Just Back From My Second Visit To Thailand

[AnotherOneAmerican]

Interesting read. Of course there are the typical cynics that are always on here. To me it sounds like the OP has his head and heart in the right place. He enjoyed himself, that's the main reason we go new places and try new things, isn't it? Nothing ventured, nothing gained! I think it's great he got to experience a more traditional Thai family rather than a tourist experience. I also agree with some of the cautionary posts. I've been burned once or twice here, but not for much money, more the headache... But even a rather grouchy guy like me after years here, finally met someone I really enjoy being with. Over four years now and maybe four arguments in all those years, I'm a happy camper! Happy enough that I applied for and she was approved for her fiancee visa to the USA. I never severed my ties to home, I maintained a home in each country. Everything always in my name! Except the 3BB bill is in hers! I can still work any time I return to my home country, I have a decent house by the beach in California as well as the one I rent here in Rawai Beach, Thailand. The biggest pain for me is keeping all my vehicle registrations and insurance up to date in both countries!

I wish the OP the best of luck and enjoy your life!

Sunny California, No-fault and Joint property, the worst of both worlds.

Edited May 11, 2013 by AnotherOneAmerican

[Mudcrab]

The problem with the posters who have been burnt by women before offering advice is, it's not advice. It just comes across like your jealous of anyone who is happy with their lot and it's impossible that they can have a relationship without getting burned.I wish i was still 15.

Sure the OP should tread slowly, but all he has done is spent a couple of weeks doing some DIY around his GF's house, probably cheaper than 2 weeks at Nana ( maybe not as much fun though )

He also mentioned in the OP that he didn't have much money, just a working class lad, that i believe makes a difference, if you don't have it you can't splash it or lose it.

Personally living here is a breeze, actually quite the same as back home but better weather and the locals speak in tongues

Some of us have experience, and are daft enough to try and share it with those who are younger and less wary.

Some of the younger posters are still in the "mine is different, so it won't happen to me" mode.

So let me tell you, unless you are fortunate to die earlier, it will happen to you.

It's not a question of "if", it's a question of "when".

Women are takers, men are givers, that's just the way it is.

To the OP

Enjoy the sex, don't shell out more than necessary, don't worry about the future and don't plan further than your next holiday.

It's not a question of "if", it's a question of "when".

Women are takers, men are givers, that's just the way it is

Jeez mate... I think you will have trouble any where you go !!!

[Jimi007]

Interesting read. Of course there are the typical cynics that are always on here. To me it sounds like the OP has his head and heart in the right place. He enjoyed himself, that's the main reason we go new places and try new things, isn't it? Nothing ventured, nothing gained! I think it's great he got to experience a more traditional Thai family rather than a tourist experience. I also agree with some of the cautionary posts. I've been burned once or twice here, but not for much money, more the headache... But even a rather grouchy guy like me after years here, finally met someone I really enjoy being with. Over four years now and maybe four arguments in all those years, I'm a happy camper! Happy enough that I applied for and she was approved for her fiancee visa to the USA. I never severed my ties to home, I maintained a home in each country. Everything always in my name! Except the 3BB bill is in hers! I can still work any time I return to my home country, I have a decent house by the beach in California as well as the one I rent here in Rawai Beach, Thailand. The biggest pain for me is keeping all my vehicle registrations and insurance up to date in both countries!

I wish the OP the best of luck and enjoy your life!

Sunny California, No-fault and Joint property, the worst of both worlds.

Property that you already have and enter a marriage with is not joint property. I learned that one from my first divorce. I'm not planning on buying a new house, mine is paid for and I do plan on a pre nup.

[AnotherOneAmerican]

Property that you already have and enter a marriage with is not joint property. I learned that one from my first divorce. I'm not planning on buying a new house, mine is paid for and I do plan on a pre nup.

I can actually give you some valid advice here, as I used to be involved with breaking pre-nups.

Make sure you can prove that she understood what she was signing, and you didn't take advantage of her inability to understand the language and the document. Several expert witnesses should talk to her before the signing, and be prepared to attest she understands.

