hi

my 10 year old thai daughter if fluent in both thai and English but refuses to speak to me when thai people are present, i always dress neatly and look smart so as not to embarrass her but she completely blanks me when thai people are present, anyone else experience this?

Do not know if ever happened to me, not same age as your kid though, but you have reason to worry IMO.

Do you speak and understand thai and how it the relationship with her mother and FIL ?

mine is seven and she is the opposite, she doesn't like speaking thai to strangers when she is with me

My young thai niece was never shy to be seen with me...quite proud in fact and I have an idea she passed me off as her dad on several occasions. My slightly older one was allways polite to me out but kept her distance but now has no fears of being seen with me even without my wife present.

Neither of the kids have dads or mothers on the scene and my wife and her mother have largely bought them up so they do consider her her mum.

There's a perception that two Thais speaking to each other using English are exhibiting a form of snobbery. It's somehow construed as being condescending to other Thais in their presence.

Some friends of my wife will only speak to my son in Thai. The expectation seems to be that if you're a Thai you should speak Thai with each other (especially when you're in Thailand).

So my guess is that this problem has nothing to do with you, but rather of feelings of guilt your daughter is feeling or being made to feel by those around her. Is she any better then the other people in the room can also speak English?

My friends daughter is 8 and is a luk krueng as is my 9 year old son.

I had both kids with me up at the shopping mall and a Thai lady asked me in English if she spoke Thai.

I explained that she WAS Thai as was my son, but he speaks better English as I only talk to him in English, and the girls father is not very visible and only meets her a few times a year.

I have a very similar issue with my step daughter in Thailand , yes she is very reluctant to converse with me in English and she does prefer to speak in "laos" with family and friends when we are in there . Doesn't seem to be a problem when not in the earshot of Thai family though , I am sure this is just a respect thing.

my 10 year old thai daughter if fluent in both thai and English but refuses to speak to me when thai people are present, i always dress neatly and look smart so as not to embarrass her.

Maybe after so many years you should be able to understand Thai too, so as not to embarrass her

There's a perception that two Thais speaking to each other using English are exhibiting a form of snobbery. It's somehow construed as being condescending to other Thais in their presence.

Some friends of my wife will only speak to my son in Thai. The expectation seems to be that if you're a Thai you should speak Thai with each other (especially when you're in Thailand).

So my guess is that this problem has nothing to do with you, but rather of feelings of guilt your daughter is feeling or being made to feel by those around her. Is she any better then the other people in the room can also speak English?

I think you've hit the nail on the head. Combination of fear of the Thai elders as well as them probably encouraging her not to speak English. The OP hasn't said how good his Thai is, but after 10 years he should be able to pick up if she is being coerced into only speaking Thai.

Mind you, hearing some Leuk Kreungs speaking English can grate. Heard a 12 or 13 year old talking to his Dad at Central Festival in the broadest Yorkshire accent I've ever heard, including the thee's and thou's. He must confuse the bejeesus out of his Thai English teacher.

Edited August 29, 201312 yr by Gsxrnz

OP, it could be for many different reasons:

- usually it is not polite to speak language which is not understood by all present (do you speak Thai?);

- she may be embarrassed that you are not her father (how long are you with her mother? are you married?);

- she may be embarrassed that you are not Thai (what are her feelings about her natural father?);

- she may be embarrassed by being able to speak language other than Thai if her friends cannot (peer pressure?);

- ???

Kids are complex things. Try to introduce her to a thought that being bilingual she is better, not worse than the others. Give her a sense of pride. Whatever her future career will be she is having a fair advantage,

Do not worry too much, as she grows up she will come over it whatever the reason.

Forget it, probably just growing up issues. Thailand confuses me and I don't live she is probably thinking why you keep her living in Thailand opposed to you own country yet you do not speak to her in Thai. Maybe she sees it as rude. Not a wrong way to think really

If you have a 10 yo Thai daughter, you should be speaking Thai with her too.

Problem solved!

If you have a 10 yo Thai daughter, you should be speaking Thai with her too.

Problem solved!

I kindly disagree.

Mom should speak only Thai to the daughter and dad should speak only English to the daughter. Each language should be given equal respect. That's the way it'll be with my kids. I expect my kids to equally know how to read, write and speak Eng and Thai. Fine-tuning the balance is important.

My older stepson learned English for years but refused to speak the language. I recognised that he understands well but just didn't speak. I left it the way it was and didn't bother or push him. When he turned 13 he suddenly started to speak and his English improved rapidly. He enjoyed to sit with me and the elderly Thais together and being my interpreter. He took it as an honour to sit with us and was proud to be able to speak two languages.

Give kids time to feel comfort and confident with language, you'll be surprised what they'd learned whilst you was thinking that there is no progress. Now my youngster (13) started to speak English openly and he as well enjoy to sit with Fatfather and help me out with my not fluent Thai.

Time is the factor

Fatfather

Sent from my phone

If you have a 10 yo Thai daughter, you should be speaking Thai with her too.

Problem solved!

I kindly disagree.

Mom should speak only Thai to the daughter and dad should speak only English to the daughter. Each language should be given equal respect. That's the way it'll be with my kids. I expect my kids to equally know how to read, write and speak Eng and Thai. Fine-tuning the balance is important.

If you expect that from your kid then lead by example.

my 10 year old thai daughter if fluent in both thai and English but refuses to speak to me when thai people are present, i always dress neatly and look smart so as not to embarrass her.

Maybe after so many years you should be able to understand Thai too, so as not to embarrass her

what a croc...if she is embarrassed then there are other issues, especially as it sounds from the op that she is embarrassed speaking english to him in front of others, not as mentioned speaking english amongst her friends or other thais.

She probably just hates him.

Or embarrassed by him for other reasons.

Many a farang I would be embarrassed to be associated with also.