girlx Posted April 28, 2006 Share Posted April 28, 2006 has anyone here had a relationship with someone significantly younger or older than them? what sorts of problems did you have? i know there are lots of older men with younger thai women in thailand, so you can comment as well... i met someone i like a lot but he is much younger than i am. i don't want to be ageist but there are certain changes people go through that affect realtionships, especially in the early 20s. should i bother or is it a recipe for disaster? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sir Burr Posted April 28, 2006 Share Posted April 28, 2006 The older you get, the less it matters. eg. 40 yr old man with 20 yr old woman, a few funny looks. 60 yr old man with 40 yr old woman, perfectly acceptable. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gisele Posted April 28, 2006 Share Posted April 28, 2006 My husband is younger than I, and it doesn`t matter at all. It`s great! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
seonai Posted April 28, 2006 Share Posted April 28, 2006 Not going to say much, age is something we imagine to be important but actually it is not. Experience in life and the ability to slowly understand one's partner is much more important. Slowly being the KEY word. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sbk Posted April 28, 2006 Share Posted April 28, 2006 Agreed, my husband is only two years younger than myself so its not a major age difference but I have a friend whose current (and so far most successful) partner is 5 years younger than herself (she is 42). I think it isn't necessarily age that matters but maturity levels. I know some very immature 35 year olds and some very mature 24 year olds. So, if you feel compatible with him, what does age matter? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sierra01 Posted April 28, 2006 Share Posted April 28, 2006 The older you get, the less it matters.eg. 40 yr old man with 20 yr old woman, a few funny looks. 60 yr old man with 40 yr old woman, perfectly acceptable. I'm 51 and my Thai wife is 35, not that much of a gap bearing in mind our ages. We're off to live in the UK for 4 or 5 years next month, where the age thing has more importance. As I said, not really a big gap between us....except she looks 25! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaoPo Posted April 29, 2006 Share Posted April 29, 2006 (edited) The older you get, the less it matters.eg. 40 yr old man with 20 yr old woman, a few funny looks. 60 yr old man with 40 yr old woman, perfectly acceptable. Young girl - Old man the outcome is fixed...right? http://www.googlefight.com/index.php?lang=...l&word2=old+man Or: Young woman - Old man: http://www.googlefight.com/index.php?lang=...n&word2=old+man but this: not so sure..... http://www.googlefight.com/index.php?lang=...2=dirty+old+man LaoPo Edited April 29, 2006 by LaoPo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sassie Posted April 29, 2006 Share Posted April 29, 2006 My husband (Thai) is 10 years my junior (30 v. 40). after a year and a half married i am not sure whether it is his immaturity, his self-centeredness and accompanying rudeness that is now surfacing (maybe i could start another thread on my latest adventures with my sweetie). I put that down to his lack of life experience, to speak in general terms as opposed to identifying each specific area of lack of experience (yeh yeh, i should have known - but i was in LOVE - uh and still am). i dated many men many years younger than myself and many men older and maturity certainly from my experiences does not necessarily bloom with age (and what is that number thing anyway!?) cheers sassie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
girlx Posted April 29, 2006 Author Share Posted April 29, 2006 hmmm what about a girl who is 30 and a guy who is 19? he is a very mature 19 year old but still... 19? my friends think i am crazy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
taxexile Posted April 29, 2006 Share Posted April 29, 2006 just enjoy it for as long as it lasts , it may last forever or it may last ten minutes. you'll be kicking yourself forever if you dont. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
meme Posted April 29, 2006 Share Posted April 29, 2006 (edited) hmmm what about a girl who is 30 and a guy who is 19? he is a very mature 19 year old but still... 19? my friends think i am crazy. Well its really logic vs emotion I think. I was just having a debate about this with a friend. Do you stop a relationsip or the pursuit of one becuase it logically does not make sence? There is a big difference between 19 and 30 but does that mean you stop seeing this guy for that reason? I'm sure if I was in your situation I could not just hit the off switch because of a number. Could this age difference cause problems later? perhaps, but the questions is it worth it right now? Edited April 29, 2006 by meme Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Dude Posted April 29, 2006 Share Posted April 29, 2006 The Dude=44. The Dude's Super Hot gf=21. Need to keep numerous shovels on hand cause very diggable and hot. 3 years running strong. No hitches, no glitches, no problems Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soic Posted April 29, 2006 Share Posted April 29, 2006 I was married to a Romanian girl for 5 years, we have a beautiful 4 year old daughter. There were 16 