How Much How Little?

[seonai]

Agreed Donna, sober sex is THE one. Speak for yourself GirlX, impotent????????? Bet some of the blokes'll have something to say about that one!!!!!!!

[Boo]

As I said before, depending on the time of the month, I will either be totally rampant or can't be touched. My body is VERY sensitive to touch at those differing times of the month, sometimes in the positive & sometimes in the negative. Sometimes my own mind tells me it's time to do it.

As for the images in the media, god no, there is nothing erotic or sexy to me, most movies show a false image of sex & I feel sorry for anyone who beleives that the way sex is or should be. The magazines don't do anything for me either but we do own a few blue movies. These have been watched a couple of times but we don't need any kind of insparation to get in the mood.

Rappers are a good example of what is wrong with the media & music industry at the moment. The use of negative images of women as objects and/or stupid seeps into the conscious of the kids who listen to it & watch the videos, but it isn't restricted to rap/hip-hop though. It's a shame

The kids who look up to these performers are learning that it's ok to act like pimps & treat women like crap. Not something I want my kids learning & I pity the young girls who also look up to these performers & the images they project. Their parents missed a vital part of their daughters education.

[donna]

the other day a friend of mine sent me some pornographic images. i found these to be quite humourous and decided to give my male muslim staff a sneaky look at them. in fact when my female very muslim staff found out, they also wanted to look at them.

anyway, one boy made the comment 'farang girls are good. they arent shy'

wow!

i then had to tell him that we were not all like that and that these women were actors paid to do a job. he found this hard to believe. now, this is coming from a very innocent young man of 26 or so years of age.

anyway, to answer the original question posted, i do feel that there is too much in the media. but you have to take it all in context. it isnt real life. it is all acting.

[Donz]

When im drunk i dont have any problems, maybe in 10 or so years it might change.

Sober sex is great too, but after a huge/great night out its good to end the night with.

The morning glory is the best too.

[sbk]

Back to what you hoped the original topic would be!

Women do not get turned on by sexual images in the way men do, hence the lack of success of magazines such as Playgirl etc.

But no, I don't think much of rap/hip-hop videos that objecify and demean women and think it desensitises people (children esp) so that they come to think this kind of thinking and behavior is somehow ok.

I think most women pay very little attention to the constant objectification and sexualization of women in media in society except to think ("jeez, her tits are big" or "should I try that cream, will it make me skinny like her?") but then, that is probably because we are desensitised to it by now.

[Donz]

I actually am not into pictures, looked at them through high school and my early 20's and there sort of boring, video's though is great.

Watching them with your friends is just a big tease, watching by yourself is just shit (unless you been without any for awhile) but the best is watching with your partner.

[kat]

YES!!!!! I happen to be very fond of all that Western foreplay stuff, thankyou very much!

I'm with 'ya on that one, Khall.

As I said before, depending on the time of the month, I will either be totally rampant or can't be touched. My body is VERY sensitive to touch at those differing times of the month, sometimes in the positive & sometimes in the negative. Sometimes my own mind tells me it's time to do it.

As for the images in the media, god no, there is nothing erotic or sexy to me, most movies show a false image of sex & I feel sorry for anyone who beleives that the way sex is or should be. ...

Rappers are a good example of what is wrong with the media & music industry at the moment. The use of negative images of women as objects and/or stupid seeps into the conscious of the kids who listen to it & watch the videos, but it isn't restricted to rap/hip-hop though. It's a shame

The kids who look up to these performers are learning that it's ok to act like pimps & treat women like crap. Not something I want my kids learning & I pity the young girls who also look up to these performers & the images they project. Their parents missed a vital part of their daughters education.

I agree almost entirely with this entire post, except, I would say not all rappers are bad or use demeaning imagery. But I have to agree about this regarding the mainstream or majority of rap videos.

[thaibebop]

Thanks to all the ladies who responded. Sorry if I caused confusion. I was looking for intellectual discussions and I just couldn't figure out how to ask the question I needed to. However, you have still been a help to satisfy my curiosities. It would almost seem, at least by what is posted here, that women have a healthier view of sex in general. Women are not led around by the nose by every last ad featuring sex the way men are.

