thread and find out for myself but would you mind citing an example or two of these comments?

Although, the last line in your post does indeed reflect a common phenomena. You can be sure you aren't the only one to have been confronted with that.

Edited April 11, 2013 by SteeleJoe

[muythai2013]

many comments prove without a shadow of a doubt that some people mix with the lowest of the low in thai girls.

thats why they have such negative views on thai woman.

And when others have a half decent women, they call BS and refuse to believe it because they have never seen a good woman whilst patrolling the minge pits of pattays.

I know I should read the thread and find out for myself but would you mind citing an example or two of these comments?

Although, the last line in your post does indeed reflect a common phenomena. You can be sure you aren't the only one to have been confronted with that.

I guess my main point is that people fail to see Thai woman as individuals, they are all different yet are all judged in general by the actions of a few lowly girls who are mostly the only ones many farang see due to the fact they frequent the same clunge clubs.

from the way some people here view woman, not all men here but some, it's clear they have not yet met a woman or friends that would give them a positive view of thai woman.

you know what i mean steeljoe, not all thais are sniffers.

[SteeleJoe]

many comments prove without a shadow of a doubt that some people mix with the lowest of the low in thai girls.

thats why they have such negative views on thai woman.

And when others have a half decent women, they call BS and refuse to believe it because they have never seen a good woman whilst patrolling the minge pits of pattays.

I know I should read the thread and find out for myself but would you mind citing an example or two of these comments?

Although, the last line in your post does indeed reflect a common phenomena. You can be sure you aren't the only one to have been confronted with that.

I guess my main point is that people fail to see Thai woman as individuals, they are all different yet are all judged in general by the actions of a few lowly girls who are mostly the only ones many farang see due to the fact they frequent the same clunge clubs.

from the way some people here view woman, not all men here but some, it's clear they have not yet met a woman or friends that would give them a positive view of thai woman.

you know what i mean steeljoe, not all thais are sniffers.

Thanks. And yes, I do know what you mean and of course agree.

(Except - what's a "sniffer"?)

[muythai2013]

many comments prove without a shadow of a doubt that some people mix with the lowest of the low in thai girls.

thats why they have such negative views on thai woman.

And when others have a half decent women, they call BS and refuse to believe it because they have never seen a good woman whilst patrolling the minge pits of pattays.

I know I should read the thread and find out for myself but would you mind citing an example or two of these comments?

Although, the last line in your post does indeed reflect a common phenomena. You can be sure you aren't the only one to have been confronted with that.

I guess my main point is that people fail to see Thai woman as individuals, they are all different yet are all judged in general by the actions of a few lowly girls who are mostly the only ones many farang see due to the fact they frequent the same clunge clubs.

from the way some people here view woman, not all men here but some, it's clear they have not yet met a woman or friends that would give them a positive view of thai woman.

you know what i mean steeljoe, not all thais are sniffers.

Thanks. And yes, I do know what you mean and of course agree.

(Except - what's a "sniffer"?)

sniffing around your wallet

[MrWorldwide]

I've been very lucky - only had to put up with the 'extreme TG jealousy' thing once, but once is enough. My theory is that it's as much about a perceived loss of face as it is about genuine jealousy, but the irony is that Thailand cured me of anything resembling sexual jealousy : I dont particularly want to see 'my' woman rolling around with another guy, but I have no issue with a discreet Gik or whatever behind closed doors. Sex is sex - it's when they start holding hands and staring into one another's eyes that I have to call it a day

[FunFon]

I've been very lucky - only had to put up with the 'extreme TG jealousy' thing once, but once is enough. My theory is that it's as much about a perceived loss of face as it is about genuine jealousy. . .

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I reckon it's just as often protecting their rice bowl, their territory, they've invested several weeks/months/years as well as the face issues etc, placing a bet that you're going to provide security for their future, and when that's threatened pull out all the stops do whatever it takes to hold on to "what's hers", looking at it like that, nothing to lose really.

Not saying this is always a calculated rationally thought-out policy mind you, in fact the behaviour is most likely embedded by evolution deep at some level in the female lizard-brain, used to be an issue of survival. . .

[fletchsmile]

To OP.

Best wishes. Hope it works out.

Fletch