Moving back to the UK with a Thai wife

[tuyatim]

the divorce laws in the uk are a joke it cost me £50,000 for a four year marriage!!

good luck

That's actually not such a bad price to pay.

Could have been a lot worse.

Too right. Cost me over £400,000 to divorce my English wife (although that was after 27 years of marriage).

[BB1955]

Good luck I feel like the 6 years my wife spent in the USA changed her outlook on things some good some bad .

[tuyatim]

Lots of truly fascinating reading here. My wife is from Mongolia and not Thailand so some of the issues will be different, but we're still very happily together in the UK after 18 years.

We had a lot of problems initially with Entry Clearance Officers at Heathrow, but long-story-short ended up taking them to court and winning! My wife spoke very little English when she first came here but spent 3 months at college in Cheltenham studying. I was working in Slough at the time so had a 100 mile commute each way meaning we were apart for long days. Fortunately she became good friends with the other students. My number one recommendation would be to get your Thai wife into an English language school ASAP here in the UK where she can mix with many people of different cultures who are equally struggling with their new environments.

After her college course we moved to Maidenhead so that my journey to work was much shorter and I was able to be with her for lunch most days. For about her first year in the UK she struggled to settle, her main problem being that she missed her family who, like the Thais, are very close. Even now this is still a bit of a problem for her but Skype and yearly holidays back to Mongolia do help.

Unfortunately we're unable to have children (my ex's insistence that I had the snip after 2 kids!) so there's not that great integrator into the community for us. But since moving to the UK my wife has become a very successful hairstylist and now has her own business which has proved to be a fantastic way to meet lots of locals (http://www.tuya.co.uk). She had little in the way of academic qualifications when she came to the UK but proved that lots of hard work and dedication can overcome pretty much anything.

A good English friend of ours married a Thai girl (in Windsor and BKK) over ten years ago. They've moved around quite a bit because of his work, firstly a few years in the South of France, followed by a spell in Saudi Arabia. They're currently living back in BKK because he's having to spend most of his time travelling the world so his wife and 9-year old daughter can be with the Thai family instead of alone somewhere else. She's said she'd happily live in the UK if necessary, not having any problems with the food or weather.

As so many others have said here though, you're the only one who can even guess how much your wife would be able to settle in the UK. Heed all the advice here, discuss it all with your wife, try to determine her honest opinion, get your daughter involved, then make a JOINT decision and stick with it. In life we tend to regret the things we didn't do more than the things we did. Good luck.

[nam-thip]

New immigration laws hinder some married expats returning to UK

British nationals living outside the European Union are up in arms over new immigration rules for foreign spouses that, they say, make it difficult — and, in some cases, impossible — to return to the UK to live.

And given the minimum-earning requirements, the hurdles are even higher for women who are married to foreign men.

The new regulations went into force in July 2012, with the Home Office claiming the rules were designed to ease the burden of migration on the British taxpayer.

Under the tightened rules, a British citizen must show that they will be able to earn at least £18,600 per year to sponsor their non-European spouse’s visa. This figure is raised to £22,400 for families with one child and an additional £2,400 for every extra ch

[chonabot]

I've been happily married to a lovely lady for 17 years now.

We settled here in the UK and a few years ago we moved to India and then back to Thailand.

Sadly we had to move back to UK earlier this year to care for my parents.

And no problems between us in the whole of these 17 wonderful years.

I have read the posts here and feel bad for the guys who lost their wives after moving back here, considering that some of them have put a lot of effort and research into making the transition.

I have no real advice to offer except that - if she is the right one for you, things will be fine.

Of course there will be teething problems and some adjustment will be required - that's common sense.

You can control her friends, ensure all of the Isaan food is available and even crank up the sun so the UK is nice and warm.

But the bottom line is that if she's not right for you, she will walk...

