How Much How Little?

[Sheryl]

Well, interesting stuff. This is actually my first time on the ladies forum. Always curious so I thought I'd check out what the women have to talk about here.

This topic does appeal to me since I've been quite puzzled sexually with my Thai wifey. And since she's the only Thai woman I've had a relationships with it's hard to judge whether some of the differences between her and western women is attributable to her as a unique individual or whether it's related to Thai culture.

Hope you don't mind me asking this here, Bops, but I'd appreciate some edification, if that's possible. Do any of the women here talk about sex with their Thai counterparts? Are they really any different sexually?

My problem is that I've always enjoyed pleasing a woman. I don't worry about myself so much as 1) pleasing her pleases me that much more and 2) I take care of myself eventually anyway. But trying to figure out what pleases her is, well, perplexing since it's so different than making love to a western woman. I'd like to know, though.

Hate to get too specific, but there isn't really another approach I can think of than head on. Oral sex is out. The mouth is strictly for ingesting food (or alcohol ). Bummer. She doesn't mind when she's been drinking (but only when rather heavily) and I get the impression that she enjoys it. Is it common for Thai women to abstain from oral sex? Or is it just a general trait of women and not related to Thai culture? Do western women on the whole enjoy oral sex or isn't that important?

Boo mentioned in one of her posts that, "As I said before, depending on the time of the month, I will either be totally rampant or can't be touched. My body is VERY sensitive to touch at those differing times of the month, sometimes in the positive & sometimes in the negative. Sometimes my own mind tells me it's time to do it." My wifey is definitely sensitive to touch depending on the time of the month. So sensitive that I've never noticed it with women before her. Are women's bodies truly that touchy? There are times when I try to initiate and caress her but she recoils from my touch, telling me that it doesn't feel good to her, meaning that it's the wrong time of the month. I've never been told that before.

A very good western woman friend of mine once related to me how Irish men like to wham, bam, thank you m'am. I quipped to her that if Irish men are really like that then they'd be a good fit with Thai women, if Thai women were similar on the whole to my wifey. Short and sweet is the way she prefers it. Not what I'm used to. Hel_l, I've had sessions where we actually stopped to order a pizza because we were both hungry, ate, and hit it again. So I'm confused. Should I hurry up as quick as I can? That's almost distracting to me if I feel that I'm under a time limit!

I guess that's enough for now, but I'd sincerely like to feel that I'm pleasing her, which I'm not at all sure about. More talk wouldn't hurt, but having in-depth discussions about sex doesn't seem to be her cup of tea, either. Argh!

Tippaporn,

I have tried to post a reply twice and somehow it vanishes, hope third time is a charm...

As other posters have said, there is a cultural taboo on oral sex because of the "high-low" thing; it is considered especially unseemly for a man to perfrom on a woman. Of course, individyuakls vary in how much they have internalized this attitude and how much they follow it. In many Thai-Wesitern relationships the Thai partner comes to accept and enjoy it after a while, but in your case I advise dropping it for now as there is a more important problem, namely, it sounds like your wife does not enjoy sex, or is at least conflicted about it. This is not at all unusual among "nice" Thai women from conservative families, and although it is changing very fast, it is often the case among women aged about 30 and over. They were brought up with the idea that sex is dirty and for men only; nice owmen don't like it, want it or talk about it. Such conditioning can be overcome but it will take time and patience on your part. Don't push her to do things she's uncomfortable with and don't try to get her to experiment with anything unusual until she has begun to thoroughly enjoy the basics. Be very loving and affectionate beforem during and after. Talk to her during -- not about sex, but about how much you love her, how lovely she is etc. Aftyerwatrds, be extra loving and respectful. Keep this up with patience and the situation will probably gradually resolve.

About the issue of discomfort at certian times of the month -- it is true that many women are sensitive to touch before their periodds, especially in the breasts which can be quite sore (which also makes hugging uncomfortable). It is also thecase that thereis a cultural taboo on sex at that time of the month; like all taboos, not everyone cares about or follows it, but your wife, being conservative, probably does. So she may be expressing ophysical discomofrt or a mental discomofrt due to feeling she is unclean. In either case, respect it and leave it be, at least for now.

