Helping the Thai family out.....

[johnlandy]

I said from the beginning of the relationship with my GF, that I did not wish to support a Thai family. If that was what she was aiming for, I was not the right partner. We agreed upon that.

However, I did help, apart from the gifts, food and little money when visiting the village. I gave 200k for house improvements – mainly an indoor kitchen and bathroom – which also benefits us, when visiting the village. Furthermore some house equipment, as my GF lived there for a time, such as laundry machine, vacuum cleaner, new TV, some furniture’s etc. I also helped with steel-plates for a new roof, but that was quite cheap. They had no car and my GF had saved up some earning from work herself, and I added up the remaining to buy a good second hand around 350k, registered in my GF’s name.

The family do farming, work hard, no drinking or gambling, and seems do fine. The younger brother wished a farmer education and my GF and I decided to support with 3k a month for the time, he needed to stay (live) at the school/university, I think it was around two years. This was a kind of investment in the family future for the farm – and them being able to take care of themselves.

So yes, even I did not wish to support on a regular base, I did help with some improvements – all together around 700k.

Improvement in the farm business I helped with in that way, that they could borrow money without interest, for example 800k to buy a big tractor, and pay the loan back over a number of years. And that have working fine, they do pay back around 100k every year, and they have been able to improve the farm business, beginning to make quite good money, invest in more equipment, and buying more land.

Sometimes they may ask my GF for some help, which is her own “business” with her own money, mainly if they run low during the growing season and need fertilizers etc. Normally it is agreed as an interest free loan, which is paid back after the harvest is sold. My GF have also bought some farmland for her own money, letting the family use it, and they pay a share of the harvest – around the normal fees in the area, which are between 500 and 1000 baht per rai.

Sometimes they have borrowed up to 100k from me, as a kind of interest free cash credit, for a couple of moth, if they have invested too much that year, buying more land or equipment. They always pay back as agreed upon.

The family says, that they had never been able to move up, without our help.

So like the OP said, helping once with a major improvement in farm (or business) and home, may be a good “investment” for the farang-member of the family – in my opinion much better, than ending up supporting some level of money for ever monthly. However, this requires that the family is doing some work themselves. My GF and I has agreed, that the younger brother is having his future in farming and shall take over, including the farm land, but then it shall also be his responsibility to take care of the parents – and we will take care of our own family.

So far this agreement has worked out fine. The small gifts or little extra money on special occasions are that more appreciated – and it goes both ways, because we also get something from them, when they visit us.

More often we hear horror stories about supporting a Thai family, than the good stories. It is a little difficult subject, because we foreigners do not like to support a family the way it is a tradition to do in “old-fashioned” Thailand, where children is a kind of retiring investment. We are used to, that our children are an expense and when they finish school and education, they hopefully shall be able to take care of themselves, and we have our own retirement savings, when we grow old. So it’s like having feet in both worlds, when you get mixed into a Thai family. And what may be right in one family, may not work well in another. I my opinion, it is a major thing to agree upon with your Thai partner, before moving together or getting married.

What some people here call "a little" others call "stupid buffaloes".

Up to you but if you can't afford it have to say No from the beginning.

Start out giving then stop = big trouble for your wife maybe she have to choose you or them.

It will always be 'them'

[johnlandy]

Perhaps every relationship and set of circumstances is different, so we won't all agree.

I occasionally help with a contribution towards something like a new bathroom or some enhancements to the family home, but really in the 10 years that I have been with my wife (we are not actually married, but its a permanent committed relationship) its worked out at about 3-4,000 baht per year at most.

Of course my wife sends money to help her family on a frequent basis, and ultimately that money comes from me, but her other sisters who are not with foreign partners contribute more or less equally.

In Thailand it works like this.. parents look after children, they do their best and try to get them an education if they can.. then the children look after the parents later in life.. This is fair and a decent system that on the whole works better than the western model.

If you want to live in Thailand and marry a Thai girl it seems fair to help support her family if it's not a strain on your own finances to do so. After all, if you marry then they are your family also.

Until the divorce.

Or until the funeral (yours)

[johnlandy]

Perhaps every relationship and set of circumstances is different, so we won't all agree.