[mark45y]

As I said before, depending on the time of the month, I will either be totally rampant or can't be touched. My body is VERY sensitive to touch at those differing times of the month, sometimes in the positive & sometimes in the negative. Sometimes my own mind tells me it's time to do it.

As for the images in the media, god no, there is nothing erotic or sexy to me, most movies show a false image of sex & I feel sorry for anyone who beleives that the way sex is or should be. The magazines don't do anything for me either but we do own a few blue movies. These have been watched a couple of times but we don't need any kind of insparation to get in the mood.

Rappers are a good example of what is wrong with the media & music industry at the moment. The use of negative images of women as objects and/or stupid seeps into the conscious of the kids who listen to it & watch the videos, but it isn't restricted to rap/hip-hop though. It's a shame

The kids who look up to these performers are learning that it's ok to act like pimps & treat women like crap. Not something I want my kids learning & I pity the young girls who also look up to these performers & the images they project. Their parents missed a vital part of their daughters education.

That is an interesting point about “Rap Culture.” You are absolutely right about it’s significant influence on American and world culture. It certainly objectifies women and creates an element of anti society violence that is taken as acceptable in America and the cost of being politically correct.

Bill Cosby has lectured for the past couple of years on the problem and has been roundly scorned by the black community.

Black culture produced Rap because of fatherless homes. The animosity towards women was a result of social engineering to reward single mothers and punish families where the male was present. See Lyndon Johnson and the Great Society.

It was well intentioned but went horribly wrong.

Black families and white families in America were not much different in the 1950’s. Then welfare started paying women to have babies with no male in the home.

The results were not apparent until the 1980’s. Now America is trying to repair the problem but you already have a generation of black males that have no idea how to treat women because there was no male role model in the home.

[khall64au]

Thanks to all the ladies who responded. Sorry if I caused confusion. I was looking for intellectual discussions and I just couldn't figure out how to ask the question I needed to. However, you have still been a help to satisfy my curiosities. It would almost seem, at least by what is posted here, that women have a healthier view of sex in general. Women are not led around by the nose by every last ad featuring sex the way men are.

Just as well that some of us ladies are not influenced by "noses" and we actually think about "sex in general". So what is it that we haven't told you yet, young gentlemans?

[thaibebop]

Thanks to all the ladies who responded. Sorry if I caused confusion. I was looking for intellectual discussions and I just couldn't figure out how to ask the question I needed to. However, you have still been a help to satisfy my curiosities. It would almost seem, at least by what is posted here, that women have a healthier view of sex in general. Women are not led around by the nose by every last ad featuring sex the way men are.

Just as well that some of us ladies are not influenced by "noses" and we actually think about "sex in general". So what is it that we haven't told you yet, young gentlemans?

Do we want to know anymore?

[Donz]

Thanks to all the ladies who responded. Sorry if I caused confusion. I was looking for intellectual discussions and I just couldn't figure out how to ask the question I needed to. However, you have still been a help to satisfy my curiosities. It would almost seem, at least by what is posted here, that women have a healthier view of sex in general. Women are not led around by the nose by every last ad featuring sex the way men are.

Just as well that some of us ladies are not influenced by "noses" and we actually think about "sex in general". So what is it that we haven't told you yet, young gentlemans?

what do you mean about the noses??

[tc101]

There have been lots of clever posts here. I will try to answer your original question seriously:

How much sex is too much and what is too little?

When if ever does it get in the way?

What would you consider healthy?

It totally depends on you. Everyone is different. Sex is for pleasure and fun, not to fit into some norm. If you like doing it 10 times a day or 10 times a year it does not mean that you are better or worse than someone who likes it more or less. If two people in a relationship have very different needs then it creates stress in the relationship and working that out is a whole other question, but really, there is no such thing as too much or too little. Just do what feels good to you.

[TRIPxCORE]

YES!!!!! I happen to be very fond of all that Western foreplay stuff, thankyou very much!

I'm with 'ya on that one, Khall.

Amen to that! It brings me pleasure to give pleasure to a woman. I enjoy it and wouldn't have it any other way.

[Sheryl]

Sorry, I wasn't clear enough.

I was looking at some of the threads here that contained sexual content. I was wondered what the mods thought about always looking over the same subject different material threads. I then thought of the female mods who went through the same threads. Where did this thought take me?

