Helping the Thai family out.....

[Chittychangchang]

Hi Members,

How many on here regularly help out financially or in an advisory capacity with the Thai family/in laws.

My own experience was to help out with Home improvement to the tune of 200,000 baht over ten years ago.

I also helped advise on a fish farm and growing certain vegetables that where trading at a high price in Europe, for which they did well until everyone started copying them.

We'll sometimes send a few thousand baht a couple of times of year instead of presents.

What do you do to improve Thai relations and promote harmony?

Regards

CCC

[MrRealDeal]

My Thai relations don't need any improving and are harmonious enough already.

I wish I could be as generous as you but my relations are not poor people in need of my or anyone else's help.

We give to the disabled child center in Bangkok

[HeijoshinCool]

Never money or "inappropriate" gifts. Small things only.

And, my GF's father already knows everything, so there's not much advice sought there.

In my book, harmony is achieved through respecting their daughter, and working together with her as a team, to make a good life. But they don't read the same books, so they still want money.

[MrRealDeal]

On a side note I must say equating harmony and improving relations with giving money away seems a bit strange\misguided to me ..... not exactly sure why but it does

[Weatherman]

I completely support my wife in her supporting her family, any good Thai should be sending at least a few thousand baht per month to help out their parents, especially (but not only) if they are in need. If you claim your wife doesn't do this, perhaps she's found it best to do it on the sly, which to me is a shame.

Up to her how much or how often, it's out of her money, which may ultimately mostly come from me, but she has to choose between her personal shopping needs, savings for the future etc balanced against what she wants to do to help them, including emergencies, periodic ceremonies whatever.

I don't even know for sure, but believe most of the time she'd average 3-4,000 a month, and she's got three siblings doing at least that much.

Edited June 24, 2013 by Weatherman

[AnotherOneAmerican]

I'm providing an auntie with 3k a month.

In return she signed the family farm over to me, she still lives there.

When she dies I can do whatever I like with it.

Don't give money away.

[apetley]

Interested in hearing in what way she signed the farm over. Lease..usufruct?

Sent from my GT-I9003 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

[MrRealDeal]

I completely support my wife in her supporting her family, any good Thai should be sending at least a few thousand baht per month to help out their parents, especially (but not only) if they are in need. If you claim your wife doesn't do this, perhaps she's found it best to do it on the sly, which to me is a shame.

Up to her how much or how often, it's out of her money, which may ultimately mostly come from me, but she has to choose between her personal shopping needs, savings for the future etc balanced against what she wants to do to help them, including emergencies, periodic ceremonies whatever.

I don't even know for sure, but believe most of the time she'd average 3-4,000 a month, and she's got three siblings doing at least that much.

Were you referring to me ?

[up-country_sinclair]

I rarely lend, but when I do, it's only as much as I can afford to never see again and not be bothered about.

[kikoman]

Never have given any money to my in-laws, I built a room for them on the house to live in once they tired of Bangkok and come back to the village to retire.

They make a good living on their own, and are not in the need of our financial help.They are always welcome in my home as members of our family, and we always look forward to their visits. I have told them that they can come live with us when ever they want to. I also told them that I wanted them to come and live in our home to keep my wife company after I die.

I would give my in-laws anything within my power if they asked for it, In the 8 years since I have been married to their daughter they have never asked for anything. When we were first married we used to send 3000 baht a month to care for our youngest daughter, when we moved to the village our daughter came to live with us and the payments stopped.

I have in-creditably great in-laws and I thank the good Lord for that.

cheers:

Edited June 24, 2013 by kikoman

[pattayadingo]

With 70 Rai of rice, I don't consider her parents and family need any financial help. If they cannot manage with that many Rai, they need to look at why.

Two other daugters working and a son in law working.

In saying that, I gave them 5,000 Baht recently when the g/f's grandfatrher died to help out with expenses - yet I was not asked for anything.

Mother got 1000 Baht for her birthday and father will get the same.

That's it in regards of helping the family out. They managed perfectly well before I came along.

[kevvy]

never..... when the in laws dont come to our wedding and never been to our house and the brother and sister in law stole alot of money from my wife"s business when she had one, so even when i made an attempt to be friendly to them , they just didn't want it .

[arthurwait]

I completely support my wife in her supporting her family, any good Thai should be sending at least a few thousand baht per month to help out their parents, especially (but not only) if they are in need. If you claim your wife doesn't do this, perhaps she's found it best to do it on the sly, which to me is a shame.

