How Much How Little?

[thaibebop]

I've always found sex slightly embarrassing and I am self conscious too so when I was younger I used to get pissed beforehand

So now, and before anyone starts on the Thai man stuff again please don't, I just happen to be married to a quite conservative Thai man and we have the same feelings about the subject but our sexual relationship is mutually satisfying. We don't go in for anything other than straight forward, old fashioned stuff but it works!!!!!!! Am I weird/boring????????????

Old fashioned is not the right word. The examples in literature especially Victorian England are ample proof of that.

More like puritanical or inhibited by religion of non acceptance of yourself.

I have dated fat chicks who were the sexiest women in the world and I have dated fat chicks who were afraid to turn the lights on. I think it is from their parents.

And I only use fat chicks as a generalization for women who are ashamed of their bodies or sexuality in one way or the other.

Well adjusted women regardless of age or body shape or upbringing have lots of fun with sex and are not embarrassed by it or afraid to experiment with it. It is only those who have hang ups who rationalize their phobias with words like old fashioned.

Straight old fashioned sex is a code word for I am scared to death of exploring myself or my sexuality. I am buying the safe road that allows me to make no mistakes.

A word of caution and a hint of experience. All those clubs in England and Thailand and all over the world don’t exist for straight old fashioned sex. They do very well and make a lot of money.

Porn does not exist for straight old fashioned sex and it is one of the worlds major industries.

You may want to consider the male equation when you consider the advantages of straight old fashioned sex. You may want to consider what is available before you give up a competitive advantage over most of the women in the world.

This is not a Thai thing. This is a male thing. Love is love and sex is sex. If you can’t get what you want at home it is available elsewhere.

Men don’t usually request these things because they are embarrassed to do so. They go somewhere where they don’t have to request it. Somewhere where just a hint will secure the desired result.

I am incredibly liberated but there are still something’s that I like and can’t request. I don’t do without. I do discreetly.

Divorce is an awful thing. More so if it involves not doing some small physical act that would hurt no one but creates giant chiasms in relationships. But he is not going to tell you. You have to figure it out. There is one fact that I can tell you for sure. With out a doubt in my mind. Without fear of contradiction. There is no man in the world who does not like oral sex. Another fact I can state with the same certainty is if he does not get it from you he will get it from someone else. You can debate this till the cows come home but it is true.

Yes, well I am sure seonai appreciates your psychoanalysis here. esp since you don't know her and are making some really broad assumptions about her based solely on a few sentences.

What is it with people who like to do this? I just can't understand it myself.

Anyway, there is something about frequent use of pron (don't want to get the search engines finding us and listing us with other, unsavoury websites) that I remember reading, it causes a desensitization. I can't remember the phrase but it basically states that the more you view it, the less capable you get of becoming aroused in any other way.

So, it seems to me that continual/regular use of it would result in unhealthy sexual behavior.

Hadn't heard that before but it makes perfect sense. It just seems to me that men have more problems with sex than they let on and that some of it might stem from the way in which culture allows to reduce the act to something impersonnal and meanlingless. Not to say that this attitude is new, it's not, which is maybe part of the problem.

[mark45y]

My basic premise is that old fashioned missionary sex is harmful to a relationship because it may lead to the man or woman going outside the relationship for gratification.

Some people have a hard time talking about it and that is also a problem in the relationship.

When you are a child you eat baby food and as you grow your appetite and tastes mature and you eat a interesting and varied diet. Some people keep eating baby food. If both parties like the baby food that is fine but that is rarely the case. Most of the time one person does not like the food but is afraid to tell the other person.

This is not about men or women it is about men and women. It can happen to both. I have had women wait the longest time to tell me little things that improved our sex life 100% because they were afraid to talk about them. One waited a year to tell me she wanted my body hair trimmed. I had no trouble doing that but why would she wait a year?

Can pornography be desensitizing? Yes it can it can also become addicting. Can a vibrator be desensitizing? Yes it can it can also become addicting. Can a pornography be a stimulating sex aid? Yes it can. Can a vibrator be a stimulating sex aid? Yes it can. Many things done in moderation are a positive where as if they are done excess can be a negative.

Most men want to try a MFF threesome. Some women want to try a MMF threesome. Having done that does one become addicted to it? Sure I guess you could. Hugh Hefner is addicted to large groups of women. I’m not although it might be fun to try once.

Given everything is safe and consensual I think sex is fun. I see so many people that are traumatized by sex that need drugs or booze to have sex that I am saddened. If a person needs booze to have sex that person needs to see a therapist. I am not being a brain trust to figure that out.