A friend of mine used to claim, any pre-nup could be broken with a clever enough lawyer.

Edited May 11, 2013 by AnotherOneAmerican

[Rik325i]

Thanks for all of your replies, even the more sarcastic and negative ones, im old enough to know that even in the most bitter posts there are truths to be read.

just to clarify, im not by any means going to go throwing everything i have in a headlong rush into thailand, i fully intend to keep a base in scotland as im no spring chicken and i have been burned by women in the past, i also dont have the intention to stay full time in thailand as yet, im starting to build a small business for my self here in scotland and hope to split the year between the 2 countries initially.

Whilst this was only my second visit to thailand, the gf and i have been communicating daily online for over a year she has never once so much as hinted that she wants money from me, indeed at the start warned me against women like this, clever reverse psychology ?, the thought did cross my mind but i do believe she is exactly what she seems to be, a genuine hard working, financially secure thai lady, comfortable with her lot in life looking for a man who loves her and is willing to work beside and accept her, her family,traditions and culture.

If in the end i do get burned by her what have i lost apart from a little time and a little money ? already i have seen a different country and culture, met some wonderfull people and enjoyed some company and guest friendliness that would put many places in the western world to shame, the family has, knowing i am just a working class scotsman, invited me into their home, fed me, taken the time to show me some of the surrounding sights, taken me on a short visit to isaan, started to teach me about their language and culture, introduced me to family and friends and entrusted me with thousands of baht of their hard earned money in materials and the honour of their daughter.

So tell me, does this sound like the start of your typical thai woman western man horror story ?

To me it seems like its just a woman and a man developing feelings for each other and the womans family getting to know and trust the man their daughter has chosen to let into her life

[Mudcrab]

OP ...go for it...you only live once ...you seem to be well accepted in the family...as am I...people are people the world over... there are some very nasty ones and some nice ones.

Don't worry about fixing things around the house or business.. the villagers don't give a sh!t in my experience. Just try and learnt the language...I have (badly) and you will have them in stitches trying to talk to them, and be accepted more for the effort..

In my experience a lot more villagers know the basics of English than they let on.....but hey its all fun.

I've never come across the , dare I say European, habit of if you can't speak the language why don't you <deleted> off attitude, I'm sure it happens somewhere, but not in my little piece of Isaan.

Edited May 11, 2013 by Mudcrab

[AnotherOneAmerican]

So tell me, does this sound like the start of your typical thai woman western man horror story ?

To me it seems like its just a woman and a man developing feelings for each other and the womans family getting to know and trust the man their daughter has chosen to let into her life

Yes it does.

But don't mind me, have fun and enjoy.

Edited May 11, 2013 by AnotherOneAmerican

[Wat dee]

Nice to hear a happy story.

You sound like decent, hard working guy with the hard in the right place.

Dont mind these bitter old men who "marry" girls young enough to be their grandchildren.

Complaining about Sin Sods and sic buffalos when you are "married" to a girl half or less your age?

Keep building and bonding with the family and the community. I think there is enough falangs here who only sit glueless and drink beer allday loooong.

Wait year or two before making any major investments. Like anywhere, relationships/situations change.

Good luck.

[Jimi007]

Property that you already have and enter a marriage with is not joint property. I learned that one from my first divorce. I'm not planning on buying a new house, mine is paid for and I do plan on a pre nup.

I can actually give you some valid advice here, as I used to be involved with breaking pre-nups.

Make sure you can prove that she understood what she was signing, and you didn't take advantage of her inability to understand the language and the document. Several expert witnesses should talk to her before the signing, and be prepared to attest she understands.

A friend of mine used to claim, any pre-nup could be broken with a clever enough lawyer.

Good advice. Thanks. You just never know when it comes to money...

[Andre0720]

Thanks for all of your replies, even the more sarcastic and negative ones, im old enough to know that even in the most bitter posts there are truths to be read.

just to clarify, im not by any means going to go throwing everything i have in a headlong rush into thailand, i fully intend to keep a base in scotland as im no spring chicken and i have been burned by women in the past, i also dont have the intention to stay full time in thailand as yet, im starting to build a small business for my self here in scotland and hope to split the year between the 2 countries initially.