years age difference between us. I'm 43, she's 27, I was 37 when we married and she was 21. Most of our problems were cultural, that and her mother. It was difficult at times though, the age thing bothered me more than it seemed to bother her. I felt like a dirty old man every time I took her somewhere. Part of the fact was that she looks like a supermodel, and well, I look like a 43 year old fart. I'm now married to a beautiful 40 year old Thail lady. I feel much more comfortable. The Ex and I are still good friends and I think that we're both glad that's over. It took her a little while to accept the divorce, as she said it wasn't common for her culture. I just couldn't handle being married to her mother and father too. They came to the states for a visit and never left... 4 years they were there trying to run our house. I used to joke that I had to go to the war in Iraq, to find peace. LOL I'm here in Iraq, and they're there running the house. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kat Posted April 29, 2006 Share Posted April 29, 2006 (edited) hmmm what about a girl who is 30 and a guy who is 19? he is a very mature 19 year old but still... 19? my friends think i am crazy. girlx, one of my most intense relationships started at the exact same age difference. We were together 3 years. He was an immigrant, and had experienced poverty, isolation, and independence at a very young age before moving to the states, and then acclimated there after several years. So, he was a bit more mature than your average 19-year-old. In the end, I had to let him go, but man, was it quite a ride. It was great while we were at that juncture together, but by necessity life pulled us down different paths, and I had to let him go. *edit: I also need to say that every relationship I've had after turning 30 has been with younger men. I actually need to start imposing a limit, because I still attract the same age group, although I now think early 20s is just too young for me. I prefer late 20s/ early 30s now. Edited April 29, 2006 by kat Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sbk Posted April 29, 2006 Share Posted April 29, 2006 soic, hate to break it to you, but that happens quite a bit with Thai families too. In fact, more often than not, I'd say. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soic Posted April 29, 2006 Share Posted April 29, 2006 (edited) soic, hate to break it to you, but that happens quite a bit with Thai families too. In fact, more often than not, I'd say. I'm sure it does. Thank goodness Nang's mother lives down the street from us, in her own house. She drops by for a visit now and then, but she doesn't interfere with our home at all. Nang is so headstrong and independent, virtually everyone goes to her for advice, not the other way around. That was part of Georgiana's problem, she couldn't do anything without asking her mother first. Everything we did had to through her first... that I couldn't deal with. I'm great with advice, I love to get it... but I refused to be dictated to by someone that didn't have a clue about our issues. We used to argue about savings. I dumped the max into my 401k, according to her mother, I wasn't saving unless I hid my money in a jar under the bed. I'll take my Thai mother-in-law anyday. Heck, I offered her a dowry for Nang, she refused and said "She a divorce 39 year old, why I take money for her? Just love her and take care of her..." That was it. Edited April 29, 2006 by soic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mark45y Posted April 29, 2006 Share Posted April 29, 2006 I thought might be interesting to look at it from the point of view of a 19 year old male. I was a sophomore in college attending a journalism course. Seated next to me every day was a professor of philosophy who wanted the course for some newsletter she was editing. The professor was a 32 year old woman of great beauty and intelligence. After a couple of weeks of light banter I asked her for coffee after class. She looked at me like I was crazy but it was a spring day and agreed to go. One thing led to another and we became lovers. It was a physical match made in heaven she was at her sexual peak as was I at mine. For the first two months we barley spoke except for moans. It was an awesome experience for both of us. I had never been chased by a woman as hard as I chased them. But we were equal in our desires. It was an around the clock thing. I worked at a gas station and as a bus boy to pay for college and didn’t have much money. She paid for most things. We took vacations and traveled together and I listened to her lectures on philosophy. The dew was off the lily after 6 months. She finally told me that the only condition she would continue to see me was if I did not speak because they call being a sophomore sophomoric for a reason. The relationship gave me a tremendous amount of status with my fraternity brothers as you can imagine they were all envious. It was so much of a reputation that my next years at college were somewhat legendary status among my peers. After we broke up the girls lined up and took numbers. I really don’t know why this was the case. Maybe the coeds wanted to find out what I had that attracted a PHD in philosophy of such great beauty. Whatever it was I didn’t question it I just smiled in appreciation. I would assume you would be the same kind of trophy for a 19 year old Thai guy. Whatever the outcome you will have made him in young male Thai society. How the story ended? Three years later I married an assistant professor of sculpture in the fine arts department who was 5 years my senior. