Why is being married so important to arangs here?

[FiftyTwo]

PS

Married a woman I didn't know 2 weeks after meeting her.

We both had plenty of baggage, and have created a couple more pieces since then.

But so far after four years still going well. Despite her being 20 years younger than me.

Best four years of my life so far!

Edited November 13, 2013 by FiftyTwo

[Straight8]

Ok, I'll accept that. I also understand that Scandinavian countries are becoming rather progressive (for lack of a better word) when it comes to gender roles. But is that the norm, even in Scandinavian countries? Regardless, you must admit that in most other societies, marriage is still the norm, especially when it comes to raising a family.

Really? I think it is more common now in the US, even compared to 20 years ago. However, most people still get married because of the tax benefits and all that. Definitely more common in Europe, though.

I wasn't suggesting that it doesn't happen, just whether it's "normal."

What's normal anymore these days?

I think as time goes by that will be the "norm".

Marriage is good for only those that profit from it. With close to 50% divorce rates worldwide, there are many lawyers making big mula from this alone... not to mention how many men have been sent to the wall because they signed.

[khunPer]

You don't need to marry for your child to have 2 passports. Sounds like your both content the way it is. Stay that way.

Depends which country you come from – if father from Denmark a child borned in Thailand with a Thai mother has no rights at all for a Danish passport.

[Straight8]

Of course the cynic would suggest that its only the Woman who gains from Marriage, but in reality we have both gained, particularly with regards to our freedom, but also with regards to respect from both of our families for not shunning tradition or the expectations of those whom we respect.

I would suggest in Thailand the woman in a 'Thai/foreigner' marriage only loses.

Help me out here, what do you think she gains?

your kidding right.. thought so!!!

[HardenedSoul]

PS

Married a woman I didn't know 2 weeks after meeting her.

We both had plenty of baggage, and have created a couple more pieces since then.

But so far after four years still going well. Despite her being 20 years younger than me.

Best four years of my life so far!

I bet you said that 4 years after marrying your English wife.

[FiftyTwo]

Let's try this scenario.

In Thailand

You don't marry her, but have a couple of kids.

She dies in an accident, so grandma is next of kin (not you) and grabs them.

While you argue paternity, grandma has them working in a brothel to pay her gambling debts.

In Thailand

You don't marry her, but have a couple of kids.

She breaks with you and disappears with the kids, you have no rights over the kids.

They aren't your kids, nobody will help you find them, you don't have access to any information about them.

Edited November 13, 2013 by FiftyTwo

[little mary sunshine]

All that matters is that you provide a loving home for your child, teach whats right

and wrong, allow him/her to develop into a caring person that respects others and

does good in their life.

[FiftyTwo]

PS

Married a woman I didn't know 2 weeks after meeting her.

We both had plenty of baggage, and have created a couple more pieces since then.

But so far after four years still going well. Despite her being 20 years younger than me.

Best four years of my life so far!

I bet you said that 4 years after marrying your English wife.

Yep, life just keeps getting better.

(wonder if I'll be able to say that a third time, when I'm on my South American wife)

[oldsailor35]

Without being married you have no parental rights over any children you produce in Thailand.

The Thai authorities do not even consider the child yours, you are not next of kin, they will say the child has no father.

I married my woman before we had children to avoid 'complications'.

And now i suppose you are going to tell us that it had the opposite effect.

[watcharacters]

Dont live your life according to what people - Farang or Thai - tell you in Thailand. Unfortunately, I dont believe things are so clearcut for your Thai partner, and you might have to bite the bullet on this one. You need to be aware of the stigma around Thai women who make it to the ripe old age of 30 without a wedding ring.

.

Words from a poster with "some" experience and an auful lot of opinion.

[my friend you]

Dont live your life according to what people - Farang or Thai - tell you in Thailand. Unfortunately, I dont believe things are so clearcut for your Thai partner, and you might have to bite the bullet on this one. You need to be aware of the stigma around Thai women who make it to the ripe old age of 30 without a wedding ring.

and many are divorced by the age of 30, left alone with 2 kids to feed. Thai husbands tend to strangely disappear into outer space...

[mesquite]

I think a lot of times it's the farang who pushes for marriage, wanting to do "the right thing." Which means of course what he considers the right thing in *his* culture.