Whilst this was only my second visit to thailand, the gf and i have been communicating daily online for over a year she has never once so much as hinted that she wants money from me, indeed at the start warned me against women like this, clever reverse psychology ?, the thought did cross my mind but i do believe she is exactly what she seems to be, a genuine hard working, financially secure thai lady, comfortable with her lot in life looking for a man who loves her and is willing to work beside and accept her, her family,traditions and culture.

If in the end i do get burned by her what have i lost apart from a little time and a little money ? already i have seen a different country and culture, met some wonderfull people and enjoyed some company and guest friendliness that would put many places in the western world to shame, the family has, knowing i am just a working class scotsman, invited me into their home, fed me, taken the time to show me some of the surrounding sights, taken me on a short visit to isaan, started to teach me about their language and culture, introduced me to family and friends and entrusted me with thousands of baht of their hard earned money in materials and the honour of their daughter.

So tell me, does this sound like the start of your typical thai woman western man horror story ?

To me it seems like its just a woman and a man developing feelings for each other and the womans family getting to know and trust the man their daughter has chosen to let into her life

''If in the end i do get burned by her what have i lost apart from a little time and a little money ?''

Perhaps us farangs get burned more by our own expectations here in Thailand.

If things go bad between the two of you, just do not expect to get back what you put in this relationship. Emotionally and financially.

[Postmaster]

Soupeel. Like your comment, tend to agree +1 . Incidentally may I ask for the link to download the funny faces, thanks

[Rik325i]

Thanks for all of your replies, even the more sarcastic and negative ones, im old enough to know that even in the most bitter posts there are truths to be read.

just to clarify, im not by any means going to go throwing everything i have in a headlong rush into thailand, i fully intend to keep a base in scotland as im no spring chicken and i have been burned by women in the past, i also dont have the intention to stay full time in thailand as yet, im starting to build a small business for my self here in scotland and hope to split the year between the 2 countries initially.

Whilst this was only my second visit to thailand, the gf and i have been communicating daily online for over a year she has never once so much as hinted that she wants money from me, indeed at the start warned me against women like this, clever reverse psychology ?, the thought did cross my mind but i do believe she is exactly what she seems to be, a genuine hard working, financially secure thai lady, comfortable with her lot in life looking for a man who loves her and is willing to work beside and accept her, her family,traditions and culture.

If in the end i do get burned by her what have i lost apart from a little time and a little money ? already i have seen a different country and culture, met some wonderfull people and enjoyed some company and guest friendliness that would put many places in the western world to shame, the family has, knowing i am just a working class scotsman, invited me into their home, fed me, taken the time to show me some of the surrounding sights, taken me on a short visit to isaan, started to teach me about their language and culture, introduced me to family and friends and entrusted me with thousands of baht of their hard earned money in materials and the honour of their daughter.

So tell me, does this sound like the start of your typical thai woman western man horror story ?

To me it seems like its just a woman and a man developing feelings for each other and the womans family getting to know and trust the man their daughter has chosen to let into her life

''If in the end i do get burned by her what have i lost apart from a little time and a little money ?''

Perhaps us farangs get burned more by our own expectations here in Thailand.

If things go bad between the two of you, just do not expect to get back what you put in this relationship. Emotionally and financially.

Thats life, isnt it, ive been burned before and never got back what i put in, you never do.

[Thakkar]

I am sure he will not get burned.The future FIL has allowed him into his workshop,and he has only made a few trips,the family already loves him.I was with Lady Pla,7 years before the old boy would give me the time of day.Now every Saturday he and his brothers and a few others come over.I buy a couple of boxes of Leo I do not mind.In the end we all do the old Thai tradition and take our pants off and just sit around talking.It is great.Now I feel really accepted

I do that as well. My FIL keeps his pants on, though, and studiously avoids looking at my willy. He's kinda staid that way.

T

[Thakkar]

Just read this thread. Of course the OP is a big boy and can make any decisions he wants.