As for talking - again, "nice" Thai women don't talk about sex especially to men, and certainly don't express sexual wants needs or desires. This can persist even after they start to enjoy sex. You may have to settle for indirect cues, such as how she acts afterwards. If she suddenly treats you like a king for a day or so, you probably pleased her a lot; if she's moody and wiothdrawn, you may not have. With time subtle mutual signal;s can be developed that will make this all easier...but you will probably have to accept a less open degree of verbal exchange than you were used to.

You don't, however, have to accept an unsatisfied partner, and you shouldn't, for both of your sakes and the sake of the marriage. But proceed gently and patiently. A woman with conservative Thai conditioning is not going to respond to sex as recreation, but she will respond to it as a form of love. Emotional tone is the key. Good luck!

[Tippaporn]

Well, interesting stuff. This is actually my first time on the ladies forum. Always curious so I thought I'd check out what the women have to talk about here.

This topic does appeal to me since I've been quite puzzled sexually with my Thai wifey. And since she's the only Thai woman I've had a relationships with it's hard to judge whether some of the differences between her and western women is attributable to her as a unique individual or whether it's related to Thai culture.

Hope you don't mind me asking this here, Bops, but I'd appreciate some edification, if that's possible. Do any of the women here talk about sex with their Thai counterparts? Are they really any different sexually?

My problem is that I've always enjoyed pleasing a woman. I don't worry about myself so much as 1) pleasing her pleases me that much more and 2) I take care of myself eventually anyway. But trying to figure out what pleases her is, well, perplexing since it's so different than making love to a western woman. I'd like to know, though.

Hate to get too specific, but there isn't really another approach I can think of than head on. Oral sex is out. The mouth is strictly for ingesting food (or alcohol ). Bummer. She doesn't mind when she's been drinking (but only when rather heavily) and I get the impression that she enjoys it. Is it common for Thai women to abstain from oral sex? Or is it just a general trait of women and not related to Thai culture? Do western women on the whole enjoy oral sex or isn't that important?

Boo mentioned in one of her posts that, "As I said before, depending on the time of the month, I will either be totally rampant or can't be touched. My body is VERY sensitive to touch at those differing times of the month, sometimes in the positive & sometimes in the negative. Sometimes my own mind tells me it's time to do it." My wifey is definitely sensitive to touch depending on the time of the month. So sensitive that I've never noticed it with women before her. Are women's bodies truly that touchy? There are times when I try to initiate and caress her but she recoils from my touch, telling me that it doesn't feel good to her, meaning that it's the wrong time of the month. I've never been told that before.

A very good western woman friend of mine once related to me how Irish men like to wham, bam, thank you m'am. I quipped to her that if Irish men are really like that then they'd be a good fit with Thai women, if Thai women were similar on the whole to my wifey. Short and sweet is the way she prefers it. Not what I'm used to. Hel_l, I've had sessions where we actually stopped to order a pizza because we were both hungry, ate, and hit it again. So I'm confused. Should I hurry up as quick as I can? That's almost distracting to me if I feel that I'm under a time limit!

I guess that's enough for now, but I'd sincerely like to feel that I'm pleasing her, which I'm not at all sure about. More talk wouldn't hurt, but having in-depth discussions about sex doesn't seem to be her cup of tea, either. Argh!

Tippaporn,

I have tried to post a reply twice and somehow it vanishes, hope third time is a charm...