[cookie1003]

been with my wife nearly 9 years in total & she moved here in 2007 we got her daughter over in april this year ( with no thanks to a few know it alls on here saying we would have no chance of getting her over to the uk) & we are expecting our first baby in a week.

my advice to you is firstly make sure you try to get her over here in May time (late spring/early summer) if she turns up here in the autumn or early winter its going to be hell for her.

get all your finances in order as to where you live household bills etc (its bad enough for any couple) to struggle with money.

ask your family how they feel about her. (my family love my mrs). & hopefully they will help her settle in.

like has been said oriental wholesalers & shops are everywhere & even larger tesco's sell loads of thai food stuff.

my mrs is a hard worker & has 2 part time jobs at the local high school & actually got my sister a job working up there & they get on brilliantly along with all the other british women she works with. ( she had more of her work colleagues go out on her maternity leaving do than any of the British workers there, they all like her so much).

Luckily she has only a hand full of real Thai friends, who are genuine hard workers & luckily for me she didn't want to associate herself with the thai gangs of ex bar girls that go out together on a friday or saturday night.

you need to have something that will keep your wifes mind busy also something that will give her a bit of independence.

she does need to integrate & mix with locals in your village/town so she feels part of your community.

Skype etc should give her a fix of back home as well as all the crap thai soap opera's on youtube.

Once she does get a job even part time, you hopefully it will make her realise the real value of money & where it goes (on bills etc & not on buying a bit of land in thailand) ;0)

good luck mate.

[penwithcris]

The biggest danger as has been mentioned in a previour post is to be overkeen to introduce your spouse to other Thais who have ben settled in Uk for some time. I have seen the same thing happen amongst Filipinos and Indonesians. There seems always to be individuals keen to destabilise othersrelationships. This is often down to jealousy.

Asian girls are notorious for falling out amongst themselves which is not always serious, but when gossip and rumourmongering drives a wedge between husband and wife that is altogether another thing

I would suggest dripfeeding your spouse into the Thai community. Choose friends with great care.

British people are usually only too happy to offer friendship and support to newly arrived Asian girls and language need be no barrier.

Marriages are often put under the most stress in the first couple of years after which Asian partners have more self confidence and are able to ignore ill intentioned advice

[shaurene]

Hi

I wish you good luck. I take my wife back to New Zealand many times but she could not live there as she worries about her mother, grand child and daughter and she miss,s her Isan food but she likes a lot of our type of food.

We have a good friend who took his wife back to UK,Leeds and she is very happy there. They come back here for Holliday 2 times a year.

It will help a lot if you will have your own place over there were she will feel it is her home. Look at getting a little business going for her if she like cooking, the locals will get to know her and she can get some interesting tasty dishes going to sell to the locals. Here will probably be a local market at the week ends and you can help her, give her something to do.

Your main problem will be the winter weather up north if she has never experienced it, so a yearly Holliday each year around winter would be good for her, if you cannot go back with her let her go back.

Best of luck any way.

[tommych]

I moved back to the UK with my wife and her 2 kids from a previous relationship (Thai) about 7 years ago. Maybe I've been lucky but they all really like living here.

Wife spoke pretty good English when I first met her so the language problem wasn't too much of an issue. She's worked for the last 6 years at a local pub which she enjoys for the most part. She was never really one for gossiping with other Thai women and doesn't have any (or want any from what she has told me) Thai friends.

Food wise I would have to agree with other posters. One thing she can't live with out is rice and Thai food, her diet is the same as it was when we lived in Thailand. Fortunately we live close to manchester with its many Chinese/Thai/Vietnamese supermarkets so that's not an issue either.

Needless to say we still go back for holidays but she has no hankering for going back there to live.

[A1Str8]

I can't give advice on this but I think its a good idea!

[socksy01]

I would be cautious about going and in the future returning.

Mine lived with me there for 9 years and on returning it was like a Jekyll and Hyde situation. There, no problems but on returning here changed from her simple farm upbringing to thinking she was like royalty - nice car, nice home, and a business all of which I did. Turned into thinking she was flash.

[NBD]

Some interesting replies, thank you all. Definitely a good strategy to move there in early summer and break her in gently, so to speak!

Not too worried about the gambling or big face making as she's never really shown any inclination to that here and has had plenty of "opportunity" to with other farang wives we've met. Never say never, but that's a chance I'll have to take.