Also, it sounds like the OP and his lady are doing it the way the current Prime Minister (Yingluck Shinawatra) did it. She is not legally married.

Edited November 13, 2013 by mesquite

[mrjohn]

Many legal advantages to marriage.

Would you (or anyone) like to expand on this?

[sirchai]

Why's being married so important for "Farlangs"? Why is getting married in general so important for people?

i married my wife, because i loved her and still do after 11 years. I couldn't speak Thai, she didn't speak English when we met.

But we loved each other and the idea to get married wasn't my wife's..-

Edited November 13, 2013 by sirchai

[Jip99]

You have to go to court to get parental rights if you are not married.

When you pass away and you have no will your wife and (future) child will not get anything.

You refer to 'wife'. I presume you mean GF because, if married, the wife would inherit.

[wileycoyote]

Whatever works best !

[Loles]

Hi Guy, You don't have to marry at all if you want your baby is purchased double passport. I have baby her also with double passport but I have not feeling to marry. I f I could avoid it in Europe I don't brake this my nice habitude.

[fittobethaied]

I met my wife nearly four years ago, and she's a typical Thai woman...very non-confrontational, unassertive and timid. I could sense immediately that she was reluctant to bring up the subject of marriage for fear that it might run me off before we had a chance to mature in our relationship and discover each other's stance on an assortment of matters. However, I firmly believe in the institution of marriage, and I loved her so much that I couldn't bear the thought that even one person would look down on her for living with me without the benefit of marriage. It was my desire to make "an honest woman" out of her for both our sakes. We were married legally as well as in the village within the first few months after we met and are extremely happy until this day.

My guess is that your own conscience bears witness that getting married is the "right thing to do", if not for your own sake...for the sake of the child. To not consider his/her own feelings for bringing them into the world as a BASTARD would be totally selfish on your parts. At this point you are not able to determine the future morality of your child, but if you don't get married before the child is born then you could potentially damage your child for the rest of his/her life. You say that you have nothing to lose by not marrying, but you are bringing more shame on your house than you could ever imagine. Do the right thing my friend, and get married.

[Jip99]

Death is the most important consideration for marriage.

If you want to provide security for your partner it is likely that marriage will give her more benefits.

Specifically, in the case of the UK where someone has paid sufficient NICs, a widow could receive significant benefits.

Notably, £2,000 Bereavement Payment (going up to £5,000 in 2016), possible Widows Allowance - local widow will receive 2,000 Baht a week for a year. Another local widow will get 4,000 Baht a week from the UK government for 8 years, for her son that was fathered by her Thai ex-husband. All this ignores rights over private pension where a widow may be entitled to up to 50% of her husband's pension.

Also be aware that if you marry your wife will likely inherit all your assets in your home country if you have not made a Will.

[Jip99]

I met my wife nearly four years ago, and she's a typical Thai woman...very non-confrontational, unassertive and timid. I could sense immediately that she was reluctant to bring up the subject of marriage for fear that it might run me off before we had a chance to mature in our relationship and discover each other's stance on an assortment of matters. However, I firmly believe in the institution of marriage, and I loved her so much that I couldn't bear the thought that even one person would look down on her for living with me without the benefit of marriage. It was my desire to make "an honest woman" out of her for both our sakes. We were married legally as well as in the village within the first few months after we met and are extremely happy until this day.

My guess is that your own conscience bears witness that getting married is the "right thing to do", if not for your own sake...for the sake of the child. To not consider his/her own feelings for bringing them into the world as a BASTARD would be totally selfish on your parts. At this point you are not able to determine the future morality of your child, but if you don't get married before the child is born then you could potentially damage your child for the rest of his/her life. You say that you have nothing to lose by not marrying, but you are bringing more shame on your house than you could ever imagine. Do the right thing my friend, and get married.

Commendable thinking and it is important that you follow your beliefs. However, it is rather dramatic to think that a child born out of wedlock would bring shame on a house. Having a luuk krung might but, unless you are a Bangkok Hi-so, illegitimacy is unlikely to.

You do, of course, realise that your wife is more likely to be looked down on for marrying a Farang. It is apparently a commonly held view that she is unable to attract a Thai husband and has 'dropped down' to marry a Farang.

Odd really, given the likelihood that you will provide far more security for her than a Thai could do - but that's how it is.

[FritsSikkink]

You have to go to court to get parental rights if you are not married.

