Your Position In Your Partner's Family !

[benalibina]

How does your family in law perceive you in your opinion ?

What kind of a relationship do you have or would you like to have with your family in law ?

Thanks for your responses.

Edited June 7, 2013 by benalibina

[kannot]

They don't care at all. they have never shown me any respect, I get tired of it sometimes, that's the problem when you get married and find out they've been dead about 8 years, bloody typical, got nothing to moan about, am sure they did it deliberately!!!

I've learnt to live with it although at times it has been hard having nothing to bitch about

Edited June 7, 2013 by kannot

[cooked]

Interesting question.

10 people in four houses here, I am number one at any ceremonies (unless the aging aunt comes over), no problem with mutual trust and respect. I told them I have no money, which is true, and have never lent. I tend to pay for insurance, car repairs though. One happy family, at least for the time being.

[ABCer]

What position? My wife is smart. She is like a Berlin wall between us. Nothing goes through... Total bliss!

But I realize this might be not for everybody. Luckily I do not need much of socializing...

[johna]

My sister in law has turned most of the family against me, (most are dick heads so I'm quite happy with that) primarily because I wont lend her money.

[weegee]

Two Questions, two answers,

(1) A.T.M. ....and taxi.

(2) Was good, but found out about the lies and stealing...wife excepted. That changes your respect for anyone.

[weegee]

My sister in law has turned most of the family against me, (most are dick heads so I'm quite happy with that) primarily because I wont lend her money.

Sounds like we have the same sister in law

[Tonto21]

Boy o boy, I feel very luck, having read the above posts, I don't doubt a single post, I know what goes on as much as the next Westerner living in LOS.

I was in a relationship that started down the road of, me being sat at the head of the table......But in reality being somewhere between the buffalo and house dog as far as respect goes.

My now wife's family live only 20 km away and if it wasn't for me visiting them once or twice a month I'd never see or hear from them....I like them, they are good people and always make a fuss when I visit.

They do have needs, they are getting on in years, my wife is the one that provides them all they need. if they ever needed help, real help, yes I would do what I could.

Yes I feel luck when it comes to "the family'...............

[habfan]

I am looked upon as part of their family and I couldn't hope for a better relationship. I guess from what I read from several posters I am fortunate. They are all hard working virtually non drinking good people and have never asked me for a satang. I'll keep my fingers crossed.

[MissFarmGirl]

this is difficult for us also, because you are different

we are different together

not different colour, we like white skin :-)

but different culture

because we are different culture then sometimes have misunderstanding between us

when my sister she have new Thai boyfriend, he come my parents and show respect

respect is very important in our culture

money can no buy respect, it come from action, what you do

every family want to have happy family

for some Thai people it is honour to have Farang in the family

almost better then new car in driveway .. 555

many Thai think all Farang rich

some Family may ask you for loan

but then not understand why you say no

why he cheap Charly and no lend me

the secret is not that you say no, it is how you say no

how you say no, is important lesson to learn, must be like diplomat

this take me long time to write, so there is no misunderstanding

I hope this helps in understand Thai Family?

Edited June 8, 2013 by MissFarmGirl

[greg71]

It seems most are in the position of one step lower than a village buffalo .My misses old man refuses to acknowledge my existance.Im sure others have had postive experiences but i think they are in the minority in this case

[kevvy]

My sister in law has turned most of the family against me, (most are dick heads so I'm quite happy with that) primarily because I wont lend her money.

Sounds like we have the same sister in law

weegee are you a part of my family too.

[Lancelot]

My sister in law has turned most of the family against me, (most are dick heads so I'm quite happy with that) primarily because I wont lend her money.

Sounds like we have the same sister in law:)

You can also have a sister in law like her back home as well...

Just sayin

[SunSeek01]

Who would stick around after being treated like dirt? Yeah, I will pay for a house in the village for my GF but if it does not work out to my satisfaction it's back to civilization. Like Burriam or Khorat!

My view is try not to get caught in a trap where you can not afford to jump in your truck and leave!

I wanted to ask something, I think all the Neg's are not peculiar to Thai people, but more so to poor people. I'm not afraid to say it. I've been poor and all things equal not poor is better. So maybe if someone wants to talk about Thai people, in Issan 90%, is it really NE TH or just poverty?

[trainman34014]

Never had a problem since politely refusing an early request for a loan. We all get on pretty well but I know how difficult it can be for 'Mia Farang', as they take a lot more flak and barracking from friends and family then most Farang Husbands ever realise. Can lead to marriage breakdown if they are unwilling to share this stress with you and get it out of their system.