Think about how often everybody is bombed with images of sex. Think about when and where and how those images show up. I think it's safe to say that most of these images (sound, sight, text, whatever) are male driven. So, women are being, what, forced to watch, listen, read etc, male sexual desires.

Well, women it seems are rarely the demander when it comes to sex. We have all heard the jokes about the wife who doesn't want it or is bored with it. The husband always complaining that the wife doesn't put out anymore.

So, here is the idea. Unlike men, women's sexual drive might be affected by the amount of material that they have to take in and the amount of demand from their partners. So, maybe a woman isn't as sexual as she would like to be, or as comfortable with sex as she would like to be, because it is just another image in a long string of images, or it's just another demand from an already demanding world. Kind of takes the fun out it, eh?

So, do you ladies agree or disagree?

Ok, this deserves a serious answer. You have correctly identified a central fact: that men have historically tried to define female sexuality, and that these efforts have a lot more to do with what men want women to be than with what they actually are.

To start with -- age. I can still vividly recall the many unpleasant -- at times even traumatic -- esperiences I had at ages 11, 12 and 13 being hit on by much older men and generally bombarded with messages that I was sexual -- when I, myself, wasn't yet ready to be. And then, of course, as women near 40 they get a loud and clear ,essage from society that they are no longer sexual. Again, untrue.

And then there is the social prohibiotion against women asking for sex (although within stable relationships, some women do). It's supposed to be the man who makes the move..and fragile male egos do not tolerate well being asked for sex when they aren't in the mood (and yes, men are in fact often not in the mood). Or to be gently told that once wasn't enough, when for him it was. Women quickly learn that they are supposed to dimply mirror the man's libido -- wanting it when he wants it, bnot wanting it when he doesn't, and being staisfied with waht satisfies him. Problem is, none of this is the caase.

Plenty of women are unsatisfied with the amount -- frequency, duration -- of sex they get from their partners, and need and want more. It's not easy for them to express that and, in my experience, men don't take well to hearing it.

And the sterotypical woman who doesn't want ot so much ("never in the mood" etc) -- more often than not it is because either there is an underlying problem in the relationship (turning off sexually is often the first sign in a woman that something is wrong in the relationship) OR that the sex isn't satisfying for her. If more often than not he satisifies himself and flops over snoring, leaving her frustrated -- well of course she isn't going to be eager to do that very often.

Going back to the original question -- there is no standard amount, it varieds compleletely with the woman, the relationship, the circumstances (time, work schedule, time of the month, etc) and also with what is going on in hte relationship. Relationships aren't stagnat, they are constantly changing and evovling and women's sexual receptiveness is very sensitive to these changes.

The problem is that a lot of men men don't actually know when their female partner wants sex and when she doesn't, nor what factors make her want or not want it. Nor do a lot of men really know hopw satisfied their partner is with the sex they have. Or how to get her in themood when she's initially not..and how to sense when she is.

Figure all that out, and you'll have your answer. Figuring it meaning, be sensitive to her, listen to her, talk to her, ask, care. And accept the fact that she is a separate autonomous person with her own sexuality which is not and never will be an exact mirror image of yours.

[thaibebop]

Sorry, I wasn't clear enough.

I was looking at some of the threads here that contained sexual content. I was wondered what the mods thought about always looking over the same subject different material threads. I then thought of the female mods who went through the same threads. Where did this thought take me?

Think about how often everybody is bombed with images of sex. Think about when and where and how those images show up. I think it's safe to say that most of these images (sound, sight, text, whatever) are male driven. So, women are being, what, forced to watch, listen, read etc, male sexual desires.

Well, women it seems are rarely the demander when it comes to sex. We have all heard the jokes about the wife who doesn't want it or is bored with it. The husband always complaining that the wife doesn't put out anymore.

So, here is the idea. Unlike men, women's sexual drive might be affected by the amount of material that they have to take in and the amount of demand from their partners. So, maybe a woman isn't as sexual as she would like to be, or as comfortable with sex as she would like to be, because it is just another image in a long string of images, or it's just another demand from an already demanding world. Kind of takes the fun out it, eh?

So, do you ladies agree or disagree?

Ok, this deserves a serious answer. You have correctly identified a central fact: that men have historically tried to define female sexuality, and that these efforts have a lot more to do with what men want women to be than with what they actually are.