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bina Posted April 29, 2006 Share Posted April 29, 2006 anon is 10 yrs my junior but do to life experience (poor thai, 6 yrs school the rest work etc) he is mature... other partners i've had have also been younger but not from the west (i find american jewish men and israeli men at 20+ still very young to me)... but 30+ is good; the 50+ is almost too old because THEY feel old.... i am a young at heart 43 and dont pay attention to age for the most part... i have friends from 19 to 70!! the only problem with anon and i is the pregnancy thing-- 43 is just on the edge and he really wants a child.... although has stated over and over that not having a child is ok also (we can always adopt unofficially a relatives' child he says....) oh... and it turns out i'm not pregnant (in relation to a previous post in General).... but for many men this having a baby thing can be a problem ; not sure if cultural related or not... how many younger (thia) men are willing to adopt an older woman's children as apposed to an older man adopting his younger wife's children? anon does enjoy my children (teenagers all), but does not see them as his children specifically but as 'family' as a whole... because of me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Dude Posted April 29, 2006 Share Posted April 29, 2006 soic, hate to break it to you, but that happens quite a bit with Thai families too. In fact, more often than not, I'd say. No truer words have ever been spoken Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sylvafern Posted April 29, 2006 Share Posted April 29, 2006 You should definitely see how it goes and have fun - lucky you to find a nice young hottie! I'm 32 and my b/f is 25 so there's a 7 year age gap. We met when he was 19 (although he told me he was 21) and at first didn't think it would last. In fact, after seeing him off and on for about 6 months I broke off contact with him as I decided he was too young (and couldn't speak much English at the time). However, after a couple more months I was seriously regretting my decision and realised I only made it because I was worried what people would think of me having such a young guy. Luckily he contacted me again through a friend to set me up on a date with his mate .... which I agreed to only if he came along to (and I later found out he only set me up in order to see me again ... felt sorry for the friend who got caught in the middle!!). Have been together ever since. Sometimes we do experience problems that could have something to do with age ... e.g. staying out late on a night out, 'lack' of life experiences compared to me (e.g. travelling, living on your own and fending for yourself, etc) due to the fact we got together when he was so young. Overall though, I think he's proably more mature than most western guys his age. It was him that first started talking about marriage (not that we've done that yet) and babies and he's a good dad and really doesn't go out drinking much like other guys his age. Personally, I generally find that I'm attracted to younger guys rather than older or even my own age. Did anyone see that movie that was out a few months ago with Uma Thurman (I think) who was 37 and dating a 23 year old that turned out to be her shrink's son? A great romantic movie but in the end she decided to 'let him go' which I thought was the wrong ending as I thought it was sending the wrong message - if it had been the other way around, I'm sure it would have had a 'lived happily ever after' type ending where the couple worked everything out and rode off into the sunset together. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sheryl Posted April 30, 2006 Share Posted April 30, 2006 19 and 30, I can understand why you are concerned. The problem is not so much that it is 11 years apart but that the younger age is 19. If you were 40 and 29 it wouldn't matter as much. The main problem is that at 19, his tastes and personality are still going to change and mature quite a bit. And at 19, he is probably not yet ready to settle down in any case. Whether or not this is a "recipe fopr disaster" depends entirely on your needs and attitudes. If you can accept that this is unlikely to turn into something permament and enjoy it for what it is while it lasts, then it is probably worth going for. But if you are in a place in your life where you are looking for a permanent partner, it may not work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sibeymai Posted April 30, 2006 Share Posted April 30, 2006 me 43, she (Thai) 27. no problems. It's a personality and maturity thing. I think it helps if these are complimentary. That is not to say they must be the same. In some cases complimentary means the same, in other cases it's opposites that atttract. Safe to say there is is no rule which can be applied. Chances are that if you are still happy after 1-2 years you have a chance of continuing happiness. Even if there was no significant age difference there is no guarantee there won't be incompatability problem in 10 or 20 years time. One thing I do know....don't worry what other people think. Not much of a problem here in Thailand, but in your home country it can be an issue. I remember having to choose between 2 girls several years ago. One was less than 15 years difference and the other was over 20. The age difference became a factor in my choosing the older girl to get serious with as I intended to bring her to my home country to live. I eventually married her, but the closer age didn't prevent us divorcing 5 years later. In the words of one of my favourite songs "Fear can stop your love....love can stop your fear." Go with your heart...that's what it's for. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