As other posters have said, there is a cultural taboo on oral sex because of the "high-low" thing; it is considered especially unseemly for a man to perfrom on a woman. Of course, individyuakls vary in how much they have internalized this attitude and how much they follow it. In many Thai-Wesitern relationships the Thai partner comes to accept and enjoy it after a while, but in your case I advise dropping it for now as there is a more important problem, namely, it sounds like your wife does not enjoy sex, or is at least conflicted about it. This is not at all unusual among "nice" Thai women from conservative families, and although it is changing very fast, it is often the case among women aged about 30 and over. They were brought up with the idea that sex is dirty and for men only; nice owmen don't like it, want it or talk about it. Such conditioning can be overcome but it will take time and patience on your part. Don't push her to do things she's uncomfortable with and don't try to get her to experiment with anything unusual until she has begun to thoroughly enjoy the basics. Be very loving and affectionate beforem during and after. Talk to her during -- not about sex, but about how much you love her, how lovely she is etc. Aftyerwatrds, be extra loving and respectful. Keep this up with patience and the situation will probably gradually resolve.

About the issue of discomfort at certian times of the month -- it is true that many women are sensitive to touch before their periodds, especially in the breasts which can be quite sore (which also makes hugging uncomfortable). It is also thecase that thereis a cultural taboo on sex at that time of the month; like all taboos, not everyone cares about or follows it, but your wife, being conservative, probably does. So she may be expressing ophysical discomofrt or a mental discomofrt due to feeling she is unclean. In either case, respect it and leave it be, at least for now.

As for talking - again, "nice" Thai women don't talk about sex especially to men, and certainly don't express sexual wants needs or desires. This can persist even after they start to enjoy sex. You may have to settle for indirect cues, such as how she acts afterwards. If she suddenly treats you like a king for a day or so, you probably pleased her a lot; if she's moody and wiothdrawn, you may not have. With time subtle mutual signal;s can be developed that will make this all easier...but you will probably have to accept a less open degree of verbal exchange than you were used to.

You don't, however, have to accept an unsatisfied partner, and you shouldn't, for both of your sakes and the sake of the marriage. But proceed gently and patiently. A woman with conservative Thai conditioning is not going to respond to sex as recreation, but she will respond to it as a form of love. Emotional tone is the key. Good luck!

Thanks, Sheryl, for taking the time and sharing that. All in all it's been a strange and sometimes frustrating experience for me. All I really want is to make sure that it's enjoyable and satisfying for her. She's hard to read most of the time. But I don't make an issue out of any of it with her. I don't want to give her the impression that I think "she" has a problem and there's something "wrong" with her. She doesn't have a problem and there's nothing wrong with her. There's no way that I'm willing to make her feel bad about herself in any way, shape or form. Not even jokingly. I just remain gentle and considerate and keep plugging away (no pun intended, 555555).

Also, she doesn't enjoy kissing, which is the only thing I do tease her about. Especially when watching a romantic scene in a movie, I'll smile and exclaim, "Sanook mak mak." And I always get the dry reply, "Mai sanook." She did shock me once, though. She went out with a few of her gf's one night and came home a little drunk. I woke up when she got to bed and she proceeded to french kiss with amazing skill. Blew me away. Don't know what got into her but I'd love a few repeats of that!

[mark45y]

Sheryl, I really don’t know where you are coming from. I am on line now with a lady friend of mine who is 29 and a research chemist MA who lives about 250 km from me. She is describing graphically what she would like to do tomorrow if I will just get off my lazy rear and drive the 250 km as she is very lonely having no family around during the holiday.

I have another friend who is an assistant mgr at a 4 star hotel who writes once a week with tales of what she would like to do if I ever take her up on her offer to join her and virginity is on the list. Hard to believe but she is a 35 year old virgin (yes I have checked). I have known one woman for 2 years and the other for a year. They are both nice Thai women. No bar background good families good education and so on.

Most of my entertaining is done with Thai women*. We regularly talk about sex in a group of four or five women and myself. Two of our friends are lesbians and they bring up discussions about oral sex all of the time. These are not bar girls.

About the booze thing, Thai women seem a little more susceptible to the effects of drinking than Western women. Like American Indians are. It acts both as a truth serum and moral relaxer. I have found the most effective spirit seems to be good tequila. The 2000 Baht a bottle kind mixed with fresh squeezed lime chilled and served in a salt rimmed glass. It is however a very tricky operation. You have to know when to stop or the lady is in the toilet throwing up. My significant other completely looses all of her inhibitions and violates every cultural taboo know to Thai people in quick order after a pint of Tequila.