Seems completely impractical to control her friends, though equally impractical to mute my opinions on them. She's so far been a pretty good judge of character but let's see,

I'll have to give keeping in touch some more thought - her parents don't have a land line or a computer and I can't imagine them learning to use one very quickly or easily. Calling their mobiles will get expensive.

The where to live question is still a bit in the air - we moved around a lot when I was a kid so no real "home" though the biggest concentration would be north/north east England so it will be that area. We're both ban norkish so not keen to live in a big city, but I can definitely see the advantages of being close to public transport, other Thais and an Asian supermarket.

Thanks again for the replies and advice, and keep it coming.

[Toscano]

My first concern would be the weather , most of the year , but especially winter in the north of England , very depressing .

In a rural area it will not be easy to find food that adapts to Thai or Isaan taste . People tend to always return to food they grew up with , even though they like the food in a foreign country . Keeping contact with family back home can prove expensive on the telephone . Loneliness can be a serious problem

for anyone in a foreign land . My Isaan wife wanted to come to live with me in Italy , for what she thought a better life , possibility of a well paid

job . My wife is head teacher of an infant school , she is very attached to her family . I considered it best for me to come and live in Thailand , rather than her come to Italy . An English friend has a beautiful resort near us , he sometimes organises parties for foreign nationals with Thai wives .

Many of the wives hate going , because their Thai conversation revolves around how much momey their husband gives them . Beetlejuice raises some very valid and fearsome points .

[barrybankruad]

There has been some very good advice on this thread. Do you have a printer? Why not print out some of the replies (both for and against) and then get someone who can speak Thai well, read them to your missus. You can then at length discuss the points raised therein.

[meatboy]

Thanks Beetlejuice.

Anyone actually got any advice or experiences to share about their Thai wife integrating into western culture or tips on preparing for this ahead of time?

my wife had 20yrs.in the uk.the last 15 she had a top job earning very good money,but she has a child to look after and you are planning another one,thats not goner be much life for her and you must know that kids in thailand are passed arround like sweets.

as for intergrating she had many good freinds who never talked about her behind her back.not like thai's do.

your wf.being at home every day will soon find out what most other thai's do[talk about each other] i got this and she got?

i would expect my wife would say earn as much money as you can [not easy today] tooooooo many immigrants willing to except low wages.if she isnt too well educated she is goner find it hard.

if your moving to hartlepool this time of the yr.she will soon get depressed and will want to come home its cold

we have been back to thailand 4yrs.now and one thing for certain although the wife earned on av.equivalent 35,000bht per.week

she wouldnt go back.

you need to do a lot of thinking before you decide other wise you mind end up with nothing.

[rotary]

Just a small input here........if you do move look at getting a ROKU box and subscribe for Thai TV service at about $100 a year for 14 channels I think it is. Agreed watching Thai TV is not the answer to all problems but it does help them adjust by still having Thai TV.

Also SKYPE can be subscribed to for like $100 a year and she can SKYPE unlimited to Thai mobile phones to keep in touch with family.

Edited November 13, 2013 by rotary

[Jim walker]

First time my Mrs came over to Scotland she hated it almost starved to death so she claimed and only stayed about 1 week then it was back to Thailand but after a few visits of a few months at a time now she is quite contented she knows the location of the nearest Thai shop and Can get her papaya fresh every Thursday her driving in the UK is also a good bonus and we now stay 6months in UK and 6 in Thailand so it suits both of us just fine and also now with the cheap rate phone calls under 1p per minute to phone Thailand mobile she spends Hrs on the phone to her mother and her friends and she is all excited at the moment about going to UK for Christmas with my family, she also loves the snow, but not driving if it is to icy or snow is deeper than 2 foot. My wife prefers to be with my family or her own Scottish friends and neighbours rather than any Thai friends in Scotland

I hope it all works out well for you on your return.

[HardenedSoul]

OP sounds pretty balanced, thoughtful and he's been married to his wife for a fair old while. It could be worth taking the risk.

Respondents who've suggested imposing restrictions on whom she interacts with back in the UK are the type of men who are deeply insecure about a woman's reasons for being with them. The love these suckas feel for their women resembles that which one might feel for a prized possession they've had to shell out to acquire and maintain - like a car.