To start with -- age. I can still vividly recall the many unpleasant -- at times even traumatic -- esperiences I had at ages 11, 12 and 13 being hit on by much older men and generally bombarded with messages that I was sexual -- when I, myself, wasn't yet ready to be. And then, of course, as women near 40 they get a loud and clear ,essage from society that they are no longer sexual. Again, untrue.

And then there is the social prohibiotion against women asking for sex (although within stable relationships, some women do). It's supposed to be the man who makes the move..and fragile male egos do not tolerate well being asked for sex when they aren't in the mood (and yes, men are in fact often not in the mood). Or to be gently told that once wasn't enough, when for him it was. Women quickly learn that they are supposed to dimply mirror the man's libido -- wanting it when he wants it, bnot wanting it when he doesn't, and being staisfied with waht satisfies him. Problem is, none of this is the caase.

Plenty of women are unsatisfied with the amount -- frequency, duration -- of sex they get from their partners, and need and want more. It's not easy for them to express that and, in my experience, men don't take well to hearing it.

And the sterotypical woman who doesn't want ot so much ("never in the mood" etc) -- more often than not it is because either there is an underlying problem in the relationship (turning off sexually is often the first sign in a woman that something is wrong in the relationship) OR that the sex isn't satisfying for her. If more often than not he satisifies himself and flops over snoring, leaving her frustrated -- well of course she isn't going to be eager to do that very often.

Going back to the original question -- there is no standard amount, it varieds compleletely with the woman, the relationship, the circumstances (time, work schedule, time of the month, etc) and also with what is going on in hte relationship. Relationships aren't stagnat, they are constantly changing and evovling and women's sexual receptiveness is very sensitive to these changes.

The problem is that a lot of men men don't actually know when their female partner wants sex and when she doesn't, nor what factors make her want or not want it. Nor do a lot of men really know hopw satisfied their partner is with the sex they have. Or how to get her in themood when she's initially not..and how to sense when she is.

Figure all that out, and you'll have your answer. Figuring it meaning, be sensitive to her, listen to her, talk to her, ask, care. And accept the fact that she is a separate autonomous person with her own sexuality which is not and never will be an exact mirror image of yours.

Thank you for that post.

[mark45y]

Some interesting Quotes here.

“Forced to watch, listen, read etc, male sexual desires.

Well, women it seems are rarely the demander when it comes to sex.

To start with -- age. I can still vividly recall the many unpleasant -- at times even traumatic -- esperiences I had at ages 11, 12 and 13 being hit on by much older men and generally bombarded with messages that I was sexual -- when I, myself, wasn't yet ready to be. And then, of course, as women near 40 they get a loud and clear ,essage from society that they are no longer sexual.

Plenty of women are unsatisfied with the amount -- frequency, duration -- of sex they get from their partners, and need and want more. It's not easy for them to express that and, in my experience, men don't take well to hearing it.

more often than not he satisifies himself and flops over snoring, leaving her frustrated -- well

The problem is that a lot of men men don't actually know when their female partner wants sex and when she doesn't, nor what factors make her want or not want it. Nor do a lot of men really know hopw satisfied their partner is with the sex they have. Or how to get her in themood when she's initially not..and how to sense when she is.”

It seems to me that reading the above that the male of the species is usually to blame.

I have only had one woman who was really able to communicate with me. I mentioned it in another post that I constructed an imaginary female best friend for her on the internet.

The friend was me and we chatted two or three times a day about everything women talk about.

She told me how she was feeling and what she wanted and what her ex-husband (me) had done to her. She even compared me to her current and past lovers in great detail both physically and emotionally.

I got a blow by blow description of her affairs and my own performance.

I waited (she had refused any contact with me by mail or phone or in person) until one day close to New Years Eve when she had serious argument with her boyfriend and I then unloaded the big guns, money, gifts and so on and managed to get a date with my ex wife for New Years Eve.

What followed was a couple of months of bliss because through her imaginary best friend I knew how to act and how to respond to her. I knew the days she just wanted to be left alone and the days she wanted to be loved or taken out to dinner or shopping or whatever.

Even though I admit my behavior was sleazy and dishonest for making up a best friend the end result was striking. A completely honest and open level of communication.