Most people could use a little sex therapy anyway. With one of my ex wives we went to three different counselors, one was a $200.00 an hour psychiatrist. I wasn’t asking for much. All three came to the same conclusion and asked my wife to try some things. She said no. They said he is willing to compromise and change anything you want why are you not willing to budge from your position a little? She said because I don’t want to.

I did get a lot of insight out of the counseling sessions. Things that I think are perfectly normal others may not. From then on I spelled everything out in detail before anything happened so neither one of us got disappointed in the future.

[donna]

am i being too simplistic in thinking that there is much, much more to a relationship than just sex?

maybe thats why i am single?

[sbk]

No donna--thats why mark45y has had so many wives

Sex is only one part of a relationship, obviously and to some people, clearly the most important part.

[donna]

looks like its mark45y's way or the highway to me.

[mark45y]

How much sex is too much and what is too little?

When if ever does it get in the way?

What would you consider healthy?

This was the subject of the post.

I think this topic is about sex.

Apparently for some reason you don’t want me talking about sex.

If the topic was what parts make up a relationship then I would have changed my discussion.

"54% of men think about sex every day or several times a day some every 15 seconds, 43% a few times per month or a few times per week, and 4% less than once a month. Kinsey.

20% of women have never or infrequently had an orgasm through intercourse and 10% have a difficult time. 60% of women privately say they are dissatisfied with their husbands performance.

Given these statistics it is understandable that a lot of women would not want to talk about sex and concentrate on parts of the relationship that they find fulfilling.

I was married three times because I am a radical feminist. I believe in redistributing the wealth from men to women and I am trying my best to make that happen.

Edited April 22, 2006 by mark45y

[Boo]

I was married three times because I am a radical feminist. I believe in redistributing the wealth from men to women and I am trying my best to make that happen.

Keep up the good work

[Donz]

My basic premise is that old fashioned missionary sex is harmful to a relationship because it may lead to the man or woman going outside the relationship for gratification.

Some people have a hard time talking about it and that is also a problem in the relationship.

When you are a child you eat baby food and as you grow your appetite and tastes mature and you eat a interesting and varied diet. Some people keep eating baby food. If both parties like the baby food that is fine but that is rarely the case. Most of the time one person does not like the food but is afraid to tell the other person.

This is not about men or women it is about men and women. It can happen to both. I have had women wait the longest time to tell me little things that improved our sex life 100% because they were afraid to talk about them. One waited a year to tell me she wanted my body hair trimmed. I had no trouble doing that but why would she wait a year?

Can pornography be desensitizing? Yes it can it can also become addicting. Can a vibrator be desensitizing? Yes it can it can also become addicting. Can a pornography be a stimulating sex aid? Yes it can. Can a vibrator be a stimulating sex aid? Yes it can. Many things done in moderation are a positive where as if they are done excess can be a negative.

Most men want to try a MFF threesome. Some women want to try a MMF threesome. Having done that does one become addicted to it? Sure I guess you could. Hugh Hefner is addicted to large groups of women. I’m not although it might be fun to try once.

Given everything is safe and consensual I think sex is fun. I see so many people that are traumatized by sex that need drugs or booze to have sex that I am saddened. If a person needs booze to have sex that person needs to see a therapist. I am not being a brain trust to figure that out.

Most people could use a little sex therapy anyway. With one of my ex wives we went to three different counselors, one was a $200.00 an hour psychiatrist. I wasn’t asking for much. All three came to the same conclusion and asked my wife to try some things. She said no. They said he is willing to compromise and change anything you want why are you not willing to budge from your position a little? She said because I don’t want to.

I did get a lot of insight out of the counseling sessions. Things that I think are perfectly normal others may not. From then on I spelled everything out in detail before anything happened so neither one of us got disappointed in the future.

missionary sex is the worst, its really boring and just not fun.

I think the missionary position is the cause of impotience.

[mark45y]

I was married three times because I am a radical feminist. I believe in redistributing the wealth from men to women and I am trying my best to make that happen.

Keep up the good work

Thanks Boo, I know that is a heart felt compliment.

Me and my fellow radical feminists are actually changing the face of the continent. I have paid for so much plastic surgery that I have literally moved mountains. You should see my second wife, what a knockout. Her current husband calls me once a year to thank me.

Actually I am bored right now or I wouldn’t be posting so much. My gf got the wrong medication from the pharmacist and we spent last night at the hospital trying to prevent her death. She is OK now and the hospital was really great. Kinda like having a suite of rooms at a hotel and a lot of friendly, attentive and knowledgeable staff.