For men like these, bringing the wife back to the West is a very idea because within weeks, she'll likely realise that the small pool of farang men she may have been exposed to in Thailand is in no way representative of the majority of men in the UK, US etc.

[FiftyTwo]

OP sounds pretty balanced, thoughtful and he's been married to his wife for a fair old while. It could be worth taking the risk.

Respondents who've suggested imposing restrictions on whom she interacts with back in the UK are the type of men who are deeply insecure about a woman's reasons for being with them. The love these suckas feel for their women resembles that which one might feel for a prized possession they've had to shell out to acquire and maintain - like a car.

For men like these, bringing the wife back to the West is a very idea because within weeks, she'll likely realise that the small pool of farang men she may have been exposed to in Thailand is in no way representative of the majority of men in the UK, US etc.

I used to think the same way HS until,

My English wife started associating with some nasty characters, I thought no problem we love each other and I feel secure, after 5 years of them drip feeding her poison, she changed completely. I was wrong, unfortunately constant influence from friends wishing to damage a relationship will eventually win out.

Now I limit access to the bad ones.

Not hard to do, choose carefully where you live and who your friends are.

You don't need to be obvious and tell her who she can be friends with.

Tell you what HS, why not ask your wife what she thinks.

(Sorry forgot, you never managed to find a wife.)

Edited November 13, 2013 by FiftyTwo

[chiang mai]

The big important issues are, Climate, Distance from family, Food - everything else is easily managed if common sence is used.

EDIT: afterthought, FWIW - depending on the ages of the people involved, their location in the UK, social status and income level, plus ability to be thick skinned or not, social acceptance of the relationship could be an issue.

A dear freind of mine is married to a Thai and they lived in the UK for over twenty five years, he was a lawyer and she was in management with McDonalds at a national level - they both claim that the UK is the most bigoted and racist country they could imagine and are now far happier living back in Thailand.

Edited November 13, 2013 by chiang mai

[chonabot]

OP sounds pretty balanced, thoughtful and he's been married to his wife for a fair old while. It could be worth taking the risk.

Respondents who've suggested imposing restrictions on whom she interacts with back in the UK are the type of men who are deeply insecure about a woman's reasons for being with them. The love these suckas feel for their women resembles that which one might feel for a prized possession they've had to shell out to acquire and maintain - like a car.

For men like these, bringing the wife back to the West is a very idea because within weeks, she'll likely realise that the small pool of farang men she may have been exposed to in Thailand is in no way representative of the majority of men in the UK, US etc.

Sadly, HS has hit the nail on the head with this synopsis.

As per my previous post, you can shield your wife from the more nefarious Thai ladies and try to keep her in most nights with a cup of cocoa etc.

But the bottom line is that the most important aspect of the whole shebang is your relationship strength.

And this cannot be strengthened if you don't really have a proper one in the first place,

Providing Thai food and access to Thai media, family etc will all be appreciated, but if she is not the one for you, they'll simply be window dressing

I know 4 friends who have taking their wives back and 2 of them are still happy over 10 years later, the other 2 were divorced after a few years. During those 2 years, the poor buggers were living a life of misery as their girls were out and about with all sorts.

Both of them tried their best to keep their wives away from the small group of Thais in the town, but to no avail.

You can't restrict their movements unless you aim to chain her to the sink or bedroom.

But if you are sure that you have a great soulmate who truly loves you, it will all be fine.

When we moved over here in 1997, I was fairly sure I had 'the one' but moving back here was the acid test.

Thankfully, almost 17 years later and one lovely 15 year old son, we're happier than ever.

My brother and sister have been through 5 marriages between them in this time.

Good luck.

[NBD]

Good to hear some cheerful stories!

My daughter is 18 months now, so I'm not too worried about her being upset by the move, even if we target a move in May next year she'll only be 2, so it's not like she'll be going to school and making loads of friends in Thailand. I guess that will get harder and harder as she gets older.

[sumrit]

I'll have to give keeping in touch some more thought - her parents don't have a land line or a computer and I can't imagine them learning to use one very quickly or easily. Calling their mobiles will get expensive.

