An Essex girl is out driving one day when she goes into a bend too fast. She loses control and the car rolls over several times before smashing into a tree. As she’s injured, an ambulance is called and a paramedic quickly arrives.

"What’s your name, love?" he asks.

"Sharon," she replies.

Looking around, the medic sees there’s a lot of blood. "Sharon," he asks, "where are you bleeding from?"

"Romford."

I like this one

4 smilies out of 5

anyone else, whats your vote?

It's old as the hills.

It's old as the hills.

So are these but must be new to some.

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A Glesga Burd goes tae the social tae register fur child benefit.

"How many children?" asks the civil servant.

"10" replies the girl.

"10???" says the civil servant. "What are their names?"

"Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec and.....eh...Alec"

"Doesn't that get confusing?"

"Naw..." says the girl "its great because if thur oot playin in the street, ah jist huv tae shout ALEC, YER DINNER'S READY or ALEC, GO TO BED NOW 'n' they aw dae it..."

"What if you want to speak to one individually?" says the perturbed civil servant.

"Aw 'at's easy," says the girl... "A jist yaze thur surnames"

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A Glesga burd walks into the local dry cleaners. She places a garment on the counter. "Ah'll be back ra morra efternin tae pick up ma dress." she says.

"Come again?" says the clerk, cupping his ear.

"Naw" she replies. "This time it's mayonnaise."

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Glesga burd enters a sex shop & asks for a vibrator.

The man says "Choose from our range on the wall."

She says "Gies that rid yin"

The man replies "That's a fire extinguisher."

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Glesga burd was driving down the M8 when her car phone rang. It was her boyfriend, urgently warning her, "Listen Doll, I just heard on the news that thur's a motor gawn the wrang wie oan the M8. Better watch yersel'!"

"It's no' jist wan motor!" said the girl, "There's fcukin' hunners o' them!"

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Another Glesga burd was involved in a serious crash; there's blood everywhere. The paramedics arrive and drag the girl out of the car till she's lying flat out on the floor. Medic: "OK, I'm going to check if you're concussed."

Danielle: "Ok."

Medic: "Ok the how many fingers have I put up?"

Danielle: "Oh my god I'm paralysed from the waist down!"

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