I realize this is off topic but Thai hospitals are really wonderful for bedside care. We had visitors at three AM, no problem they even whipped them up a meal. So for the next couple of days I am just sitting here staring at her sleeping. I don’t really want to leave her alone and she is not strong enough to go out. So I am cooking Thai food watching her sleep and typing meaningless posts to pass the time.

[kat]

My basic premise is that old fashioned missionary sex is harmful to a relationship because it may lead to the man or woman going outside the relationship for gratification.

[missionary sex is the worst, its really boring and just not fun.

I think the missionary position is the cause of impotience.

I don't know, but I've had some really, really hot missionary-position sex. It is a great follow-up to other things, because you're face-to-face -- you have eyes, lips, hair, mouths, hands -- and all you have to focus on is the - ahem - task at hand.

Ok, now I'm starting to sound like pron.

I think sex is as hot as you and your partner, regardless of the position. I'm here to say that I don't discriminate against any position, as long as we are both well taken care of

I was married three times because I am a radical feminist. I believe in redistributing the wealth from men to women and I am trying my best to make that happen.

Keep up the good work

I know Boo, I know. But I actually like him, as a commiserating radical feminist, of course

... Actually I am bored right now or I wouldn’t be posting so much. My gf got the wrong medication from the pharmacist and we spent last night at the hospital trying to prevent her death. She is OK now and the hospital was really great. Kinda like having a suite of rooms at a hotel and a lot of friendly, attentive and knowledgeable staff.

I realize this is off topic but Thai hospitals are really wonderful for bedside care. We had visitors at three AM, no problem they even whipped them up a meal. So for the next couple of days I am just sitting here staring at her sleeping. I don’t really want to leave her alone and she is not strong enough to go out. So I am cooking Thai food watching her sleep and typing meaningless posts to pass the time.

I'm sorry to hear that. I'm glad your gf is ok and recovers soon. Let me know when you want to grab a beer and discuss how to topple the patriarchy

[donna]

im with kat on the missionary position. sure its not the ONLY way to have sex, but it CAN be good.

it takes two to tango.

some people just dont dance as well as others.

[soic]

I understand and agree with the ladies. Sex isn't the most important part of a relationship. I will say though that it is part of the glue that helps hold a loving relationship together. Without it or at least the romance part of it, any relationship will deteriorate. There aren't many "companionable" relationships, where people remain content to just sit, look at the sunset and remember sex, at least during sexually active ages. I'm not trying to belittle the importance of friendship, trust, fidelity or other vital parts of the relationship, but a good sex life can help hold all that together and even enhance it.

I don't believe that the position should dictate the level of passion either. I can have as much fun and be as passionate in the missionary position as any. There are times when it's preferable. Without being graphic, it's just plain nice to hold her tightly in my arms or be able to see her face. I think that people sometimes get too wrapped up in the acrobatics and tactics. The whips, the chains, the toys, that can be fun, but not always necessary. Nang and I let our emotions set the pace and course. It's almost funny in that our antics never turn out as we plan. If we plan for a nice romantic evening, we wind up with a free for all, down to the nitty gritty. If we plan for the free for all, we usually wind up either too tired at the end of the day or taking things slowly. We've found that it's more fun just to see what happens after the lights go out. I apologize if I went too far...

[mark45y]

Whips, chains and toys now there is a fellow traveler. Whips chains and toys and a catered dinner with a Thai stringed quartet. Throw in two masseuses a fifth of Tequila and you have Thursday night at Mark’s house. Fridays is black Jell-O foam dancing at the alternative disco and Saturday is erotic literature charades. But the rest of our relationship is really good too.

GF is feeling better. The words of wisdom are don’t take three asthma pills in in three hours especially if you don’t have asthma or it will cost your significant other 5000 Baht at the local Farang hospital.

[thaibebop]

Sometimes, regardless have good sex might be, is with my wife, I just want to turn it off. Never think about again. It's over rated and only good at moments. I have looked forward to aging since I was a teen, knowing that one day, I....won't....care. That will be freedom, pure and simple.

[TRIPxCORE]

missionary sex is the worst, its really boring and just not fun.

I think the missionary position is the cause of impotience.

Really???? Wow, this is a new one on me. Can you please explain what impotience is?

[seonai]

Agreed Donna.

[meemiathai]

What is missionary sex?

[soic]

What is missionary sex?

Are you serious?

to prevent anyone giving a silly answer...