The only issue I see is that he's making a lot of major life changes after a very short period of time - two visits to TH.

I've spent more time deciding which television I was going to purchase. The sales person is always so nice and obliging while in the decision making stage but often the post sale customer service is lacking. The promise of the product was "oversold" and after a period of time, I discover it didn't actually meet my expectations or needs.

I suggest the OP be a cautious and prudent consumer.- doesn't eliminate but can minimize buyer's regret.

Applying the term "buyer's remorse" to humans...hmmm...there's your problem right there.

Still, I get what you're getting at, and it's sound advice. The OP seems to me to be levelheaded enough, and the girl and her family seem grounded enough that he's in little danger of being scammed. Introducing unnecessary doubts can poison a relationship and make those doubts self-fulfilling.

T

[Suradit69]

They "trick" you into giving them your labor. But you enjoyed the work and learnt some things from the old man, so it doesn't matter.

What else? She breaks your heart—well, in love there are no guarantees. That's why it's called "falling in love" and sometimes you get hurt.

But whats the bets he paid for all the material as well ?...

Sad to say in Thailand, the least of your worries is a broken heart.....some times it other bits of you that get broken on a permanent basis that would worry me..

I seriously hope your not a frequent betting person friend because you lost that one, i never paid a baht for materials, i just built it for her and enjoyed the accommodation, food, a little sightseeing in isaan and generally gracious company as well as use of tools and car while i was there and also appreciate the offer to come back and stay without monetary cost (apart from flights and train fares to get there) whenever i like

Dont worry there are some bitter members trolling about..

Yes, the same people with the bitter experiences owing to poor judgment on their part, for some reason feel everyone is as naïve as they once were. And, having made a mess of things themselves, feel qualified to dispense advice.

It's a bit like Zimbabwe's Mugabe handing out economic advice on the assumption that since he did everything wrong, he must know best.

[MRJOHNNY]

Integration ?? you will be tolerated but never accepted .So with houses being built ,businesses being thought about ,brother in law wine bar etc etc,i sense your in a world of hurt within 2 yrs ,i could be wrong but good luck with all that buddy

Quite right, I have been with my other half coming up to 15 years now, and although we have a lovely 6 year old son the shit still hits the fan from time to time even though I split my time between LOS and the UK, as Greg71 says you will be tolerated but never accepted, over the years I have bent over backwards for the family helping on the farm, building things and doing jobs which they are not up to (as I am a builder), but every now and then I will hear that old chestnut "You not understand Thai people", which I am beginning to think is quite right because when you just start thinking that you do know the Thais something happens that throws your mind into turmoil again, they are extremely "nice" people in my opinion but should never be wholeheartedly trusted because if push comes to shove they will ultimately always side with their own.

[Rik325i]

if push comes to shove they will ultimately always side with their own.

So, pretty much the same as every other nationality on the planet !

[F4UCorsair]

Mik83.......Rik325i...............Nah, couldn't be.

http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/topic/598309-please-help-with-visa-refused-australia-subclass-676/

Rik3251, just take it easy man. The fever can afflict strong men, and not only does it raise your temperature, it lowers your bank balance....dramatically.

Just take it easy and be very careful. Good luck.

Edited May 11, 2013 by F4UCorsair

[Headgame]

Just read this thread. Of course the OP is a big boy and can make any decisions he wants.

The only issue I see is that he's making a lot of major life changes after a very short period of time - two visits to TH.

I've spent more time deciding which television I was going to purchase. The sales person is always so nice and obliging while in the decision making stage but often the post sale customer service is lacking. The promise of the product was "oversold" and after a period of time, I discover it didn't actually meet my expectations or needs.

I suggest the OP be a cautious and prudent consumer.- doesn't eliminate but can minimize buyer's regret.

Applying the term "buyer's remorse" to humans...hmmm...there's your problem right there.

Still, I get what you're getting at, and it's sound advice. The OP seems to me to be levelheaded enough, and the girl and her family seem grounded enough that he's in little danger of being scammed. Introducing unnecessary doubts can poison a relationship and make those doubts self-fulfilling.