I occasionally help with a contribution towards something like a new bathroom or some enhancements to the family home, but really in the 10 years that I have been with my wife (we are not actually married, but its a permanent committed relationship) its worked out at about 3-4,000 baht per year at most.

Of course my wife sends money to help her family on a frequent basis, and ultimately that money comes from me, but her other sisters who are not with foreign partners contribute more or less equally.

In Thailand it works like this.. parents look after children, they do their best and try to get them an education if they can.. then the children look after the parents later in life.. This is fair and a decent system that on the whole works better than the western model.

If you want to live in Thailand and marry a Thai girl it seems fair to help support her family if it's not a strain on your own finances to do so. After all, if you marry then they are your family also.

Until the divorce.

At 3-4,000B/year I wouldn't be quibbling or losing sleep over it but that is at the extreme low end of the scale. Very often it's in the millions.

[happysoul]

I am not rich my Thai wife and I are carers In the Uk,

I built a nice sized 3 bed bungalow for my mother in Law and her 2 grandchildren she was raising from my savings as they desperately needed a decent house (*550kbht) 7 years ago I knew being Thailand I would never own it myself and have never thought of it as my house its for THEM to live in... Father in law died years before I came to Thailand, This family is poor from remote village in Udon Thani district.

Mother in law is 65 and not very able bodied (arthritus, blood pressure probs, poor sight) but doesnt drink alcohol or gamble or wander far from her house...... I bought a pregnant cow and in time the cow delivered 4 calfs which created an income on selling.

MIL has rice farm which she works to best of her ability with the sister and son in law not very big but makes enough to last about 9 months supply of rice every year which they care about passionately.

Wifey has always worked and sent money to her mother to raise her 11 year old daughter (not mine) even before I met her...

I brought Wifey to the Uk as she wanted to be with me and work to help support her mother and child.....every month for the last 6+ years wifey has sent over 10k per month from her own wages to her mother and child..... I am proud of my wifey for doing this.....

I myself pay 270 pounds a month to pay my fathers mortgage due to ill health and 200 pounds pm to my mothers mortgage due to ill health both in the UK....so we are supproting 3 families + ourselves... but I as you can see am paying more to my falang parents than wifey is to her mother......

Each to there own but I have one life and family and I supprort them because I can

Thanks for sharing. Nice to see some humans are still here

[steinpat]

I said from the beginning of the relationship with my GF, that I did not wish to support a Thai family. If that was what she was aiming for, I was not the right partner. We agreed upon that.

However, I did help, apart from the gifts, food and little money when visiting the village. I gave 200k for house improvements – mainly an indoor kitchen and bathroom – which also benefits us, when visiting the village. Furthermore some house equipment, as my GF lived there for a time, such as laundry machine, vacuum cleaner, new TV, some furniture’s etc. I also helped with steel-plates for a new roof, but that was quite cheap. They had no car and my GF had saved up some earning from work herself, and I added up the remaining to buy a good second hand around 350k, registered in my GF’s name.

The family do farming, work hard, no drinking or gambling, and seems do fine. The younger brother wished a farmer education and my GF and I decided to support with 3k a month for the time, he needed to stay (live) at the school/university, I think it was around two years. This was a kind of investment in the family future for the farm – and them being able to take care of themselves.

So yes, even I did not wish to support on a regular base, I did help with some improvements – all together around 700k.

Improvement in the farm business I helped with in that way, that they could borrow money without interest, for example 800k to buy a big tractor, and pay the loan back over a number of years. And that have working fine, they do pay back around 100k every year, and they have been able to improve the farm business, beginning to make quite good money, invest in more equipment, and buying more land.

Sometimes they may ask my GF for some help, which is her own “business” with her own money, mainly if they run low during the growing season and need fertilizers etc. Normally it is agreed as an interest free loan, which is paid back after the harvest is sold. My GF have also bought some farmland for her own money, letting the family use it, and they pay a share of the harvest – around the normal fees in the area, which are between 500 and 1000 baht per rai.

Sometimes they have borrowed up to 100k from me, as a kind of interest free cash credit, for a couple of moth, if they have invested too much that year, buying more land or equipment. They always pay back as agreed upon.

The family says, that they had never been able to move up, without our help.