In my experience Wive's friends and colleague's can be far worse than her family. It's 'Why don't you buy this or that?' and 'Why don't you travel now you have rich Farang?'. I have a friends wife who runs a business and since she married my pal all her friends keep asking her 'Why are you working when you marry rich Farang?'. She gets sick of it and replies 'Do I need to become disabled because I marry Farang?'.

[krisb]

this is difficult for us also, because you are different

we are different together

not different colour, we like white skin :-)

but different culture

because we are different culture then sometimes have misunderstanding between us

when my sister she have new Thai boyfriend, he come my parents and show respect

respect is very important in our culture

money can no buy respect, it come from action, what you do

every family want to have happy family

for some Thai people it is honour to have Farang in the family

almost better then new car in driveway .. 555

many Thai think all Farang rich

some Family may ask you for loan

but then not understand why you say no

why he cheap Charly and no lend me

the secret is not that you say no, it is how you say no

how you say no, is important lesson to learn, must be like diplomat

this take me long time to write, so there is no misunderstanding

I hope this helps in understand Thai Family?

Almost better than new car in the driveway.... Almost!

[i claudius]

No problem at all ,i am treated very well , no one ever wants or asks for money and the only problem i ever had was with one brother in law who ignored me for two years ,once he realized that i was genuine and was in love with his sister in law he became my new "best friend" but that was all a very long time ago now i am just one of the family ,in fact two of them visited us when we used to live in the UK .

[Wat dee]

I married my wife when I was 25 and she 21. Young guy with no money. Been married 20 years,three kids,5,11 and 18.We have lived in Thailand and Europe.

I feel like part of my Thai family ,even being supported by them when had serious problems. My wife have supported them financially over the years but no one has ever asked for my money, exept my mrs.

I have helped my family ,few times, over the years when really in need, but never felt like ATM. I also have supported local school (football team f.ex) but never been asked for help.

Now been retired for 2 years with really nice pension but still no pressure from family or community.

I find it amazing how many people have negative stories about this matter. Could it be that the way falangs present themselves has something to do with the outcome.

[Morakot]

Edited June 8, 2013 by Morakot

[pattayadingo]

TBH I have no idea exactly where I fit in with the current family.

I do know that they find it strange to have a foreigner in their midst and that foreigner dating one of their daughters. My understanding though, is that they want this daughter to be happy.

When the g/f goes back to Issan - as in recently when her grandfather died - I spoke to either the mother, father and one of the sisters every day on the phone. They wanted me to know the g/f was with them and not off elsewhere.

I was and have never been asked for any money, though I did make a donation towards the funeral expenses. I also gave mother 1,000 Baht for her birthday last month.

On one visit, I was treated well - within limits of language. I was fed, watered and generally made welcome. Taken along to a local football festival and asked to partake in other things that were going on.

What is said about me within the family, I have no idea - same as most of us - but the family do seem okay.

I'll add that I have always got on well with the majority of mothers, fathers, sisters and brothers in the past. Then again, I try to be polite, smile and take part in what is happening when i am with family - but I was brought up to be polite.

[villagefarang]

The game is really not that difficult, and players are easily moved around the board, but that is assuming one know the rules and how to play the game.

I agree that poverty and ignorance are part of the problem, if there is a problem at all. If you marry into the dregs of society how can you expect them to be anything other than what they are? Someone needs to take the highroad, but if the Farang is as crude and brutish as the family he marries into, then who will hold the middle ground and referee the proceedings.

Often the wife ends up stuck in the middle between a demanding, needy family and an angry, unsympathetic husband. There is little common ground to stand on and the poor girl is squeezed in the middle with no one considering how difficult it is for her.

Reading people cross-culturally is no easy task and it is often more than the words which are not understood. If you don’t speak each others languages, it is easy to dehumanize the other party, misread their intentions and see them in an unflattering light.

We may have only been married for 14 years and together for 16 but I think that is enough time to form an opinion. Someone needs to be the grownup but sometimes you have to know when to walk away from a situation that can’t be fixed. In our family we take a live and let live approach and I try to make things as easy as possible for my wife.

[Sandman77]

Here I cannot talk with the family of wife not understand English !

So no problems everyone goes there own way !

Also I read on many dating site ,that is important that we respect thai culture, but all the 10 years I stay here

In different relationship I find out that thai woman have a big problem in the via versa way to accept our culture, espasaly my wife's comes to Europe!