When you pass away and you have no will your wife and (future) child will not get anything.

You refer to 'wife'. I presume you mean GF because, if married, the wife would inherit.

yes you are right

[Mightyquinn]

Commendable thinking and it is important that you follow your beliefs. However, it is rather dramatic to think that a child born out of wedlock would bring shame on a house. Having a luuk krung might but, unless you are a Bangkok Hi-so, illegitimacy is unlikely to.

You do, of course, realise that your wife is more likely to be looked down on for marrying a Farang. It is apparently a commonly held view that she is unable to attract a Thai husband and has 'dropped down' to marry a Farang.

Odd really, given the likelihood that you will provide far more security for her than a Thai could do - but that's how it is.

Absolute <deleted> my friend..... Unless opinion differs from village to village. To attract a farang is a major coup for a family. Marriage is fantastic for them--- especially if you are a decent bloke and not an alcoholic washes up knob end like a lot are. The young Thai blokes hate farang-- we are taking their women--- saying that, the fact that we have a job and work hard for our money is a concept that is foreign to people sitting under a tree all day smoking and drinking....

Sent from my iPhone using Thaivisa Connect Thailand

[Halion]

It is a personal issue and totally up to the individuals involved which also would include any siblings from such a relationship. Do what you think is right and live with the consequences which is what all well adjusted responsible people should do.

[luangtom]

I guess the marriage issue matters differently to different folks from different parts of Thailand. My wife of forty-years and I lived together for a number of months before we got married. It was no big deal. My wife's sisters and now nieces have not all had formal marriages either. My wife's mother told me that it was her philosophy and that of her children that if one sleeps together, then that is marriage. All have told me it is a waste of money to throw the big party and blow-out to show-off. Instead, we gave my mother-in-law funds to remodel or add-on to her home. No demands for marriage-money, no demands for marriage-gold. As I said, we have been married forty years now. The only reason we are "officially" married is for her to get to the USA more easily. Had I a job in Thailand years ago, I doubt the marriage factor would have played into it. It was best to get a marriage-certificate for travel and for showing dependency in the USA.

[FiftyTwo]

Marriage is a wonderful institution ........ but who wants to live in an institution.

(G. Marx)

[thehelmsman]

I guess the marriage issue matters differently to different folks from different parts of Thailand. My wife of forty-years and I lived together for a number of months before we got married. It was no big deal. My wife's sisters and now nieces have not all had formal marriages either. My wife's mother told me that it was her philosophy and that of her children that if one sleeps together, then that is marriage. All have told me it is a waste of money to throw the big party and blow-out to show-off. Instead, we gave my mother-in-law funds to remodel or add-on to her home. No demands for marriage-money, no demands for marriage-gold. As I said, we have been married forty years now. The only reason we are "officially" married is for her to get to the USA more easily. Had I a job in Thailand years ago, I doubt the marriage factor would have played into it. It was best to get a marriage-certificate for travel and for showing dependency in the USA.

This is identical to my situation and the philosophy of people in the village. We'll be getting married for the exact same reason, to make traveling to the U.S. easier.

[fabphil]

Get married for what ???

[tingtongteesood]

Getting married makes your visa situation easier and gives you some limited rights. Have to weigh the pros and the cons....

[fabphil]

jesus mate get a life...why u want marry...and have all the problems that go with it..we come thai to get rid of all the bull shit..

[slipperylobster]

Let me say this... The divorce rate among Thai couples is incredible. Also, many couple just do the Buddha Wedding so they can live together, but never register it. A Buddha wedding....if what I hear is true.... would be a way to save face. I have been living with my lady for 2 years. She is in her forties, and, thank God/Buddha, her two daughters are grown up. We both decided not to have children, and she has taken measures to that end (tubes tied).

Do not believe that every Thai does the traditional honor of marriage rituals, as we are told. Many people here had eloped with no sin sod, and some later did a Buddha Wedding. Even fewer had it registered. This is in Isaan, however. Several of my gf's prior classmates are still in touch. Most, believe it or not, are divorced, or never had a husband. Some have chosen the life of a Mia Noi.....mistress. The ones that are married constantly complain that their husband has a mistress (which they do) and are seldom home.

Bottom line....for the kids or your spiritual uplifting..ok. For me, if the pressure ever gets on...perhaps a Buddha Wedding.