Calling a Thai mobile from the UK costs exactly the same as calling a Thai landline. What is expensive is calling Thailand using a major landline (company (such as BT and Virgin) or one of the major mobile companies (O2, Orange, etc). There are plenty of cheap rate alternatives to choose from though.

And if you get the in laws a smart phone they can use Skype, etc on the Phone (assuming they can receive a 3G connection of course). No need for a PC either then.

Edited November 13, 2013 by sumrit

[HardenedSoul]

OP sounds pretty balanced, thoughtful and he's been married to his wife for a fair old while. It could be worth taking the risk.

Respondents who've suggested imposing restrictions on whom she interacts with back in the UK are the type of men who are deeply insecure about a woman's reasons for being with them. The love these suckas feel for their women resembles that which one might feel for a prized possession they've had to shell out to acquire and maintain - like a car.

For men like these, bringing the wife back to the West is a very idea because within weeks, she'll likely realise that the small pool of farang men she may have been exposed to in Thailand is in no way representative of the majority of men in the UK, US etc.

I used to think the same way HS until,

My English wife started associating with some nasty characters, I thought no problem we love each other and I feel secure, after 5 years of them drip feeding her poison, she changed completely. I was wrong, unfortunately constant influence from friends wishing to damage a relationship will eventually win out.

Now I limit access to the bad ones.

Not hard to do, choose carefully where you live and who your friends are.

You don't need to be obvious and tell her who she can be friends with.

Tell you what HS, why not ask your wife what she thinks.

(Sorry forgot, you never managed to find a wife.)

You keep saying that as if it's some sort of insult even when you know I consider myself extremely fortunate to have avoided the trap.

You know the trap I'm talking about . . . the one that had you by the stones for donkey's years and cost you half your net worth to extricate yourself from?

Reading your misery-soaked posts on pretty much any subject leads me to believe that whatever you lost financially pales into insignificance against the morose, cynical attitude you bring to any discussion on relationships.

Clearly, you're still in some pain over the divorce.

There are some good counselors in Thailand.

Go make an appointment, geez.

[FiftyTwo]

Both of them tried their best to keep their wives away from the small group of Thais in the town, but to no avail.

You can't restrict their movements unless you aim to chain her to the sink or bedroom.

Plenty of villages and hamlets 50Km from the nearest town.

No other Thais, no other foreigners.

Choose where you live wisely.

Reading your misery-soaked posts on pretty much any subject leads me to believe that whatever you lost financially pales into insignificance against the morose, cynical attitude you bring to any discussion on relationships.

Compared to your lonely posts you mean.

I consider my attitude towards sexual relationships as practical rather than cynical.

Better than your being too scared to have any relationship at all, apart from the occasional ride on the local bike.

Edited November 13, 2013 by FiftyTwo

[chonabot]

Both of them tried their best to keep their wives away from the small group of Thais in the town, but to no avail.

You can't restrict their movements unless you aim to chain her to the sink or bedroom.

Plenty of villages and hamlets 50Km from the nearest town.

No other Thais, no other foreigners.

Choose where you live wisely.

Reading your misery-soaked posts on pretty much any subject leads me to believe that whatever you lost financially pales into insignificance against the morose, cynical attitude you bring to any discussion on relationships.

Compared to your lonely posts you mean.

I consider my attitude towards sexual relationships as practical rather than cynical.

Better than your being too scared to have any relationship at all, apart from the occasional ride on the local bike.

Whilst I appreciate your intentions, the very fact of suggesting that you need to shun any larger towns in order to keep your wife faithful really hits home.

No matter where you choose to live, if the lady is going to go looking for something different to what you can offer, this method will merely delay the whole issue. And with the recent introduction of social media and dating sites, they can easily do that from any part of the UK without leaving the house.

When we moved to a smallish town in Oxfordshire in 1997, there were a bunch of Thai ladies already established there.

It didn't take long for my wife to meet them all.

Funnily enough, I also met their respective husbands and they all had a kind of desperate look and never seemed to be happy.

I wouldn't have dreamed of telling her not to mix with these people because I trusted her to be enough of a grown up to make up her own mind.