So like the OP said, helping once with a major improvement in farm (or business) and home, may be a good “investment” for the farang-member of the family – in my opinion much better, than ending up supporting some level of money for ever monthly. However, this requires that the family is doing some work themselves. My GF and I has agreed, that the younger brother is having his future in farming and shall take over, including the farm land, but then it shall also be his responsibility to take care of the parents – and we will take care of our own family.

So far this agreement has worked out fine. The small gifts or little extra money on special occasions are that more appreciated – and it goes both ways, because we also get something from them, when they visit us.

More often we hear horror stories about supporting a Thai family, than the good stories. It is a little difficult subject, because we foreigners do not like to support a family the way it is a tradition to do in “old-fashioned” Thailand, where children is a kind of retiring investment. We are used to, that our children are an expense and when they finish school and education, they hopefully shall be able to take care of themselves, and we have our own retirement savings, when we grow old. So it’s like having feet in both worlds, when you get mixed into a Thai family. And what may be right in one family, may not work well in another. I my opinion, it is a major thing to agree upon with your Thai partner, before moving together or getting married.

What some people here call "a little" others call "stupid buffaloes".

Up to you but if you can't afford it have to say No from the beginning.

Start out giving then stop = big trouble for your wife maybe she have to choose you or them.

It will always be 'them'

Not always but true 99%

Have two friends where the wife has no more contact with her family any more. One the man said 'them or me' an other it was the wife got tired to say no all the time brother had big problem yaa baa go to jail long time

Maybe they send in secret but no more bother the man must take care all problem them self

Very hard for Thai girl break up with her family only has husband when he die if no children all alone in the world

[Kudel]

I'm providing an auntie with 3k a month.In return she signed the family farm over to me, she still lives there.When she dies I can do whatever I like with it.Don't give money away.

you can not own land or a farm in Thailand so thats 3k down the toilet for you.

[arthurwait]

Interested in hearing in what way she signed the farm over. Lease..usufruct?

Sent from my GT-I9003 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

Ever heard of ownership? AOA is Thai!

You sure ?

[louse1953]

I'm providing an auntie with 3k a month.

In return she signed the family farm over to me, she still lives there.

When she dies I can do whatever I like with it.

Don't give money away.

Don't you mean auntie signed farm over to her niece.

[Suradit69]

Never have given any money to my in-laws, I built a room for them on the house to live in once they tired of Bangkok and come back to the village to retire.

They make a good living on their own, and are not in the need of our financial help.They are always welcome in my home as members of our family, and we always look forward to their visits. I have told them that they can come live with us when ever they want to. I also told them that I wanted them to come and live in our home to keep my wife company after I die.

I would give my in-laws anything within my power if they asked for it, In the 8 years since I have been married to their daughter they have never asked for anything. When we were first married we used to send 3000 baht a month to care for our youngest daughter, when we moved to the village our daughter came to live with us and the payments stopped.

I have in-creditably great in-laws and I thank the good Lord for that.

cheers:

"How many on here regularly help out financially or in an advisory capacity with the Thai family/in laws."

"They are always welcome in my home as members of our family..."

A subtle but important distinction between welcoming "members of our family," compared to "advisory capacity with the Thai family/in laws."

The latter certainly sounds as though "the Thais" are assumed to be in need of farang advice as well as some scraps from the table of the innately superior farang. Nice to see at least the first few responses suggest "the Thais" are in need of neither.

Amazing TV.

Edited June 26, 2013 by Suradit69

[kristophon]

I'm providing an auntie with 3k a month.

In return she signed the family farm over to me, she still lives there.

When she dies I can do whatever I like with it.

Don't give money away.

farang cannot own land in thailand so don`t know how they have signed it over to you... you may have been stitched up their...