Up to her how much or how often, it's out of her money, which may ultimately mostly come from me, but she has to choose between her personal shopping needs, savings for the future etc balanced against what she wants to do to help them, including emergencies, periodic ceremonies whatever.

I don't even know for sure, but believe most of the time she'd average 3-4,000 a month, and she's got three siblings doing at least that much.

Any good Thai would have provided for their children.

[soi41]

Interested in hearing in what way she signed the farm over. Lease..usufruct?

Sent from my GT-I9003 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

Ever heard of ownership? AOA is Thai!

[Mondeo]

I completely support my wife in her supporting her family, any good Thai should be sending at least a few thousand baht per month to help out their parents, especially (but not only) if they are in need. If you claim your wife doesn't do this, perhaps she's found it best to do it on the sly, which to me is a shame.

Up to her how much or how often, it's out of her money, which may ultimately mostly come from me, but she has to choose between her personal shopping needs, savings for the future etc balanced against what she wants to do to help them, including emergencies, periodic ceremonies whatever.

I don't even know for sure, but believe most of the time she'd average 3-4,000 a month, and she's got three siblings doing at least that much.

Any good Thai would have provided for their children.

Well said. I find it more disturbing if a girl with parents who are not well off financially don't help them out on a monthly basis.

[rene123]

Helping people help themselves is the correct answer. Straight charity does not always work. Occasionally it does, but more often it just takes away from a person's incentive to work. Unless you actually know the people involved there is no definitive answer.

I still say that if you can help just one or two people reach a higher level in your life then you've been of some value. As much as we may want to help all those in need, it is just a physical impossibility.

[Scottythai]

I have given to gf's families in the past. The amounts vary and it's never more than I can afford. Some ex gf's never ask. Some are very fair and ask for just enough to assist with their familys lives at home. A few try to push the buck to get as much as they can and always end up single shortly after they ask those amounts. Only thing that makes me laugh is listening to the justification on why I should give their family in excess of 80k baht a month. Makes a guy smile before he is single again.

[apetley]

Interested in hearing in what way she signed the farm over. Lease..usufruct?

Sent from my GT-I9003 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

Ever heard of ownership? AOA is Thai!

Ok. Thought they were farang helping out the inlaws.

Sent from my GT-I9003 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

[Dararasmi]

Interesting thread. It reminded me of why I didn't marry a Thai. (The thousand other reasons aside.)

[Scottythai]

Interesting thread. It reminded me of why I didn't marry a Thai. (The thousand other reasons aside.)

Each to their own I suppose. I am never going to get married either way but in my life I have seen the guys I work with offshore get screwed over way harder by bitter western women that the Thai ladys ever get. Talking about hundreds of thousands of dollars on top of high end homes. I would never be one to say Thai women are bad, but I would say nothing is more evil than a woman scorned.

[Pinot]

I was admiring the new roof I bought which now extends off the house and provides a new large shaded area. It really expanded the living area. I also put in a a new western style bathroom for about 8000b. The squat toilet and bucket of water in the outhouse is still used more often. I've tried to get them to use the new one but they think I built it for myself and the few days a year I visit. I don't think there were any changes at the house for 30 years, when they built it.

The family has never asked for anything. I'm an honored guest when I'm there. It's rewarding being generous to my wife's family. I'd spend more time there except for the chickens crowing at 5 AM and no internet.

[Dararasmi]

Interesting thread. It reminded me of why I didn't marry a Thai. (The thousand other reasons aside.)

Each to their own I suppose. I am never going to get married either way but in my life I have seen the guys I work with offshore get screwed over way harder by bitter western women that the Thai ladys ever get. Talking about hundreds of thousands of dollars on top of high end homes. I would never be one to say Thai women are bad, but I would say nothing is more evil than a woman scorned.

That's most unfortunate. I say it's their own fault for choosing poorly. (And not that it matters, but I am not/have never been married to a "western woman".)

[robblok]

Helping people help themselves is the correct answer. Straight charity does not always work. Occasionally it does, but more often it just takes away from a person's incentive to work. Unless you actually know the people involved there is no definitive answer.

I still say that if you can help just one or two people reach a higher level in your life then you've been of some value. As much as we may want to help all those in need, it is just a physical impossibility.

Yes that is what should be done to help people help themselves. Some people don't like doing that as then they loose control. I am 100% for helping people to better themselves and make money. Its the only way to go.