2 example after I Areived in the village

Was importent for the wife that we go to there friends house to show the farang

Also 50 people come to our home,

I want do same when we come back to Europe after visit 3 friends the aswer was I not want see more I am shy I stay at home. You can go alone !

Example number 2 of thai ignorance against farang culture!

Going out with friends in thai I must visit every friend or go somewhere with them,if I not do its end in a angry up to you and not talking with me one day !

If I want my wife go out with my friends in Europe , no I not want , this friend smoke the other I not like you can go alone I stay at home!

Last example , there was a Barok music concert in our local church, I payed around 50€ entry !

In the. Middle of the concert my thaiwife leave the church

And go out , I getting angry when I pay a lot entry, maybe I loose now my face I not sure about this haha..

The aswer was I not like musik pain in ear, we sit together for dinner in the public in front of the church , after 20 minutes she leave people talk to load and smoke

Back in Isaan last year in December

Was a CHRISMAS Molam party

Where Falang must go, the musik and the bass was even more louder then in the church but I wonder the ears of the wife does not shown any pain symthoms!

This happen in all my relation ship same way, when I read farang important accept our thai culture, I want extend with the phrase I only can do when you accept farang culture also !

But I never got any aswer why thai people have so strong problems to accept something diffrence!

I can eat farang food was one time the answer, but I like little. Bit, the best strategy is then you do exactly same style the thai woman do I told after this sometime I don't like thaifood

Stop talking with me one day, and I got fire in the roof!

Maybe I should also begin to not accept thai culture, after all this..

[cooked]

Never had a problem since politely refusing an early request for a loan. We all get on pretty well but I know how difficult it can be for 'Mia Farang', as they take a lot more flak and barracking from friends and family then most Farang Husbands ever realise. Can lead to marriage breakdown if they are unwilling to share this stress with you and get it out of their system.

In my experience Wive's friends and colleague's can be far worse than her family. It's 'Why don't you buy this or that?' and 'Why don't you travel now you have rich Farang?'. I have a friends wife who runs a business and since she married my pal all her friends keep asking her 'Why are you working when you marry rich Farang?'. She gets sick of it and replies 'Do I need to become disabled because I marry Farang?'.

yeah we get a lot of that, like 'Why do you work when you have a Farang?, why you don't buy gold? why you have old car?, small house?' and so on and so on.

As for culture differences, it is easier for an educated person to adjust to other cultures. However I know some European couples where cultural differences (Heavy Metal versus Verdi, going for a long walk rather than going to a football match for instance), lead to equal difficulties.

[TexasRanger]

I am looked upon as part of their family and I couldn't hope for a better relationship. I guess from what I read from several posters I am fortunate. They are all hard working virtually non drinking good people and have never asked me for a satang. I'll keep my fingers crossed. 

Same here, they look after loads of stuff for us whilst we are away, great family.

[weegee]

My sister in law has turned most of the family against me, (most are dick heads so I'm quite happy with that) primarily because I wont lend her money.

Sounds like we have the same sister in law

weegee are you a part of my family too.

Sure....but your not my wife's family....

[lomatopo]

Treasurer.

the secret is not that you say no, it is how you say no

Amazing how the grammar is sometimes so perfect.

how you say no, is important lesson to learn, must be like diplomat

Diplomat. Good vocabulary have you.

Why am I reminded of that famous New Yorker cartoon? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/On_the_Internet,_nobody_knows_you're_a_dog

Edited June 8, 2013 by lomatopo

[Issangeorge]

I have no problem woth the family. My wife's two younger brothers live at our house and they are like my brothers. One is married and because of the age difference she is like my daughter and their children like my grand kids. Right next door, 3 metres away, is my wife's sister and her daughter, who is like a daughter to me and her daughter my grand daughter.

I recently had a bad accident when I was in the hospital for 8 days my family was there everyday and even a BiL who lives in another vilage and who I don't see very much spent 3 nights there. Plus many people from the village came to see me. I had by far and away more visitors than anyone else. I felt like not only a full member of my family, but a full member of the village also.

Sent from my i-mobile IQ 6 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

[TexasRanger]

Respect is earned, maybe why so many here have trouble getting any.

[rene123]

Fortunately, I'm never going to have to worry about this problem, but I can see where problems could occur when expectations don't match reality. I really like farmgirl's reply. Yes, it does matter how you say "No." to inlaw's requests for money

[barefoot1988]

the nasty man who doesnt turn up in weddings, funeral or whatever. in laws always unhappy about it and failed to realise i have a full time job and every month in their village there is someone dying or getting married (yet again). and the village is 300km away