[kristophon]

when I married my thai wife some 14 year ago I had sent the wife 100,000baht to pay for the ceremony and also part of it was to be given to her mother as a dowry. we got married in the village then went to bangkok to get the papers sorted. on the way back we were sitting in the bus terminal waiting to go back to the village. we went to the ATM machine to draw out some money and rather than the 100,000 (ish) baht total i expected to see.. there was only 1000baht left in the account. we went into a wild panic. where had the money gone!?!

so we arrived back in the village and headed straight to the bank the next day. they showed us a statement and the money had been draw out on some 3/4 concescutuve days by ATM. this had happened a few days prior to my arrival. so someone had got access to the wifes ATM card (and the dummy had her pin number written down in the plastic ATM sleeve on a piece of paper)... anyway, there was only a few folk that it could possibly have been and the obvious answer had to be her mother. the wife kept her bedroom door locked and her mother was the only one with access to the room with a key.

at the time i didnt live in thailand so i headed off back to the UK wondering who it could have been and why, whether I`d been stitched up by the lot of them or what? it just didnt make sense for the wife to be in on it. she knew most of the money was going to her mother anyway as a dowry. to be honest I almost scrapped it then and there. didnt know what to believe. anyway, it wasnt long before her mother turned up with a new gold bracelet and other bits which kind of confirmed it (she just couldnt help herself...)

the wife moved away from her mothers after that and as a result she never spoke to her for years after. to this day the mother has never admitted stealing the money.

anyway, through her own greed she basically shot herself in the foot. back then it was the done thing to pay the parents a set figure each month which would probably have been around 20,000baht. so over the years shes has saved me approximately 3.5million baht.... THANKS MUM.... lol

Edited June 26, 2013 by kristophon

[NeverSure]

IMHO if a farang absolutely must get married in Thailand (a mistake in my opinion but many seem happy) Then he should hide his assets in his home country and admit to only a reasonable income, say from a pension. If the gal and family don't want him with his, say, 50,000 baht pm total, then they are money grubbers and walking away is sensible. If large sin sod is required and he claims not to have it and it's a deal breaker, he should walk.

I would show up admitting to only 50k, and just enough savings to buy a car and scooter and perhaps some furnishings, and if the gal really cared for me then that should do it. Renting isn't all bad when a guy can get scammed out of a house he buys.

I think some, but not all guys throw a lot of money around for whatever their reason is, but it will never buy love.

[kristophon]

IMHO if a farang absolutely must get married in Thailand (a mistake in my opinion but many seem happy) Then he should hide his assets in his home country and admit to only a reasonable income, say from a pension. If the gal and family don't want him with his, say, 50,000 baht pm total, then they are money grubbers and walking away is sensible. If large sin sod is required and he claims not to have it and it's a deal breaker, he should walk.

I would show up admitting to only 50k, and just enough savings to buy a car and scooter and perhaps some furnishings, and if the gal really cared for me then that should do it. Renting isn't all bad when a guy can get scammed out of a house he buys.

I think some, but not all guys throw a lot of money around for whatever their reason is, but it will never buy love.

and it will never be enough...

[kristophon]

it depends what you want from thailand.. if you want to own a property then you are better off being married... the property is in the wifes name but if you are married when you bought it, believe it or not but you actually have rights as a husband in this country (unlike in places like the UK where the womans has all the rights especially if there are kids)

but if she is just a GF.. you are knackered....

[AnotherOneAmerican]

it depends what you want from thailand.. if you want to own a property then you are better off being married... the property is in the wifes name but if you are married when you bought it, believe it or not but you actually have rights as a husband in this country (unlike in places like the UK where the womans has all the rights especially if there are kids)

but if she is just a GF.. you are knackered....

And America and Australia and Canada.

[AnotherOneAmerican]

I'm providing an auntie with 3k a month.

In return she signed the family farm over to me, she still lives there.

When she dies I can do whatever I like with it.

Don't give money away.

Don't you mean auntie signed farm over to her niece.

I'm a single Thai gentleman (and also an American).

There are a few dual nationals on TV you know.

[aboctok]

never..... when the in laws dont come to our wedding and never been to our house and the brother and sister in law stole alot of money from my wife"s business when she had one, so even when i made an attempt to be friendly to them , they just didn't want it .

Hey, your in-laws are also my in-laws. How about that. We're practically related.

[AnotherOneAmerican]

never..... when the in laws dont come to our wedding and never been to our house and the brother and sister in law stole alot of money from my wife"s business when she had one, so even when i made an attempt to be friendly to them , they just didn't want it .

Hey, your in-laws are also my in-laws. How about that. We're practically related.

A friend of mine didn't go to her sisters village wedding.

I asked her why not.

She said, sister marries a different foreigner every year.

So now you know!