As a gut feeling I think tippaporn has another problem. There is something else going on. I have been in a couple of long term relationships with Thai women (1 year plus) and have a lot of friends who have long term relationships with Thai women. Sex is never an issue. It is always, “it’s up to you.” I have never heard, “I have a headache.” If she has a headache or a pain or a cramp she takes two Tylenol and a strange concoction of rice wine and herbs and we have sex. The only no’s in our relationship come from me because I am 20 years older than she is and she has a stronger libido.

Thai women, good and bad and hi so and low so like sex a lot, don’t let anybody kid you about that. I listen to them talk. They only know the Thai I speak but they have underestimated the Thai I understand. They talk about how big their man is, how often they have sex and what they do during sex and they talk about this every day on the phone and in person. Having said that it seems to me they have a drop off in desire around 40 as opposed to much later in the Western world. The Thai women I know also have a very strong feeling of obligation to provide sex for their husband. And not only sex but sex that he enjoys.

If I was going to play shrink for a day I would do a relationship checklist. Maybe do it with a professional. There is something wrong in your relationship and when you get that cleared up the sex will be wonderful.

*I don’t entertain Thai men. If they are rich they insist on paying and that makes me uncomfortable. If they are poor they insist on me paying and that makes me uncomfortable.

[Tippaporn]

Hmmmmmmm. I wish that was the case with me and mine but not so. She's conservative and shy beyond a shadow of a doubt. I could relate a whole lot of other stories that would be telling indicators but I was debating with myself about writing what I did in the first place. On the one hand I'd like to hear some feed back. On the other hand I don't want to publish every detail to the world.

Thanks, Mark, but enough said.

[threekids]

Thanks, sbk. Yes, I have come to the conclusion that she is conservative. She doesn't have a job (and, yes, she does work, if you know what I mean) so it's not that she tired. She's unable to have children, so that might point to feminine problems? She loves to cuddle and makes it a point, always! She thinks of herself as 'smelly' and maybe doesn't realize that it's not to a man?

I've asked one other Thai woman flat out about oral sex and she told me that Thai women, in a proper relationship, don't engage in it. Now that would be cultural rather than shyness. But I do believe she enjoys it. I mean, doesn't any woman????

When I was married to my previous husband (we are both aussies) he would constantly slag me because I didn't enjoy oral sex. Over a period of 13yrs I was told by him that I needed to see a psyhiatrst (hope the spelling is correct) as I wasn't a NORMAL woman. I had actually started to believe that it was me and perhaps he was right. Then on a girls night out after too many drinks our discussion veered on to oral sex. This was something I had never discussed with anyone other than my husband. Out of the six women at dinner only two enjoyed giving oral sex. They all enjoyed their husbands doing it to them but not vice versa. These women were not held back for religious or cultural reasons. They and myself just did not enjoy the act. As far as sex goes we all loved it as long as the timing and mood suited us. We all worked full time jobs and were raising kids so obviously tiredness came into it. I dont know how long you have been married but if it is recent perhaps your wife is a little shy. As far as kissing goes I could go for hours. Quite often its better than sex.

[daradara]

As a point of note an opposition to oral sex may be a cultural thing but it is also a Buddhist thing. Oral sex and anal sex for that matter are an absolute no no for Buddhists according to the Dalai Lama.

He has said this on many occasions and his book Beyond Dogma goes in to the subject in depth.

[seonai]

Gosh! What to say? I think it is an individual and cultural thing. It certainly should not be expected by any partner. At least that's what I think and I hope it's okay to say that

[seonai]

Oh and by the way in Islamic culture, at least the one followed here in south Thailand, oral sex on women is a no no but from woman to man it's okay

[soic]

Not that I personally tried it, but from what I was told, the Kuwaiti and other muslim ladies in Kuwait, would give a man anal sex. They supposedly believed that it was ok to offer anal sex and save the other for their husband or future husband.