The Missionary Position derives from a colonial view of sex. It is the most religiously accepted form of sexual position. Most of the religious leaders from the old "western" cultures used to teach that sex was only for procreation and therefore not for enjoyment. They believed that couples should engage in sex with the woman on her back, legs open, with the man on top of her. No birth control, no pleasure just reproduction.

so in present tense society... that position is still considered the Missionary position.

[somchai jones]

What is missionary sex?

Are you serious?

to prevent anyone giving a silly answer...

The Missionary Position derives from a colonial view of sex. It is the most religiously accepted form of sexual position. Most of the religious leaders from the old "western" cultures used to teach that sex was only for procreation and therefore not for enjoyment. They believed that couples should engage in sex with the woman on her back, legs open, with the man on top of her. No birth control, no pleasure just reproduction.

so in present tense society... that position is still considered the Missionary position.

Missionary position sex can be wonderful. If practised along with other postitions, it can (ironically perhaps) provide variety.

The only drawback however is if the person you're engaging in sex with at the time is ugly, in the sense that you have to look at them.

Edited April 26, 2006 by somchai jones

[kayo]

im with kat on the missionary position. sure its not the ONLY way to have sex, but it CAN be good.

it takes two to tango.

some people just dont dance as well as others.

Whips, chains and toys now there is a fellow traveler. Whips chains and toys and a catered dinner with a Thai stringed quartet. Throw in two masseuses a fifth of Tequila and you have Thursday night at Mark’s house. Fridays is black Jell-O foam dancing at the alternative disco and Saturday is erotic literature charades.

So er... Where´s your house then... I´ll be over next thursday. . . and every thursday until I die, it would seem....

Sometimes, regardless have good sex might be, is with my wife, I just want to turn it off. Never think about again. It's over rated and only good at moments. I have looked forward to aging since I was a teen, knowing that one day, I....won't....care. That will be freedom, pure and simple.

"You may take my life, but ya can ne`er take my frrrrreeeeedddooooooooom" (Roar)

Missionary position sex can be wonderful. If practised along with other postitions, it can (ironically perhaps) provide variety.

The only drawback however is if the person you're engaging in sex with at the time is ugly, in the sense that you have to look at them.

That´s where your national flag comes in handy, Somchai. Insturctions are simple:

1. upon completion of all necessary foreplays, as you are finding yourself finally face to face with the ugly er... face, remove flag from drawer, and unfold along the creases.

2. Gently drape the Union Jack, Stars and Stripes, Hammer and Sickle, (Instructions wrtten before the break up of the soviet union), Rising Sun, or whatever, gently drape over the guilty face in question.

3. Proceed to attempt to enjoy the sex in the name of your queen/country/emperor/Dictator, etc...

4. Following expelling her if she hasnñt left already, ensure you wash flag before replacing in your bedside drawer, behind you condoms and handcuffs, and that old roach you are keeping for emergencies.

Edited April 26, 2006 by kayo

[khall64au]

Have fun at Mark's house honey !!! See you for a Sunday roast..............

[somchai jones]

Missionary position sex can be wonderful. If practised along with other postitions, it can (ironically perhaps) provide variety.

The only drawback however is if the person you're engaging in sex with at the time is ugly, in the sense that you have to look at them.

That´s where your national flag comes in handy, Somchai. Insturctions are simple:

1. upon completion of all necessary foreplays, as you are finding yourself finally face to face with the ugly er... face, remove flag from drawer, and unfold along the creases.

2. Gently drape the Union Jack, Stars and Stripes, Hammer and Sickle, (Instructions wrtten before the break up of the soviet union), Rising Sun, or whatever, gently drape over the guilty face in question.

3. Proceed to attempt to enjoy the sex in the name of your queen/country/emperor/Dictator, etc...

4. Following expelling her if she hasnñt left already, ensure you wash flag before replacing in your bedside drawer, behind you condoms and handcuffs, and that old roach you are keeping for emergencies.

Uncanny, Kayo. How did you know?

You have however neglected one part of the well practised process.

Inserted between 3 and 4 should read, ' After aforesaid act, congratulate her for being such a good sport.'

[Boo]

I wonder if you fella get laid often with that strategy?

[sbk]

In the US, we call that a "one bagger"

A "two bagger" is when you have a paper bag for her head and one for yours in case hers falls off.

Girls don't have these issues because we rarely have one night stands with hideous men

[thaibebop]

In the US, we call that a "one bagger"

A "two bagger" is when you have a paper bag for her head and one for yours in case hers falls off.