girlx Posted April 30, 2006 Author Share Posted April 30, 2006 I would assume you would be the same kind of trophy for a 19 year old Thai guy. Whatever the outcome you will have made him in young male Thai society. hehe, that might be worth it then. though he isn't thai- he's 1/2 chinese 1/2 american, but he did grow up in thailand and speaks fluent thai as well as fluent english. anyway good point about a 19 year old boy and a 30 year old woman hitting their sexual peak at the same time. hmmm. i am not looking to get married or anything so i guess it can't hurt! he just makes me laugh and we flirt like mad... fun fun! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thailand_property_search Posted April 30, 2006 Share Posted April 30, 2006 (edited) Me 36 her 20. Been going out for 1 year now...no problems (she and her family have money already ) Why have mutton when you can have lamb Edited April 30, 2006 by thailand_property_search Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whitespider Posted May 3, 2006 Share Posted May 3, 2006 Does anyone have experience in this field of single sex relationships. I am female 31 and dating a girl age 19. I am fully aware of the issues regarding "lesbianism" in Thailand but we are not at all into the (accepted) tom/dee structure both of us being "femme". I have never experienced any problems from her family but we are not "open" in public (at her request) due to the predominant attitude here. I would love to hear from anyone with similar experiences. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaoPo Posted May 3, 2006 Share Posted May 3, 2006 (edited) Does anyone have experience in this field of single sex relationships. I am female 31 and dating a girl age 19. I am fully aware of the issues regarding "lesbianism" in Thailand but we are not at all into the (accepted) tom/dee structure both of us being "femme". How come you wrote this, last year?*...did you have a sex- and age-change? """I currently live in the UK (I am UK citizen) with a Thai wife and 2 kids (one thai one UK passport shortly to be dual passport holder). I am 45 years old they are 31, 9 and 2 respectively. We are hoping to move permanently to Thailand a.s.a.p.""" Or is your wife writing this...or you on her behalf? *Posted on: 2005-07-14 05:04:57 LaoPo Edited May 3, 2006 by LaoPo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Donz Posted May 4, 2006 Share Posted May 4, 2006 i just turned 26 and my fiancee turns 31 at the end of this year. But everyone thinks she looks younger then me and always gets asked for ID and i never get asked Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sbk Posted May 4, 2006 Share Posted May 4, 2006 Does anyone have experience in this field of single sex relationships. I am female 31 and dating a girl age 19. I am fully aware of the issues regarding "lesbianism" in Thailand but we are not at all into the (accepted) tom/dee structure both of us being "femme". How come you wrote this, last year?*...did you have a sex- and age-change? """I currently live in the UK (I am UK citizen) with a Thai wife and 2 kids (one thai one UK passport shortly to be dual passport holder). I am 45 years old they are 31, 9 and 2 respectively. We are hoping to move permanently to Thailand a.s.a.p.""" Or is your wife writing this...or you on her behalf? *Posted on: 2005-07-14 05:04:57 LaoPo Very good question LaoPo. Andy, would you care to address these issues? Trolling is frowned upon in these forums. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
donx Posted May 4, 2006 Share Posted May 4, 2006 Does anyone have experience in this field of single sex relationships. I am female 31 and dating a girl age 19. I am fully aware of the issues regarding "lesbianism" in Thailand but we are not at all into the (accepted) tom/dee structure both of us being "femme". How come you wrote this, last year?*...did you have a sex- and age-change? """I currently live in the UK (I am UK citizen) with a Thai wife and 2 kids (one thai one UK passport shortly to be dual passport holder). I am 45 years old they are 31, 9 and 2 respectively. We are hoping to move permanently to Thailand a.s.a.p.""" Or is your wife writing this...or you on her behalf? *Posted on: 2005-07-14 05:04:57 LaoPo Perhaps whitespider forgot to log off from the computer he was using and the female poster above inadvertantly used whitespider's login. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
monochaser Posted May 4, 2006 Share Posted May 4, 2006 hmmm what about a girl who is 30 and a guy who is 19? he is a very mature 19 year old but still... 19? my friends think i am crazy. Nah, that's no age difference at all. I'm 46, so that would be like me with a girl of 35. LOL, I won't even look at a chick under 25 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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