Son of Stupid?

[HeijoshinCool]

A while back I posted about the wild woman (Is She Stupid, or is She Stupid?) driving a scooter, with a kindergartener hanging on for dear life, who improperly passed me at the speed of sound against oncoming traffic.

This morning, I think I met her son.

I’m outside my house and hear this grinding sound heading my way. It’s vaguely familiar, but I can’t place it.

I will admit it’s admirable how folks here, who cannot afford a car or truck, can transport just about anything on a motor scooter with apparent ease, defying various laws of physics and aerodynamics. We’ve all seen the guy driving with one hand, a twenty-foot long bundle of pipe or bamboo balanced on his shoulder, while having an animated talk on his cell phone. Once, I saw a guy tooling along, with another guy sitting behind him backwards, balancing a full sheet of plywood. The Flying Wallendas would have been envious.

But those guys were driving slowly. Puttering.

As for that sound, if you’ve ever heard a tailpipe come loose and drag along the asphalt, the sound I heard was quite similar, but louder. I walked to the edge of the road, then hopped back. A guy on a souped up scooter—it’s the thing to do here in Rhek Thum, spend all your money on hopping up your ride and making it loud—was hauling butt. Actually … he was hauling chain. About twenty meters of steel links, each two inches long and 5 mm thick.

And he was smiling, chin up.

Until he sees that, just after my house, there is a curve. A tight, ninety degree, right-hand curve.

His smile vanishes just as he whizzes by me. If he’d simply let off the throttle without braking, the chain’s weight would have kept it straight. But, no, he brakes, and at such a high speed (90kph), the chain immediately starts catching up. Alas, he panics, he downshifts, and he gives the scooter all the gas it will swallow. The chain straightens.

But there’s still that curve. Now he’s entering it, hoping or believing the chain will defy centrifugal forces and follow him, because he leans forward, and gives it even more gas.

Over the next two seconds, it goes something like this:

One or both of the two people standing a third of the way into the curve, just off the side of the road in front of a family shop, are whacked in the ankles with a crack, and go head over heels. The chain instantly whips about, and takes out a fully loaded, wire-frame potato chip stand, then explodes the head of a foot-tall garden statue—a grinning fat girl with open arms. I liked her.

The chain straightens, and again shoots fast after its owner, who’s looking over his shoulder, still accelerating. Only the chain gets itself caught up under the rear tire of the shiny, brand new motor scooter owned by the family at the adjacent shop, who sit at a table a few feet away, watching in horror. The rubber tire takes firm hold of the links, and in a moment of time, the chain becomes rigid, the new scooter flips and lands with a bang, and jams behind a column. Twenty meters away, the chain’s owner flies over his handle bars, continuing up the road without the benefit of his scooter.

At this point, I retreated inside my house, so I can’t tell you the rest of the story until the GF picks up the gossip. She sees all, hears all, knows all. She owns a hair salon.

But in the meantime, I have to wonder, what’s the craziest scooter riding you’ve ever seen?

[Kilgore Trout]

Nothing that crazy, that is insane, too bad you didnt get it on video

Sent from my GT-I9300T using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

[kevvy]

aren't they all...

[pattayadingo]

Brilliant.

[Gsxrnz]

I feel especially sad about the demise of the little fat girl statuette in this particular saga.

[norrona]

great description.....

the one that still freaks me out to this day was when I was in my truck and I spot a somchai coming the other way carrying what looked like a scaffold pole the width of both lanes and he is in the middle of the road as if he was a trapeze artist on a wire only he was on his scooter....I am fortunate that I slammed the brakes on and pulled into a ditch....

I don't know what I am more freaked out about to be honest...a scaffold pole in Thailand or the near death/serious injury experience...

I sincerely hope the kid with the chain gets flogged publicly...but that won't cure him of his stupidness

[hellodolly]

I don't know a nice story but it is like a joke when they don't tell you the punch line.

At 90 KPH he passed you and negotiated a 90 degree corner close enough for you to see all the action. Maybe at 40 or 50 KPH he could have slowed down enough to get around the corner. Makes no difference to the chain the chain is going to do what a chain does.

[BillyBobThai]

Best laugh I had all day. Thanks

Stupid is as Stupid does.

[jackr]

I wonder what it would be like to enter their mind for one minute.

[robblok]

I swear you see a lot of stupid things, but at least you did not get hurt. You are also a great writer and I have to admit the things you see here are often crazy and dangerous but nobody ever teaches them how dangerous it is they just get fined and can go on. Back home you get a lecture what could happen and you have to stop and transport stuff different.

I was watching a police video (you know reality tv) of a guy who just went to ikea and had his car full with stuff.. his wife had a the board of a desk at the back of her neck crouching over. The police stopped them and the police explained the guy that if he had to brake his wife would probably be decapitated. So his wife starts saying to the police how she told him this was not a good idea (maybe it was on purpose of course there are wives that you want to.... ) But anyway he was explained what he did wrong and had to stop and his wife left the car some of the furniture too and he had to drive twice. Here you just pay your fine and go on with whatever you were doing without explanation. Its not about safety here its about money and there is no education or series like i describe where the risks are explained.

Ad the poorer life standard here and your done. Just think of all those people in the back of pickups and imagine a hard break or a accident. Now I am not saying it should become here like the west as I do like it here but it seems like time is standing still here and all the government does is filling their pockets and never really gets busy.

Of course the first thing they would have to do is fire all the cops and try to get not corrupt ones, because you can make all the laws you want but if the people upholding them don't care you never get anywhere. Alas this country is corrupt from the top down so I dont see anything changing.

[Mooner]

People here on motorbikes think they are invincible. It amazes me how they will fight for space on a road with a truck. Any normal person would think "Thats a 2 ton truck better give him the right of way!"

[yourauntbob]

Good story, but stupidity no longer amazes me here or anywhere.

[cloghead]

Wheee...

[HeijoshinCool]

NEWS UPDATE:

Missing link found on side of road, in Rhek Thum.

SALON UPDATE:

According to the GF, nothing worse than serious bruising and road rash for the humans. Fat lady tossed in bushes, and owners of new motor scooter want 3000 baht for busted mirror and chewed up handle grip.