She did make her choice and I was happy.

If your wife is not the right one for you, she'll make the decision to stray, and nothing that you do can stop her.

It's a little like your wife telling you to avoid Farangs in Thailand.

I've lived in big cities and tiny villages and have seen some pretty crappy examples in both places.

If my wife felt the need to explain that I shouldn't mix with this detritus, I would be very disappointed in her lack of trust and apparent misjudgement of my own character.

Edited November 13, 2013 by chonabot

[HardenedSoul]

Both of them tried their best to keep their wives away from the small group of Thais in the town, but to no avail.

You can't restrict their movements unless you aim to chain her to the sink or bedroom.

Plenty of villages and hamlets 50Km from the nearest town.

No other Thais, no other foreigners.

Choose where you live wisely.

Reading your misery-soaked posts on pretty much any subject leads me to believe that whatever you lost financially pales into insignificance against the morose, cynical attitude you bring to any discussion on relationships.

Compared to your lonely posts you mean.

I consider my attitude towards sexual relationships as practical rather than cynical.

Better than your being too scared to have any relationship at all, apart from the occasional ride on the local bike.

Trust you to advocate moving to a remote village away from everyone and everything. Shit, why not go the whole hog and clothe her in a burka and build a dungeon in the basement while you're at it?

What's it like living in perpetual fear that someone will spirit your wife away if you take your eyes off the ball for even a second?

Sad, sad existence, fella . . .

As for "lonely posts" . . . ha. Being alone and being lonely are two different things, bruv.

I only want company occasionally; I like my own space to do what I want, when I want. I'm not needy like you. I mean, you got here and within 2 weeks, the isolation had you climbing the walls to the extent that you made the decision to marry a bird after 2 dates.

As for the local bike, puh-lease.

[FiftyTwo]

What's it like living in perpetual fear that someone will spirit your wife away if you take your eyes off the ball for even a second?

Sad, sad existence, fella . . .

I only want company occasionally; I like my own space to do what I want, when I want. I'm not needy like you. I mean, you got here and within 2 weeks, the isolation had you climbing the walls to the extent that you made the decision to marry a bird after 2 dates.

Well, I'm still in Thailand, no fear, as another poster put it, I can just wander into the lady forest and pick another one out.

Took me a year to find the girl I married. Was happy with a random sampling the first year.

[donniereadit]

Beetlejuice (point by point)

Known my wife since I was about 3-6 months in and been with her properly about 4 years.

Yes, officially married since March 2012

Never done a DNA test but I am named on the birth certificate and am in absolutely no doubt of the fact

Guaranteed some casual work while I find something better. Never had much difficulty before and from speaking to a couple of recruiters in my industry it shouldn't be that difficult.

Enough savings to get me on my feet, then bring the wife and baby over when I am earning better money.

Appreciate the sentiment/warning. I guess that applies to most marriages in some way. Not too concerned at this stage as I have never seen my wife being anything other than a very genuine, honest and decent person.

If you are considering bringing your wife and child to the UK, than at least you will want some decent accommodation, a proper family home you can call your own, either purchased by a mortgage or some nice semi upmarket rented premises. Otherwise after living in beautiful Thailand and especially for your wife and child, if suddenly finding themselves living in some crappy low grade area somewhere, or with your relatives or friends, they will not like that at all.

Also prior to getting them over, you should already be in some sort of full time paid stable employment, not taking any risks on a hope and a prayer that everything will go to plan and work out.

Your first priorities must be that you first get yourself established with a home and stable employment in the UK, perhaps a car for transport and a school sorted out for your child, then have everything prepared for the arrival of your wife and child, so it`s just a case of they hang up their clothes and they’re in.

These are essentials that have to be arranged and provided for your family. If not possible, than the fact is you simply cannot afford and are not in a situation to bring the family to the UK just yet, and I would not recommend that you do so until everything is arranged.

But whatever you decide, you do at your own risk and discretion and at the risk of the happiness of your family.

You would make an excellent father figure.

[Munger]

they both claim that the UK is the most bigoted and racist country they could imagine and are now far happier living back in Thailand.

NONSENSE, thailand is more racist