[pigeonjake]

im sorry but this could be a long story, and with my writing skills, could be <deleted>,,lol

when i first met my wife, her perents house and this is were she was living was a tin and wood shed, for better words,

so i said right ill help build a little house, they had concrete posts in, so it was just a matter of getting the blocks ect, anyway it cost me about 1,200 pounds, i laid lots of the blocks while i was on leave to,

witch all the village thought was great a falang doing building work,(my dad was a builder),

we stayed in one of the 2 bedrooms while i was building pig stys on our land, witch i gave grandma 50,000bht for 2 rai, she said she didnt want anything that my wife would get it anyway when she was gone, but i gave her it and told her to put it in the bank,

now we have our house built, and we have a beautiful daughter, i pay mama 4bht a month becouse she halps my wife when im at work anywere in the world, it makes me feel better knowing that mama is about to help out,

my wifes father WAS a drinker and lazy when i first came on the scene,,

i sat my wife down with her mama and said its not my job to keep his family, its his job, if he wants to sit in the hamock everyday doing nothing up to him, but dont expect anything from me,

now after 7 years of seeing me going away to work, 8 on 4 off ect, papa has started to work, stoped drinking and goes away to work picking fruit ect, come home for a bit to plant the rice, goes back to work, then come home to do the second planting, and ive never seen mama so happy,

she said to my wife,, now i have a husband i can be proud of, he works hard now,

so it isnt just about giving money, it can be about just shoving them in the right direction at the right time,,,

sorry about the long winded reply,,

jake

[Espen]

My inlaws are in their 60s, have no income from land and are too old to work. They have a pension of 500 baht pr month each. I help them with 4000 baht pr month and my two brother in laws help them out sometimes, but they don`t have much to help with.

They live in a house right next to ours and eat at our house every day. The money they have every month is more than they need since they have no bills to pay. (I pay them as well, but water and electricity for them is no more than 200 baht pr month.) So they save what they can to pay for hospital bills and other things they need.

They are very nice people and I help them out with pleasure. People actually respect their elders here and I like it.

[harryfrompattaya]

I am looking for Thai familiy to send my money to if one knows one I have trouble finding a poor one PM so I can send my money to them

[givenall]

My Thai relations don't need any improving and are harmonious enough already.

I wish I could be as generous as you but my relations are not poor people in need of my or anyone else's help.

We give to the disabled child center in Bangkok

Just be careful, because it is never enough. I have put a limit to what I can and able to do for mine

[pigeonjake]

I am looking for Thai familiy to send my money to if one knows one I have trouble finding a poor one PM so I can send my money to them

harry,

ask some of the girls around your place im sure they would be able to help you out on this,

jake

[Espen]

I am looking for Thai familiy to send my money to if one knows one I have trouble finding a poor one PM so I can send my money to them

Wonder why my irony-alarm is going off here.....

[robblok]

im sorry but this could be a long story, and with my writing skills, could be <deleted>,,lol

when i first met my wife, her perents house and this is were she was living was a tin and wood shed, for better words,

so i said right ill help build a little house, they had concrete posts in, so it was just a matter of getting the blocks ect, anyway it cost me about 1,200 pounds, i laid lots of the blocks while i was on leave to,

witch all the village thought was great a falang doing building work,(my dad was a builder),

we stayed in one of the 2 bedrooms while i was building pig stys on our land, witch i gave grandma 50,000bht for 2 rai, she said she didnt want anything that my wife would get it anyway when she was gone, but i gave her it and told her to put it in the bank,

now we have our house built, and we have a beautiful daughter, i pay mama 4bht a month becouse she halps my wife when im at work anywere in the world, it makes me feel better knowing that mama is about to help out,

my wifes father WAS a drinker and lazy when i first came on the scene,,

i sat my wife down with her mama and said its not my job to keep his family, its his job, if he wants to sit in the hamock everyday doing nothing up to him, but dont expect anything from me,

now after 7 years of seeing me going away to work, 8 on 4 off ect, papa has started to work, stoped drinking and goes away to work picking fruit ect, come home for a bit to plant the rice, goes back to work, then come home to do the second planting, and ive never seen mama so happy,

she said to my wife,, now i have a husband i can be proud of, he works hard now,

so it isnt just about giving money, it can be about just shoving them in the right direction at the right time,,,

sorry about the long winded reply,,

jake

You helped them to help themselves in a way educated the father. That is the way how it is done not by pouring endless amounts of money in it that is as you say not your responsibility.