T

Perhaps a somewhat harsh analogy but I'm only really saying, take it slow.

After three years in TH, I've certainly learned to be cautious about relationships - not fearful, just cautious.

Edited May 11, 2013 by Headgame

[Rik325i]

Mik83.......Rik325i...............Nah, couldn't be.

http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/topic/598309-please-help-with-visa-refused-australia-subclass-676/

Rik3251, just take it easy man. The fever can afflict strong men, and not only does it raise your temperature, it lowers your bank balance....dramatically.

Just take it easy and be very careful. Good luck.

mik83, no nothing to do with me mate, im not hit with thailand fever lol just developing feelings with a woman who says she is developing the same feelings for me and going with the flow, but as ive said, im not rushing headlong into this throwing everything ive got into something that could possibly go wrong, ive been through enough in my life to know to always have a backup plan and a safe haven.

thanks for the advice though

[John Egil]

I thought this was a nice warm fuzzy story until I read this sentence...

not to worry too much about money and sinsod etc, money isnt overly important to them .....

might I enquire where in Thailand you were ?

i was just north of lop buri, the family is quite large and run a small farm and a small but quite busy restaurant from their home

Not far from where i live then , Takhli, 45 minutes north of Lopburi

[SinglePot]

Mik83.......Rik325i...............Nah, couldn't be.

http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/topic/598309-please-help-with-visa-refused-australia-subclass-676/

Rik3251, just take it easy man. The fever can afflict strong men, and not only does it raise your temperature, it lowers your bank balance....dramatically.

Just take it easy and be very careful. Good luck.

mik83, no nothing to do with me mate, im not hit with thailand fever lol just developing feelings with a woman who says she is developing the same feelings for me and going with the flow, but as ive said, im not rushing headlong into this throwing everything ive got into something that could possibly go wrong, ive been through enough in my life to know to always have a backup plan and a safe haven.

thanks for the advice though

Somebody once said: "If it's not madness, it's not love."

Kitchen furniture in the OP looks a bit IKEA?

[Rik325i]

Somebody once said: "If it's not madness, it's not love."

Kitchen furniture in the OP looks a bit IKEA?

did the madness and love bit in my early 20's, married a german woman, im older now and just a bit more cautious and my heart doesnt completely override my brain when it comes to the love bit lol

the kitchen furniture was all built from 120cm x 240cm sheets of MDF on site with the tools i had available to me, it is simple, functional and looks the way she wanted it to, to the budget she could afford

to be honest anything more extravagant would have looked totally out of place set against her kitchen and restaurant

[Sayonarax]

Your very lucky you never got caught if the bib had seen you working they would have asked for your work permit,no farang is allowed to work here without proper visa,just be careful next time you come,its okay saying im not getting paid to do the work but just try explaining that to the police.

Debbie downer. Like the 5-0 are gonna give two craps hes making a coffee table. When im working around my house with-out a work permit, do you think the police guy who drives pass my house, stops and says "Hay farang show me your work permit! Your not allowed to lift a finger in this country, its classed as working!"

Said no cop ever..

Go back to your bar stool.

[thaicbr]

Somebody once said: "If it's not madness, it's not love."

 

 

 

 

 

Kitchen furniture in the OP looks a bit IKEA?

did the madness and love bit in my early 20's, married a german woman, im older now and just a bit more cautious and my heart doesnt completely override my brain when it comes to the love bit lol

 

the kitchen furniture was all built from 120cm x 240cm sheets of MDF on site with the tools i had available to me, it is simple, functional and looks the way she wanted it to, to the budget she could afford

 

to be honest anything more extravagant would have looked totally out of place set against her kitchen and restaurant

Rik325i. When are you coming back. I could maybe do with a new cheap kitchen

Sent from my i-mobile i-STYLE Q6

[Rik325i]

Somebody once said: "If it's not madness, it's not love."