Some of the things she told me really jarred me but I could handle those because I knew I was also getting the truth about everything else. As a result of this experience I would suggest it is a two way street. Women are unnecessarily not forthcoming and men are ego over sensitized. Wouldn’t it be nice if we could just tell each other the truth 100% of the time. One of the reasons Western men have such an easy time getting along with Thai women is they never did understand what women were saying anyway so not speaking the language is really no barrier at all. I don’t know if this is true for Western women and Thai men.

[sbk]

Wouldn’t it be nice if we could just tell each other the truth 100% of the time.

Says the man who lied to his exwife? Why do I have a hard time believing you?

One of the reasons Western men have such an easy time getting along with Thai women is they never did understand what women were saying anyway so not speaking the language is really no barrier at all. I don’t know if this is true for Western women and Thai men.

Ah, is this the truth according to mark45y then? I wonder how many guys, if being brutally honest with themselves, would agree, or not?

As for me, nope. My husband spoke english when I met him, we communicate quite well and I wouldn't really be interested in a relationship where that wasn't full communication.

[Sheryl]

One of the reasons Western men have such an easy time getting along with Thai women is they never did understand what women were saying anyway so not speaking the language is really no barrier

[Donz]

One of the reasons Western men have such an easy time getting along with Thai women is they never did understand what women were saying anyway so not speaking the language is really no barrier

Thats funny.

[Tippaporn]

Well, interesting stuff. This is actually my first time on the ladies forum. Always curious so I thought I'd check out what the women have to talk about here.

This topic does appeal to me since I've been quite puzzled sexually with my Thai wifey. And since she's the only Thai woman I've had a relationships with it's hard to judge whether some of the differences between her and western women is attributable to her as a unique individual or whether it's related to Thai culture.

Hope you don't mind me asking this here, Bops, but I'd appreciate some edification, if that's possible. Do any of the women here talk about sex with their Thai counterparts? Are they really any different sexually?

My problem is that I've always enjoyed pleasing a woman. I don't worry about myself so much as 1) pleasing her pleases me that much more and 2) I take care of myself eventually anyway. But trying to figure out what pleases her is, well, perplexing since it's so different than making love to a western woman. I'd like to know, though.

Hate to get too specific, but there isn't really another approach I can think of than head on. Oral sex is out. The mouth is strictly for ingesting food (or alcohol ). Bummer. She doesn't mind when she's been drinking (but only when rather heavily) and I get the impression that she enjoys it. Is it common for Thai women to abstain from oral sex? Or is it just a general trait of women and not related to Thai culture? Do western women on the whole enjoy oral sex or isn't that important?

Boo mentioned in one of her posts that, "As I said before, depending on the time of the month, I will either be totally rampant or can't be touched. My body is VERY sensitive to touch at those differing times of the month, sometimes in the positive & sometimes in the negative. Sometimes my own mind tells me it's time to do it." My wifey is definitely sensitive to touch depending on the time of the month. So sensitive that I've never noticed it with women before her. Are women's bodies truly that touchy? There are times when I try to initiate and caress her but she recoils from my touch, telling me that it doesn't feel good to her, meaning that it's the wrong time of the month. I've never been told that before.

A very good western woman friend of mine once related to me how Irish men like to wham, bam, thank you m'am. I quipped to her that if Irish men are really like that then they'd be a good fit with Thai women, if Thai women were similar on the whole to my wifey. Short and sweet is the way she prefers it. Not what I'm used to. Hel_l, I've had sessions where we actually stopped to order a pizza because we were both hungry, ate, and hit it again. So I'm confused. Should I hurry up as quick as I can? That's almost distracting to me if I feel that I'm under a time limit!

I guess that's enough for now, but I'd sincerely like to feel that I'm pleasing her, which I'm not at all sure about. More talk wouldn't hurt, but having in-depth discussions about sex doesn't seem to be her cup of tea, either. Argh!

Edited April 12, 2006 by Tippaporn

[ilyushin]

whenever we are in the mood ... and not get caught by the kids...

Best answer so far!

[soic]

Well personally my wife is still a bit shy about letting me know she's feeling amorous. We developed a little code, it seems to work quite well...

When she wants to have sex, she reaches under the covers and gives a little tug.

When she doesn't want sex, she reaches under the covers and gives about 50 tugs.