[seonai]

yes but the weird thing is I think it's forbidden in the K

Holy book

[seonai]

don't want to get too much into religion here

[soic]

I wasn't talking about it from the religious aspect only from the practice aspect as far as the actions of the ladies that I heard about. Those may have only been expat stories, but I did have at least one Kuwaiti lady flat out tell me that she wanted to go to my room and have sex with me... I couldn't have anyone in my room as it was a guarded company hotel, so I had to pass. She quickly forgot about me and found greener pastures.

[seonai]

Well certainly around here, Muslim totally, I have heard that 'a' sex is a no no

Sorry I don't even like to write the words !!!!!!!

Personally I find it to be a male oriented thing and not for female pleasure unless the male is extremely experienced in female anatomy!!!!

Help!!!!! I don't want to say any more on this

[thaibebop]

Well certainly around here, Muslim totally, I have heard that 'a' sex is a no no

Sorry I don't even like to write the words !!!!!!! What, anal sex? Both words or just one of one?

Personally I find it to be a male oriented thing and not for female pleasure unless the male is extremely experienced in female anatomy!!!!

Help!!!!! I don't want to say any more on this

[Boo]

oral & anal sex are discouraged in certain religions & some men use religion as an excuse not to (or to receive but not give) but you find that they break a few other religious laws without a problem, like drinking, smoking, sex before marraige etc. Not worth the paper it's written on when it is only for the man that it is enforced.

[seonai]

Actually, a jolly good reply there Boo. People often ask us how/why we have a bar.........

Ce la vie.........

[seonai]

Does that connect somehow? I think it does......well sort of....... to do with principles........

[mark45y]

Respectfully I think those issues are between two people and not the province of the Dalai Lama or anyone else.

Sure I think a man or woman or man who won’t provide their partner with oral sex is mentally ill but hey the Psychiatrists treated homosexuality as a mental illness until about 30 years ago. In thirty years we have turned around 4000 years of written history and decided it is not nutty to be gay.

The anal thing is more complicated and there are issues of bodily changes with age and child bearing that have to be taken into consideration along with cultural things. But those are minor compared to the person who moves to Thailand with a foot fetish. Now they are in for some real trouble!

At first I didn’t understand why all the Aussie guys were here. I could understand the English and Americans and Germans. But after reading this thread I now am educated. I have learned a great deal from reading this forum.

[seonai]

[Tippaporn]

Thanks, sbk. Yes, I have come to the conclusion that she is conservative. She doesn't have a job (and, yes, she does work, if you know what I mean) so it's not that she tired. She's unable to have children, so that might point to feminine problems? She loves to cuddle and makes it a point, always! She thinks of herself as 'smelly' and maybe doesn't realize that it's not to a man?

I've asked one other Thai woman flat out about oral sex and she told me that Thai women, in a proper relationship, don't engage in it. Now that would be cultural rather than shyness. But I do believe she enjoys it. I mean, doesn't any woman????

When I was married to my previous husband (we are both aussies) he would constantly slag me because I didn't enjoy oral sex. Over a period of 13yrs I was told by him that I needed to see a psyhiatrst (hope the spelling is correct) as I wasn't a NORMAL woman. I had actually started to believe that it was me and perhaps he was right. Then on a girls night out after too many drinks our discussion veered on to oral sex. This was something I had never discussed with anyone other than my husband. Out of the six women at dinner only two enjoyed giving oral sex. They all enjoyed their husbands doing it to them but not vice versa. These women were not held back for religious or cultural reasons. They and myself just did not enjoy the act. As far as sex goes we all loved it as long as the timing and mood suited us. We all worked full time jobs and were raising kids so obviously tiredness came into it. I dont know how long you have been married but if it is recent perhaps your wife is a little shy. As far as kissing goes I could go for hours. Quite often its better than sex.

Thanks, threekids. You've confirmed my suspicions. I think she likes it, too, but because of her cultural beliefs (and probably a few others) she discourages it.

Another question: are women overly sensitive to touch? Does caressing ever tickle?

Edited April 20, 2006 by Tippaporn

[Sheryl]

Another question: are women overly sensitive to touch? Does caressing ever tickle?