Kitchen furniture in the OP looks a bit IKEA?

did the madness and love bit in my early 20's, married a german woman, im older now and just a bit more cautious and my heart doesnt completely override my brain when it comes to the love bit lol

the kitchen furniture was all built from 120cm x 240cm sheets of MDF on site with the tools i had available to me, it is simple, functional and looks the way she wanted it to, to the budget she could afford

to be honest anything more extravagant would have looked totally out of place set against her kitchen and restaurant

Rik325i. When are you coming back. I could maybe do with a new cheap kitchen

Sent from my i-mobile i-STYLE Q6

Sorry, cant take any orders yet as i dont have a work permit

[SteeleJoe]

Integration ?? you will be tolerated but never accepted...

... as Greg71 says you will be tolerated but never accepted, over the years I have bent over backwards for the family helping on the farm, building things and doing jobs which they are not up to (as I am a builder), but every now and then I will hear that old chestnut "You not understand Thai people", which I am beginning to think is quite right because when you just start thinking that you do know the Thais something happens that throws your mind into turmoil again, they are extremely "nice" people in my opinion but should never be wholeheartedly trusted because if push comes to shove they will ultimately always side with their own...

This honestly isn't meant as a criticism - though I've been known to react poorly to people who do this - but it seems so truly strange to me that guys don't hesitate to declare what will happen to someone else with complete confidence because that's what happened to them and/ or what they have been told.

[Thakkar]

Just read this thread. Of course the OP is a big boy and can make any decisions he wants.

The only issue I see is that he's making a lot of major life changes after a very short period of time - two visits to TH.

I've spent more time deciding which television I was going to purchase. The sales person is always so nice and obliging while in the decision making stage but often the post sale customer service is lacking. The promise of the product was "oversold" and after a period of time, I discover it didn't actually meet my expectations or needs.

I suggest the OP be a cautious and prudent consumer.- doesn't eliminate but can minimize buyer's regret.

Applying the term "buyer's remorse" to humans...hmmm...there's your problem right there.

Still, I get what you're getting at, and it's sound advice. The OP seems to me to be levelheaded enough, and the girl and her family seem grounded enough that he's in little danger of being scammed. Introducing unnecessary doubts can poison a relationship and make those doubts self-fulfilling.

T

Perhaps a somewhat harsh analogy but I'm only really saying, take it slow.

After three years in TH, I've certainly learned to be cautious about relationships - not fearful, just cautious.

.

Fair enough. I'm just saying that when one goes parachuting, it really spoils the fun if, during the freefall part, all you're doing is constantly checking that the pull cord is attached!

T

[ianf]

Integration ?? you will be tolerated but never accepted .So with houses being built ,businesses being thought about ,brother in law wine bar etc etc,i sense your in a world of hurt within 2 yrs ,i could be wrong but good luck with all that buddy

Good post. I have seen it and still am.

I've posted previously about the ex-Thai-wife. I trusted her. She was always on about cheating Isaan girls, bar girls and the like. But after 6 years of marriage that netted her more money than she could have earned in a lifetime (albeit she is a trained civil engineer with an MBA and fluent English and Chinese. She was a good Buddhist too. Always helped the Monk at the Temple in Warwick UK and so on and boring so on. Biggest scoundrel liar and thief of the lot. Cost me an arm and a leg with her lies and cheating scams. I understand she now as an American boyfriend. Poor so and so!

[Sayonarax]

Integration ?? you will be tolerated but never accepted .So with houses being built ,businesses being thought about ,brother in law wine bar etc etc,i sense your in a world of hurt within 2 yrs ,i could be wrong but good luck with all that buddy

Good post. I have seen it and still am.

I've posted previously about the ex-Thai-wife. I trusted her. She was always on about cheating Isaan girls, bar girls and the like. But after 6 years of marriage that netted her more money than she could have earned in a lifetime (albeit she is a trained civil engineer with an MBA and fluent English and Chinese. She was a good Buddhist too. Always helped the Monk at the Temple in Warwick UK and so on and boring so on. Biggest scoundrel liar and thief of the lot. Cost me an arm and a leg with her lies and cheating scams. I understand she now as an American boyfriend. Poor so and so!

Lemme guess you was a perfect boyfriend and never slept with other girls while ya was with her. Your remind me of friend who moans about girls messing about, then goes and does the same.