Sorry, I couldn't resist. If people open up to each other and are honest, there are compromises. There have been times that one or the other of us hasn't "felt" like it for whatever reason. We can either be understanding with our partner and say it's ok, or the other partner can find ways to satisfy the other without going through ALL of the motions. That's a two way street. Sex drive by my experience is engouraged and discouraged by too many factors to come up with a verbatim response. Menstual cycles, Mental issues, Stress, Fatigue, Quarrelling, Trauma, the HEAT, and even childhood experiences. I don't think that there is a set answer for anyone. Heck, there are times when I don't want it... and there are times that I can't get enough, the same goes for my wife. We've literally ripped each others clothes off at times and other times we look at each other and for whatever reason, we say... nahhh! not tonight.

Good luck on finding a schematic!

[meemiathai]

Hel_l, I've had sessions where we actually stopped to order a pizza because we were both hungry, ate, and hit it again.

My problem is that I've always enjoyed pleasing a woman. I don't worry about myself so much as 1) pleasing her pleases me that much more and 2) I take care of myself eventually anyway.

Problem?? Well, I know what you mean.

[Tippaporn]

Hel_l, I've had sessions where we actually stopped to order a pizza because we were both hungry, ate, and hit it again.

My problem is that I've always enjoyed pleasing a woman. I don't worry about myself so much as 1) pleasing her pleases me that much more and 2) I take care of myself eventually anyway.

Problem?? Well, I know what you mean.

Well, quite frankly, I want to please her too but I'm more than a bit foggy about that. If I cared only about myself I'd feel cheap. Still waiting for a feminine response . . .

[sbk]

Tippaporn, could be she is quite conservative and feels very uncomfortable with expressing her sexuality in that way.

Could be she has some problems "down there". I know when I have a yeast infection the last thing I want is some long sex marathon. It is just too painful.

Same thing with being tired. Does she work? When I am exhausted the last thing I am interested in is sex, and just want some sleep. Even cuddling can be too tiring.

So, there could be some health aspects involved, could be she is just a very conservative girl who was taught to not express her sexuality. I wouldn't push it if she isn't comfortable with it, but you may try slowly introducing some more sensual aspects to your lovemaking (body massage, etc. I am sure you can use your imagination ) --so that she gets more "in the mood" as it were

[Tippaporn]

Thanks, sbk. Yes, I have come to the conclusion that she is conservative. She doesn't have a job (and, yes, she does work, if you know what I mean) so it's not that she tired. She's unable to have children, so that might point to feminine problems? She loves to cuddle and makes it a point, always! She thinks of herself as 'smelly' and maybe doesn't realize that it's not to a man?

I've asked one other Thai woman flat out about oral sex and she told me that Thai women, in a proper relationship, don't engage in it. Now that would be cultural rather than shyness. But I do believe she enjoys it. I mean, doesn't any woman????

Edited April 12, 2006 by Tippaporn

[girlx]

Is it common for Thai women to abstain from oral sex?

i was told by my ex that thais feel oral sex is dirty due to the head being the highest part of the body and that being the lower sort of thing. he said only prostitutes would give him oral. he wasn't really into giving it himself either, truth be told. cultural thing.

[Tippaporn]

I think you're right, girlx. Are women's bodies too sensitive at certain times of the month to the point where touching does not feel good?

[mark45y]

Is it common for Thai women to abstain from oral sex?

i was told by my ex that thais feel oral sex is dirty due to the head being the highest part of the body and that being the lower sort of thing. he said only prostitutes would give him oral. he wasn't really into giving it himself either, truth be told. cultural thing.

I don’t think it is just a Thai thing. I think it is a second generation education thing. If the Thai man or woman is the second generation to have a degree oral is fine. The more education the more kink. Sometimes it works in the first generation but more probably by the second. I think affluence may be substituted for education.

This anti oral phenomenon seems to be quite prevalent outside the Western world except in cultures with highly developed sexual traditions such as India or Japan. Singapore seems to be an exception to this rule and I don’t really understand why.

I wish I had more exposure to middle class Thai women but Thai women with masters degrees and bar girls have in common an ability to speak English so most of my social dealings have been with those two kinds of Thai women. I am in school to improve my language abilities so maybe one day I will meet a Thai woman who doesn’t like oral sex.