Girls don't have these issues because we rarely have one night stands with hideous men

Wait a minute, I thought all men were hideous?

[a2396]

I have a very cool thing with Thai hubby. Sex is sex.... it's not all that Western stuff where you have to worry about foreplay. If we are unstressed about work - every day - if we have work... one or two times a month !!!! Shocked anyone?

Are you saying you don't want or don't like foreplay???? You're a woman! Are you sure you wrote that right??? That would go against everything I have learned in my life about how to please a woman. A man just can't jump into her and go to town. The woman needs to be warmed up first and get her juices flowing.

I have been told by numerous Farang friends here that Thai women do not know what foreplay is and that you have to teach them. Judging from the experience with my present "so-called" wife, I would say this is true.

[LaoPo]

I have a very cool thing with Thai hubby. Sex is sex.... it's not all that Western stuff where you have to worry about foreplay. If we are unstressed about work - every day - if we have work... one or two times a month !!!! Shocked anyone?

Are you saying you don't want or don't like foreplay???? You're a woman! Are you sure you wrote that right??? That would go against everything I have learned in my life about how to please a woman. A man just can't jump into her and go to town. The woman needs to be warmed up first and get her juices flowing.

I have been told by numerous Farang friends here that Thai women do not know what foreplay is and that you have to teach them. Judging from the experience with my present "so-called" wife, I would say this is true.

Well, it seems to me that your (eventually) future-to-be 20 yr old Mia Noi should have a few lessons from you since she's still a virgin, like she told you

http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/index.php?sh...5&gopid=739830&

LaoPo

Edited May 8, 2006 by LaoPo

[a2396]

Do Thai women have sex in daylight hours?? My "so-called wife" says she does not like this and puts fequency of sex on a one day on, one day off schedule, after all the days activities are finished. There is no allowence for taking into consideration the mood of the moment, ie spontaneity. I think the concept does not exist in her mind. If I did not initiate anything, she might never have sex. Needless to say, I have had quite enough of her. This has gone on since I have known her, for 18 months.

[a2396]

I have a very cool thing with Thai hubby. Sex is sex.... it's not all that Western stuff where you have to worry about foreplay. If we are unstressed about work - every day - if we have work... one or two times a month !!!! Shocked anyone?

Are you saying you don't want or don't like foreplay???? You're a woman! Are you sure you wrote that right??? That would go against everything I have learned in my life about how to please a woman. A man just can't jump into her and go to town. The woman needs to be warmed up first and get her juices flowing.

I have been told by numerous Farang friends here that Thai women do not know what foreplay is and that you have to teach them. Judging from the experience with my present "so-called" wife, I would say this is true.

Well, it seems to me that your (eventually) future-to-be 20 yr old Mia Noi should have a few lessons from you since she's still a virgin, like she told you

http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/index.php?sh...5&gopid=739830&

LaoPo

Yes, I am waiting for the opportunity. I don't think the 20 yr old has the same icy demeanor as the current.

[Sheryl]

Do Thai women have sex in daylight hours?? My "so-called wife" says she does not like this and puts fequency of sex on a one day on, one day off schedule, after all the days activities are finished. There is no allowence for taking into consideration the mood of the moment, ie spontaneity. I think the concept does not exist in her mind. If I did not initiate anything, she might never have sex. Needless to say, I have had quite enough of her. This has gone on since I have known her, for 18 months.

Obviously she does not enjoy sex, perhaps due to conservative upbringing and/or past traumas. Not unusual among Thai women, another poster -- I think earlier in this same thread -- has same problem but a very different attitude about it...i.e. he loves his wife and is prepared to work through it. This kind of thing can be worked through successfully, but it takes patience and love. You sound like you have run out of patience and you don't sound in the least like you love her....which undoubtedly contributes to the problem. A woman who is afraid of or otherwise adverse to sex is hardly going to thaw for a man who doesn't care about her as a person. You simply sound angry that she is not as you want her to be, rather than empathetic about what might lie behind her inhibitions...and you certainly don't sound at all invested in the "marriage" (what exactly is a "so-called" wife anyway?)

Might I suggest that you do some introspection about whether or not you really want and are prepared for a relationship as opposed to a one-sided arrangement wherein you get what you want, in the way you want it. If it's the latter you'd do both yourself and the female population a favor by sticking to commercial trabnsactions and avoiding marriages, legal or otherwise. Marriages imply commitment to giving as well as receiving, to giving the other person's needs and feelings equal priority...and to really loving and caring about the other person.