Tickilishness is an individual trait, nothing to do with gender..some people are unusually ticklish. Emotional tension makes it worse, relaxation tends to treduce it.

[Tippaporn]

Another question: are women overly sensitive to touch? Does caressing ever tickle?

Tickilishness is an individual trait, nothing to do with gender..some people are unusually ticklish. Emotional tension makes it worse, relaxation tends to treduce it.

I would agree, Sheryl. But since I'm a guy I can never be too sure about what is attributable to gender. Women can be a strange and mysterious breed from this side of the fence . . . .

[thaibebop]

I like it when a thread takes off with a life of it's own. I think that's really cool.

So, what happened to the anal sex?

Just kidding, I have really enjoyed reading this. Thanks to all those you are responding and I hope you keep responding.

[kat]

oral & anal sex are discouraged in certain religions & some men use religion as an excuse not to (or to receive but not give) but you find that they break a few other religious laws without a problem, like drinking, smoking, sex before marraige etc. Not worth the paper it's written on when it is only for the man that it is enforced.

Yeah, this is spot on. This has been my - ahem, cough, cough - personal observation as well. I don't want to go into too much detail, but let's just say that at times it's been absolute hel_l. I've endured self-imposed exiles in celibacy here because of it. There is a certain kind of trauma in realizing that as a female, your only expected function is to serve, or service the male.

In the south and in Malaysia, I've found the most incredibly sensual men, and the best kissers I have ever experienced, suddenly become "head pushers" (yuk!) as soon as things become more intimate. That pretty much ends it for me. I enjoy giving as much as I receive, but once I receive that kind of a message (male oral only), I'm out.

However, in defense of the one Buddhist Thai guy I dated (also from the south), he definitely gave as good as he got Too bad he was an epic liar

[thaibebop]

I have known women who were that way. They demanded oral yet refused to do the same. I seems people have theri preferences and some won't own up to them as being a personnal choice and say it's the culture or something else. The women I am talking about felt that performing oral sex on a man was demeaning to them, but men perfoming it on them was not. So, I think these ladies didnt' like it and used a social excuse to explain it away. Why, people can't just say "I don't like it." is beyond me. But maybe I have wrong.

[LuvinMyThai]

This has certainly been the most interesting thread I have read...

As an American woman I am a little shocked to say the least that any woman wouldn't love getting oral sex!? However if it's for cultural reasons...I understand and respect that. As far as giving oral sex to a man...for myself personally....oral sex seems to be a very "personal" act. In order for me to put my mouth on a guys...well....ya know....I want to know where that thing has been! I do not perform oral sex on a guy until I know him well....Same goes for regular intercourse....but for some reason to me...it seems more intimate and personal to give and receive oral sex.

For me...there has only been one person I enjoyed giving oral sex too and that was my

husband who I trusted and was in love with.

Okay...so Anal sex....actually...not going to touch that one...I'll only say that it would seem to me that it is only for the pleasure of a man.... I personally prefer to save that area for exit only.

I think with the media and some music videos today, there is a ridiculous, unreal, expectation put on woman to be and act like the "high priced hookers" in the media. I think that some american celebrity woman "act dumb", and airheaded, although they are probably smarter then they let on to be. Which is causing an epidemic of young girls to "act dumb"... to dress promiscuously, and to think that they have to do everything for the man's pleasure. And then young men think it's okay to talk nasty to a girl, and treat her badly. Too many woman have become "objects" and I think it is a huge problem here in America, I think that degrading of woman is at an all time high. I just learned that 1 in 4 girls is raped by the time she is 16 years of age....there is something VERY wrong with that...

Redirect~ As far as how much sex is the right amount for a couple....I believe it varies from couple to couple, and hopefully your lucky enough to get with someone who has the same libido, or work schedule as you.... I would think it would only be unhealthy when both do not agree on how much or how little, or if it gets in the way of every day tasks. I was shocked to read on here that someone would have time to have sex 10 times a day!?!? You'd never get out of bed!?

I was shocked to hear....(sorry...I'm replying to many different things on here....)..that a woman is not into kissing!? Yikes...I've never heard that one before. Any woman I have met....we love, love, love to kiss! Kissing all over is a great foreplay!

There are definitely times of the month where I don't want to be touched.....it can feel like a chore to be intimate when my body is already working on having a cycle...or if I am overly tired from work, a good snuggle or massage will do just fine. I do not know about Thai woman, to know about what a conservative Thai woman would find okay or not okay....so I can only speak from personal experience.

So..a final comment to the OP....as with every woman that I have ever met...the way to a healthy sex life with your partner....is to win over her mind. Woman are sexually stimulated mentally. At least most of the time. Wham bam thankyou mam....has never won my heart over....nor has it made me want to have a repeat session. I melt when a guy talks sweet, and loving to me, and when I feel the kindness, generosity, softness and love with his soft touch, or the whisper of a loving word in my ear. Or gentle kisses on the neck, make me melt! If all that doesn't help....well....I don't know what would do it for ya!?

Good luck to you!!

[thaibebop]

This has certainly been the most interesting thread I have read...

As an American woman I am a little shocked to say the least that any woman wouldn't love getting oral sex!? However if it's for cultural reasons...I understand and respect that. As far as giving oral sex to a man...for myself personally....oral sex seems to be a very "personal" act. In order for me to put my mouth on a guys...well....ya know....I want to know where that thing has been! I do not perform oral sex on a guy until I know him well....Same goes for regular intercourse....but for some reason to me...it seems more intimate and personal to give and receive oral sex.

I agree. I don't think there is such a thing as casual sex, at least not for me. If I am willing to put that much...what?...work (wrong word maybe) in to pleasing someone I care about them.

For me...there has only been one person I enjoyed giving oral sex too and that was my

husband who I trusted and was in love with.

Okay...so Anal sex....actually...not going to touch that one...I'll only say that it would seem to me that it is only for the pleasure of a man.... I personally prefer to save that area for exit only.

So, do I!

I think with the media and some music videos today, there is a ridiculous, unreal, expectation put on woman to be and act like the "high priced hookers" in the media. I think that some american celebrity woman "act dumb", and airheaded, although they are probably smarter then they let on to be. Which is causing an epidemic of young girls to "act dumb"... to dress promiscuously, and to think that they have to do everything for the man's pleasure. And then young men think it's okay to talk nasty to a girl, and treat her badly. Too many woman have become "objects" and I think it is a huge problem here in America, I think that degrading of woman is at an all time high. I just learned that 1 in 4 girls is raped by the time she is 16 years of age....there is something VERY wrong with that...

In this we agree completely. I have always been aware, but not as fully until I had a daughter. Now I am watching the world around me and I am very worried. The Rap videos are enough to make me ill. There is less than an inch between this and a porno! I am worried what effect these things will have on my child. I am trying to rasie her with a strong mind and a strong sense of self. It's the only way I can think that she wont' get taken in by all this and those who support it. I will tell if a man speaks to you in such a way, as seen in rap videos, you smack the taste out of his mouth.

Redirect~ As far as how much sex is the right amount for a couple....I believe it varies from couple to couple, and hopefully your lucky enough to get with someone who has the same libido, or work schedule as you.... I would think it would only be unhealthy when both do not agree on how much or how little, or if it gets in the way of every day tasks. I was shocked to read on here that someone would have time to have sex 10 times a day!?!? You'd never get out of bed!?

I was shocked to hear....(sorry...I'm replying to many different things on here....)..that a woman is not into kissing!? Yikes...I've never heard that one before. Any woman I have met....we love, love, love to kiss! Kissing all over is a great foreplay!

There are definitely times of the month where I don't want to be touched.....it can feel like a chore to be intimate when my body is already working on having a cycle...or if I am overly tired from work, a good snuggle or massage will do just fine. I do not know about Thai woman, to know about what a conservative Thai woman would find okay or not okay....so I can only speak from personal experience.

So..a final comment to the OP....as with every woman that I have ever met...the way to a healthy sex life with your partner....is to win over her mind. Woman are sexually stimulated mentally. At least most of the time. Wham bam thankyou mam....has never won my heart over....nor has it made me want to have a repeat session. I melt when a guy talks sweet, and loving to me, and when I feel the kindness, generosity, softness and love with his soft touch, or the whisper of a loving word in my ear. Or gentle kisses on the neck, make me melt! If all that doesn't help....well....I don't know what would do it for ya!?

Well, thank you very much for your post, but there is nothing to help. My wife is the wham bam type and I am just along for the ride! My OP was just curious questioning as I rarely hear women speak about such things and the way most societies are going, with complete male geared entertainment(if you can call it that) I would think more women should be saying something about it. Men sometimes are still just too boyish and need to be sat down once in awhile.

Good luck to you!!

Sorry, I just saw that the color I used is hard to read.

Edited April 20, 2006 by thaibebop

[kat]

I have known women who were that way. They demanded oral yet refused to do the same. I seems people have theri preferences and some won't own up to them as being a personnal choice and say it's the culture or something else. The women I am talking about felt that performing oral sex on a man was demeaning to them, but men perfoming it on them was not. So, I think these ladies didnt' like it and used a social excuse to explain it away. Why, people can't just say "I don't like it." is beyond me. But maybe I have wrong.

Well, as some of us have just discussed on this thread, from our personal experiences and comparisons which were later substantiated, a lot of sex IS cultural/religious. And then of course, there are personal preferences and individuals, which very often are excpetions to the rule - thankfully!

I think whenever someone thinks it's ok to receive without reciprocating, it's negative, whether they are male or female. But, as you said, they may not like it. Which is fine, they'll just be doing it with someone other than me.

[thaibebop]

I have known women who were that way. They demanded oral yet refused to do the same. I seems people have theri preferences and some won't own up to them as being a personnal choice and say it's the culture or something else. The women I am talking about felt that performing oral sex on a man was demeaning to them, but men perfoming it on them was not. So, I think these ladies didnt' like it and used a social excuse to explain it away. Why, people can't just say "I don't like it." is beyond me. But maybe I have wrong.

Well, as some of us have just discussed on this thread, from our personal experiences and comparisons which were later substantiated, a lot of sex IS cultural/religious. And then of course, there are personal preferences and individuals, which very often are excpetions to the rule - thankfully!

You're right. I guess in a place like America it would be more of people finding excuses and not being honest.

I think whenever someone thinks it's ok to receive without reciprocating, it's negative, whether they are male or female. But, as you said, they may not like it. Which is fine, they'll just be doing it with someone other than me.

Here is something, maybe, to talk about. I have no problem performing oral sex. I think it is a way to please the women I love. It is not a chore to me, but I will liken it to performing a non-sexual action that will bring her pleasure. I never understand some men I have met who refuse to perform sexually for the woman of their life. Can it really be so bad that you won't do even for love's sake?

I hope I am being clear. It kinda sounds like I am re-asking a question and maybe I am, but I am looking at it from a different angle.

[kat]

No, no you're not. You're just enjoying a discussion about oral sex with women But, that's all right!

I agree with your observation about how it may be different in the states or Western cultures. And I like your description about it as a "non-sexual" action, because if you don't derive pleasure from it but she does, then that's exactly what it would be like (*except for her!). It has been reported many times that an overwhelming number of women have clitoral orgasms, especially from oral (if they ever learn to relax and forget all of the negative images about their bodies that have been bred into them). If it is a "non-sexual" action to some men but they perform it anyway, it shows that they value their female partner's satisfaction as highly, and in some cases, more highly than their own. This can only be a great thing for women, because our libidos are a bit more quirky than a man's. In most cases, we have to "go first" if we are going to "go" at all. When a man spends very little attention on the female, and goes straight for himself, then you have all the information you need about how much he values - and in some cases even thinks - about the female libido.

Unfortunately, there are a lot of individual men like this from all cultures, and there are male-dominated cultures that treat this kind of sexual behavior as a norm, and even as a virtue.

*edit

Edited April 20, 2006 by kat